Joke of the Day (1 Viewer)

[Mike Broadman]

Ultra-sexist joke:
How do you fix the dishwasher?
Ya slaps da bitch.

 

[Brent Cantrell]

Jon, over MUCH tequila, several times now, I've told your orange head joke. No one but me thinks it's funny. oh well....

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[Jon_Are]

Jon, over MUCH tequila, several times now, I've told your orange head joke. No one but me thinks it's funny. oh well....

Hey Brent...Not too many folks I've told this to have given it much more than a smile, either...but even reading it again now, it cracks me up. Oh well, whatta ya gonna do.
Jon
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"This one goes to eleven." (Nigel Tufnel)

 

[Pete B]

Jon and Brent,
Just read the orange head joke, and almost laughed my lemon off. I'll tell this to my buds and let you know the response. At least we 3 have a good (though slightly warped) sense of humor!...I think...?

 

[Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm]

Add me to the list of people who loved the orange-head joke. I plan to try it out at work today.
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Andrew Hamm's new album Link Removed is available now!

 

[ChristopherS]

I too thought the orange-head joke was great. Regrettably, everyone I sent it to thought it was strange. My wife thought I had copied it incorrectly and cut off the punch line!

Chris

 

[Craig Chatterton]

I'm sorry to say I don't understand the Orange joke. But here's one I do understand:
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading
of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
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Virgo: All Virgo's are extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you. Expect a big surprise today, when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick.

 

[Mike Broadman]

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, George Bush has a short one. The Pope has one but never uses it, and Madonna doesn't have one at all. What is it?
Spoiler:
A last name, you perve!

 

[Mark Schermerhorn]

So about the small orange for a head joke: Is this basically for the people who have heard the joke about the 12" pianist too many times? hehehe...
I thought it was pretty good...

 

[Steve_Green]

The 'Samll Orange for a head' joke had me on the floor laughing but i think i must just have a daft sense of humour. I've old it to others and i just get that 'blank stare' look.
I'll try it again down the pub tonight, after a few beers, and see how it goes down there.
I'll probably get thrown out......again!!!

 

[Jon_Are]

quote: So about the small orange for a head joke: Is this basically for the people who have heard the joke about the 12" pianist too many times?[/quote]
Very astute observation, Mark. The beauty of the orange-head joke, (for thinking people, anyway ), is its mis-direction. Not unlike a magaician who has you watching his top hat, waiting for a rabbit to appear, but instead pulls a bouquet of flowers from his ass.
(Come to think of it, Craig, perhaps the above comparison might help you understand the subtle beauty of the O.H.J.)
Jon
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"This one goes to eleven." (Nigel Tufnel)
[Edited last by Jon_Are on October 12, 2001 at 08:54 AM]

 

[tyler O]

That Orange Head Joke is absolutely brilliant in it's subtlety.

It reminded me of one I particularly like:
A sailor is sitting in a bar and he has the smallest head that Bob has ever seen. Bob buys the sailor a beer and, rather nonchalantly he feels, asks the sailor about his head. The sailor says "Well, my boat was destroyed in a violet storm. I was lucky enough to escape with my life on a piece of driftwood. The wood was fortunate enough to drop me off on an island, but the island was deserted. I waited for 3 long months with no sign of any people at all. One day, as I was fishing for my daily meals, I heard something crying out. I followed the sound and found a mermaid trapped in the rocks. I freed her and there flapping in front of me was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. After three months, a guy can get kind of restless, so when she told me that for my kindness she would give me anything I wanted, the first thing that came to mind was that I would like to have sex with her. She looked kind of chagrined and said 'Unfortunately, Mermaids don't come with that kind of equipment and will have to ask for something else.' I thought for a minute, then I said 'Well, how about a little head?'"
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[Jon_Are]

...my boat was destroyed in a violet storm.

I was riding my bike through a violet storm once; had to petal like hell to get through it. I should have seen it coming; weatherman said thunderflowers that day.
Jon
--Owner of the North American rights to the small-orange-for-a-head joke.

 

[Dana Fillhart]

Jon,
ROTFLMAO! You are one weird guy! Hehehe, "petal", "thunderflowers"...
You sure that wasn't a featherman who gave you the report?

 

[tyler O]

Damn you Spellchecker! You Maniacs! I refuse to edit that prior post on the grounds that it springboarded onto something only too enjoyable. You and colors...
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The difference between 0 and 1 is infinite.
My DVDs

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

Tyler:
You know, that same guy was in that same bar another time, only he met what had to be a priate - eye-patch, peg-leg, hook for a hand. Interested, he struck up a conversation. After the old pirate had told him a few stories (and downed a few tankards of rum) the man was emboldened to ask how the pirate had lost his leg.
"Oh", said the pirate, "That. We were in a terrible gale one day and a wave broke over the bow and washed me right off the deck. Just as the boys were hauling me aboard a shark appeared out of nowhere and took me leg clean off at the calf. But the carpenter fixed me up this peg and I was as good as new."
"And the hook?" asked the man.
"Oh, that. Well we had boarded an English merchantmen and the crew fought back hard. I was laying about with me cutlass when someone behind me fired a shot. I looked and saw it was me own first mate. He had killed a man who was drawing a bead on me and saved me life - but in the second I was distracted an English sailor slipped inside me guard and cut me hand clean off. But the blacksmith fixed me up with this hook and I learned to fence with me other hand, and I was as good as new."
"What about your eye?"
"Oh. THAT.", said the pirate with a sigh. "Well, it was a beautiful clear day off Bermuda. I looked up into the sky and a seagull sh*t right in me eye."
"Wait a minute. You lost your eye to seagull sh*t?"
"Well", said the pirate...
Spoiler:... it was me first day with the hook."
Regards,
Joe

 

[Frank_Lee]

A rabbi, a priest, two firemen, an accountant, six golfers, and elephant, and four monkeys walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some sort of joke?"

 

[Dan Whalen]

There are two pieces of sausage in a frying pan. One sausage says, "Man it's hot in here." The other one says, "Oh my God, a talking sausage!"
A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve longnecks here."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
I'll try to think of some more. BTW, why is there a black box with the word spoiler on some of the jokes?
Dan

 

[Brent Cantrell]

Because it's funnier that way.
And still, just to keep you all informed, I still can't find anyone who likes the orange joke. hmmm...
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[Kevin T]

a horse walks into a bar...the bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"
kevin t