Life after Divorce (1 Viewer)

[Dean DeMass]

Many of you know of my recent divorce, especially Sean (I hope everything is going well). I have really begun to get on with my life and I am now going to be making a big change in my life. It might not be big for some folks, but for me it is (I'll get to that in a bit).
For the last couple of weeks my ex-wife and I have gotten along better than we ever have, it is actually really weird. When I stopped by the house on Saturday to pick up my mail, we had a great 2 1/2 hour long conversation. The weird thing was we were talking about relationships with other people. I was giving her advice on men and she was giving me advice on women. I told her about a girl I had met at a bar up in Chicago but she was engaged to be married. We chatted for awhile and I think she got a bit nervous because we were hitting it off so well. I didn't really persue, but I wish I did.
My ex then tells me that I should have been a bit bold and actually asked her for her number.
I then was telling her how this past week I finally felt ready to meet and date new women. I have been out several times since splitting up, but I was never really out to do anything except have a fun. Well, I noticed on Friday night that when I was checking things out that I was actually being checked out by several very gorgeous girls. I told my ex this and how I was kind of shocked. She asked why? I told her I know I am confident with my looks and appearance, but I guess I was just not expecting a lot of interest. Even my friend who I was with kept pointing this out to me (something like this really helps the confidence). She told me that when we were together and we went places that this would happen and I just never noticed. I have always been shy when it comes to talking to girls, but that has changed. I now have the attitude if you don't go for something, you will never know what you may have just missed out on. Hell, you could pass up on the girl of your dreams because you were too afraid to talk to her.
Now comes the big step. I have decided that after my house is sold I am moving out of my quiet town in Northwest Indiana and moving to Chicago. I have always loved the city and I already work there, so it really is a no-brainer for me. I have nothing holding me back after my house is sold and I cannot wait to get an apartment and live in a place I have always dreamed of living in. To me this is a big step even though I am only moving about an hour away. The amount of things to do and the amount of people to meet in Chicago is incredible and I am looking forward to the great experience.
I can honestly say I am over my marriage. I do still love my ex-wife and I will miss out on all of the fun we had together. But after talking more and more with her, we both realize that this had to happen. We both no longer want to be married, we both agree we got married too young and that we rushed into things way too fast. I want to date other women and not be tied down right now. We agreed that we will stay friends with each other and keep in touch now and then. We both agreed that one day our paths may cross again and after living our own lives for awhile, we may live a good life togehter.
All I know is I am 27 years old and I have a lot of life to live. Thanks for the support everyone, it really did help. I also appreciate all the advice I was given, if you have any more, feel free to give it.
-Dean-

 

[Jack Briggs]

"I can honestly say I am over my marriage."

Dean, I am not quite so sure you are. Take it from me, a veteran: You'll be "over it" when you truly can think about other things in life. The move to Chicago, for example: Is it really so you can live in the big city?

Keep moving on, though. I'm happy the women appear to be checking you out. But even there, I say go out and do the things you want to do, regardless of the female factor.

You're young, and you're still wounded. You're making progress. But you have a teensy ways to go yet. I'd also suggest minimizing your contact with the ex. There are simply things in life you must undergo before the healing is complete.

Best wishes, and best of luck. You'll make it.

 

[Rain]

I can appreciate those sentiments, Jack, but you have to realize that every person and every situation is different.
After my last break up, it did not take me long at all to "get over it," because by the time we actually broke up, it had already pretty much been over for months and it was more of a relief than anything.
Either way, it sounds like you are doing well, Dean, and I'm very happy to hear it. You'll have to let me know when you manage to accomplish that little activity we discussed via PM.

 

[Dean DeMass]

You'll have to let me know when you manage to accomplish that little activity we discussed via PM.

You'll be one of the 1st to know.
Jack,
I appreciate the advice. Things are a bit different. I can honestly say I am ready to move on with my life even though I still care for my ex-wife. We really didn't end our marriage on a sour note and that is why I still care about her. She is a good person and I hope for the best for her. I really want her to be happy with her life. I know her happiness will most likley not be with me and that is fine. I also do know that there are plenty of girls out there who would apprecaite having a man like me in their life. I am not a jealous untrusting person. I am very laid back and non-controlling. I am not into the phone call every two hours to find out were my other half is. I find that disrespectful and a total turn-off. If you can't trust me and I can't trust you, why the hell stay togehter?
Oh, and the move to Chicago is to truly live there. I love that city. My work is in that city, and I love to play in that city.
-Dean-

 

[Jack Briggs]

Well, then, bravo! (I prefer life in the big city, too.)

