Should Or Shouldn't ?? (1 Viewer)

[Brian Johnson]

Heres the story.......
Theres a girl at work. I like her of course as friends, I know she has a boyfriend who basically treats her like dirt, and from the stories I have heard, the guy sounds like a well....loser.
Anyways, it was her birthday TODAY. Since I dont work Monday or Tuesday I didn't know anything about it. Of course I wished her Happy Birthday and what not. I asked her what she was doing tonight & said "Nothing" However, the girls at our work were nice enough to plan a Friday night for her.
So. All in all I felt bad for her. And me being the Mr.Romantic that I am and feel every woman should at least get flowers on their birthday, so I went out & bought her a nice little bouquet of flowers ($14.99)
But now, I am thinking, maybe this isnt such a good idea. Will I give off the wrong impression. I work at a small personal place & am thinking "Maybe I shouldn't" The people at work know how much I like her, but I have no idea what she thinks about me. What if this is embarassing to her....etc.
And thats why I am here. You have 7.5 hours to reply
I leave for work at 5:30am
Any tips/suggestions?
Edit: I was thinking. I could just set the flowers on her desk without anyone knowing or a card......

 

[Richard Travale]

Hmmm, a little dilemma. Frankly, I would skip the flowers(give them to your Mom, she'll love them) and get the girl a nice card. It will put you in her good books that you cared enough to get her one, but not freak her out.

 

[Cam S]

well if she seems shocked, just tell her it's your way of saying happy b-day, and if she seems very happy, well then great, your in. Flowers are pretty harmless. They can mean get well, thank you, I love you, your a good friend, etc etc. Your safe with the flowers so don't be worried.

 

[John Spencer]

What I would worry about is the undue stress she may receive from her current idiot boyfriend if she gets flowers from someone besides him.

 

[Will Pomeroy]

I say just give her the flowers, and if she starts acking werid (withing 1-2 seconds of you giving her the flowers) I think you have the perfect line; just say "I think all girls deserve at least flowers on their birthday"...

I would think it would go over well...

 

[Rain]

Give her the flowers.

Lots of people give flowers with no romantic message intended. She will probably think you're just being a sweet guy.

What's the worst that could happen?

 

[Malcolm R]

What's the worst that could happen?

Unfortunately, I think John already went there. :frowning: Are you a big guy, Brian, in case the idiot boyfriend finds out who gave her the flowers?

 

[Rain]

If she thinks she's gonna get grief from the boyfriend, she would presumably just keep the flowers in a vase on her desk at work, don't you think?

 

[Malcolm R]

she would presumably just keep the flowers in a vase on her desk at work, don't you think?

Yeah, but idiot SO's have a way of finding out about innocent stuff and going into freak mode anyway.

 

[Shawn.G]

I agree with Rain. Tell us how it went.

 

[Sean P]

Depends on the flowers. Roses, maybe not. Daisys/assorted nice mix, you should go ahead and give them to her. Of course, this is from a guy who just got a friends email from a girl, so take it with a grain of salt.

 

[John Thomas]

Go for it. If she gets grief from her boyfriend, maybe that'll be the last straw and she'll leave the dope.

 

[Anders Englund]

Will I give off the wrong impression

That's really the issue, I think. What impression would you like to give off? You obviously care about her, but if it's nothing more than that, I assume you didn't buy her red roses. So you shouldn't have any problems.

But, if you do want to get romantically involved with her, it's really an issue of whether you're willing to take the step.

--Anders

 

[Moe Maishlish]

Ok, I've been in similar situations as this.
Step 1) Get the flowers, but steer well-clear of roses. Repeat: DO NOT BUY ROSES!!! They are romantic flowers and will definately give off the wrong impression. Instead, try to go for a regular assorted mix of non-threatening flowers (ie. Daisies, Carnations, Daffodils, etc). It just needs to look nice, not cost you a bundle.
Step 2) Buy a card with a humourous twist. Make it funny so that she get's the impression that you're having fun with it and not getting to serious.
Step 3) When you sign the card, have everyone else in the office sign it as well. That way it appears that everyone wanted her to have flowers on her birthday, and no one is going to accuse you of trying to woo her away from her boyfriend (even if he is a putz).
As for Mr. Boyfriend, not to sound short but it's none of your business. It's up to her to ditch the pantload for someone better (you). Don't involve yourself in it in any way, as it'll just cause you undue stress at work as it'll look like you're meddling & scheming to break them up.
Moe.

 

[JasenP]

non-threatening flowers

As opposed to the indimidating Banzai Tree ot the aggressive Cactus.
Sorry, that struck me as funny (though the advice was very good!)

 

[Ryan Wright]

Hey Brian,
It's too late for my input, but I would have done something different:
>> I asked her what she was doing tonight & said "Nothing"
Next line: "What? You're kidding? Look, everyone deserves a nice birthday. Let me take you out to dinner."
And if she stumbles or otherwise appears unsure, you can follow with, "No pressure - just a bite to eat and some friendly conversation."
Voila. You're in. Just keep the evening professional - treat her like a lady, but keep the conversation friendly (as opposed to intimate). With a boyfriend in the loop, you can't have her thinking this is a "date".
Of course, this does you no good now, but remember it for next year...

 

[Moe Maishlish]

"No pressure - just a bite to eat and some friendly conversation."

Experience has shown me that the above line doesn't work. It's just a corner-cutting way of covering one's ass. You might as well be saying "I'm going to be undressing you all night with my eyes.".
Like most things, if you offer-up the outing as a group thing (i.e. more than just the two of you), then the threat is lessened and she won't feel the need to squirm away.
Moe.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

I know she has a boyfriend who basically treats her like dirt, and from the stories I have heard, the guy sounds like a well... loser.

Brian - this should be sounding alarm bells in your head loud and clear. Stay away from this woman. If what you've heard is right, she chose a loser and is chosing to stay with him. She has "issues".

You are not going to be able to "fix" either her or her problems. (And she has problems, plural, trust me.) If she breaks up with loser on her own give her six months to a year to get her head back on straight, then think about making a move. If she goes back to him at any point, even for a day, (and she will) start the clock all over again. If she takes up with another loser who treats her badly (and the odds are approximately 80% that she will) give up entirely.

Us guys have this white knight fantasy in our heads where we're supposed to rescue the damsel in distress. We forget that sometimes the damsel was in distress even before the current rotten situation that we find her in, and that she may have gotten herself into it quite willingly. If that's the case you have about zero chance of changing whatever is going on with her that led her into the situation in the first place. Listen to what her friends say about her. I'd be willing to bet that her last boyfriend was also a jerk who treated her badly. If that's the case then it isn't just "bad luck" that got her where she is now. It is bad taste or bad judgement. Do you really want to hook up with someone who has exhibited either to that degree?

Been there, done that, don't recommend it.

Regards,

Joe

"Never sleep with anyone who has more problems than you do."