Ok, so I'm married now ... am I suppose to feel "different"? (1 Viewer)

[Frederick]

Well, I did it. July 3rd, I took the leap. We went downtown, stood before the judge, and said "I do". And in the time between then and now, we've been asked over a dozen times "Does it feel different now". My question to you guys is ... is it suppose to? We feel pretty much the same as we did before; we love each other insanely, feel as though we're each other's best friend, etc. Even, uhm, "other" things are still great. What's suppose to change? What are we suppose to feel now that we're a couple in the eyes of the government and God? Does it get better than this? `Cause if it does, I should have married her the day after we met so that we could be there now .
But seriously, everytime someone asked us that, we tell them "Nope, feels about the same". It's been 8 dayz. Are we missing something?
Freddy C.

 

[Paul Jenkins]

after 8 days? I hope not.
Post back after 8 years
Things change, the key is how you adapt with each other to change...
My two cents.

 

[Dennis Reno]

Things change, the key is how you adapt with each other to change...

Extremely well said! IMO that is the key to a good marriage.

 

[Robert Ma]

I've been married for over two years. The only things that changed are my new son running around and my lack of sex ever since
Seriously, I think kids change you more then anything. Suddenly you are responsible for the most precious thing, life! Your life changes then.

 

[Bill_D]

Ok, so I'm married now ... am I suppose to feel "different"?

It depends on if you were "living" married before you got married. If you were, then the changes won't be blaring lights and honking horns.

I have been married for 10 years and the statement about changes is very true and 8 days is not enough time to recognize the changes that will come and come and come .....

 

[Dave Falasco]

Hey, I got married on July 3rd too! We just celebrated our 5th anniversary. As far as things changing, my wife and I lived together for about 3 years before we got married, so I didn't expect things to change at all. And for a few weeks, they didn't. But after a while, we found that the little petty annoyances about each other that were mild irritants beforehand suddenly assumed exaggerated importance as the realization that we would be putting up with them for the rest of our lives settled in. Snoring, messiness, even repeatedly scraping a fork against a plate became major bones of contention between us.
The good news? After a while we settled back down and things got back to normal. But that "while" was a good year in our case, and we had some very rocky times as the little things started escalating and we started harboring resentment towards each other. I hate giving advice, but I will say that if we had tried to maintain our perspective about those little things and if we had kept the communication lines open instead of seething inside, we would have saved ourselves a lot of pain and frustration for that first year or so. But we were young (early 20's) and we weren't really mature enough to see all that at first.
Happy to report that all that has long since been worked through, and after celebrating our 5th, I'm looking forward to our 50th. (Awww...)

 

[KyleS]

Very well said guys. As stated above see how you feel after 5 or even 10 years. The only change that I can tell you is that over the years if you truly love each other you will discover a true respect for each other that is beyond words and that respect is called love.

The best advice that I can give someone who is newly married is pick your fights. Everyone that is married will fight but dont pick a fight unless it really means something to you. In other words before you get in a fight ask yourself "is this that important to me?" If it isnt then let it go and dont get in an argument that you will regret. And if it is that important make sure that your wife understands that it is dont just get angry at each other. Other then that I wish you and your wife the best in your life together.

KyleS

 

[Philip Hamm]

now that we're a couple in the eyes of the government and God?

Not to get religious here, but if you just said your vows in front of a judge you're only halfway to the "government and God" equasion. You're not married in the eyes of what you beleive as "God" unless you get married in your church whatever that may be.

 

[Stacie]

My husband and I got married two years ago after living together for nearly four years. Since we had already long since made a total commitment to each other, very little changed after we were married. We had already negotiated a lot of the things that newly-married couples (who haven't lived together) typically have to figure out, like finances, personal space, cleaning habits, chore division, etc.

Many outsiders have insisted to us that the simple act of having our union recognized by God and state should have made us feel different. But it didn't -- we were blissfully happy and deeply in love before marriage, and we've been blissfully happy and continually deeper in love ever since. As others have said, things do change gradually over time, but for us so far it's been more like a constant enrichment of what was already there.

The big change I anticipate will come if and when we have children. I think it's inevitable that that will change our relationship a lot. Lacking that, though, being married has not been any different for us, since our level of togetherness and commitment was the same before marriage as after.

Obviously, every couple's mileage varies on this issue. But I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Frederick.

