This list is also lifted from my blog found at http://onceuponatimeinmythoughts.blogspot.com. Previously, I revealed films that I like and you all hate so now you get your revenge on me as I list the top 12 films that I hate that everyone else seems to love. Same as before, there are possible spoilers in my comments so if you've never seen the films mentioned, read past the bold titles to avoid spoilers. So we start off this list of hate with the following: 12. Any zombie film ever made. I guess its perhaps due to the success of The Walking Dead tv show, but I will be so happy when this zombie craze goes away. I've never at all understood what was supposed to be scary about zombies. They're not scary and it's not even like the worst horror movies in that they're not so bad that they're funny. Zombie films as a whole are an utter bore and all have the same predictable plot line, usually terrible acting and for that matter, they're really unpleasant to look at. I'm sure that speaks to the job that the makeup people do in these films, but they're just absolutely unpleasant to look at. Even films that are meant to satirize these films, such as Shaun of the Dead are utterly atrocious as well and that's bad because Simon Pegg is not a bad actor in any way. It's just a shame that he was dragged down by a total waste of a film that is neither funny nor scary. Basically that's the best way to describe anything to do with zombies. Not funny, not scary and a complete waste of cinematic time. 11. O Brother Where Art Thou. Everyone loves the Coen Brothers. Dan Le Batard has stated on television that "those guys are incapable of making an uninteresting movie." Well I beg to differ. In fact, the Coen's not only are capable of making an uninteresting movie, they're little more than one hit wonders as far as directors go. For the record here, I have not seen Fargo so I can't comment on that film, but I have seen this one mentioned above, The Big Lebowski, The Ladykillers, True Grit and No Country For Old Men and of all those, No Country For Old Men is the only one of them that even begins to approach "good." But I digress. I guess I should've made this entry about the Coen Brothers entire filmography but I picked the one here that I think is most beloved of the list that I just absolutely hate. The story is a badly executed loose re-telling of Homer's The Odyssey and yet the Coen's have the nerve to insult me by telling me that they've never read the story before. So you guys are not only piss-poor filmmakers, you're also flat liars? A winning combination in my book. But again, I digress. Let's look at the main star of the film, George Clooney. Where did this guy get his popularity from? He's like this generation's Pauly Shore. Okay, maybe not that bad. I mean he has made one good movie and that was the Ocean's 11 remake. And while I'm on the subject, Pauly Shore did at least make one decent movie with In The Army Now. So by my scorecard, they're both even on the scale of decent movies between them. Another major player in this film is John Goodman. My Lord the Coen's have such an ability for wasting this man's talent. O Brother Where Art Thou indeed. That's my exact quote to my television remote whenever this movie comes on tv. It's not funny, it's not heartwarming, it's not even interesting and having George Clooney shoved at me for 2 hours is never a winning proposition. 10. Mortal Kombat (1995). I'm stretching a bit when I say everyone else "loves" this film, but at the same time, when you ask most people what the best video game film adaptation is, usually Mortal Kombat ranks in the top 3 and in many cases, it ranks as the top of the list. The only other film I've ever seen that consistently ranks as high as this one is Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children which, as I understand it, is not an adaptation of the game but more or less a continuation of the game's story line. Why do I hate this movie so much? Simple. It has so very little to do with the actual game itself. Basically the creators took a generic martial arts movie, slapped a few character's names into it, called it Mortal Kombat and there you go. I guess I don't really hate the film for being a bad film per se. It has a good performance by Cary Tagawa as Shang Tsung but other than that, most of the characters are utterly forgettable. I guess my biggest gripe is that the film is EXTREMELY tame. You just can't have Mortal Kombat without violence and blood. We all should've known what would be coming by the first trailers released in 1995 which showed the movie had a PG-13 rating. This movie can't be properly made without an R rating. Beyond that, the movie follows very little of the actual Mortal Kombat tournament itself which should be the focal point of any film based on this franchise. How in the hell does Johnny Cage get to fight Goro simply by asking? He