Need some serious advice here (yet another dating thread). (1 Viewer)

[Brian Harnish]

Holadem- LMFAO!!

I'm sure with my new living arrangements (just got approved for my new apartment and I'll be moving within two weeks; in case you haven't read the whole thread) I'll have no problem (or at least very little) with attracting the opposite sex.

Again, LMFAO!

 

[Brian Harnish]

Holadem- LMFAO!!

I'm sure with my new living arrangements (just got approved for my new apartment and I'll be moving within two weeks; in case you haven't read the whole thread) I'll have no problem (or at least very little) with attracting the opposite sex.

Again, LMFAO!

 

[Ted Lee]

that's so freakin' good it bears repeating.

really .... make a sign and stick it on your bathroom mirror or fridge.

think about that. i mean, *really* sit down and think about it. realize that you have to be happy with yourself before you can try to make someone else happy. otherwise you're not being fair to anyone.

yeah, i know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth.

boy i love relationship threads ... too bad i always get in too late.

 

[Ted Lee]

that's so freakin' good it bears repeating.

really .... make a sign and stick it on your bathroom mirror or fridge.

think about that. i mean, *really* sit down and think about it. realize that you have to be happy with yourself before you can try to make someone else happy. otherwise you're not being fair to anyone.

yeah, i know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth.

boy i love relationship threads ... too bad i always get in too late.

 

[Justin Lane]

Daily Affirmations with Ted Lee

J

 

[Justin Lane]

Daily Affirmations with Ted Lee

J

 

[Ted Lee]

hey man, they don't call me t. love for nuttin'. :rolleyes

 

[Ted Lee]

hey man, they don't call me t. love for nuttin'. :rolleyes

 

[Mike Graham]

I don't know if buying all these dating books is really the answer. I used to read the AskMen.com website for dating tips, but stopped when I realized the truth the writers were trying to get across: just be confident and cool. That's it. Someone mentioned earlier in the thread about treating the date as if you're hanging out with a friend, and that's exactly right. If you've recently made a new friend and enjoy their company, would you say something like "This has been a lot of fun, we should definitely do this again sometime," or "Your the best friend I've ever had,I think we should be friends forever"?

My first year of university, I was chasing after a few girls here and there that I was absolutely head over heals for. I was extremely nervous, completely lacked any confidence whatsoever, and super-duper polite (i.e. boring). Then my second year, I struck up a conversation with a cute girl I met down the hall. We started talking about each other's interests, found we had a lot in common, spent more time together and eventually started dating for 7 or 8 months. While it didn't work out in the end, it was by far the best relationship I was ever involved in, mainly because I had behaved like myself, and she liked me for it.

Yes, its true, if you act nice and polite, women will still turn you away for no good reason. I think this is because women try and have a sense about their dates - if they don't think they can put up with you, find you too boring, or that you simply don't have any chemistry together, they won't even bother making the attempt. While this royally sucks at first, you'll eventually realize they've done you a great favor. They know that it would never work out, you'll just have to understand later why not. Maybe you didn't have that much in common after all. Maybe she was looking for something different in a guy; or maybe you were looking for something different in a girl and just didn't realize it.

Yes, getting dumped is absolutely horrible. But that's just a part of life and growing up.

 

[Mike Graham]

I don't know if buying all these dating books is really the answer. I used to read the AskMen.com website for dating tips, but stopped when I realized the truth the writers were trying to get across: just be confident and cool. That's it. Someone mentioned earlier in the thread about treating the date as if you're hanging out with a friend, and that's exactly right. If you've recently made a new friend and enjoy their company, would you say something like "This has been a lot of fun, we should definitely do this again sometime," or "Your the best friend I've ever had,I think we should be friends forever"?

My first year of university, I was chasing after a few girls here and there that I was absolutely head over heals for. I was extremely nervous, completely lacked any confidence whatsoever, and super-duper polite (i.e. boring). Then my second year, I struck up a conversation with a cute girl I met down the hall. We started talking about each other's interests, found we had a lot in common, spent more time together and eventually started dating for 7 or 8 months. While it didn't work out in the end, it was by far the best relationship I was ever involved in, mainly because I had behaved like myself, and she liked me for it.

Yes, its true, if you act nice and polite, women will still turn you away for no good reason. I think this is because women try and have a sense about their dates - if they don't think they can put up with you, find you too boring, or that you simply don't have any chemistry together, they won't even bother making the attempt. While this royally sucks at first, you'll eventually realize they've done you a great favor. They know that it would never work out, you'll just have to understand later why not. Maybe you didn't have that much in common after all. Maybe she was looking for something different in a guy; or maybe you were looking for something different in a girl and just didn't realize it.

Yes, getting dumped is absolutely horrible. But that's just a part of life and growing up.

 

[Yee-Ming]

Well said Mike. I'm now out of the game (happily married), but in my limited experience, I curiously got more response out of women I was not exactly "head over heels" about, but whom I liked enough to want to hang out with.

