Need advice on a friend... (1 Viewer)

[Ted Lee]

glad to hear it went well tony. man, that just warms my cockles.

err..did i spell cockles right???

 

[Van Patton]

My advice to you would be, if this friendship is very important to you, just call him and say whatever he wants to hear. This isn't being immature---it's not kissing his ass----it's making things work out for the better. The world is a very lonely place if you go around having grudges with people. If I held grudges, I probably wouldn't have too many friends now. The person that I consider one of my best friends currently, has been a dick to me several times. ..and me likewise to him....but our friendship always seems to come back.

It's like my old group from high school. Right when I think the group is on the verge of never talking again, moving away, being too busy, etc.....it always seems to rear its head again and everybody hangs out again. All things happen for a reason so view whatever happens as what was meant to happen for the better. If you see life as anything more than pure entertainment, you're missing the point.

 

[Ted Lee]

not sure if i agree with that.

why should you have to lie to maintain a friendship? ultimately, you're not being fair to either yourself *or* your friend (since you're now only telling him what he wants to hear).

heck, the more i type aboout it, the more i think that's downright unhealthy.

 

[MarkHastings]

Damn, I'm a little late on the Tony thread :frowning:That's a possibility. Maybe not so much trapped, but perhaps there's a bit of jealousy. Maybe he can't do the things he used to (or the things that both of you used to) and he sees you still doing the things you guys used to and is a bit jealous.

Also, the stress of having kid #2 can be making him cranky/nervous and he is taking it out on you. I would give him some time and see if he comes around. If he doesn't come around in a certain amount of time, then accept that he has changed and move on with your other friends.

You mention that he has been your friend for 20 years, but that doesn't mean he will always be your friend. A good friend of mine always tells me that people come into your life for a reason and there comes a point where you don't need these people anymore. It's usually tough to break the bond (or even just lose part of the closeness), but that's how things go. You two may just be at the point where you don't need to spend as much time together as you used to and forcing it may make things worse.

Good luck, no matter what though.

 

[Tony Whalen]

Glad I could warm your cockles Ted.

Er... wait... that just sounds WRONG...


Oh, and thanks for the solid input Mark! Even if you are late.

 

[Citizen87645]

Makes me think of the Seinfeld ep when Jerry tried to end it with the obnoxious friend from high school and all the dialogue was typical break up stuff.

"I didn't mean it, I take it back. I've been under a lot of stress lately!"

 

[Matt Butler]

Damn you Cameron!! I was just going to post about Seinfeld!! Grrrr..

Male-Unbonding is the episode we're thinking of. Its in S1.

 

[Citizen87645]

I think there's a Seinfeld episode for most every situation. For instance, I work with someone who uses a lot of exclamation points in her writing! And it's getting a little old!

 

[Jeff Gatie]

The prosecution rests!

 

[DaveGTP]

Exactly. Well put.
Per ladder theory:
All this means is that our friend is lower on your would-have-sex-with ladder than your wife (for reasons physical and/or otherwise). That's why you stick with your wife.

 

[Joe Szott]

Ah good, the Ladder-ites have shown up in earnest to battle the True Lovers. Let the games commence!

*makes some popcorn, grabs a seat*

Please, continue...


BTW - I'm a hard core Ladder-ite myself, but I always enjoy watching the arguements.

 

[Citizen87645]

I was hoping for something to happen back with Post #27

And man, are we off topic or what?

 

[Ted Lee]

now you know darn well by now that this wouldn't be the htf we love if we didn't stray off like this...

one of these days i'm gonna have to actually read that damn ladder-link everyone keeps posting.

 

[Citizen87645]

So is anyone allergic to peanuts?

 

[Joe Szott]

Oh Ted, go and read it. Hilarious even if you don't buy into it.

 

[Karl_Luph]

Just my 2 cents worth, haven't seen anybody else mention it yet. As strange as it may sound,some people change, they grow up and their values or beliefs change. Believe it or not, after 9/11/01 , I started hearing about more and more people who had decided to drop old friends because they had grown up and had little in common with them anymore.

 

[Tony Whalen]

Hmmm... if I weren't married, and neither was she? Sure, I'd be tempted. I won't lie. However, we've been friends longer than we've been lovers...so chances are it would remain a friendship and nothing more. I guess I'm a ladder-climber then?

...and who made up the "ex's don't count" rule? If anything, I'd think they should count as an even HIGHER risk (assuming you don't hate them) ...because you know what they are capable of.

 

[Robert_Gaither]

I was going to mention something about this until later on you mentioned he for a while believed he was a friend of "convience". I don't ask people to choose between a person I don't like or me when invited to a party but I also like to have the option to know if that person is there so I can opt out if they are aware that I don't like that other guest. Though you may know some about the history of these two's relationship there might be some more that you are unaware of that may make their divide greater than what you may have perceived.

Btw I'm glad you were able to salvage your friendship and hopefully the person was worth the effort. I've cut off relationships to people (friends/family) for various reasons and don't consider time a good enough reason but quality of the relations. Sometimes the bad part is knowing too much about a person which sometimes only over a period of time will reveal this sadly. I think you should always be straight forth and honest but I hate to say this most likely you'll have another run-in with this person because seems like he doesn't unless confronted, keep this in mind if this person goes back to acting like an ass.