wins one fight and somehow asks to get to Goro when Goro is the last guy you get to before Shang Tsung. And who are all these fighters that none of us have ever seen or heard of? Just a jumbled and total mess of a film that somehow 17 years later is still held in high regard by video game film fans and Mortal Kombat fans. 9. Batman (1966). This one makes the list more because of the television show that it was made from. Prior to Christopher Nolan's masterpiece trilogy, I was not a fan of Batman and to be honest, I still am not a fan outside of Nolan's trilogy. I have seen Keaton's Batman and didn't like it beyond Jack Nicholson as the Joker and none of the sequels to it are any good either. But the worst of all here is the 1960's version of Batman. For the record, I'm referring to the movie and television show since they're basically one and the same. This film/series took Batman towards a campy tone and both are just unwatchable. I like a good satire but this movie/show went beyond satire and was just plain insulting. Even as an 8 year old child seeing this for the first time, it was an experience in which my feelings were literally hurt by seeing it because I just felt dirty and insulted. It was one of the first instances that I can remember feeling the need to take a shower simply after viewing it. There's nothing redeeming whatsoever about anything related to this version of Batman. It basically took Bob Kane's work and made into the butt of a joke and how this version of Batman became popular (AND STILL IS) is something I will never get. In fact, I've heard quite a few people make the statement that this version of Batman is still the best version. I simply can't reply to that because if you truly believe that, you're beyond intelligent discussion. 8. Spiderman Trilogy. This falls under a similar category as Batman in that I don't usually like superheroes. Whereas Chris Nolan made one of the best film trilogies in history with a character that I don't really care too much for, Sam Raimi took a character I didn't care for and simply reinforced that apathy and really turned it from apathy into hatred. Tobey Maguire might actually be a pretty good actor but he certainly wasn't here. In fact there is nothing redeemable about any of the performances in this entire trilogy. The only one of them that resembled "good" was Thomas Haden Church as The Sandman in part 3. Let's talk about part 3 as it is indeed the worst of the worst in this trilogy. A jumbled mess with no real tangible plot line(same can be said for the other 2 as well) as well as apparently a mandate by Marvel to showcase as many villains as possible. Someone a long time ago made the statement about Spiderman 3 which was "too many crooks can spoil the broth" and I'm inclined to agree wholeheartedly although this broth was spoiled and rotten before it even made it to the stockpot. An overhyped, overrated film trilogy that somehow lead to literally billions of dollars in returns. Personally, if you want to see a film that is everything this film wants to be and literally can't be, find 12 Angry Men sometime because that film is the prototype for how you take a wide variety of characters, make them all interesting, and give them all plenty of screen time without making the film an utter waste. 7. It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. I will sum up my hatred for this film with a couple of sentences followed by the cast listing for this film straight from Wikipedia. How in the hell can a film with this cast be so boring and not funny? It just doesn't seem possible to me but it's here before my eyes. This film has to be one of the biggest disappointments in my lifetime of watching movies. It isn't the worst I've ever seen but it's certainly up there with most disappointing given all the praise I've read about it over the years. I watched the movie twice and literally never cracked a smile. None of the main characters in it are in anyway redeemable or even likable which is just amazing given some of the people in this cast. One day, I hope to watch Inherit The Wind and Judgment At Nuremberg. Both films directed by Stanley Kramer who also directed this train wreck. I fear for them but perhaps he's better at dramas than he is "comedy" and I use that last term loosely with this film. Anyway, here's the cast list and just remember that NOT ONE of these names turned in anything that was good or even funny in this "comedy." Main actors Sid Caesar as Melville Crump Edie Adams as Monica Crump Milton Berle as J. Russell Finch Dorothy Provine as Emmeline Marcus-Finch Ethel Merman as Mrs. Marcus Jonathan Winters as Lennie Pike Mickey Rooney as Dingy Bell Buddy Hackett as Benjy Benjamin Spencer Tracy as Captain T. G. Culpeper Terry-Thomas as Lt. Col. J. Algernon Hawthorne Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer Dick Shawn as Sylvester Marcus Secondary