 

[Frederick]

We've been talking about having another child in about 2 yrs. She has a son already. He's 8, so I missed out on all the fun of potty training and learning how to walk. But knowing I get to take part in his becoming a man makes me feel good. He still doesn't know what to call me. I go between Dad, Daddy and my name about 4 times in a conversation ...
Living married ... that makes a lot of sense. Our relationship has flowed very naturally, and sometimes we wonder at the fact that we just "fit" together so well. There were times when I stepped in and did things she didn't think I would, like watch her son while she went back to school, and paid for things when she was a little short. I did these things without her even asking me, and she's done things for me that needed to be done, but without me putting any priority on it. I'd always put them off, and she'd just up and do them and tell me about it after-the-fact ...
That makes sense about time dealing change. We're aware that as time passes things will change and we'll be facing differrent challenges, we just don't understand what people mean when they ask us if we feel different yet. At first I thought they were joking, and indeed some of them were, but others look at me strange when I say "No, thing's are pretty much the same as they were 2 weeks prior". Makes me wonder how their relationships are ...
Philip:
Thanx for the correction. I don't need anymore strikes against me as far as God's concerned ...
Freddy C.

 

[Andy_S]

Things don't change as much until you have kids. Now that is life changing. You never imagined you could love someone so much until you see your kid for the first time.

 

[Paul Jenkins]

I'll add another post since someone brought up children
We have two daughters, 9 and 6. We've been married 10 years. Children do change the entire equation and change your entire life. People can tell you that until they are blue in the face, but you really don't understand until you have them, imo.
Your marriage/relationship is profoundly affected when you have kids, there are just so many more things to deal with, plan for, worry about, etc., etc. Women go through large changes, both in hormonal and emotional balance, when they have children. Different women react differently to the child bearing process, as do men to some degree, but it is definitely something to be in tune with if and when your wife ever become pregnant/has kids.
But my original point still remains, that if you and your spouse adapt together to the changes, you will be fine.
Adapt together means different things to different people. Some find a more religious 'togetherness', some find a more meaninful existence as a family, some find that the bond is so much stronger with time and love over time, and a whole lot of other changes/combinations of the above. Most couples we know that are our good friends have come through these changes together and just seem to fit together in a way that is a bit hard to describe, but you know it when you see it.
However, we know, and have known, many couples who didn't handle all of this change well, and have gotten divorced. Each is their own story, but each has an undercurrent where the couple didn't adapt together to change, for whatever reason (money, sex, affairs, child rearing, etc).
Long post, and probably not a lot of great wisdom for you, other than the fact that life is all about change, that marriage is hard work, kids are hard work, and adapting with another person is hard work.
And it is blissfully worth all the hard work you put in.
Cheers,
Paul

 

[Brian Kleinke]

I've been married a little over 3 weeks now.. and it really hasn't felt different at all... expect the added weight of a ring on my finger
Brian

 

[Dennis Reno]

...the added weight of a ring on my finger

Give it a few more months and you won't even notice.
Regarding children, the above comments are very true. Our first child was born eight months ago and EVERYTHING changed. Your priorities, your relationships, everything. For me it has been only positive, well, other than the lack of sleep!
Relationships are like a living, breathing entity. They evolve. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly...
wow, way to deep.

 

[ollie_k]

Just dont lose the ring like I did 3 months later! Make sure its on good and tight, mine fell off into lake michigan and has never been seen since. I got a new one, but the wife reaction is one I hope to never experience again.
You will be in your 'honeymoon' phase for a while, after that, the newness of being married wears off and life becomes more routine. Ive been married 3 years and its great, except for the tax liability! We've paid out our noses in income tax every year, damn Uncle Sam!

 

[KyleS]

except for the tax liability! We've paid out our noses in income tax every year, damn Uncle Sam!

If you dont like the tax liability of being married Ollie then why dont you guys file seperately?

KyleS

 

[ollie_k]

Kyle believe me we have tried both methods, its even worse. I guess according to Uncle Sam, we make too much money. I'd like to know where it is! I guess $12000 in deductions is not enough these days :frowning:

 

[Chris Lock]

> Does it get better than this?
Yeah, the day when the divorce becomes final.

 

[Nathan*W]

Since Chris posted before me, I guess it's safe to say that I'm in after the Lock.



Oh, brother that was bad...:b

 

[Steven K]

If you dont like the tax liability of being married Ollie then why dont you guys file seperately?

It doesn't matter... you still pay the marriage penalty regardless of whether or not you file jointly or seperately. It's the American Government's way of saying "fuck you" to all us married folk.