Favorite Homer Quote. (1 Viewer)

[Ron Eastman]

As a golfer I have to go with:
Monty Burns: "Use an open-faced club, a sand wedge!"
Homer: "Ummmm, open-faced club sandwich..."

 

[Steve Christou]

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

Homer: (reading message) "You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube."

Homer [to Burns]: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.

Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

 

[Ron Eastman]

A few more, home theater or movie related:

"I'll handle this ... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes ... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty ... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

"We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays."

"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy."

 

[KyleK]

"I hope he tells us to burn our pants."

"Don't you hate pants?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Eat my dust, mortals!"

I don't know the exact quote, but the time they are playing basketball at the YMCA and he is telling his teammates the play and argues with himself is DARN funny.

It was something like this:

Homer: (whispering) Homer, you take Groundskeeper Willie. No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie. Yes you are. Are you a team player or what?

 

[Mitty]

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

 

[Thomas_Berg]

my fav: "Homer no function beer well without"
"Marge-- you're the leader?! You don't look anything like the beans..."
"Marge! Maggie shed her baby legs!"
Fireman: "Homer, we're gonna have to cut your arms off"
Homer: "They'll grow back, right?"
Fireman: "Uh, yeah..."
another great scene:
Marge gets some new cereal that's all sticky and nasty. List looks at Homer and says, "I'll get us out of this one." *she winks at him* "Hey dad, wanna go to the living room and see my new science project?" *wink*
Homer: "No Lisa *wink wink*, but I sure don't wanna eat this crap!!"

 

[Michael BMF Martin]

Hmmmm...rancid meat!

 

[Gui A]

How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects. [wheez whooz. rappapap][hahaha]Where was I? Oh yeah: stay out of my booze.

 

[RicP]

Homer: You guy's working on the movie?
Teamster:You sayin we're not working?
Homer:Oh, I always wanted to be a Teamster. So lazy and surly, mind if I relax with you?
Marge:Homer, give me the pepper spray
Homer:Oh, Marge, one squirt and you're south of the border
(Homer eats his eggs)
Homer:Mmmmmm, incapacitating.
Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman -- and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing!
Homer: Well then these bills will have to paid out of your allowance!
Bart:You'd have to raise my allowance to about $1000 a week
Homer:Well then that's exactly what I'll do smart guy!
Lisa: Dad, don't let these application essays throw you. List your three favorite books and how they've influenced your life
Homer:Is TV Guide a book?
Lisa:No.
Homer:Son of Sniglets?
Lisa:No.
Homer:Katherine Hepburn's "Me"?
Lisa:No!
Homer: I Suck.

 

[Mike Broadman]

So what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna go after your dog, or are you gonna cry? Or eat cans and cans of dog food so that your tears smell like dog food and your dog comes running back to you?

Damn, I almost had him eating dog food.

---------------------------------------------------

Where's Bart? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten.

 

[Mark C Sherman]

These are all great. Who has some more?

 

[KeithH]

My favorite:
Homer to Marge: "That's the problem with relationships today. Too much communication."

 

[Ash Williams]

Lisa: "Then what should I do?"

Homer: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that?

Lisa: "Yeah."

Homer: "When daddy hit the referee?"

Lisa: "Yeah."

Homer: "Yeah."

 

[Thomas_Berg]

ooh here's another favorite of mine:
Doctor: Homer, this procedure could kill you, or it could increase your brain power.
Homer: Increase my killing power, eh?

 

[Ken Wagner]

Hmmmmmm Donuts.

 

[Chucky P]

"I'll deal with those murderous trolls.....I mean I'll deal with those murderous trolls."

"Why is everybody always trying to kill me?"

"Why have hamburger when you can have steak?"

"OOOhhhh Ice Cream-vill"

"No Scream-vill"

"SCREAM"

"How did the badger do that without tearing your shirt?"

"What am I a Tailor?"

 

[Mike St.Louis]

From the love post-card:

----

Marge,

Maybe it's the beer talkin...but you have a butt that just won't quit. They have these big chewy pretzels that are always... mumble, mumble.

... 5 dollars? Get outa here...

 

[Dome Vongvises]

I am evil Homer!!!

I am evil Homer!!!

 

[EugeneR]

Mr. Burns: Smithers! I've got a rocket in my pocket!
Mr. Smithers: You don't have to tell me, sir!
Homer: Honey, could you open that window? The cops have Daddy's fingerprints on file.

 

[Jeffrey_Jones]

"Mmmmmmmmm, sacrilicious"
"Mmmmmmmmm, free goo"
Organizer Guy - "Why do you want to be a big brother?"
Homer's Brain - "Don't say revenge, don't say revenge"
Homer - "Revenge"
Homer's Brain - "That it...I'm leaving (sound of steps and then door slamming)"
Homer - "No beer and no TV make Homer...something something."
Marge - "Go crazy?"
Homer - "Don't mind if I do."
Sung to the tune of Oh Mandy - "Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey, on our vacation away from workie."
"I ordered the double, double...but they gave me the double, double, triple double."
Homer - "Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!"
Bart - "What about Abraham Lincoln?"
Homer - "Err...He sold poisoned milk to school children!"
Marge - "Homer!"
Homer - "Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them..."
"Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"
"Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or loose, it’s how drunk you get."