Man Oh Man This is Killing Me............. (1 Viewer)

[Drew Bethel]

Holadem is right. Stop being so...available. Return a call a day later or something man.

 

[Neil Joseph]

With a 60% divorce rate in the general population, you are taking a real risk asking for advice in a place like this. All I can say is be yourself, enjoy yourself, be open and fun and a little cool.

 

[Abby_B]

Holadem gave good advice, but don't make this about "control" and whose terms you are on...you don't know what is going on in the girl's life and girls are scared of looking too interested too.

I say keep doing what you are doing. If it got you another date, it seems to be working. And, when you call, if you get vm again, you don't necessarily have to leave a message--then you can call back again. Although if you are calling her cell, I guess she'll know that you called even if you don't leave one...so if that's the case, scratch that advice.

 

[eric holm]

Just another piece of advice on this whole thing from someone who hates games but realizes the necessity of going along sometimes...

I think this is obviously a game and not a malicious one at that. She just doesn't want to seem overly anxious which is fine. Over time that should disappear on its own if the relationship continues to progress.

However, one way to fix it quickly - in other words, if it happens again - is to make yourself unavailable for the proposed date. When she calls back 2 days after the message has been left to say 'let's do it', tell her that you would have loved to but you made plans when you didn't hear from her. To soften the blow, have another date ready to suggest.

Guaranteed that she calls back quicker next time.

 

[Chris Tsutsui]

Call a girl too often and it can come off as "needy" which I believe is a turn off. Also, I wouldn't be too "eager" and seem like you always need a date or a phone call scheduled... You got to leave her hanging a little... Sometimes wait like 4 days, and give her the gift of "missing you". Basically make her chase you some, and not make it a game of you just trying to "win" her over. I know many girls that turn down guys because they try too hard, or lack an "edge" to them. So keep up the cocky and funny which I think is something DeAngelo would say. (Author of e-book DYD)

And no I don't think games are bad... Games create attraction, and I think of it as flirting. Dating is pretty much a game anyways and I think a lot of people have a hard time with it until they gain more experience (sometimes I HATE dating)...

I also think that the games people play on each other can give your relationship contrast, (in other words, ups, and downs like a rollercoaster). Some people need this contrast, or "drama" so to speak or else they get bored.

The "schedule" thing is a good idea, but what happens is it might create "predictability". Some women like mystery, spontaneity, and anticipation... A guy can also appreciate the freedom of calling his girl whenever he wants and not because he has to. I think if you understand how attraction works, you could see how setting a calling and dating schedule can get dull... Schedules are so logical, and women are so... Illogical...

Oh, and to solve your "torture" problem of "waiting for her to call"... I think you might be putting all your eggs in one basket. If you have more than one "open" relationship going on, you won't be constantly thinking about this girl, and can instead focus on some other girl or at least have another lined up. This does wonders when a woman starts to put a "spell" on you.

Not to mention your dates will have more competition, and you'll be able to single out which ones are better and not end up compromising too much when you do find a girl that loves you.

hehe, I 'd say this is swinger "Alfie" advice... (Just don't be "exactly" like Alfie because he ended up sorta lonely...) hehe

 

[Mark Sherman]

Im still playing it cool. Not what i used to be like when i meet someone.



thanks for all the advice guys.



more to come

 

[Claudia P]

Whoa - hang on a minute there. Didn't you have a date with said lady last Saturday night? So how did it go? C'mon, spill !

:wink:

 

[Michael Martin]

Chris, I understand your approach. I just disagree with it. I even disagree with "dating is a game."

Some of this - maybe all of it - boils down to personality and what fires you up. Some people really like "the dance," they like the cat-and-mouse, they like the mystery and tension.

The kinds of things Chris talks about strike me as manipulative and artificial. If I meet a woman, really like her, and am jazzed about where the relationship might go, I want to know if she feels the same way. I don't want either of us calling/emailing/etc. constantly, but if there's strong mutual attraction and desire to know the other better, daily contact is something I would welcome and enjoy, whether it was a 5 minute AIM session or an hour phone call. I would want the relationship to start out on the grounds that we're both free and encouraged to honestly and directly express our feelings and thoughts, and not have to use strategy for maximum impact.

This could easily give the impression that I don't like surprises or I want everything predictable. I don't. I love planning small and big romantic surprises, and I've even "played" dumb before just for some great payoff later on (and I don't mean sex). But that was in the context of a committed, secure relationship, not one where I was striving to get "hand" or control.