 

[Sean Conklin]

Dean,
I am extremely glad to hear you are doing well and getting on with life!! It sounds like things are really looking up for you!
Anyone interested in a little update on my life? Well you may Dean because we have talked a little. Anyway my wife and I were discussing breaking up, we decided to wait a while to see if the love came back, and I am happy(I think ) to report that my wife and I are more in love now then we ever have been in the entire 13 year marriage, and......we are expecting a baby!!! So that must mean we have been getting along Also I am going to college in Spokane, Wa. on Scholarships, so my situation has taken a drastic turn for the better. I don't want to get religous here, but I must thank the Lord for what he has given me!!
Dean, I wish you the best and you sound like a great guy, and I am happy to hear the girls are taking an interest in you, I know what a confidence builder that is, girls can just smell confidence and go nuts over it, so use it wisely so you don't end up with a harem!
Take Care Dean and be careful!

 

[Dean DeMass]

Sean,
Wow! I am so happy to hear that you and your wife were able to work things out. Congrats on your future additon to your family as well. I am glad to see one of us was able to save their marriage.
BTW, good luck in school. There is nothing like seeing good things happen to good people.
-Dean-

 

[Bill Crosthwait]

Hey Dean,

That is great news. Chicago is an awesome city. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

 

[JohnRice]

Sean,

It's interesting how sometimes all you have to do is "take a little air out of the tires" so to speak, to get things going again. Doesn't always work, though.

I also wanted to say that you live in one of the best places on earth. Enjoy it.

 

[JohnRice]

Jack,
I also wanted to say, that is some of the best advice I have heard in quite some time. Like all sage advice, it is mostly brushed off.

 

[Andrew_Sch]

Hey Dean, if you don't mind sharing, I was wondering how your settlement went as far as money goes. I'm only 16, but looking ahead in life, I'm actually kind of scared of marriage because I don't want to end up giving half of the money I make for the rest of the life to my ex. Granted, I'm not planning on getting divorced (then again who does?), but you know, stuff happens.

 

[Sean Conklin]

Dean: Thank You!
John Rice: Thank You too! I love Coeur d' Alene, I will be done moving this weekend, and I look forward to fishing on that huge lake!
Andrew Sch: In this day and age I recommend a pre-nuptual agreement if you decide to get married. Really though, do not rush into marriage, make sure without a shadow of a doubt that the girl you want to marry is the right one!

 

[JohnRice]

Sean,

I didn't know you had just moved there. The floating boardwalk is interesting as well. I actually wasn't talking about Coeur d'Alene specifically, but the whole region in general. I used to be a sales rep for Minolta out there. Is the Camera Corral and owner Dan Dolezal still there in Coeur d'Alene, if you know?

 

[Dean DeMass]

Andrew,

In Indiana, we have a No Fault law, which means that you really have to screw up bigtime to lose your ass in my situation. We had no kids and we had no reason to get lawyers involved since we agreed on everything. So the good thing is, is I am not losing anything. We have to split the assets 50/50, so once our house is sold, I will receive 50% of the profits.

At the age of 16, I wouldn't worry too much about marriage. Just don't jump into something like marriage too fast. We got married too young and that was our downfall. We both agreed if we took things a bit slower we would probably still be together, but we didn't and we aren't, so life goes on. Just take things slow and remember, you don't need a marriage to be truly happy with a person you are with. If a person is trying to force something on you, stand up for yourself and tell them how you feel. If you are not ready for marriagae, don't get married. A lot of people make this mistake and then they are already unhappy off the bat. Take things slow, keep your head on your shoulders, and let things happen naturally and after they have been discussed between both parties very thouroughly.

If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask here, in a e-mail, or a PM.

-Dean-

 

[Kelley_B]

Dean,

Heres a big question, who kept the home theater?

 

[Calvin Watts III]

Dean,
Just remember to take your time, & live y day as full as you can. There is always something new to see,or do,or hear. Relax & enjoy life,& anytime you feel like chatting,just pm me
Calvin

 

[Dean DeMass]

Kelley,
I parted with the TV, receiver, surround decoder, several DVDs, and several CDs. I then purchased a new Samsung DynaFlat, an Onkyo 595, an many of the DVDs that I wanted to keep but didn't (My DVD list is current and up to date, my equipment list isn't). However, the Onkyo is already in the shop getting fixed. It got hosed in a power outage this past weekend.
So now I am just running my mains off of the Kenwood receiver that I use to power my SVS.
Calvin,
Thanks for the advice and I may take you up on that PM someday.
-Dean-

 

[Sean Conklin]

Is the Camera Corral and owner Dan Dolezal still there in Coeur d'Alene, if you know?

John,
I haven't the slightest idea, I am extremely new to the area and I don't even know any of the main streets yet.
I will find out though.
So far all I know is that there is a huge lake, lots of pine tree's and a bowling alley, and I know how to get to my house.
Dean: Is your ex into home theater? I guess she must be if she kept some equipment huh?
You can have my wife, you can have my dog, But you CANNOT have my Home Theater! just playin'

 

[JohnRice]

Sean,

You owe it to yourself to take the wife for a walk on the floating boardwalk. It basically wraps around the Coeur d'Alene hotel and extends well out into the lake.

 

[Sean Conklin]

You can bet I will John! Thanks for the tip!