Dating Issues, Help a Brother Out (1 Viewer)

[Benny G]

Two things:

1) avoid IMing at all costs

2) be sure not to appear too eager..(i.e. by calling her often, asking her roommate, etc)

 

[Michael Martin]

I just always find these "no, don't call her until x days" kinda hard/fast rules to be silly (as lampooned in the movie Swingers).

I am in 100% agreement with you, Vince, and others here as well. Having a lot of rigid, selfish rules about dating is, at best, silly. Usually, they are designed to keep the "rule-maker" in a position of power, which is a very unhealthy way of beginning (or continuing) a relationship.

The idea of leading with your heart is a good one - you should approach romance with honesty and integrity. But I also know - from personal experience! - that your "heart" and feelings are not always the best guides by themselves. Stepping back can help you look at things realistically, and help you from going into emotionally unhealthy situations. A wise man once said "Be innocent as doves and cunning as serpents." It might sound contradictory, but it's not. Keep your motives and behavior above-board, but don't forget that human nature is a tricky, complex thing.

So...if you're a guy who loves to make romantic gestures, loves to show creativity and interest with gifts, cards, flowers or other ways - do it. But do it wisely - figure out if it's really the best time to be extravagent or go small.

 

[MarkHastings]

Not trying to sound rude but...given first date ever, former all girl school and her current freshman status and such the young lady probably feels like a deer caught in the headlights. There maybe a level of immaturity that also stands in the way.

Yet another reason to avoid her, unless you don't mind being the "Friend" at first.

When I was in college, I pursued this girl for months because she was a senior and was preparing to graduate so she "didn't have much time for me". It was a very tough situation...I wanted things to progress, but she kept holding back. After about a few months of casual dating and being friends, she finally had more time for me, but she was so used to the fact that our relationship was friendly that she kept pushing me away whenever I'd try to take it to the next level. It finally ended because she never grew out of that "I don't have much time for you" phase.

Not to say that this girl will do the same, but someone once told me:

"The thing you argue/disagree about in the beginning of a relationship will be the thing you ALWAYS argue/disagree about."

 

[Chuck C]

reginald, mark...I like your reasons...we'll see

 

[Nathan_F]

It's hard to take advice from everyone.. everyone has different experiences and, frankly, no one is "you". So just listen to what everyone says and do your best from that... When I was in college I always, always pushed too hard and scared them away. In a similar situation to yours, I had a first date a couple of weeks before Valentine's Day. It went well, so I called her number to get her address from one of her roommates to send flowers. They thought it was sweet, she thought it was too serious, too soon. We never went out again.. during college anyway. We ran into each other 6 years later and are now going on three years of marriage with a beautiful baby boy

 

[MarkHastings]

We ran into each other 6 years later and are now going on three years of marriage with a beautiful baby boy

That's great! But I can't say that it's the "norm", sure it can happen, but the odds are heavily against it.

I'm not here to make up anyone's mind, but the fact is, that these kinds of situations usually aren't good. The odds just seem too stacked against Chuck, in this particular situation.

But, then again, who's to say that you should give up so easily? If Chuck decides to pursue her, hopefully he'll realize the odds are against him going into this and can take things for what they are, so as not to get hurt too badly.

I guess I should have added (to my last story) that while I was dating this girl (who didn't have time for me), I passed up on another possible girlfriend (STUPID ME!). If I was wise enough and realized the odds were against me, I might have ended the relationship sooner instead of losing out.

 

[Ryan Wright]

She has never been on a date

Sounds sheltered... If you can get her out of her shell, she's probably a wild girl, willing to experiment and try whatever you might be interested in and ... ahh, I better stop typing now.

 

[Chuck C]

B/c she is inexperienced when it comes to this sorta thing I think. I dunno, but thanks to you guys and my conscious, I haven't let this one eat at me. I'm to the point where if it happens it happens.

 

[MarkHastings]

Chuck,

If you ever do meet up with her and bring her back to your place, be careful if she gets on your computer...she may end up seeing this thread!!!

 

[Justin Lane]

B/c she is inexperienced when it comes to this sorta thing I think. I dunno, but thanks to you guys and my conscious, I haven't let this one eat at me. I'm to the point where if it happens it happens.

Chuck,

Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe she doesn't like guys? I have known girls who attended all girl high schools and they still were active in dating. Having never gone on a date before college seems strange to me, especially if she is not half bad looking and has a decent personality. Coupled with the fact that she is joining a sorority and is avoiding contact with you seemingly for no reason, I think she could be confused and trying to find herself. Then again I could be totally off base here, but if you never go out with her again just believe my first sentence is true for your own good

J

 

[Chuck C]

Justin, my friend suggested what you are saying , but it's not true. Yes, she has never been on a date however she has had boyfriends. I'm guessing she just hooked up w/o ever having a formal date. Also, she IMs me everyday cept two times I IMed her. The conversations always go good, but she leaves apruptly ...it's the weridest thing! Did I mention she has A.D.D. and takes Adderall? Maybe that has something to do with it?

 

[Patrick Sun]

RUNNNNN!!!!

 

[Aurel Savin]

RUNNNNN!!!!

hahahahahha

RUN CHUCK RUN !!!

I like the way you reveal to us all new surprises every 10 post or so

 

[Cam S]

The conversations always go good, but she leaves apruptly ...it's the weridest thing! Did I mention she has A.D.D. and takes Adderall?

Chuck, my friend, I wish you good luck, cuz your gonna need it. It is going to take %120 out of you to make a relationship with this girl to work, so you gotta decide if your up for that. ADD isn't all that bad, but it can be HORRIBLE at times, believe me, I dated a girl with ADD and nothing I ever did was enough.

BTW, how does she leave your conversations? Does she just all of a sudden go offline, or does she quickly say goodbye and leave with no reason, or does she give a really weird reason as to why she has to leave?

 

[Moe Maishlish]

Did I mention she has A.D.D. and takes Adderall? Maybe that has something to do with it?

Um, no. That was a vital piece of information that you've left out.

Do yourself a big big BIG favor, and forget about this girl. You've only been on one date, and look at the amount of horseshit you're already dealing with.

It's not worth it. Find something else that is.

Moe.

 

[Chuck C]

ha! well I think I'm out for now .

Moe and others, this girl has been one big turnoff. I think I'm gonna pull a Minority Report on this one and...
RUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

 

[MarkHastings]

ha! well I think I'm out for now .

p.s. Did I mention ?

 

[Moe Maishlish]

Good for you Chuck!

Welcome to the world of the living!

Moe.

 

[Cam S]

haha good call chuck, but let us know if she becomes a stalker or anything like that

 

[Chuck C]

haha i will...

looking back, I am insulted that someone would not make time for the chance at a relationship...did I mention that I am pretty damn naive ? If fact, this thread wasn't complicated at all..."run!!" should have been the first answer! cept i didn't provide all the facts at first

Thanks to all of you for making a brother overcome his stupidity!