Attraction to someone you've met only online...how do you deal with it? (1 Viewer)

[Josh Lowe]

The problem is that I live in Texas and she lives in Canada. We've not met face to face yet, but we plan to within the next year or so. She hasn't sent me her picture yet (the one thing that does bother me a bit), but she says

Yeah, it should bother you. A lot. Have you asked? Have you sent her yours?

To be brutally honest, I don't think any good will come of it. She obviously has self esteem problems, or she would have sent a pic. She's using you for some level of stimulation she's not getting in her real life.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

She obviously has self esteem problems, or she would have sent a pic. She's using you for some level of stimulation she's not getting in her real life.

Thank you Dr. Ruth. And what is Clint using her for, pray tell? I love how you decide that this woman's "problem" is "obvious" when we still don't know if a) Clint even asked for her picture, b) Clint sent her his, and c) how they're treating the relationship so far. Maybe she doesn't want to send a picture for fear that he's a stalker - or maybe she's stunningly beautiful and is concerned that 1) he'll base his further actions on her looks or 2) be intimidated if he isn't a male model himself and back off.

Please Josh, how "obvious" can things be when we have hardly any of the facts?

Regards,

Joe

 

[Josh Lowe]

Some of us had a theory in early 20s, the attractive girls always seemed to have less than stellar boyfriends, and the theory was that the self-confident, conceited jerks always chased after them, whilst the nice guys were thinking to themselves "she's out of my league" and didn't even try.

Your theory is half right.

"self-confident" is the key word. Confident guys get the girls. People that put women on pedestals get stepped on. Attractive women hate predictability and they hate hearing the same endless streams of compliments from the same old boring guys. They KNOW, they've heard it a million times before.

When the "jerk" comes along that's confident, does his own thing, doesn't give a damn about what that girl or anyone else thinks of him, it gets the attention of those same attractive women.

The most incorrect statement is that the confident guys "chased after them." Confident guys don't chase -anyone-. They don't want to or need to. The girls chase -them-. Women like a challenge and a mystery.

And I'll reiterate my last post - Ms. Mysterious Canada is stringing you along.

 

[Josh Lowe]

Please Josh, how "obvious" can things be when we have hardly any of the facts?

All the facts are there. If you're not moving after four months, you're not moving at all.

 

[Hunter P]

It looks like Clint abandoned his thread. I guess you guys weren't telling him what he wanted to hear.

 

[Jack Shappa]

[scar]Run away, run away and never return...[/scar]

- JAck

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

Since he asked for her picture? And you know this how? Certainly not from anything Clint said. I guess I'm at a disadvantage here, since I lack psychic powers.

Regards,

Joe

 

[Steve_Tk]

This is what a co-worker told me. Some very attractive women get tired of clubs and work strange hours, so they go to something like match.com. But, they post their picture from the start and only use it to get dates, not chat for months online and really don't waste their time with chatters. They only use it for blind dates more or less, but you know what the persons face looks like.

Obviously she didn't give a picture from the start.

So the question is not whether she weighs 200 lbs, but how much more over 200 lbs she actually weighs.

 

[Clint B]

Thanks to all of you for your responses. To answer some of the questions that have been raised on this thread:

1) I did send her my pic via email a while ago;
2) I have asked her for hers several times, and she says she's "working on it for Christmas";
3) I'm not a stalker ;
4) While I'm not the best looking guy in the world, I don't think I'm too bad; many women have described me as "handsome";
5) We both get along very well, but it has occurred to me that if she won't grant me the simple request of sending me a pic, I wonder if there's anything she's hiding (whether about physical looks or otherwise);
6) While we both seem to be attracted to each other (based on our limited means of contact with one another), I'm now thinking that it is probably best to remain good friends for the time being and see if anything happens after we've spent some time together "in the same room", so to speak;
7) I've been in a few relationships before, but most of them haven't really worked for a variety of reasons (but I am still friends with some of the women I've gone out with);
8) (This wasn't asked, but it may be relevant here) There are a few issues that I need to work out for myself due to the fact that I'm physically handicapped (I don't like the word "disabled", plus I'm a very un-PC kind of guy); perhaps this has entered into my relatively unsuccessful track record with women;
9) (Again, not asked, but goes with #8) While I am physically handicapped, I'm also a reasonably intelligent guy (college grad, paralegal school graduate, born with common sense, etc.), and I know I can intellectually meet a woman's needs;
10) Damn, that would've been funny if I'd sent her the pic of "Gary the Retard"

 

[Ric Bagoly]

2) I have asked her for hers several times, and she says she's "working on it for Christmas";

Sounds sadly familiar...


That's bad...

 

[Kirk Gunn]

Good Luck Clint. Like I said earlier, at least you've found a good friend. That aint doing too bad.

 

[Frederick]

I've met women on the Internet, and some of them don't post their pictures to avoid people talking to them just because they're hot. And some are reluctant to give a man their picture because they're afraid they'd be judged by it. It's a rough world out there. The one thing the Internet does allow you to do is meet someone and get to know that person for the person that they are (assuming they aren't pretending to be somethinf they aren't), and not how they look. I'll never forget the time I met this girl online, and she refused to send me her picture. We went for lunch about a month later and she was a KNOCKOUT! Because of past experiences, she's reluctant to give anyone her picture. So there are valid reasons sometimes that pictures aren't swapped ...

However, if you two are as close as you are, I'd be a little "curious" as to why she can't get a disposible digital camera and take a pic or two. Hell, buy one and send it to her. My friend met a girl through me, and they started talking every day, several times a day. And despite the fact that I told him I've never seen her before, and we'd actually only been "phone friends", he told her how he felt about her. Wonderful girl. Great personality. And had a great phone voice. He was crazy about her ... until they met. It wasn't pretty, and that "relationship" ended hurridly. Just be careful, dude. Rememeber that beauty is truely in the eye of the beholder ...


Freddy C.

 

[Josh Lowe]

I stand by what I said. If she is holding back then she's not being totally up front with you, do you see what I am getting at? And that means she is not the good friend people are saying, because good friends don't deceive and string each other along.

 

[Clint B]

It ended tonight (Thursday), rather abruptly and badly. She completely freaked out on me and said I wasn't giving her space (if saying "Tell me about your day," i.e. "How was your day?" is not giving someone space, then I guess I'm guilty...but it's ridiculous). She's done this several times before and she won't tell me what I've done (I know that I didn't do a thing wrong tonight). So I just said that I can't do it anymore and if she wants to contact me she can; otherwise she won't be hearing from me again. I'm hurt and shocked, but I guess it's best that I found this out now before it went any further. I've begun to think she might have some type of mental problem, and if that's the case, I hope she gets the help she needs.

 

[Ric Bagoly]

Best Piece Of Advice-

You've gotten away, now stay away...

 

[Sam Posten]

Bummer Clint, good luck the next time around!

something like The Home Theater Forum is another.

Now there's a good idea Joeseph! The official HTF Singles forum!

Sam

 

[Ric Bagoly]

The official HTF Singles forum!

Well, a bunch of single guys talking to each other doesn't sound TOO thrilling...

 

[Josh Lowe]

So I just said that I can't do it anymore and if she wants to contact me she can; otherwise she won't be hearing from me again. I'm hurt and shocked, but I guess it's best that I found this out now before it went any further. I've begun to think she might have some type of mental problem, and if that's the case, I hope she gets the help she needs.

Something's obviously not right with her. You're better off.

 

[Steve_Tk]

Maybe she reads this board and didn't like people describing what she probably looks like.