I don't know you but can you please raise my child (1 Viewer)

[Eric_L]

I agree - we need stiffer controls, with hard time served for any half-cocked idiot who wood break it.

I could see the police now -- "Excuse me, but d you have a license for that boner?"


Why not? In CA it is already against the law to 'boink' under the influence. (prosecuteable as date rape)

 

[Carl Miller]

I agree. My neighbor across the street asked me once if I had trouble stopping my son from watching things on TV he shouldn't and about his internet use. I'm sure my son sneaks into things he shouldn't from time to time, but generally this isn't a problem for us.

My neighbor asked me what I did to keep control over these things and I told him...My kids have a TV and a computer in a family room to use. The family room is in the middle of the house where my wife and I can see and hear anything going on in there. No TV's or computers in their bedrooms.

My neighbor's reply was that he didn't want to have to share a TV with the kids and that he shouldn't have to do that. He told me he felt there should be something better than the V-Chip and that the gov't should do more for parents.

This guy is a perfect example of what Zoran is suggesting here...The guy knows his kids TV viewing is a problem, but he's unwilling to do anything about it.

He's not willing to share a TV with the kids, (translated: his watching the Sopranos is more important to him than his kid not watching the Sopranos.

He's not willing to check on on his kid while the kid is watching his own Tv in his own bedroom (translated: he doesn't want to climb all those stairs 4 times a day to check in on his kid)

And, he thinks the government has a greater responsibility in monitoring his own child's TV viewing habits, and that the gov't is not living up to that. (translated: he doesn't think it's his responsibility, and he'd rather the gov't take care of this for him).

My neighbors attitude is commonplace amongst parents today across a variety of issues, including dietary issues. My sons school changed menus last year because of complaints that the food was fattening and encouraging unhealthy eating habits. Meanwhile, the kids of these same parents are swallowing Super Sized McDonalds meals. And if McDonalds gets rid of those, these kids will just buy two of everything instead.

That these peoples children are overweight and unfit is a problem for sure. But it's not the schools fault for serving pizza lunches once a week. And it's not McDonald's fault for serving Super Sized meals. It's the parents fault, for not raising their kids with healthier eating habits.

If I ever said this at a PTA meeting or something however, I'd probably get assaulted in the parking lot after the meeting.

 

[ZoranM]

No, you would have a class action lawsuit set against you from the parents for mental anguish and trauma.

 

[Malcolm R]

Makes me wonder why people like this even have kids if they don't want to be involved in raising them and think everyone else should do it for them. It'd be a hell of a lot cheaper and easier not to have them, period.

So many people seem to have kids just for the sake of having them. Then they simply bitch and moan about them from the instant they're born until the day they graduate college, and some continue even after that.

 

[ZoranM]

we have a winner for the post of the day.

 

[Todd Hochard]

I would submit that it is PRECISELY this sort of arrogance, that has gotten us into the mess we are in. This sort of "I can do it my damn self."

News flash- you can't. Every generation prior to about 1970 realized this, but we've forgotten since then. We've forgotten that, "back in the day," aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins all lived right around, and everyone played their little part, and gave their different viewpoints, to keep kids on track. That is missing today, for the most part. Kids left to fend for themselves.

Most of these sour grapes, are people refusing to be part of the family, or "village," as it were. You want kids around you to act better- give them a better example.

Did you say anything to your spineless neighbor, Carl? I'm curious.

 

[Carl Miller]

I don't think it's arrogance, I think it's the truth. My wife and I both work 8 1/2 hour days. We both commute 2 hours round trip for our jobs. My mother stopped helping daily with our kids about 8 years ago. My father passed away 3 years ago. My in laws live in Florida. My brother 90 minutes away. My two sister in laws live in Boston.

My wife and I have raised our kids ourselves. We've paid for day care, after school programs etc when necessary and we're both low level managers in gov't and by no means wealthy.

The way I see it, if you're a parent, and you care and take your responsibility as a parent seriously, you put your kids ahead of yourself and do what you have to do. It isn't easy, and I'm not suggesting it is. But it's not all that complicated either.

It only becomes complicated when people cloud the issues with their own personal junk, have kids when they're not ready or have kids because it's what people are supposed to do.

