A Guy's rules..

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by RobertR, Mar 29, 2004.

  1. RobertR

    RobertR Lead Actor

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    Got these from a coworker. All in good fun [​IMG]

    The Guys' Rules

    We always hear "the rules"
    from the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note... these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
    don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
    and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
    we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible,
    please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
    we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
    is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
    prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
    or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Pass this to as many men as you can -
    to give them a laugh.

    Pass this to as many women as you can -
    to give them a bigger laugh!!
     
  2. Ricardo C

    Ricardo C Producer

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    I actually do use the toilet seat one [​IMG]
     
  3. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    My life became dramatically easier once I understood and applied this.

    --
    H
     
  4. Rob Gardiner

    Rob Gardiner Cinematographer

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    Don't forget

    No phone calls the next day.

    and

    Staying overnight is optional.
     
  5. DavidAM

    DavidAM Second Unit

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    Remember, just because you read it doesn't mean everyone has seen it already. 99% of discussions on here have been discussed already....it would be a quiet forum if everyone did a search before posting.
     
  6. Christ Reynolds

    Christ Reynolds Producer

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    Real Name:
    CJ
    and posts like this have been following close behind. new members join here every day. if it isnt killing you to let threads like this remain open, i'd say save your breath.

    CJ
     
  7. Mike Wladyka

    Mike Wladyka Supporting Actor

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    you got a little greedy with this one

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Ron Etaylor

    Ron Etaylor Second Unit

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    With respect to the post being old, here's another guy thing: If we think something is funny once, it gets funnier the more we hear/see/read it. i.e. Caddyshack, Blazing Saddles, 3 Stooges, et al.[​IMG]
     
  9. StephenA

    StephenA Screenwriter

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    Don't go moving stuff around or cleaning either, especially without asking. Guys hate that, I know I do. Stuff's there for a reason, and should be there when needed or wanted.
     
  10. Shane Bos

    Shane Bos Second Unit

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    I like how all the rules are so important that they are all number 1
     
  11. Marc_Sulinski

    Marc_Sulinski Supporting Actor

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    This is my favorite. I know this list is supposed to be only half serious, but I strongly agree with this one. The excuse about falling in is ridiculous. I obviously need the seat down on occassion and have never fallen in. I don't think many guys have.
     
  12. Aurel Savin

    Aurel Savin Supporting Actor

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    I would like to add to this ...

    BUT IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY ... DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING![​IMG]
     
  13. Yee-Ming

    Yee-Ming Producer

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    Location:
    "on a little street in Singapore"
    Real Name:
    Yee Ming Lim
    I'm with Marc_S. I think a comedian put it best, "what do women do, take a flying butt-leap onto the toilet without looking???"
     
  14. LaMarcus

    LaMarcus Screenwriter

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    This is one I personally live by!!!!
     

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