My brothers, sisters, roomates, friends, uncles, daughter??? (1 Viewer)

[MarkHastings]

I was just having a conversation about "in laws" and my friend and I had conflicting views. Just curious to see what everyone else thinks.

To make things easier to explain, let's assume I'm married.

So my wifes sister would be my sister in law, and if she got married, her husband would be my wifes brother in law, but does that make him MY brother in law?

I say no because there needs to be at least 1 kind of blood connection to use the words brother (in this case, I'd need to go through my wife and then her sister to make a connection to him which seems too far to be anything). He would be my wifes brother in law, but he's connected through 2 marriages so he's nothing to me. My friend says he'd be my brother in law because he's my wifes brother in law, but I disagree that it works that way.

Any thoughts? What are the rules?

 

[Holadem]

It sucks that when you get married, a whole bunch of people get added to your "family".

I just want the damn woman.

Not that I am ever getting married.

--
H - not the kind of answer you were looking for eh?

 

[Jeff Gatie]

Sort of. Defninitly yes, according to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, but not all authorities.

http://www.oakroadsystems.com/genl/r....htm#BS-in-law

 

[DonRoeber]

We have a lot of fun with titles in my family. My Mom passed away when I was younger, but I'm still very close with her side of the family. Although my Dad got remarried, they still remain very close, even getting birthday and christmas presents for my stepmother and stepbrothers. My uncle gets a real kick out of saying "This weekend I'm going camping with my brother in law, and his wife."

 

[Brian Perry]

I would say he is still your brother-in-law because let's say your mom has a sister (i.e., your aunt) who is married. You still call him your uncle, right?

 

[Scott Van Dyke]

It is in my opinion that he is your brother-in-law.

That is all.

 

[MarkHastings]

But the connection is only through 1 marriage, whereas the example I gave has to go through 2.

It's kind of like my cousins kids, they are my 2nd cousins. I would say that this guy would be my "2nd brother in law" (if I can make up a term), but just the term "brother in law" would imply that he married my sister.

But Jeffs link does state that it isn't a definite one way or the other.

 

[Keith Mickunas]

In-laws are in-laws. I think your wife's brother-in-law is also your brother-in-law, or brother.


If you're uncle is married, that would imply his wife's brother to those who don't know the situation, wouldn't it?

 

[PeteyG]

I had this same conversation with my wife not too long ago. Mark - I agree with you!! He's nothing to you, other than your sister-in-laws husband.

My wife has a very large family - parents were divorced and both re-married. She has a blood relative sister, and 4 step-brothers (2 on each side). So imagine my dilemma/confusion when I describe her 4 step-brothers and their relation to me - are they my brother-in-law(s) or my step-brother-in-law(s)???

I go with brother-in-law for ease and convenience.

But I do agree, your sister-in-law's husband as no relation to you.

 

[DarylA]

Consider him your brother-in-law when you need to borrow a ladder or burn his copy of DSOTM because the kids played frisbee with your copy. Is this really something that people take time to ponder and believe needs to be delineated? Wow! Wish I had the time.

 

[Tony Whalen]

I fear I gotta agree with Daryl on this.

Why does a title matter? The guy is your sister-in-laws husband... he's in the family, title or no.

Me, I'd consider him to be a brother-in-law. YMMV.

But I still think getting hung up on titles is unrequired.

 

[Patrick Sun]

I think your cousin's sons should be called: 2nd nephews, and your cousin's daughters should be called: 2nd nieces.

I've always wonder about that whole "2nd cousins" business.

 

[MarkHastings]

It doesn't. It's just something I was thinking about. I always seem to get confused when it comes to family relations and titles (mainly because people throw them around so loosely), so this is why I was discussing it with a friend. No biggie, just a Seinfeld-esce topic.

 

[andrew markworthy]

What's been said (i.e. if you're more than one relation away, they're not a relation) is correct. It does have a use, because if the titles are used correctly, you can work out the nature of the relationships between members of a family.

Of course there are complicating cases, like my wife's two sisters (let's call them X and Y). X was married to B who then ran off with Y. B divorced X and then married Y. Thus, B is both my wife's brother-in-law and ex-brother-in-law. To me he is nothing.

 

[Patrick Sun]

I think of 2nd in a lateral sense, not a generational sense.

Your mom's sister's daughter is your mom's niece. Agree. And that makes her your cousin.

Now your mom's sister's (i.e. aunt) daughter's (cousin) daughter is your mom's grand niece (and most people want to call her a second cousin), and that makes her your second (twice removed) niece since she's your cousin's daughter in a lateral sense.

Maybe "second" is used when "grand" should be used in a generational sense.

 

[Jacinto]

My second cousin would be the child of my Mom's (or Dad's) first cousin. My cousin once removed would be the child of my first cousin, and my cousin twice removed would be the grandchild of my first cousin. Therefore, my second cousin would be my parent's first cousin once removed.

Personally, I prefer it with the Latin side of my family, where everybody is either a cousin, aunt, or uncle -- including close family friends, neighbors, etc.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

See my link above. All the "second", "first", "removed" etc. are expalined.

 

[Angelo.M]

Sounds like my Italian family.

And: I consider my wife's sister's husband to be my brother-in-law.

 

[Tony Whalen]

I'm so thankful that I had my coffee this morning, or the above paragraph would have sprained my brain.

 

[DarylA]

I'm a huge Seinfeld fan Mark however, it is fake. People are people regardless of title or relationship. I'm hopeful you are consistent in your treatment of individuals regardless of whether they are your brother-in-law (ie married to your sister) or not. If you like the guy, great. If you don't like him then you tolerate him or choose not to involve yourself with him. Why worry with a title? Save your self some time. Have a latte.