My neighbor for example...The who knows how many hundreds of thousands per year dentist that he is, with the stay at home wife..Neither of whom seem to be able to stop their kid from watching R rated and softcore movies on TV because they're unwilling to set groundrules for their kid, punish him when he breaks the rules or give up their almighty $90/month satellite TV package.

I'm sorry to say it, but too many parents just don't seem willing or able to do what they have to do. I'll never forget the open school nights for the kids when they were younger. Class of 30, and only 3 or 4 parents even bothered to show up. And it wasn't an open school night, it was every night of the week, in the day time and even on a Saturday and the school still couldn't get parents to show up. Some schools around the country actually offer money to parents to get them to open school nights and even that doesn't work!

And yes, I told my neighbor to stop trying to be a friend to his son and be a father to him instead. That's what the kid needs. He needs a father, they can be friends later when the kid is grown up. He stood there speechless, and came back at me a few days later to tell me I had no right to judge him. That's what he thought about..that I was judging him.

I have no problem with the village concept in theory. It just doesn't work anymore. People don't take care of their own kids, they're not going to take care of someone elses.

 

[Carl Miller]

Yep!

 

[MarkHastings]

But shouldn't you also explain why these things are bad for a child as well? I see a lot of parents giving the old "because I said so" reason which makes it seem like THEY are some kind of ogre and (of course) the child is going to rebell against anything a parent is saying is not ok to do.

Instead of saying that softcore porn is absolutely/completely wrong and FORBIDDEN to be ever seen by a child because these are the wishes of the parents and the child must bow down to EVERY demand that the parent sets, can't you discuss it in a more mature "one on one" level so that the child doesn't feel like you're talking down to them?

You can still explain why the things are bad, and (in the case of McDonalds) you can even explain that in moderation, that it's not all evil and maybe this will keep a kid from overindulging when he/she is finally in a situation where he/she is confronted with the "objectionable" material?

As long as the child has an understanding that the material isn't good (by following a good example set by the adults) and understands why it is ok for an adult to do something and not a child, then there shouldn't BE the need for V-Chips or locks on the liquor cabinet, etc.

But of course (as everyone has pointed out), that would require WORK from the parents and it's easier (as most parents do) to either let the kids do whatever they feel like, or control them by hiding every piece of objectionable material without so much as an explanation of why.

 

[Bruce Hedtke]

So, in effect, you don't trust your kids? Sooner or later, you're going to have to put that "trust" to test. Let them go to these other homes where all this wanton evil-doing is occurring. If you have instilled in them a sense of what is or isn't acceptable, they'll make the right choices.

Todd,
I have to agree with you. While I wouldn't endorse the whole "it takes a village" theory, I do know that no parent, no single person is all-knowing and all-wise, nor is any combination of two people. But, why is there such a prevailing thought going through so many parents minds that they are the ONLY ones who know how to raise their children? As a parent, you have to show your child(ren) that you possess the ability to make choices as well. You can weed out the bad advice and employ the good advice.

As Mark is saying, it isn't good enough to just say "because I said so". Trust works both ways. How can your child trust you if you give absolutely no reasoning behind your demands/rules/thoughts? Instead of saying "because I said so" when your child asks why he/she can't play this or that video game or see this/that movie, say "do you know why I believe this is bad for you?". Instead of alienating your child, you've just involved them in the decision.

Bruce

 

[Shayne Lebrun]

Raising children is a communal effort, and that's the problem; if you try to discipline your children, the community shakes their heads, clucks their tongues, and thinks you're a bad parent. Then, when the kids run around uncontrolled, the community shakes their heads, clucks their tongues, and thinks you're a bad parent.

Couple that with a society that's rapidly losing the concept of 'personal responsibility,' as well as one that allows people to be children for almost twice as long as they were even sixty or seventy years ago, and you get problems.

 

[george kaplan]

The problem here is that there isn't a universal agreement about what constitutes discipline versus abuse. I don't think the community doesn't support disciplining your child. But there's some parents who think beating their kid is discipline, most see it as abuse. And then you get into standard spanking which is, depending on your point of view, either a great tool for disciplining a child, an ineffective one which only teaches the child the wrong message, or an abusive one.