actors Jim Backus as boozy and rich airplane owner Tyler Fitzgerald William Demarest as Aloysius, Chief of the Santa Rosita Police Department Jimmy Durante as "Smiler" Grogan Peter Falk as a cop-hating cab driver Eddie "Rochester" Anderson as a cab driver Paul Ford as Col. Wilberforce Barrie Chase as Sylvester Marcus' bikini-wearing girlfriend, Mrs. Haliburton (or Halliburton) Cameo appearances Jack Benny as a man who drives by in a Maxwell, offering to help, but is put off by Mrs. Marcus Paul Birch as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Ben Blue as the vintage biplane pilot Joe E. Brown as the union official giving a speech at a construction site Alan Carney as a sergeant with the Santa Rosita Police Department Chick Chandler as detective outside Chinese laundry John Clarke as helicopter pilot Stanley Clements as a local reporter at police station Lloyd Corrigan as the mayor of Santa Rosita Howard Da Silva as an airport official Andy Devine as the Sheriff of Crockett County, California (fictional) Selma Diamond (voice only) as Ginger Culpeper, Captain Culpeper's wife Minta Durfee as a crowd extra Roy Engel as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Norman Fell as primary detective at the "Smiler" Grogan accident site James Flavin as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Stan Freberg as a Crockett County Deputy Sheriff Nicholas Georgiade as supporting detective at the "Smiler" Grogan accident site Louise Glenn (voice only) as Billie Sue Culpeper, Captain Culpeper's daughter Leo Gorcey as a cab driver bringing Melville and Monica to the hardware store Stacy Harris (voice only) as police radio voice unit F-7 Don C. Harvey as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Sterling Holloway as a Santa Rosita Fire Department fire captain Edward Everett Horton as Mr. Dinckler, owner of the hardware store Allen Jenkins as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Marvin Kaplan as garage/service station co-owner Irwin Robert Karnes as Simmy, a Santa Rosita Police Department officer Buster Keaton as Jimmy the Crook (boatman) Tom Kennedy as a Santa Rosita Police Department traffic cop Don Knotts as the nervous motorist Charles Lane as the airport manager Harry Lauter as a police dispatcher of the Santa Rosita Police Department Ben Lessy as George the steward Bobo Lewis as vintage biplane pilot's wife Jerry Lewis as the man who runs over Culpeper's hat Bob Mazurki (presumed) as Eddie, the miner's son Mike Mazurki as the miner bringing medicine to his wife Charles McGraw as Lt. Matthews of the Santa Rosita Police Department Cliff Norton as a reporter Barbara Pepper as an ice cream counter waitress (scene deleted) ZaSu Pitts as Gertie, the Santa Rosita Police Department Central Division's switchboard operator Carl Reiner as the Rancho Conejo airport tower controller Madlyn Rhue as secretary Schwartz of the Santa Rosita Police Department Roy Roberts as a Santa Rosita Police Department officer (scene deleted) Eddie Ryder as Rancho Conejo air traffic control tower staff member Charles Sherlock as a crowd extra The Shirelles (voice), singing "31 Flavors" in Sylvester's bachelor pad scene Eddie Smith as an extra Arnold Stang as garage/service station co-owner Ray Nick Stewart as migrant truck driver forced off the road The Three Stooges (Moe, Larry, and Curly Joe) as Rancho Conejo Airport firemen (they have the shortest cameo appearance; five seconds) Sammee Tong as a laundryman Doodles Weaver as a hardware store employee Jesse White as a Rancho Conejo air traffic controller 6. Michael Bay's Transformers Series. I don't know that I can say much more about these films that hasn't been said already. For the record, I think the first Transformers film from 2007 was actually not a bad movie. It's just lumped into bad company with 2 and 3. It still can't begin to touch the 1986 film however in terms of actually being a good story. The 1986 film as stated previously is the best representation of the Transformers mythology that's yet been made for the screen. The second film, Revenge Of The Fallen, is a disorganized mess of a film that actually rates up there with Battlefield Earth for worst sci-fi themed film ever made. The story line makes little sense, the acting for the most part is atrocious and of course, the waste of space known as Megan Fox takes up more than .5 seconds of screen time which means she has too much screen time. In a film with loads of weaknesses, she may actually be the biggest weak point. She has no acting talent whatsoever and the only reason she's famous is because a bunch of men who never got past puberty enjoy beating off to her. She's the equivalent of Kristen Stewart if Kristen Stewart were more popular among guys. I like beautiful women as much as the next straight man, but they have to bring something besides their looks to the table and Megan Fox does absolutely nothing