Dating Issues, Help a Brother Out (1 Viewer)

[Chuck C]

Once again, I turn to the greatest consortium of dating advisers to ever exist: The HTF

STORY:

disclaimer: I'm not gonna use her name in this since it's a public site!

I met a beautiful girl last Saturday (1/25) whom my friend Kasey's girlfriend rooms with in a dorm. She gave me her phone number, and I called her on Monday (1/27) to set up a date. She was excited and agreed to go out. Before the date (wed. 1/29) my friend Kasey briefed me of the situation and found out that this girl was real nervous as she had never been on a date before. Anyway, Wednesday's date went great. I picked her up, we went to dinner, I called ahead and the waiter was very non-intrusive, the dinner was very energetic, and I took her home. I walked her to the door, told her that I had a great time, she agreed that she had fun, I grasped her hand, and gave her the ol squeeze and say goodbye with a smile thing. It was pimp.


The next day, I consulted with Kasey for some feedback, and he found out thru his girlfriend that the girl I was with said the date was quote "awesome". I called her again on Friday and talked to her on IM. Then I found out the bad news. Turns out this girl is incredibly busy with joining a sorority, work, and volleyball practices.

LONG STORY SHORT.

She was unable to see me this weekend.

THE LATEST.

At first I thought she was blowing me off. So I flat out asked if she's interested in seeing me again. She said most definitely and apologized for making it seem like she was blowing me off. Then she hit me with it. She ran down her entire schedule...it's sick. Not even doctors could keep up with her schedule. She said it will cool off in like 4 weeks. I told her that I owe her another date and that I'd be around in 4 weeks. That's not to say that I won't talk to her until then. It's quite the opposite. It's just a matter of when will I get to spend and evening with her so that things can start to happen.

WHAT TO DO?

So I come to you guys. Should I wait? My instinct tells me to go on with life, meet girls, don't hold out, and have fun. But I also think that I should keep working for this relationship because good things come to those who wait. I really like this girl and I think she likes me back; there's just too much getting in the way right now. What do you guys think? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

 

[Jagan Seshadri]

Follow your instincts!

Check back with her in four weeks, but in the meantime, keep looking.

-JNS

 

[Danny Tse]

Give her a call or IM her every so often. Then ask her about the date in 4 weeks. Agree with Jagan, keep looking in the meantime.

 

[Reginald Trent]

I agree with the previous post. Keep Looking. Don't let her put you on hold only to be finally disconnected by her schedule. However, stay in touch if you really like her. That way if her schedule permits you'll have the inside track.

 

[Marshall W. Carter]

Keep things casual man. Drop here a line every so often (but not so often that it looks like you're pursuing), talk to her on the IM when you're on, that kind of thing. If another opportunity comes up, take advantage of it, but keep it pretty casual there too. At this point, nothing is serious, and you're just getting to know her, so there's no reason why you should wait.

The fact is though, dating in college is always going to be a matter of differing schedules. You might as well get used to this, because it REALLY doesn't get any better after graduation.

 

[Michael Martin]

Not to get too serious - and I agree with what's been posted so far - but also see if her schedule really does calm down.

I've found that some people really thrive on or attract a busy, chaotic life. If you can live with that, fine. But if, in a month, she's still going 14 different directions, you need to ask yourself if that's the kind of personality that really complements your own, and one that you can happily pursue a relationship with.

Keep us informed, please!

 

[Steve Tannehill]

It was pimp.

About the only advice I would give is to stop using prostitution-related terms regarding the experience.

- Steve

 

[Justin Lane]

I can't believe she has zero free time over the next four weeks. Just tell her it is not healthy to be that busy and that she needs to take a few hours off here and there to get away from things. If she still can't make a few hours for you over the next month start looking elsewhere. In four weeks if the pickings are still slim see where she is at that point, but don't put your life on hold.

J

 

[Michael Martin]

Just tell her it is not healthy to be that busy and that she needs to take a few hours off here and there to get away from things.

I don't disagree with your sentiment, but I think it's early in the relationship (if you can even call it that) for Chuck to start dispensing advice. Some people just live that way, and there's not much (if anything) you can do to change it.

