Typical "Widescreen Review" review - humor

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Mike_Skill, Oct 31, 2001.

  1. Mike_Skill

    Mike_Skill Stunt Coordinator

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    Does anybody else have a problem with the majority of these types of reviews?:
    Video: Images are quite pleasing at all times, never leaving the viewer emulsified with an abundance of bloom-crawl. Frames are plugged-up without being too plugged-up, with delineation that is solid, and quite evident. Pixilation is exhibited, but never ceases to become bothersome or un-pleasurable. Over-saturation occurs only on occasion for a visceral experience that will continue to satisfy. Edge enhancement is apparent but is not overtly obtrusive. Traces of jaggiez are rendered throughout, via this reviewers component zurak 9-Sr digital compensator, but are solid after the non-obtrusive layer switch placed quite delicately in chapter 12. What impressed me most about this picture is its ability to sequester the viewer in emulsification. Despite the on and off plugged-upedness, coupled with the occasionally unnecessarily edge-enhanced visage, this is an visual experience that is sure to please.
    Audio: Albeit slightly forward in its holosonicness, this satisfying soundfield is an immensely pleasurable aural experience, creating a thoroughly engaging holosonic dimensionality rarely heard in todays modern soundfield tracks. Expansion and envelopment are prominent immersing the listener in rich textures of holosonic warmth and subtlety without being overtly confining or distracting. Every nuance of the track is extracted by the addition of the higher data rate utilized in this somewhat subdued quiescent aural field. Particularly notable is the convincing presence of an expansive, immersive, and holosonic sense of dimensionality. This poignantly wide sound stage impresses us greatly with the ease in which it pleases us. The .1 LFE is never used sparingly, with thundering frequencies that we measured below 20hz, effectively bottoming out our patented 'reber scale-o-scope'.
    Don't miss this as a fine example of how a soundtrack can exhibit sub-25hz extension throughout all channels, immersing the listener in effective spatial integration rendering everyone in the room holosonified.
     
  2. Greg_Y

    Greg_Y Screenwriter

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    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Too bad you couldn't squeeze the "Big Fat Mono" phrase in there.
     
  3. Jesse Skeen

    Jesse Skeen Producer

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    Or "Undistinguished Mono"!
    I wonder how many times they've printed the phrase "sure to please"?
     
  4. Scott H

    Scott H Supporting Actor

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    That's hilarious [​IMG] I imagine that it's analogous to what cats hear when people talk [​IMG]
    Unfortunately it doesn't make sense and it's uninformative. What with it's contrariant and reciprocous delectus thesauri [​IMG]
    ------------------
    My DVD Library
    Runaway production? No thanks. Where I've filmed, benefiting local economies: AL, CA, ID, IL, IN, IA, KS, MN, MO, MT, NV, OH, OR, TX, WA, WY.
     
  5. Dan B

    Dan B Screenwriter

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    [​IMG]
    -Dan
    gets turned on by a "somewhat subdued quiescent aural field"
    [Edited last by Dan B on October 31, 2001 at 06:33 PM]
     
  6. Rob Tomlin

    Rob Tomlin Producer

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    As a subscriber to Widescreen Review, I can appreciate the humor in your post. However, in their defense, there are only so many ways to adequately describe a video transfer and an audio mix.
    Also, I think it may actually be more effective to use the same or similar language when reviewing/describing each DVD since this would make it easier to directly compare DVD reviews against each other. Consistency in terminology is important!
    Now, that being said, I am still not sure that I know what "Big Fat Mono" means!?
     
  7. Bill Cowmeadow

    Bill Cowmeadow Second Unit

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    If a writer wants to be understood, he or she should always write in the simplest of terms, not to a perceived audience. Whoever the writer is here, needs to work in a lumber yard and stay away from the word processor. It sounds like jibberish. I hope it was a joke.
     
  8. Mike_Skill

    Mike_Skill Stunt Coordinator

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    Don't get me wrong....I LOVE Widescreen Review. Some of the most informative product reviews, tips and industry news in the business. Just those video reviews. They sound like they are trying so hard to impress with their knowledge of the English language. These are DVDs....Not stem cell research. Again, just a litle fun here. I actually look forward to these reviews for a good chuckle. I hope they don't change! Keep the "Big Fat Mono" examples coming. It's killin' me!
     
