Just found my biggest pet peeve (1 Viewer)

[Carl Miller]

So what if someone called to describe dinner?

No problem with this, but does everyone else at the restaurant need to hear this? It's not what they're saying, it's the volume at which it's being said...Usually far louder than it needs to be, and loud enough to disturb other people.

There are many reasons why I'd be understanding if a dinner with my wife at a restuarant was disturbed by a loud volume cell phone consversation taking place at the table next to me.

....Just so happens that the color of the cheese on a cheeseburger isn't one of them.

Tell me you're disturbing my dinner because your wife is going into labor, or that your boss is calling you into work. Tell me your babysitter is calling to let you know the kids are fine, or that the kids are calling to ask you a question. Please, tell me the call is coming from someone you haven't seen in a month, or from someone who misses you so terribly they needed to hear your voice...in which case I strongly doubt cole slaw and pickles would be the topic of conversation.

But don't tell me you're disturbing my dinner because you want to tell someone that your bun was stale and that your cheese was orange.

If you're gonna do that, have some common courtesy and either speak at a normal volume or go to the freakin lobby.

 

[MarkHastings]

Why is the content of someone else's conversation any of your business?

Once you are speaking loud enough for me to hear it across the restaurant, then it IS my business.

In fact, I have a problem with people talking loudly in public period, but it always seems like the ones on the cell phones are generally louder than everyone else.

 

[Cees Alons]

Yes, it's the loud conversations that are so irritating and uncivilized. In the old days (a few years ago ), when you heard someone talking loud in the street you could be sure he/she was nuts. Now you have to glance first to see if s(he)'s holding a cell phone.
Some people make me feel embarrassed by the details I have to overhear.

The ringing itself can be annoying too. Even when the conductor specifically asked the audience before the classical concert to switch their cell phones to quiet, one or two manage to go off during the adagio. Even longer than necessary, because the owner now first tries to look if it's not him.
My wife and I experienced this a few weeks ago in church during a wedding even (the parson had specifically asked ...., etc. )!

A theory: Many people use cell phones in order to feel important ("If I am called while in a public venue, this will make those who observe me realize I am important to someone, and that the person who called me needs me right NOW...")

While in effect it proves that you're the offices a**hole who has to drop everything he's holding the moment they call. Many really important people have secretaries to take their calls.

You know the one about the phone that ringed in the limo? The driver (with gloves and cap) takes it and listens. Then replies: "No, I have to beg your pardon. Sir is engaged in a conversation at the other extension".


Cees

 

[Patrick Larkin]

I'm very important.

Oh, I see.

 

[Patrick_S]

I'm very important. Lots of people call me, needing my help, with tips for me. I work in a 24-7 industry. I don't get days off, I don't get vacations, and I rarely get the chance to leave town.

Well how can you ever leave town if you don't get days off or vacations?

Gees things must have really changed drastically since I worked in broadcast news. In my day even the news director for the highest rated station in the 4th largest market in the country was able to take vacations.

 

[Dave Poehlman]

Well, I work for a cell phone company.. so, I'm a little biased as far as their existance goes. I do see them as a useful tool for my baby sitter to get in touch with me in case of an emergency, or if a friend is meeting me someplace and either one of us is lost or for my wife to contact me to tell me to pick up something on the way home from work.

I do think it's rude to use it in a movie theater or at a table in a restaraunt. If I get a call, I usually step away for a few minutes. Not really because I'm trying to be courteous, but mostly because I don't want others listening to my conversation.

People still think they're "kitchy", so, they're going to use them in weird places just because they can. In a few years, their novelty will wear off and everyone will be wondering what all this fuss was about.

I'm reading this thread and smiling. You would all hate to sit at one of our tables when a group of us from the office goes out to lunch... we each have cell phones and pagers and we've grown pretty accustomed to "whipping 'em out" right in front of each other.

 

[Jason_Els]

I'm sorry but when somebody cannot even allow themselves 3 minutes to take a dump in peace and relaxation something has gone horribly wrong

It doesn't just happen on cell phones. Working in a call center as I do I have spoken to people who are in the bathroom relieving themselves while on the phone with me. Not only is it horribly rude but embarassing as well.

Who on earth thinks only important people need cell phones? Everybody has one. Any cachet that came with having a cell phone has gone out the window. Now what's cool is having a tiny one with a color screen and making sure everyone can see it.