besides look good. She's acting's version of Rena Mero AKA Sable. Transformers 3, Dark Of The Moon, is a little less of a congealed mess in that it gets rid of Megan Fox but replaces her with a nearly equally useless sidekick in Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. This movie has the same problem that Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 does in that THE MOVIE WILL NOT END! I watched this movie and I had a birthday waiting for it to end. To make it worse, the biggest reason for the length is because the movie takes forever to get started. I swear it's literally over an hour before something remotely interesting finally happens. To make it worse, we're not done with this cinematic fecal storm. I hear there's a Transformers 4 coming that is possibly to be directed by Steven Speilberg himself. Unless this is a reboot with an entirely new cast, save for Peter Cullen and Frank Welker (GIVE HIM BACK THE MEGATRON ROLE YOU BLITHERING CLODS!), there is no hope for redemption with this series. 5. Nightmare On Elm Street (1984). The film that gave Freddy Krueger to the world. I don't see this as a bad film from a production point of view. It's actually about as good as you can expect from a relatively low budget horror film. I just personally believe the story and theme of the movie(and series) is incredibly stupid. I can understand the allure of a guy who only kills you in your dreams and therefore can't be defeated but at the same time, I just don't understand how it got so popular. Robert Englund is also one actor that I've never began to understand why he's so beloved. He seems like a very nice and humble man and I respect him as a man, but I don't think he can act his way out of an unlocked bathroom. This one is actually a little more difficult for me to put into words because again, I just really can't explain my dislike for this film other than I just saw it as so ridiculously far-fetched that I couldn't suspend my disbelief far enough to actually enjoy it. Perhaps had the film been done as a comedy or satire, it might've worked better for me but as a serious horror movie, it sucks. This legacy of Freddy Krueger even crossed into the Mortal Kombat game franchise as the 2009 "reboot" (cough total rehash cough) later included him as a DLC character. Yes folks, an overhyped, overrated joke of a horror icon gets included with an overhyped, overrated joke of a video game release. It's a perfect match really except Mortal Kombat's legacy was far greater than Nightmare On Elm Street's ever tried to be and all this did was kick dirt on to what little was left of Mortal Kombat. But I digress. 4. District 9. It seems that most years recently have had a very highly acclaimed film that I just simply have found intolerable. 2007 had Juno, 2008 had Slumdog Millionaire, 2010 had The Social Network, and 2011 had Hugo. Why did I skip 2009? Because it contained the most offensive of films from those years as far as general popular opinion goes and that was District 9. Really, the concept of this is fantastic. Xenophobia taken to an entirely new level. The biggest problem I have with this film is the tone it takes. It really comes off as extremely righteous and self-important to me. None of the characters in it are likable and the main character, Wikus, just comes across as a complete douche for the entire duration of the film. If anything, I think this movie actually comes closer to convincing people that xenophobia is a good thing rather than a bad one. A friend of mine once referred to this film as "cinematic excrement" and I'm inclined to agree. This film was a chore to finish but I actually did finish it and have been trying ever since to wipe it from my memory. 3. Top Gun. I'm sure it might sound strange that an American male who was born in the 1980's would hate this movie. But not only do I hate it, I simply can't finish watching it. I've watched it in bits and pieces and have seen the whole movie over time but I am incapable of watching it in one sitting. My longest stretch in watching it has been around 43-44 minutes and after that I couldn't take any more without a break. The easiest way to sum up this movie is that it's basically a 2 hour dick measuring contest. The plot is absolutely ridiculous. For that matter, there is no plot. It's basically a bunch of "macho" guys showing off which one is the manliest and the planes merely serve as props in this glorious mission to prove which one has the biggest johnson. How in the blue hell this movie made Tom Cruise a star I will simply never understand. The constant excuse I get from people is that the soundtrack to the movie is extremely good and yes, I will admit it's a pretty good soundtrack. This however doesn't make up for the complete lack of substance in the film itself. I say, avoid the dick-measuring contest, buy the soundtrack, and hire a toddler to write