Need some serious advice here (yet another dating thread). (1 Viewer)

[Jason Harbaugh]

Well there's one right here. I hate that site, hate it hate it hate it.

Spent a freakin hour filling out all those questions, then waited....and waited. A couple days later I got a response saying that no one was looking for 'my type' and that my account would be closed in 30 days. Gee whiz, thanks eharmony.

 

[Jason Harbaugh]

Well there's one right here. I hate that site, hate it hate it hate it.

Spent a freakin hour filling out all those questions, then waited....and waited. A couple days later I got a response saying that no one was looking for 'my type' and that my account would be closed in 30 days. Gee whiz, thanks eharmony.

 

[MarkHastings]

I even do this with my female friends (i.e. non-dates), I guess it's just an instinctive thing to do. We just naturally feel like we should "take care" of women.

 

[MarkHastings]

I even do this with my female friends (i.e. non-dates), I guess it's just an instinctive thing to do. We just naturally feel like we should "take care" of women.

 

[Citizen87645]

So do you think this is true for guys too?

 

[Citizen87645]

So do you think this is true for guys too?

 

[JonZ]

My G/F makes about 5 times what I do.

We usually switch on paying. She pays a movie and Ill pay for dinner or vice versa. If one buys dinner, the other will leave the tip, and so on.Morning coffee and lunch usually depends on whos faster on the draw (we work in the same building)

Often she'll use "I wanted to go to ___________ so Im paying".In my case, $100 is gas, food, a bill, while thats not the case with her. She makes alot of money and her only real debt is her house, which she pays for easily.

Ill admit the man in me wants to pay more often but I had to learn to just shut up and say Thank You when she wants to pay for something.

 

[JonZ]

My G/F makes about 5 times what I do.

We usually switch on paying. She pays a movie and Ill pay for dinner or vice versa. If one buys dinner, the other will leave the tip, and so on.Morning coffee and lunch usually depends on whos faster on the draw (we work in the same building)

Often she'll use "I wanted to go to ___________ so Im paying".In my case, $100 is gas, food, a bill, while thats not the case with her. She makes alot of money and her only real debt is her house, which she pays for easily.

Ill admit the man in me wants to pay more often but I had to learn to just shut up and say Thank You when she wants to pay for something.

 

[Andrew Bunk]

I agree that who pays has a lot to do with the financial situation of both parties. My long-time girlfriend (5+ years) and I have pretty much been neck and neck salary-wise since we met. We live together so it's not such a big deal anymore who pays, but I find that we basically take turns.

And let me be another to affirm that trying too hard will kill your chances. Women can smell desperation from across the room. All through high school and up until I was 23, I tried too hard. I didn't have a hard time getting dates, but once I decided I liked someone a lot, I would be very candid about how I felt, and usually this was too soon. At that point I had never dated anyone longer than 3 months. I was about 30-40 pounds overweight through HS and my couple years in college, but I am 6'2" so that helped a bit. I have always been told by women (not just relatives!) that I am a handsome guy. While that helped me get my foot in the door, my lack of confidence usually killed things. I had it in my head for a long time that I had to have a girlfriend to be complete and happy.

I lived in NYC for a couple years, and around the time I turned 23 (I was there about a year), I just stopped having these preconceptions about what dating should be and started learning how to recognize opportunities and make the most of them. I also got in a lot better shape, which helped as well.

Also, FWIW, I have tried the "aloof" approach, and it does interest women more than being open from the get go. I for one hate the notion of this because I feel like this is a "game" , and I don't like to do that. But eventually you come to realize it's not the best idea to unburden yourself on someone you've had 3 dates with.

Be yourself, and like yourself. Stop caring about what everyone thinks. That worked for me.

 

[Andrew Bunk]

I agree that who pays has a lot to do with the financial situation of both parties. My long-time girlfriend (5+ years) and I have pretty much been neck and neck salary-wise since we met. We live together so it's not such a big deal anymore who pays, but I find that we basically take turns.