Back when, before cells, only doctors and other emergency people had beepers. That they went off was rare and even then who at a table or party or movie didn't sympathize with the doctor of the poor patient on the other end with some dire problem? In its infancy, wireless was seen as a necessary technology for a few, life-and-death professionals who could only leave the house because of such wonderful inventions.

Now that everyone and their brother has a cell phone I see people literally addicted to the things. It's astonishing how trivial some calls are yet people feel they must call now! I do have a phone and rarely use it. I confess, I'm not that important, but they're very useful for the times I've found myself needing one. My phone is nearly always on vibrate if not in outright silence mode. I turn it off in theaters and restaurants.

People have traditionally had problems with how new technology fits into rules of etiquette. Cars, radio and tv, even movies themselves have caused these problems. Back in the days of the silents talking in the theater wasn't unusual; particularly if the piano player wasn't there or played poorly. It takes a while for the new stuff to get into a generally accepted mode of use. I think we're seeing that now with cell phones. It usually takes a few years though with cells it may take longer as etiquette is now seen as something for stuffy snobs rather than as simply a means of being courteous to others in social settings and, thus, not taught to many young people.

 

[MarkHastings]

You would all hate to sit at one of our tables when a group of us from the office goes out to lunch... we each have cell phones and pagers and we've grown pretty accustomed to "whipping 'em out" right in front of each other.

See, I understand if you have business to handle, but do it outside, do it in your car, do it in your office, but don't do it at the table.

Let's look at it from a 'respect' point of view. I grew up with something called "Manners" and if my Italian grandfather were alive and saw someone whip out a cell phone at his dinner table, he'd probably whack you so hard, you'd need the jaws of life to get the phone out of your ear.

How would you feel if someone started picking thier nose at the table? Why not? I mean, it's none of your business...right?

Cell phones (or any other device) at a dinning table is considered bad manners. You're there to eat dinner and talk to those you are with. That's all, everything else is just "Rude".

 

[Jason_Els]

If I were out to dinner with you, and all of a sudden I just turned my chair around so that my back was to you, would you think it was rude?

Which was precisely the point brought by etiquettistes regarding call waiting. The use of call waiting says to the first caller, 'I may want to talk to someone I like/need more than you. I'll go find out and I will either come back and continue or beg-off and dump you.'

It's a technology born for the perpetually rude and inconsiderate. I REFUSE to EVER have call waiting. In my job I have to put up with it but if I'm at home I don't care if you're Ed McMahon, the President, the Pope, or the Queen of England! Put me on call waiting and I hang-up immediately and won't call back until the person I was speaking to does. While I believe the message in such an action may be lost in this day and age, it gives me satisfaction.

The exact same thing is true with cell phones when you're in a social group. The rules of cell phone etiquette are:

1. Cell phones should be used only when the use does not present a danger to others. This includes driving, walking in traffic, or operating machinery.
2. One must not use a cell phone in a public place where you are gathered with others. It doesn't matter if you're Miss Trendsetter or Mr. Oncewas.
3. If one must ignore number two, then one must place one's phone in vibrate or silent mode and tell the members of your party you are expecting a call from God and He needs you to save the world. When God, or His herald, calls, politely excuse yourself and take the call in a lobby or hallway away from others. As doctors believe they are God, calls to them should be given extra consideration by those who are graced with their presence :p) .
4. While everyone about you is certain your conversation is absolutely the most fascinating thing to happen to you, it is essential that one keep her phone conversation as quiet as possible so as not to let anyone else share in your wonderful news. Doing so will jinx your conversation and you will live in misery for the rest of your life. You will go to Purgatory too.
5. Despite the exhortations of such fashionistas as Bill Gates and pocket-protector brigade down in IT, a cell phone is not a fashion statement. It is more akin to an orthodontic retainer. One should be discreet about its display and not wear it attached to clothing.
6. Such are our times that even Aunty Taleban and Johnny Latchkey are toting cell phones. In times of crisis no one will begrudge you the use of your phone but it is certainly necessary to keep your conversation short and succinct. Emergency personnel will need the limited airwaves more than you. Be sure to assist those unfortunates who do not have phones by offering to call EMS or 911.[/list=1]
   
   These are simple rules. Remember that etiquette is the social oil which makes the progress of the day more enjoyable for all those with whom we come in contact. It very specifically reflects the perception of those we meet and will make a lasting, positive or negative impression upon them.

