***Official significant others' lack of understanding of this hobby rant thread***

Charles J P

Effects Supervisor
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[rant mode]
Do your S.O.s gripe about stuff that you just cant comprehend why they make a big deal out of? I mentioned to my fiancé that I am going to go pick up my Mom’s old turntable and some old LPs after reading the thread in the hardware forum about people still listening to LPs. I didn’t realize that you could find LPs so cheap. I had been reluctant to buy some jazz and classic rock on CD because it is just as expensive as new stuff, and I hate downloading it because (well first of all that’s not very ethical) the songs are never “ripped” right (the levels don’t match, and the songs are cut off or sound worse than old cassette tapes). So any way, I tell her this, and she gets pissed. She starts asking why do I need a turn table when we don’t have any records. So I tell her that my mom has some that she is giving me, and that I hope to pick up some other records for very cheap. So then she pulls out “you’re always griping about sound quality and you want to go back to records” So I try (unsuccessfully, I can tell) to explain how good a clean good condition record can sound on a well adjusted, good condition turn table. Then she asks where I’m going to put it. Well, one of the shelves in the entertainment center is occupied by her original Nintendo which we NEVER use. I said I was going to put the Nintendo behind the doors under the TV in the entertainment center. I can tell this didn’t help and pissed her off more somehow, and I don’t know why. I don’t know if she thinks I think that my stuff is more important than hers. She already makes comments about how I monopolize the living room. (We have two other TVs but only one DVD player and surround system. I don’t help matters in this argument with my comments that I can easily go out and buy a second home theater system for the bedroom if that’s what she wants). But that’s a whole other rant.
Yeah, I know I’m just kind of experimenting, but its not costing us anything. I really don’t get what she’s pissed about. I don’t criticize her for some of the stuff she has that I think is stupid. She does scrap booking which is like really elaborate photo albums where every page is a whole theme (you can actually see her work at http://www.memorybookmania.com)
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Elizabeth S

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Well, sometimes it's hard for others to understand another person's avid hobby, whatever it is. I once got p*ssed at this guy for fussing with the connections on my TV, so I had him leave. It has to do with respecting other people's prized possessions. Do NOT touch my A/V equipment!
 

Rain

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Elizabeth, that post is going to get you hit on around here, I think.

Not by me, though.

Anyway, I used to live with a boyfriend who didn't understand my hobby either. We were apples and oranges when it came to film and music. Every day I would come home to the thundering, pounding, relentless, hammering noise known as "techno music." I'm a rock and roll boy, so that did not sit well.
When it came to movie time, he wanted to rent stuff like "Scary Movie" and "Charlie's Angels." I wanted to watch stuff like "Casablanca" and "2001: A Space Odyssey."
We broke up.
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[Edited last by Rain on November 02, 2001 at 05:02 PM]
 

Bill Catherall

Screenwriter
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I'm sad to say that my wife doesn't understand OAR. Oh, she understands the technical aspect of it. But she doesn't find it all that important. She almost rented the P&S version of Cats & Dogs until I stopped her.
There's no use in trying to win her over either because she just doesn't share the same enthusiasm. Believe me, I've tried all the examples and all the explaining, but she just doesn't care. We just agreed to disagree (we had to do the same thing with political discussions...don't bring up the issue of minimum wage in our house...whoa) and she won't be buying or renting any P&S with my money.
If this is going to cause a problem in your relationship then you need to work something out immediately. Since there really is no reason for her to be "dissing" your hobby like this then you both need to come to an understanding. It's ok if you both have your separate hobbies that the other one doesn't understand or get into. That allows you to each have the much necessary "personal time." But you shouldn't ever be knocking the other person for liking things you don't understand.
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Bill

 

Ryan Wright

Screenwriter
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Jul 30, 2000
Messages
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The last time a post like this came up I was accused of being misogynistic. Nevertheless, I can't help but throw out my point of view:
Go get the turntable, get the records, find a place to put them and to hell with her attitude. My wife doesn't pull this crap on me, and I don't know if it's because she's just a special woman (she really is), or if it's because I don't put up with it. She's tried on a couple of occasions, but I quite frankly told her that I'm going to do whatever I damn well please as long as it doesn't affect her negatively.
Now that I've made myself out to be a complete ass of a husband, hear this: My wife and I are completely in love with each other. I don't push her around, and I give her all the freedom and respect in the world in regards to her hobbies. I simply demand that she do the same for me, and she does.
I know the attitude you're talking about, because that's my mother in a nutshell. I love my mother to death, but she constantly gripes and complains about my father's hobbies. He gets "in trouble" for bringing new toys home, even though they can more than afford it. He's unhappy because of it. Perhaps that's why I don't put up with the same games.
Ask yourself this: What is more important, her ridiculous demands or your happiness? I vote for my happiness. I would not live with or marry a woman who placed insane demands upon me. It's one thing if you can't afford it or don't have room for it or if it will affect her in a negative way. But she's acting like a child. "I don't want you to have that. I don't know why, but I don't want you to." I've got over a dozen computers and all sorts of fun little toys. Every time I bring another toy home, my wife sighs and shakes her head, but she respects me enough to let me enjoy my life. She (and almost everyone else I know) think I'm insane for needing so many computers, servers, etc running, but that's another one of my hobbies. And she lets me do it.
Rant over...
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Bobby T

Supporting Actor
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Mar 13, 2001
Messages
583
I guess I can do a little bragging here. My wife prefers widescreen and loves the system we have put together. She just had some friends over last night to watch a movie. I am thinking of doing the same thing with my dad's turntable. He has some cool records to go with it. My wife really loves this idea since it won't cost any money. Bragging off.

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brentl

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People don't understand, bu as soon as you throw a disc in they are the first one to sit down and watch.
O course when the movies done they'll put down your hobby again.
Brent L
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tyler O

Stunt Coordinator
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Oct 25, 2000
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My wife left me recently (within a month). A large part of it was her thinking that our hobbies and desires were complimentary but not supplimentary. This caused her to no longer be "in love with me". Whatsoever that may mean. So now I am back to being my own Significant Other. Thankfully I have never had any problems or dislikes about my hobby... I love it too much. I guess this is what happens when my DVD collection outsized her Tool collection (and not the band, actual Tools...) I always have collected media my whole life, but I think DVDs were the straw that broke her back... Cest la vie. (La vie). Hopefully I may find one that shares my desires and obsessions more fully. I was happy with us being perfect foils, but she was not.
One happy person does not a good relationship make...
Take that as you will with lack of appreciation or not. Perhaps if she appreciated the hobby better we would still be together... Who knows? I sure as hell don't.
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TheoGB

Screenwriter
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Jun 18, 2001
Messages
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Charles I don't know about not understanding each other's hobbies. To me this sounds more like she was spoiling for a fight. I can see her point in the sense that I've been on the receiving end of such surprise and given some myself. I'm sure we've all been amazed by other people's obsessions and yet zealously guarded our own at one time or another.
The difference here is how mad she got. I can understand the Nintendo thing - it *is* territorial. Whether or not it gets used, you are combining getting something she doesn't see the need for with sidelining something of hers.
Fundamentally it sounds like she feels your interest in your hobbies is to her detriment for one reason or another. Maybe she's feeling second best or something. I don't know and without having met either of you I can't come in and start condemning either of you.
Sounds like you should probably have a talk with her and find out why she's so concerned about this. Good luck.
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