Marc S Kessler
Stunt Coordinator
- Joined
- May 8, 2001
- Messages
- 186
2003 Darwin Awards
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again, truly
classic.
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think...
until these events, these same people were walking the streets like
normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower
at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers,
said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he
hit was the one with its pad removed.
----------------------------------------------
4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
----------------------------------------------
3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing
above him on a n overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell
on him.
----------------------------------------------
2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably
related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hi
lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting
cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it
blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer
was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne
said.
----------------------------------------------
1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through
the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during
an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably
known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
Robert's
right eye.
Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his
own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards
that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts,
I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is
under investigation.
----------------------------------------------
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop
the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck
and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the
truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and
killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
thrown
100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on
his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling
from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again, truly
classic.
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think...
until these events, these same people were walking the streets like
normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower
at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers,
said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he
hit was the one with its pad removed.
----------------------------------------------
4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
----------------------------------------------
3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing
above him on a n overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell
on him.
----------------------------------------------
2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably
related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hi
lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting
cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it
blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer
was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne
said.
----------------------------------------------
1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through
the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during
an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably
known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
Robert's
right eye.
Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his
own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards
that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts,
I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is
under investigation.
----------------------------------------------
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop
the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck
and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the
truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and
killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
thrown
100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on
his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling
from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
Also, I agree with Craig; those stories have been around for a while considering Metallica didn't tour for the last three years.