  9. Scott Strang

    Scott Strang Screenwriter

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    That reminds me of some of the phrases coined in Stereophile.
    "Lower midrange suck-out".
    "A thick veil of grundge".
    ------------------
    "What did Mr Spock see when he looked in the toilet? The Captain's Log."
    Stolen from a BBS in 1985
     
  10. Michael Coate

    Michael Coate Stunt Coordinator

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    As an employee of Widescreen Review, I find this thread offensive.
    --Michael Coate
     
  11. Greg_Y

    Greg_Y Screenwriter

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    You shouldn't feel bad, Michael, because as a reader of WSR, I found the quote that Dunlavey's $17000/pair SC-Vs are a "extraordinary ... value ... when compared to the 'outrageous pricing' on other so-called 'high-end' loudspeakers" offensive as well. [​IMG]
     
  12. Bhagi Katbamna

    Bhagi Katbamna Supporting Actor

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  13. Scott Simonian

    Scott Simonian Screenwriter

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    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Im a WSR subscriber and that stuff is way too true. HAHAHA!
    The only thing I dont like about there reviews is that every adjective in each review seems to have a "copy & paste" feel to them.
    ------------------
    Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I am comfortable with that. I am enlightened.
     
  14. Chris Maynard

    Chris Maynard Supporting Actor

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    Oh come on Michael.
    HTF loves Widescreen Review!
    WE ALL need to laugh at ourselves now and then. I got a good chuckle out of the initial post.
    For that matter, most Internet reviewers have borrowed terms in their reviews coined by WSR to begin with! Myself included!
    This thread was not started to be taken seriously. Lets not let anyone get personal about it.
    [​IMG]
    Everyone play nice
     
  15. Carlo Medina

    Carlo Medina Executive Producer

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    I happen to believe that both imitation AND/OR parody are the sincerest form of flattery.
    And although I found the original post to be humorous, I still look at WSR's reviews for DVDs before most anyone else's reviews.
    Please do not take it as an insult. You guys do great work.
     
  16. Inspector Hammer!

    Inspector Hammer! Executive Producer

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    [​IMG]! You forgot to mention this however...
    ...the DTS track on this disc is OUTSTANDING! It always is, no if's and's or but's about it! It is the end all be all of sound formats! They're will NEVER be one better! DD is always shit! We LOVE our DTS! Just look at our magazine, see all the pretty DTS emblems plastered all over the place, aren't they just beutiful!?
    ------------------
    God bless the USA and the men and women of our military and their families!
    [Edited last by John Williamson on November 01, 2001 at 01:36 AM]
     
  17. Darren Gross

    Darren Gross Supporting Actor

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    Maybe the folks at widescreen review need to get out in the sun a bit and ease up on the technobabble. One doesn't need to dumb down one's writing in order to make things coherent to an average reader. As it is, most of these things seem aimed either exclusively at sound and video engineers. If that's not their goal, then its designed solely to impress your average reader. "Wow, these guys know their stuff. Since I can't understand it, it must be genius!" Horse-puckey.
    One doesn't need a scorecard of the MHZ and other levels in order to get an informed evaluation of a disc. All of that's just show.
     
  18. Duncan Harvey

    Duncan Harvey Stunt Coordinator

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    The problem with WSR is that they take themselves so seriously. I just had to laugh when I saw references to "food preparation area" in their pompous "blueprints" of their home cinema. What do they think they have - the International Space Station?
    Its more comedic than informative to read a typical issue and like some others in the home cinema arena they could do with having their self important bubbles burst.
    Then again - they are probably immune to the concept of "taking the piss" as revealed by one of the responses above!
     
  19. AllenD

    AllenD Second Unit

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    Duncan,
    What would you have them do? Hire 6 year olds and not take their jobs seriously?!?!
    I have to agree with Rob Tomlin's POV. Look at it this way, do you approach your duties at work in a different manner and complete the same tasks differently from day to day?
    For all (two) of you who demeaningly criticize WSR's wording on their DVD reviews, I dare you to write your own reviews without borrowing any of their used terminology. I think you'd find it a difficult task. Just imagine trying to do that over and over again for 50, 60, or even 70 times an issue.
    I'll go out on a limb here since I will be violating forum rules. I too found the original post humorous until I read Darren and Duncan's posts, which are pushing the limits of this forum's Code of Conduct, IMO.
     
  20. Roland Wandinger

    Roland Wandinger Stunt Coordinator

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    While I sometimes don't agree with them I still think WSR is the best HT magazine out there.
    Of course they repeat a lot of words and phrases in their DVD reviews (big fat mono [​IMG] ) but try to come up with different texts for hundreds of reviews a year!
     

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