Does this makes sense? As someone earlier said in this thread, women can smell desperation, and don't like it.

So relax, just go enjoy yourself without worrying too much about it. And for the pessimists, remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained. You can't win a lottery without buying some tickets.

 

[Mike Broadman]

There's always a good reason. Not being attracted to you is a good reason- actually, the only really good reason. No one should "force" themselves to like someone who, on paper, should be a good match but who they don't have that feeling for.

The key thing is just not to take it all so personally. This is something that women instinctively understand- hence the whole "just friends" thing.

Moe, I'm sorry you feel that way. I agree that we shouldn't force these things, but some simple common sense steps can be taken to give you a little edge- things like reasonable grooming and restraint around women go a long way.

Also, it's shame if some folks think dating is so painful. Think about what dating is- you're supposed to be out doing something fun with a beautiful woman. If it's always so painful, something's wrong.

 

[Malcolm R]

Sounds like the ego is in good working order.

 

[AjayM]

Treat a woman as an equal and not put her on a pedestal during the dating time and your luck will go up exponentially. If you don't, then you'll either get dropped by the wayside or used and dropped by the wayside most of the time.

Andrew

 

[MarkHastings]

That's a great point. I'll admit that I usually fall into the "must treat a woman like the best thing ever or she'll leave me" routine.

I've got to learn that fine line between making her feel "special" and making her feel "overly swamped with affection".

 

[Citizen87645]

I realize that phrase is just something to ease the blow, but it really bugs me. I'd rather it just stop at "This isn't working for me." than to hear some sentiment that the person really has no intention or desire to follow up on. It's the same as the guy saying "I'll call you." but who never does and never intended to. I actually haven't had it said to me (or said to me when I know the person is just "being nice"), but I think I'd uncharacteristically fly off the handle if it happened.

I don't think dating is "proctologist painful" but you have to admit it's not always the most comfortable thing in the world, especially for people who are inherently shy. I've learned how to do well in social settings, but that doesn't mean there isn't that shy part of me who still wants to run and hide. Being shy can cause "dating pain" but so does expectation. Lower the expectations about the date and the woman and it gets easier. Basically - as someone else stated - learn not to give a rip.

 

[Moe Maishlish]

Ideally, I'd like to meet the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and so far I've trouble finding a lady that I could spend the latter part of the afternoon with. I need to be able to respect the person sitting across the table from me, and after a couple of hours of their company I'm generally ready to throw in the towel.

I suspect that it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm supposed to date within my culture (I don't want to get into detail on this one...). With that in mind, a lot of the women I meet have this immense sense of entitlement - they're the prizes to be won. "Woo me, win me."... sorry... but I refuse to be with someone who see's themselves as a trophy. It just gives me the impression that they have very little self-respect, and I want to find someone who loves themselves, is secure in their individuality, and has the confidence to approach life without needing the emotional crutch of a man to lean on.

Every once in a while though I meet someone I can enjoy my evening with... but more often than not, the physical component is just missing. In the end, I'd rather just be their friend.

See, it can work both ways. They way that people consider women to be selective can be applied to men too. We don't always have to be the ones putting on the show. Let the chick work for it too!

Ok, now I'm starting to rant... I'll stop before it goes somewhere that'll be considered "too far".

Moe.

 

[Citizen87645]

Moe, I think I'm in a similar place as you. You know who I usually find attractive? Women who are attached - married or in a serious relationship. Why? Because they have nothing to prove and nothing to hide. My concern before a date has rarely been "Will she like me?" but more "Will I like her?" I guess this is a good thing in terms of the ego, but brings its own set of frustrations.

 

[Mike Graham]

You definitely want to avoid women who want to be "won over." I mean really, would you want to friends with someone whose friendship you had to earn or win by showing off? Not likely.

Another question that may come up is, how do all these guys who go through a different girl every week get them so easily? Mainly because they know how to talk to them! They don't think that every girl is the only one in the universe, so they can easily talk to them, and therefore be more dateable!

A note on the "I'd rather just be friends" remark. A few years back, I thought this was the equivalent of a slap in the face. "How dare women say that!" I then realized this is a very immature idea to think. Have you ever just not reciprocated something, and wanted to let the other person down easily? If a girl doesn't want to date you, she'll tell you this, and its our job to just accept it and not throw a hissy fit. Again, just a part of growing up.

A female friend of mine once remarked, "Don't hate the player, hate the game." Very, very true.

 

[Citizen87645]

I don't have a problem with a woman saying she's not interested. I want her to be honest with me rather than string me along because she's afraid to hurt my feelings. But if a person says, "I'd rather be friends." when there really is no interest in a friendship, then that to me is not "letting me down easy," it's insulting and patronizing. I don't have a problem with the rejection; it's the false sentiment.