And let me be another to affirm that trying too hard will kill your chances. Women can smell desperation from across the room. All through high school and up until I was 23, I tried too hard. I didn't have a hard time getting dates, but once I decided I liked someone a lot, I would be very candid about how I felt, and usually this was too soon. At that point I had never dated anyone longer than 3 months. I was about 30-40 pounds overweight through HS and my couple years in college, but I am 6'2" so that helped a bit. I have always been told by women (not just relatives!) that I am a handsome guy. While that helped me get my foot in the door, my lack of confidence usually killed things. I had it in my head for a long time that I had to have a girlfriend to be complete and happy.

I lived in NYC for a couple years, and around the time I turned 23 (I was there about a year), I just stopped having these preconceptions about what dating should be and started learning how to recognize opportunities and make the most of them. I also got in a lot better shape, which helped as well.

Also, FWIW, I have tried the "aloof" approach, and it does interest women more than being open from the get go. I for one hate the notion of this because I feel like this is a "game" , and I don't like to do that. But eventually you come to realize it's not the best idea to unburden yourself on someone you've had 3 dates with.

Be yourself, and like yourself. Stop caring about what everyone thinks. That worked for me.

 

[DaveDickey]

That's good info about e-harmony. It sounds like maybe they aren't as successful as they claim to be. I may fill out the questionnaire anyway, just to see what happens. Dave

 

[DaveDickey]

That's good info about e-harmony. It sounds like maybe they aren't as successful as they claim to be. I may fill out the questionnaire anyway, just to see what happens. Dave

 

[Andrew Bunk]

Regarding Eharmony, my mother, who is in her 50's, recently signed up for this and was utterly disappointed as well. And she lives in Chicago so you'd imagine there would be a decent number of candidates in the area. They picked the totally wrong people for her. She wound up having to call to get her credit card refunded.

 

[Andrew Bunk]

Regarding Eharmony, my mother, who is in her 50's, recently signed up for this and was utterly disappointed as well. And she lives in Chicago so you'd imagine there would be a decent number of candidates in the area. They picked the totally wrong people for her. She wound up having to call to get her credit card refunded.

 

[Moe Maishlish]

I've spent the past 3 minutes deleting everything that I've typed. Basically, it comes down to this...

I'm a bitter & jaded man. For me, dating is about as enjoyable as a visit to the proctologist. Everyone here has some great advice, but I've heard it all before... to me it all sounds canned and rehashed.

My perspective of the whole dating scene is this: It's Chaos Theory. No matter what you do, no matter who you meet, no matter what you say, it all depends on circumstance. If the stars are aligned, the weather is right, you're both in compatible moods, and the moon is full, something good might happen.

Or Not.

Good Luck... sorry I couldn't be of more help but don't think that you're alone on this one.

Moe.

 

[Moe Maishlish]

I've spent the past 3 minutes deleting everything that I've typed. Basically, it comes down to this...

I'm a bitter & jaded man. For me, dating is about as enjoyable as a visit to the proctologist. Everyone here has some great advice, but I've heard it all before... to me it all sounds canned and rehashed.

My perspective of the whole dating scene is this: It's Chaos Theory. No matter what you do, no matter who you meet, no matter what you say, it all depends on circumstance. If the stars are aligned, the weather is right, you're both in compatible moods, and the moon is full, something good might happen.

Or Not.

Good Luck... sorry I couldn't be of more help but don't think that you're alone on this one.

Moe.

 

[Holadem]

I was gonna type this elaborate reply, but decided I would just go home and screw my woman instead

--
H

 

[Holadem]

I was gonna type this elaborate reply, but decided I would just go home and screw my woman instead

--
H

 

[Haggai]

Heh, I'd like to be less single than I am as well, but Holadem, that was a very entertaining contribution to this thread.

 

[Haggai]

Heh, I'd like to be less single than I am as well, but Holadem, that was a very entertaining contribution to this thread.