So I'm flying to another state to see this girl... (1 Viewer)

[Scott D S]

...and I have a bad feeling about it.

When I lived in LA, I worked as an extra on TV for a month or so in between temp jobs. I had a blast! It's just a shame I can't live on the pay (it's basically minimum wage for 8 hours, but the overtime is good and the catering can be great).

I was an extra on an Entourage episode titled, "Return of the King." During lunch, I struck up a conversation with this girl. She seemed nice. In between setups, we talked and I found out we had some common interests. She's also a big geek and an anime fan (every girl I've ever liked has been into anime - I don't get it!). She's also attractive, with some good curves (she's not some starving model).

We went out a few times, mostly to the movies and to eat. I hung out at her place a few times; I refused to invite her over to my place (messy roommates). I mentioned to her that I liked her and she sort of sheepishly said she didn't like me like that and that she was interested in someone else (she didn't elaborate and I have no reason to believe she's seen this person in the few years since I moved back to Florida).

She ended up moving back to Texas (she's Persian but considers Texas her home). We kept in touch and I decided to fly to Dallas to see her over this 4th of July weekend. I need a vacation anyway and it'd be nice to go to Texas and actually leave the airport!

I'm going to tell her how I feel and I'm going to go out on a limb and say she feels the same way. Why do I think that? She calls me. I'm usually oblivious to this but she has the most subtle flirtatious manner in her voice. Whenever she says "Bye, Scott" I can tell from her voice she's smiling. I don't think she's trying to be manipulative; I really think she doesn't know what effect her phone calls have. If you're a girl and you know this guy likes you, would you continue to call him and ask him for advice, pay him compliments, say things like "You'll fly to Dallas and we'll watch movies and I'll show you around!", etc.?

Or have I officially been banished to the dreaded "friend zone"? Well, guess what... as much as I'd like to keep her around, the last thing I need is another platonic female friend. So when I say I have a bad feeling about this weekend, it means this: if she in fact has NO romantic feelings for me, I'm really tempted to terminate the friendship. I don't want to leave her in tears but what's the point?

 

[Patrick_S]

I think you should go for it. Really what do you have to lose? You live a thousand plus miles away so if the friendship does end up falling apart so be it.

On the other hand if you don't tell her how you feel you might always regret not taking that chance.

Good Luck.

 

[Citizen87645]

I think you're on the right track. If she doesn't feel the same way and just wants to be friends, and if staying friends means you won't be able to move on, it's better to not be friends for your own emotional health. Depending on how you state it, it may come off as an ultimatum, but it's really just a simple matter of what you're able to offer her, given your feelings for her.

 

[Matt^Brown]

I hope everything goes the way you want and she does having feeling for you. However, if she doesn't and you like going to Texas you may want to keep her as a friend. You will have a free place to stay any time you want to visit.

 

[ChristopherG]

Matt, very practical advice!

 

[Gary Seven]

Old Spanish saying....

Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos.

 

[Greg_S_H]

Originally Posted by Matt^Brown /forum/thread/289726/so-i-m-flying-to-another-state-to-see-this-girl#post_3578482

 

[Holadem]

Read and learn (and weep): http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

--
H

 

[Scott D S]

Quote:Originally Posted by Holadem ">[/url]

Read and learn (and weep): http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

--
H
I've read that before. In fact, I read it again today and posted it on my Facebook page.

 

[Citizen87645]

It's funny because it's true.

 

[Scott D S]

Okay, I'm back...

The short version: I'm not what she's looking for. Close but no cigar, so to speak.

The rest: She considers me a friend and I can't drop her out of my life like a sack of dirt. To do so would seriously hurt her and I don't want to do that. I told her we both have to reign it in a little bit. Apparently (and I took comfort in this), I'm not the only guy friend who has felt this way. She admitted she can come across as a bit flirty (her word was "giggly") on the phone and it can send the wrong message. And if I'm receiving the wrong message, wouldn't I respond in kind?

We talked about everything. She has this theory: the more people you meet, the closer you get to finding that special someone. We both agreed we must be pretty close. I joked with her: in LA, I met her... when I lived in Orlando, I met a nice girl in improv class who happened to be a lesbian. Now that I'm back in South Florida, who will I meet next? She-wolf? The incredible shrinking woman?

I did have a fun time. Fireworks on the night of the 3rd with live music, an air show, and an outdoor screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Saturday we just hung out, went to a nice mall with an ice skating rink (we didn't skate), and dinner with her folks. It wasn't awkward at all (seriously, it wasn't). Her mom remembered me from LA and her dad looks like a Persian Alan Arkin. Sunday we went to the Sixth Floor Museum, a.k.a. the Texas School Book Depository. We took the JFK tour and it was very educational (and a bit of a downer).

My flight back to FL was delayed 90 minutes so we had lunch at the nearby Hyatt. We just talked. About family. About this and that. It was nice. I don't plan on calling her anytime soon but it's inevitable she'll call me. I'll simply have to take it for what it is: one friend calling another.

 

[Matt^Brown]

Scott, I would like to congratulate you for doing something difficult and brave. You put it all out there and said what you wanted to say. That sounds easy when you are discussing it with someone but when you get in the situation it can be very difficult to follow through with your intentions. However you view it you did something that many people would not do so you should be proud of yourself.

 

[Citizen87645]

Thanks for the update Scott. I agree with Matt that it took guts for you to have that talk. At one time in my life I was advised to have a talk about intentions as soon as possible, but that assumes you know how you feel that early.

The "close but no cigar" is tough in its own way. I've been on both sides of that situation.