 

[Charles J P]

The only advice I would offer is trust your instincts, but be sure to think long and hard about if you want start a deeper relationship with this person if her schedule is going to continue like this. For example, I would never want to have a reltionship with this person just from what you have told me. I'm too laid back, and while opposites attract... not that much. So, before you take it further, think about if her high energy, very planned, life style will eventually break the relationship.

 

[Scott Merryfield]

I can't believe she has zero free time over the next four weeks. Just tell her it is not healthy to be that busy and that she needs to take a few hours off here and there to get away from things.

I think that's a little over the line after only one date. You cannot expect a person to change her life around after going out with someone just once.

Keep it casual and check back in a few weeks with her. In the meantime, live your life.

 

[Paul Bond]

1. Keep it casual. You've only had ONE date. This isn't the movies, and this isn't the rest of your life.

2. See if she wants to meet for lunch a time or two. She does have to eat, and it will give the two of you a chance to learn a bit more about each other.

3. Do some real serious thinking about whether you can live with her schedule. Odds are she is going to be busy more than not. Are you willing to sit at home the nights and weeks she is too busy for you? (side note: I was in a relationship where I defined myself as a 33 and a third RPM record (the big black things!) and her as a 78 RPM record (the OLD big black things!). I wasn't happy at her speed, abd she wasn't happy at my speed, and neither of us was happy at 45 RPM. It is amazing we stayed together as long as we did.)

4. Unless you have decided to ignore item #1, keep your eyes open for other interesting girls. As a friend once told me, "There is no ONE right girl for you. There are dozens and dozens. You just have to find them."

 

[Joe Szott]

I might be a total dog chuck, but I think it is a *great* situation for you.

If this girl is that busy, she is not going to find anyone else. So just tell her that you want to see her when she next has free time and then enjoy yourself. When she finds the time, you know she'll be calling you (has no time to find anyone else) and in the meantime you have 4 weeks to do whatever you want.

Obviously, going man-whore around campus might blow the relationship as that stuff gets into the grapevine, but you never know what other girl you might meet in the meantime. Plus, knowing you have this girl gives you confidence and takes the pressure off meeting someone new, which oddly enough is the best way to attract/meet someone new.

If you meet someone you like more in 4 weeks, just tell her 'it just happened'. If you don't, then enjoy your contimuing dates. If she asks you about you seeign another girl, just tell her that 'you're just friends' with that other one.

Hey, she's the one that can't find time for you in the next month. Can she possibly expect you to just sit around for 4 weeks after one date? Enjoy yourself bud, you only go around once...

 

[Chuck C]

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I believe I will keep it casual. I think Joe said it best..."Enjoy yourself bud, you only go around once...". Besides, spring will be in the air and romance will abound.

I've been with a girl who was in a sorority, but we always found more than enough time for each other. So like you guys said, the not too frequent IM, dinner or lunch date, and phone call will probably work best. I'll keep you guys posted and please keep the advice coming. And to Steve T....looks like you still have some HTF moderator tendencies left. That expression is just slang terminology between me and some people...please accept it, and if it offends you, let me know in a private message.

 

[Vince Maskeeper]

Goodness this is all so complicated.

 

[Jefferson]

And, seems to me like it stays complicated.
But, i agree, give it a chance.
If she is great, its worth the wait.

 

[Cam S]

going man-whore around campus might blow the relationship

The best advice yet!

Chuck, don't wait around for her, but DO try to keep in contact with her, and try your best to pry yourself into her schedule. Don't be pushy or anything, just be nice about everything and make her see you wanna relax her etc etc. Maybe offer to bring some movies over and give her a nice massage, now that would be pimp

 

[Chuck C]

Thanks for the support, Cam

What do you guys think about me sending flowers on valentines?

 

[Jared_B]

Flowers on V-day after only one date...hmmm, that's a tough one.

I'm far from an expert, but my gut says flowers might be a bit too soon. I'd go with a nice card. However, you know this girl better than any of us - do what you feel comfortable with.

Edit: Do you all think we could let the "pimp" thing go? It's not like it's a forbidden word.

 

[Paul Bond]

No flowers after just one date unless it is someone you had already known for some time.

A nice (sweet) card, however, would be quite appropriate, with a note saying something like 'looking forward to spending more time with you'.

but if you quote me, I get invited to the weeding.