a remake of this film because the toddler certainly could write a better film than the people who made this piece of dick-cheese did. 2. Jurassic Park. At one time, this was the highest grossing film in movie history. I didn't understand why before, and I don't understand it today. I can honestly say I've seen this film several times. I've tried to like it. I've wanted to like it. But guess what? I can't stand it. This hype job was one of the first films that really showed how far CGI had come and what it was capable of. Or so people who are fans of this film would have you believe. If you want the true answer to that question in a film that's not only watchable, but also one of the best American films ever made, look to Terminator 2. But I digress. This film suffers from the same problem that I mentioned with Nightmare on Elm Street which is that I just couldn't suspend disbelief enough. The concept is just incredibly asinine and the idea that people are actually stupid enough to do some of the things in this movie, while not inconceivable by any means, is certainly one that I'd prefer not to see in my entertainment world because God knows we see enough of it in our real lives everyday. I remember having to watch this film for the first time in my 11th grade ELPS class. We watched the film and then did a mock trial. I portrayed the Richard Attenborough character, whom I will refer to as Col. Sanders because frankly it's not worth actually going to Wikipedia to look up the character's name. The idea of the trial was to see whether or not this character was legally liable for the actions of the dinosaurs and the loss of life/property that ensued. In the end, our jury found that the character was not liable. How the hell they managed to come to this verdict I'll never know but in any case, I was not allowed to disagree since I was playing the character and to do so would've been an F for the assignment. I haven't seen the entirety of Steven Spielberg's filmography, but I can safely say that this is the worst film he's made that I've yet seen and the sequels to it are even worse but they're not highly acclaimed and regarded so they don't make this list. In describing this film, I can only use a line that Jeff Goldblum himself used in the film itself: "That is one big pile of shit." And the number 1 film on my list of hatred is: 1. Finding Nemo. This is not anywhere near the top of my list of worst films I've ever seen. The story line isn't a bad one and it does present a good message to both parents and kids. Kids need to learn their boundaries sometimes while parents sometimes need to loosen the reigns and let the kids fly on their own. However, this movie makes the top of the list because of the films that I truly hate, this one seems to be the most highly thought of by the general population. Why do I hate this film so bad? What could possibly be in this film that just raises my blood pressure to the point of stroke? The answer is Ellen Degeneres. Or more specifically, the way she plays her character in the film, Dory. This character is one of the most unintentionally annoying characters in the history of cinema. By that I mean there are characters that are meant to get on your nerves and invoke that reaction from you. This was not the case here. Everything about her is just aggravating. Her voice, her personality and that WAY BLOODY OVERPLAYED SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS ISSUE!! Was this supposed to be funny? Was it supposed to mock people with short term memory loss? I don't understand what purpose it serves other than to further a story line that has been told many times before in much better ways without resorting to things like this. Dory singlehandedly ruined this entire film for me. Perhaps had she not been such a focal point later in the film I would've had less of a problem with her but having her be one of the main characters in the film was a literally fatal mistake for this movie. I don't know whether Ellen had any creative input on this character or not so I don't know whether to blame her personally for this abomination or if one of the writers wrote the character this way and instructed Ellen to play her this way. Whichever one made that decision should've gotten 3-5 years for introducing this utterly useless and annoying character that so many people seem to love for some ungodly reason to the world of cinema. So there we have it. The top 12 films I hate but you love. Thank you for causing the increase in my blood pressure and hardening of my arteries. Oh, one last thing, I must give dishonorable mentions to The Wizard Of Oz, and for that matter, 99% of all musicals ever made, The Indiana Jones series(yes, all 4) and the Back To The Future series. Utter atrocities but they just couldn't crack this top 12 list. If there is ever a "next top 12" list, I'm sure they'll make it near the top.