Incompatible Movie Watchers (1 Viewer)

[Josh Steinberg]

I've been like that myself (fidgety and disinterested) when I was faced with seeing films that I disliked, such as The Revenant w/Leonardo DiCaprio. I couldn't stand a minute of that junkfest (it was a junkfest at least IMO), but I didn't know how else to be.

It's not even that I'm necessarily disinterested in a specific show or wouldn't be up for it another time. It usually plays more like this: she gets home from work a few hours before me, and watches a show or plays a game I'm not interested in. Then I get home from work and we immediately jump into watching a show or movie that's mutually agreeable. She's been waiting all day to see me, and vice versa. By the time that's over, I've now worked a full day in the office and spent a couple hours hanging out with her, and I just really wanna see what's gonna happen in the new Westworld episode or whatever since I've been waiting all day for that. She's already had her time to catch up on her hobbies and interests, and I haven't yet had that chance yet. And that's when I might want to split off and do something different. It's not a rejection of her next choice forever, just a desire to watch one of my selections next. Sometimes that means I say goodnight to her if she's heading to bed before me, other times she'll get caught up with something else while I do that and we'll reconvene in an hour.

 

[TonyD]

My wife will watch whatever I have on the tv but she is very need to be moving oriented
so she will rarely sit down and watch a movie or a show with me.
I usually just start it and if she likes it she'll stay, if not she gets up and does stuff around the house.

If she didn't like movies she would just move to another part of the house and let me watch whatever I want.

Mike is it possible for her to let you have movie time once a week or so?

She does her thing somewhere that won't bother you and want cause her movie dislikes tto be effected?

One More Thing, she refuses to watch anything she deems as scary.

I wish I could get her to watch Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (tv) or An American Werewolf in London.

 

[Race Bannon]

My tastes are very, very broad. So luckily I can usually find a small subset of the movies I like that my wife will also enjoy. In fact it becomes a fun game to try and guess which ones she will like (and suggest them). When I get it right, several times in a row, it builds on itself. I have little sub-games with myself, where I try to build on something she liked before, but stretch it over this way (perhaps choosing one with the same star as another one). I focus on different elements and threads she seems to respond to, and look for good films that recombine those elements with other elements.

My appetite for movies (quantity) is greater than hers, so there's room to watch for only me, and sometimes with her. The only logistical problem is that the home theater room is a premier room (not a dedicated basement space, etc.), so I do tend to monopolize it. But she tends to let me -- if she wanted to join in, she knows I would watch whatever she wanted.

We tend to enjoy movies about couples together -- last night it was Sunday in New York (1964). That one was building off of Barefoot in the Park from a few years ago. I may get her to watch Cat Ballou (which would put a western in there). We've done Pillow Talk and things like that, also Bogey and Bacall movies.

 

[Mike Frezon]

Another reason to have two home theaters in one's household even if it's a smaller version of your main HT.

This might become even more crucial in coming months, Robert.

I'll be heading into semi-retirement soon...retiring from my current job after 30-years but continuing to work part-time---but in a much scaled-back schedule. This means I'll be home much more often and our HT is in our living room...right next to my wife's home office. She'll continue to work there (doing her writing) and is not going to be happy with me watching films/TV in the adjoining room.

Something tells me I'm going to need to come up with another set-up!

But I don't know how I'm going to accomplish that!

Well it is small potatoes, but it is limiting your enjoyment of films. Do you have a basement, a guest bedroom? Do a quick fix setup in one of those rooms. Get a nice tv, (55" is the perfect size for my bedroom setup). and slip away once or twice a week to indulge in a title or two you have been wanting to watch. She shouldn't mind, especially if they are not her type of film.

My main TV is a 55" Panny plasma so I think I'd be going a little smaller for a secondary set-up. Or do I go with a 4k display for the main HT and move the Panny into the spare room?

Or maybe we just need to move to the country and get a whole new house where our spaces won't conflict!

 

[TonyD]

These TVs are so inexpensive now.
This week was probably the best besides Black Friday to get one.
Go 55” at minimum and like he said put it in a bedroom and that’s your room now.

 

[Scott Merryfield]

Mike, buying the equipment will be the easy part. It sounds like the difficulty will be identifying a location in the house that works for you. Hopefully you have a room that can be re-purposed for this.

In our case, we are fortunate in that we have a two story colonial, along with a finished basement, so there is a lot of room -- really more we need for just the two of us. The home theater is in the family room, which is our central living area and is on the main floor. This is where I watch almost all my stuff -- films, sports, etc. . My den/office is also on the first floor. All four bedrooms are on the 2nd floor. We upgraded to a 49-inch 4K display in the master bedroom over a year ago, and this is where my wife watches most of her stuff that I do not like. One of the bedrooms is her office/craft room, and there is a smaller display in there, too.