 

[James~P]

http://www.bcentral.com/articles/krotz/165.asp




ironically i just saw that on my homepage

 

[Cees Alons]

The use of call waiting says to the first caller, 'I may want to talk to someone I like/need more than you. I'll go find out and I will either come back and continue or beg-off and dump you.'

Not necessarily.
It can also mean: "Please give me a short moment to let another person now this line is not unattended, and that I may have time for her/him after I properly finished the conversation I'm having now with you".

Cees

 

[MarkHastings]

As far as call waiting, if someone puts me on hold to answer their call waiting, I don't mind...but it's when I am on hold for more than 30 seconds that irks me.

The etiquette should be to put the person on hold, answer the other line and tell that person that you are on the other line and will call them back asap.

If for some reason the call waiting call is IMPORTANT, then you quickly go back to the original caller and tell them you are sorry but you have to go.

These are simple rules, yet I can't count how many times I've been put on hold for almost 2-3 minutes (to which I hang up) and then the person will call back later and say something like "Sorry, it was my mom (or whomever) and I just couldn't get off"... What? You couldn't take 5 freakin seconds to say "Hold on while I tell the person on hold I'll call them back"

Back to cell phones at the table (in a restaurant):
I actually saw a guy (as I'm sure others have witnessed) completely ignore a waitress (for almost a minute) because he was on his phone

If I were the waitperson, he'd get NO service period!

 

[James~P]

If I were the waitperson, he'd get NO service period!

and you'd get no paycheck!

 

[Chris Lockwood]

> Usually far louder than it needs to be, and loud enough to disturb other people.

That's bad cell phone technique, not a problem with the phones in general.


> Once you are speaking loud enough for me to hear it across the restaurant, then it IS my business.

Then whatever you're talking about with the rest of your group better be on MY list of important topics.

 

[Mike__D]

The use of call waiting says to the first caller, 'I may want to talk to someone I like/need more than you. I'll go find out and I will either come back and continue or beg-off and dump you.'

Umm, maybe the person calling is more important? I'm sure a friend wouldn't mind if you took a long distance call from a relative you haven't spoken too in months... and that relative will be happy they were able to get in touch with you rather than being greeted by a busy signal.

 

[Patrick_S]

Then whatever you're talking about with the rest of your group better be on MY list of important topics.

You missed the point of his original comment. Someone questioned why he was listening to other people's calls and the answer was because they were so load you can't help but listen.

 

[MarkHastings]

and you'd get no paycheck!

that depends on my manager

 

[Jason_Els]

Umm, maybe the person calling is more important? I'm sure a friend wouldn't mind if you took a long distance call from a relative you haven't spoken too in months... and that relative will be happy they were able to get in touch with you rather than being greeted by a busy signal.

Not remotely true. No matter how you couch it you're dumping the first caller for the other. Busy signals exist to tell you the line is in use, usually indicating that there is someone home. If someone is to receive an important call then it is most appropriate to apologize to the caller and tell that person you are waiting for a terribly urgent call but that you would be happy to speak with the caller later and then hang-up. Call waiting satisfies no one because one of the three people on the line are going to be disappointed that he or she wasn't important enough to continue. It also says that you arbitrate calls and no matter who you speak to the caller on the other end always wonders if you ended the conversation early to speak with the person who rang-in during the conversation.

Short of life and death emergencies there's nothing that can't wait. It is better to have an answering service through the telephone company that can intercept the second call and take a message rather than use call waiting.

Judith Martin aka "Miss Manners" was being interviewed by Terry Gross on Fresh Air (NPR) and she said that call waiting is the rudest technological change in the 90s. She called it, "call hating."

I agree. It's an excuse to use technology to instill doubt and suspicions of insincerity.

 

[Patrick Larkin]

agree. It's an excuse to use technology to instill doubt and suspicions of insincerity.

Wow. You really take this stuff seriously. I must confess that I've never felt slighted when one of the three parties. I don't take it personal when a friend feels another call need precedence. When I had call waiting (I don't anymore because I realized it was a needless expense for me) I would definitely take a call from my wife or my mom over a friend. I'd say something wacky like "It's my wife, I'll call you right back."

 

[Cees Alons]

Jason,

I didn't realize you were discussing call waiting on private lines. My comment applied to a company and an office environment.

Yes, on private lines it's rather ridiculous and needs to be governed by extremely tight rules, lest it becomes quickly impolite and unconsiderate. Personally, I don't use the 'service', it's a means of the phone company to increase chargeable ticks.

Cees