2003 Darwin Awards (long)

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Marc S Kessler, Jul 4, 2003.

  1. Marc S Kessler

    Marc S Kessler Stunt Coordinator

    May 8, 2001
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    2003 Darwin Awards

    In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
    Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again, truly

    These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
    individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
    to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just think...
    until these events, these same people were walking the streets like
    normal people.

    5th RUNNER-UP:
    Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower
    at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
    pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
    Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
    department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
    called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers,
    said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.

    The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
    apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
    into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he
    hit was the one with its pad removed.
    4th RUNNER-UP:
    Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
    market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a
    hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police
    found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
    wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
    3rd RUNNER-UP:
    Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing
    above him on a n overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell
    on him.
    2nd RUNNER-UP:
    "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably
    related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
    bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
    into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hi
    lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting
    cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.

    "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
    was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
    show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it
    blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer
    was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
    injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
    Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne
    1st RUNNER-UP:
    Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through
    the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
    from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during
    an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably
    known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon.
    A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
    right eye.

    Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
    blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.

    Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
    Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
    tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
    major blood vessels.

    Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his
    own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards
    that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts,
    I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
    County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is
    under investigation.
    (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
    great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
    at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
    had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
    the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.

    They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
    Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop
    the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr.
    Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
    Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.

    His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
    branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
    broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
    figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
    and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.

    Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
    scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
    a holly branch penetrated his rectum.

    To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
    Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
    rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck
    and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the
    truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and
    killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
    100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal

    Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on
    his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
    shorts dangling
    from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

    Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
  2. Craig Robertson

    Craig Robertson Supporting Actor

    May 12, 1999
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    i don't know where you got those, but the stories are old. the 1st runner up story happened at least 10 years ago, with a full write-up in The Oregonian, including x-rays. and the "winners" story has been recounted over the last several years on the 'net.
  3. Marc S Kessler

    Marc S Kessler Stunt Coordinator

    May 8, 2001
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    I've been tracking the Darwin awards for years now and I hadn't seen these yet. That doesn't mean they're old it means this is the 1st time I've seen them. Anyway, I find them entertaining.
  4. Jed M

    Jed M Cinematographer

    Oct 2, 2001
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    Some of those are more gruesome than funny, but it does speak to the high intelligence of some people, although if I look back at my life, god knows I could have been on that list a few times had luck not been with me on those occasions.[​IMG] Also, I agree with Craig; those stories have been around for a while considering Metallica didn't tour for the last three years.
  5. Keith Mickunas

    Keith Mickunas Cinematographer

    Dec 15, 1998
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    A couple of the runner-ups lived, so they couldn't be in contention. So these can't be real darwin awards, along with the fact that some of these are pretty old as previously mentioned.
  6. James T

    James T Screenwriter

    Aug 8, 1999
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    I think my favourite Darwin award was when a guy got curious where to pump air at the gas station. The 911 call had people hearing a loud explosion.

    I also found the thief who got stuck in the vent of a bank humorous. I know it's sad that they died, but some things these people do...

    These stories may be old, but they're new to me.
  7. Francois Caron

    Francois Caron Cinematographer

    Jul 31, 1997
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    Real Name:
    Francois Caron
  8. Jim_F

    Jim_F Screenwriter

    May 15, 2000
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    My favorite surviving honorable mention is Lawn Chair Larry.

    We had a local shoplifter elude capture by hiding in a commercial trash compactor a couple of years ago. I tried to report that one to Darwin, but was told that several people were ahead of me.
  9. Ashley Seymour

    Ashley Seymour Supporting Actor

    Jun 29, 2000
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    These are old. The last one seems to be an urban legend.
  10. Steve Owen

    Steve Owen Second Unit

    Jan 7, 1999
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    http://www.darwinawards.com/ is probably the best place to find good info. The stories above are indeed old and some are urban legend as you'll find at http://www.darwinawards.com/.

    And besides as some mentioned, some of the "award" recepients above lived. In order to be actually nominated for a Darwin Award, one would have to have either been killed before procreating or rendered such that procreation is impossible (thus the whole Darwinian concept).

  11. Dan Lindley

    Dan Lindley Second Unit

    Sep 19, 2000
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    The last one IS an urban legend, according to the just cited site. Quite funny though, or at least well worded at the end.

  12. Julian Reville

    Julian Reville Screenwriter

    Aug 29, 1999
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    This one definitely qulifies; from the Augusta Chronicle-Herald dated yesterday:

    Man dies after taking drink of weed killer

    GREENVILLE -A 61-year-old Pelzer man died after drinking weed killer stored in a soft-drink container, Greenville County Deputy Coroner Kent Dill said.

    Thomas G. Davis called 911 at about 7:30 a.m. Friday after he drank a diluted industrial-strength weed killer that he stored inside a Mountain Dew container, Mr. Dill said.

    His death Saturday at a Greenville hospital has been temporarily ruled an accident, Mr. Dill said.

    The weed killer was placed mistakenly in the refrigerator after Mr. Davis and a female friend cleaned his home Thursday, Mr. Dill said.
  13. Dave Poehlman

    Dave Poehlman Producer

    Mar 8, 2000
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  14. Rob Gardiner

    Rob Gardiner Cinematographer

    Feb 15, 2002
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    Here's a candidate for next year's award:

    Young Boys Die in Sweltering SUV

    By the age of 5 I had mastered the skills neecessary to open a car door or roll down the window.
  15. Adam Barratt

    Adam Barratt Cinematographer

    Oct 16, 1998
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    Real Name:
    Even if the windows were electric with no power, and the doors had childproof locks?

    This assumes that a five-year-old knows that that they can die from dehydration in a car, which I doubt.

    These victims of their parents' stupidity are certainly not candidates for this award.


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