What's become more difficult in my case since you started this post is getting my wife to watch anything over 2 hours. I always tell her when I buy something new, and quite often will get the response " please don't watch that without me". Well, when it comes time to select what to watch, if I mention anything she expressed an interest in when I purchased it but is longer than 2 hours, she will turn up her nose.

I just started a new tactic to combat this, but will have to see how it goes. I finally told her I was going to start watching these longer films by myself, and the other night I watched one of the "please don't watch this without me" 2.5 hour films without her -- the second Kingsman film. Afterwards I told her about the film, specifically mentioning those things I knew she would like. Hopefully this gets her to loosen up a little on the duration of films. If not, I guess I will just have to watch everything that's much over 2 hours by myself.

 

[DaveF]

TL;DR: like everyone says, have a second system where you can watch your stuff without bothering her (and vice versa).

I missed this originally. I think what Mike is describing is simply called “marriage”

My wife and have very similar tastes and watch a lot of TV and movies together. So much that we get a bit stuck when I’m traveling or working long hours and can’t watch the “don’t watch that without me!” shows. We’ve lately fixed this, helped by Netflix and Amazon, with shows we want to watch that the other probably doesn’t care about. I watch Bojack Horseman and GLOW and Riverdale, and she watches Madame Secretary and Nashville without each other. But this backfires when she watches Mrs Maisel, and tells me I’d like it, so I watch it on travel, and now we have to watch Season 2 together!

Video games and some movies caused us problems because we had just the living room system. I fixed that in 2017 by setting up a basement media room. I can play video games or watch a movie there, particularly on the weekend, without affecting her if she wants to work or veg to mindless HGTV on the couch while playing iPad games.

I’ve also given her my ok to go the theater with friends to see any movie without me when I’m traveling. I’ve cut back cinema due to tinnitus. And I don’t want her to feel stuck alone when I away. So, any movie even if I’d love it she can see theatrically with friends. Because, wuv twue wuv

Finally: food. This is the big one. I like food. She likes plain-jane Hoosier food. So I can have sushi or Thai or Indian or ... with her. Business travel is where I eat “fancy”. And an occasional lunch with a friend without her.

 

[JQuintana]

I vote to build a "He Shed" out back and build yourself a nice big manly home theater to hand out at during those times you need a movie fix.

 

[Johnny Angell]

TL;DR: like everyone says, have a second system where you can watch your stuff without bothering her (and vice versa).

I missed this originally. I think what Mike is describing is simply called “marriage”

My wife and have very similar tastes and watch a lot of TV and movies together. So much that we get a bit stuck when I’m traveling or working long hours and can’t watch the “don’t watch that without me!” shows. We’ve lately fixed this, helped by Netflix and Amazon, with shows we want to watch that the other probably doesn’t care about. I watch Bojack Horseman and GLOW and Riverdale, and she watches Madame Secretary and Nashville without each other. But this backfires when she watches Mrs Maisel, and tells me I’d like it, so I watch it on travel, and now we have to watch Season 2 together!

Video games and some movies caused us problems because we had just the living room system. I fixed that in 2017 by setting up a basement media room. I can play video games or watch a movie there, particularly on the weekend, without affecting her if she wants to work or veg to mindless HGTV on the couch while playing iPad games.

I’ve also given her my ok to go the theater with friends to see any movie without me when I’m traveling. I’ve cut back cinema due to tinnitus. And I don’t want her to feel stuck alone when I away. So, any movie even if I’d love it she can see theatrically with friends. Because, wuv twue wuv

Finally: food. This is the big one. I like food. She likes plain-jane Hoosier food. So I can have sushi or Thai or Indian or ... with her. Business travel is where I eat “fancy”. And an occasional lunch with a friend without her.

This sounds like there’s no compromise on food when together. You eat her food, always. That’s like my wife and movies, they have to be ok with her, which includes making me watch movies I don’t want to watch. And it’s never vice/versa.

 

[DaveF]

This sounds like there’s no compromise on food when together. You eat her food, always. That’s like my wife and movies, they have to be ok with her, which includes making me watch movies I don’t want to watch. And it’s never vice/versa.

It’s not that strict, but I am limited by her palate. But she likes chicken quesadillas, so we go out to a Tex mex restaurant and I can get whatever I want. Or we go to Nandos Peri Peri, which has a simple chicken sandwich she likes, and I can get chicken livers or hot wings. But we’ll never go out to a sushi place.

I cook. I am bounded. But there are a lot of things to try in the realm of beef, chicken, pasta, cheesy, rich, and savory foods. And now I just grill veg for myself and microwave can of green beans for her, for example. And sometimes we have friends over and I can indulge in making a fancy from-scratch Caesar salad.

It goes both ways. I work and travel a fair bit. I really want to have time to relax at home and do nothing for a vacation. She wants to travel. So now she plans big trips and we do a big vacation every couple years. And then she risks interesting restaurants in foreign lands for me.