I don't mean to start a debate about what is or isn't appropriate discipline, only point out that it's that disagreement that leads to some people shaking their heads when they see a kid being spanked, and others shaking their heads when they see a kid not being spanked that they think should be.

 

[ZoranM]

Actually Bruce I do explain to my children why I feel certain things aren't appropriate when I feel that an explanation is necassary. Other times I may even change my mind on something if the child presents an intelligent, reasonalble argument on an issue. And other times I feel that "NO" is all the explanation I need. In the end as a parent that is where I need to decide what is right or wrong and if an explanation/debate is necassary or appropriate to the situation.

As for not letting my child hang around someone elses children without supervision. If you feel that one of your kids friends is well on his/her way to becoming a criminal/crack whore/vandal/etc. are you going to let them socialize with that person? And please don't give me the "if you trust your kid it should be fine" Plenty of people (adults included) have had their lives ruined just for being around someone else at the wrong time and place.

As usual this all my opinion take it how you like.

cheers,

Zoran

 

[Carl Miller]

I don't know what my neighbor has done with his son. All he told me was that he can't control what his kid watches.

I agree totally with what you're saying Mark, and this is exactly what we've done with our kids. I think if you make things clear to your kids, such as what you expect from them, why you expect it and what will happen if they don't follow the guidelines, you'll have a better shot at keeping them on the right track.

But it's a ton of work to do this, and a lot of people simply don't do it.

 

[Mark Murphy]

I think raising children is a scary proposition these days. Everyone seems to have their eyes on you. In my experience, this had been both good and bad. First the good. I grew up neglected, no supervision basically to raise myself from age eight on. I ended up Ok but no one ever helped me. My mother re-married when I was 17 and gave birth to my now 11 year old sister. Last spring, I saw the same patterns happening with my sister that happened to me (my mom has since divorced). I went to court and with the blessing of Social Services, gained guardianship of my sister. I had to be interviewed and background checked, etc but I was deemed "qualified" to have my sister in my care. Thats a wonderful thing that I was able to remove her from an unsafe environment because parents are held more accountable. Now the bad. My three year old decided he would climb the bunkbed like he was spiderman. He fell, caught his leg in between the mattress and the frame and broke his leg. The hospital called in the incident to Social Services (typical in any broken bone case). Social Services decided to charge my wife and I with physical abuse (and I wasn't home when it happened). Since it was a break, they brought in the police. At first, they were going to let us go home after he was casted the next day. The incident happened on a Thursday nite (I was set to watch game 2 of ALCS) and we were not able to leave the hospital until Tuesday night. It was spend five days in the hospital over the long weekend or its foster care! The police interviewed us, including my sister and my other son and checked the bed, talked to the Ortapaedic surgeon and cleared us of physical abuse. Once that happened, the social worker still wasn't sure she wanted to let us take him home. She finally agreed but were "downgraded" to neglect. For three months we were scrutinized by Social Services for my wife not being in the bedroom when my son fell. The same people who approved us to care for my sister were not sure we could raise our own kids. I'm afraid to let my kids out of the house sometimes.

 

[Chris]

There are lots of potentials for this.. we went to McDonald's today for lunch so the kids could use playland.. I had the salad, the wife had a chicken sandwich, the kids split 8 chicken nuggets, more then enough for a 3 & 4 year old (plus lemonades)

While we were playing, a small girl kept yelling "you're stupid" "that's stupid" .. her parents didn't look at her once and kept laughing.

Yeah, that's it. Encourage your kids to berate other children and then don't pay attention to them at all :frowning:

 

[Dave Poehlman]

Went to see Starsky & Hutch last night... a family of 5 proceeded to sit down behind me with children ranging from probably 6mos to 4yrs. Sure it's only PG-13 but, why would you think it's a good idea to bring your kids to a movie depicting drugs, people getting shot, and a kid throwing kitchen knives at adults?!?! Not to mention a 6 mos old sitting still in a booming theater for 2 hours.

Now, if I read in the paper today that a 4 year old was throwing knives at his sister, I'll know why.

This is why I am writing a letter to the president asking that my family be the first ones to move to Mars.