Funny! Man/Woman Thing (1 Viewer)

[RobP]

Man/Woman Thing

I never have quite figured out why the sexual

urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day, we went shopping at a big unnamed department store...

I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared.

I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet

because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop

when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then

said,"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I

added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the

spring thaw of 2003.

 

[Jason Handy]

To quote one of the great philosophers of our time:

"Women - you can't live with them. Pass the beer nuts."

-Norm, Cheers

 

[Mike Broadman]

Rob, is this a joke or did that really happen to you?

 

[RobP]

No its a joke I just thought it sounded funny that way.

 

[Jeffrey Noel]

Rob, at first I thought it was about you, but then remembered I had gotten it via e-mail. It is quite funny though. Thanks for the laugh!

 

[Jason Handy]

My wife told this one to me yesterday:
The Fight
There was once this married couple that got into an argument over household responsibilities. The wife thought the man should pick up after himself more often, while the man held firm that he was the fix-it man and that it was enough for him to do that. Well, as it turns out, they stopped talking to each other - neither one wanted to speak for fear of losing the battle of wills.
This goes on for 3 days, and on the third night, the husband leaves a note on his wife's pillow that reads: "I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Wake me up at 6 am".
The next morning, the husband wakes up and notices the time is 9 am. Pissed off, he looks over to see a note on his wife's pillow that reads: "Wake up...it is 6 am"
---
I thought this was pretty funny

 

[Bhagi Katbamna]

No, the famous line is:

"Women, you can't live with them and you can't kill 'em."

 

[SteveGon]

Sex is great, but I wouldn't mind just cuddling up with Emmy Beart. Sigh...

 

[John Besse]

Damn Rob, if you actually did that to your wife... That would be one of the coldest things I have ever heard. Not to mention the funniest. Nonetheless, that was a great story and I got a kick out of it.

 

[Kenneth]

Pretty funny, but you never know if you are playing in an exhibition match or just doing pregame warm-ups if you forfeit the match (or retire from the league)
Kenneth

 

[Butch C]

Sex is great, but I wouldn't mind just cuddling up with Emmy Beart. Sigh...

After about 3 months of that youd be bored fucking stiff of her too...you cant win

As a great philosopher once told me

"Whenever you see an insanely hot woman walking down the street, just think to yourself;

Somewhere out there there is some guy whos is fed up with her bullshit"

Puts life into perspective huh?

 

[David Nguyen]

I can't recall where I heard this.
"Women, you can't live with them.........period."

 

[Rob Longmore]

I figured this out a long time ago. when she asks just to be held in bed! DO IT!! just hug all for all she is worth!!!!!! all night. it is surprisingly comforting for me also. untill my fiancee decided to dump me and marry a man she has know for 10 days! who knew!