 

[Mysto]

We take turns picking the movie. Her night - my night. Not every movie fits - there are some that each of us will not watch. She will not watch "blood & guts" movies. I will not watch "Hallmark" type romance. For things that don't fit we just watch when the other is using the TV in the other room or doing something else or away from the house. Mostly it works. Luckily we have a large group of movies that we both enjoy equally.

 

[Johnny Angell]

We take turns picking the movie. Her night - my night. Not every movie fits - there are some that each of us will not watch. She will not watch "blood & guts" movies. I will not watch "Hallmark" type romance. For things that don't fit we just watch when the other is using the TV in the other room or doing something else or away from the house. Mostly it works. Luckily we have a large group of movies that we both enjoy equally.

I remember a good commercial though I forget what it was advertising. It’s a wedding day the the best man is looking for the bride and groom because they’ve disappeared. He opens the door to a large coat closet and there is the B&G and a few others. They are ALL watching the big game enthusiastically. The best man says “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry at this wedding.”

 

[bmasters9]

We take turns picking the movie. Her night - my night. Not every movie fits - there are some that each of us will not watch. She will not watch "blood & guts" movies. I will not watch "Hallmark" type romance. For things that don't fit we just watch when the other is using the TV in the other room or doing something else or away from the house. Mostly it works. Luckily we have a large group of movies that we both enjoy equally.

Very smart! By alternating nights on choosing what to see, each one of you gets to see what you want to see; hardly any fighting with that arrangement!

 

[Malcolm R]

I would think incompatible taste in movies would be a deal-breaker on marriage in the first place.

 

[bmasters9]

I would think incompatible taste in movies would be a deal-breaker on marriage in the first place.

That, or incompatible taste in television (meaning that she likes everything that's on now, and you're more the Streets of San Francisco type [or possibly vice versa]).

 

[DaveF]

Good pre-marital counseling covers whether you're into the same shows, or you're into BSG [2004] but she only watches the original run.

Also it's helpful to find those marvelous cross-genre movies like The Time Traveler's Wife, Sliding Doors, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

 

[Johnny Angell]

I would think incompatible taste in movies would be a deal-breaker on marriage in the first place.

Uh, no.

That, or incompatible taste in television (meaning that she likes everything that's on now, and you're more the Streets of San Francisco type [or possibly vice versa]).

Uh, no.

Good pre-marital counseling covers whether you're into the same shows, or you're into BSG [2004] but she only watches the original run.

Also it's helpful to find those marvelous cross-genre movies like The Time Traveler's Wife, Sliding Doors, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

We both loved the audio book but were disappointed in the movie. It’s been so long, I think the audio book could surprise us again.

 

[John Dirk]

I should add that my HT is in our living room--our main living area. Her office (she's a free-lance writer/author) is in an open area just off the LR (we don't have a huge house. So that complicates things further.

VERY late chiming in. Not sure how I missed this one. The above pretty much sums it, Mike. As others have described, your situation isn't at all atypical. My wife watches movies on a 55 inch TV (with it's crappy built-in speakers or even on a 10 inch tablet) and rarely joins me in this uber expensive dedicated room I built "for us."

We've been married for nearly 15 years and, although this does bother me at times, I've generally accepted it. After all, I don't like some of her hobbies either. Clearly each of you needs to be able to enjoy your home as you see fit at times though, and space doesn't allow for that to happen simultaneously. We live within a mile of a very nice library. If you have something like that available then maybe your wife could write there from time to time. Either way, you guys need your space.

 

[Neil Middlemiss]

Mike - I think the key is creating a space where you can independently enjoy watching the things that won't work for the both of you. My wife and I do that all the time. She's simply not in to horror movies (not since our son was born), or space movies, or 95% of the superhero stuff. But we do have a TON of movies and genres that we both enjoy (comedies, thrillers, dramas, etc.) - Movies like Wind River, Winter's Bone and the like tend to be the ones we talk about the most afterwards.

I have a 4K set up with 7.1 surround in the master bedroom upstairs, so it's easy for me to retreat up there to watch something my wife won't enjoy (sometimes we switch and I watch stuff downstairs on the larger display). But it ebbs and flows and the home theaters are far enough apart that we don't interrupt things we are doing (even if my wife is working in her office upstairs (she's a children's book author) - our bedroom is far enough away that it isn't obnoxious with the sound up.)

I love that my wife and I have divergent tastes in movies because I get to see movies I might otherwise overlook. Life would be boring if we watched and loved all the same things. I wish my wife liked Star Wars and Star Trek as much as I do, but she did go to the theater with me to see the 2009 reboot of Trek, so love sometimes wins on that front

 

[DaveF]

We both loved the audio book but were disappointed in the movie. It’s been so long, I think the audio book could surprise us again.

I like both the book and movie adaptation of The Time Travelers Wife. But I know some people really don’t like the changes made from the book to the film.