Astrological Predictions for 2003!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Julie K, Jan 1, 2003.

  1. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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    After much careful study of the skies, and inspiration by that great astrologer Isaac Bickerstaffe, Jr., I humbly submit my astrological predictions for the upcoming year.
    January
    The conjunction of Mercury and Mars on the 1st indicates a prosperous and disastrous year.
    March
    The Sun will pass through the first point of Aries on the 20th. People in the Northern Hemisphere are likely to begin seeing longer days and warmer weather. These trends will probably continue until September.
    April
    Saturn and Jupiter are in opposition bringing dark tidings. Southern California will be rocked by numerous earthquakes on the 15th. Some may be as large as magnitude 3.0 on the Richter scale. Plan your day accordingly.
    May
    This month marks a special planetary alignment that will not occur for another 26 months! The 30th is a very good day to launch a spacecraft to Mars.
    June
    The 21st of this month will be a dark day for Antarctic researchers. Care should be taken to avoid tripping over penguins.
    July
    The alignment of Venus and Saturn indicate that this month will be much warmer for the city of Fairbanks, Alaska than January was.
    November
    Neptune enters the sign of Pisces showing that an ice and/or snow storm will likely hit a northeastern US city between now and the following February.
    December
    Winter will probably begin this month.
     
  2. BrianW

    BrianW Cinematographer

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    Good Predictions! But before I'm thoroughly impressed, amazed, and in total awe of your "astrological" abilities, I need to know the answer to the following question:
    Approximately how many days each year is California rocked by numerous earthquakes? [​IMG]
    ---------------------------
    Thanks, Julie, for making my year start off with a good smile.
     
  3. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    [​IMG]
    And Brian knows the answer to his question: Every freakin' day the Golden State experiences 3.0-level shakers somewhere.
    Thanks, Julie, for starting the new year on such a fun note! (There's a thread in Television that could use your support, btw. It won't take you long to find it.)
    Happy 2003, everybody. And the United States will be launching two spacecraft to Mars this year if all goes according to plan.
    And, presently, the Chinese Shenzhou 4 mission is in progress, and will be the final unmanned test flight before the manned Shenzhou 5 is launched later this year. The stars are working in our favor!
     
  4. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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  5. Jeff Ulmer

    Jeff Ulmer Producer

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    We now know Julie's last name: Kreskin!
     
  6. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    "The Amazing Kreskin"!

    My cat Attila coughed up a hairball the day before a level 3.4 shaker epicentered just a mile west of us in West Hollywood. My god, Julie, you may be on to something! Please do a reading for Attila and me someday. Thanks!
     
  7. Grant B

    Grant B Producer

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    Fairly good predictions Julie, but I think Sparks said it much better in the song "I Predict"

    You're gonna take a walk in the rain
    And you're gonna get wet
    (I predict)
    You're gonna eat a bowl of chow mein
    And be hungry real soon
    (I predict)
    Are my sources correct
    (I predict)
    They're gonna find the Queen is a man
    But that Philip don't care
    (I predict)
    Lassie will prove that Elvis and her
    Had a fleeting affair
    (I predict)
    Are my sources correct
    Are my sources correct
    Yes I know they're correct
    (I predict)
    Men, if you say your prayers
    You'll never lose your hair
    L.A. is safe
    Ain't gonna quake
    Ain't gonna quake
    (I predict)
    And somebody's gonna die
    But I can't reveal who
    Cold beer will cure a cold
    Cold beer and pretzels, takes care of cancer
    Moscow will march to France
    They'll do the Can-Can Dance
    Don't worry, it'll work out
    Maxim's will throw them out
    They're gonna stop Saturday night
    So you better have fun now
    (I predict)
    They're gonna stop having the sun
    So you better get tan now
    And this song will fade out
    And this song will fade out
    And this song will fade out
    (I predict)
    Music and lyrics by Ron and Russell Mael
     
  8. Vickie_M

    Vickie_M Producer

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  9. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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    Oh! How insulting! All those people living in the Southern Hemisphere are generating far too much negative energy (probably because they're all living upside down) which negates the season for them. This is so obvious that I felt little need to explain it in my original post.
     
  10. Dennis Nicholls

    Dennis Nicholls Lead Actor

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    Yes but Cthulhu also lives in the Southern Hemisphere. And you always show him as being right-side-up!
     
  11. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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    Yes, but that's because the nightmare corpse city of R'lyeh, in which Cthulhu slumbers until the stars are right, is constructed in non-Euclidean geometries that drive the human mind insane.

    So it all works out.
     
  12. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    Actually, Julie's predictions do work for people in the Southern Hemisphere. You just have to turn them upside down and take each one in reverse order (that is, if you're living in that hemisphere). I think.
     
  13. Max Leung

    Max Leung Producer

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    Julie, your astrology career will go nowhere unless you throw in some sex (oops I mean romance) related predictions in there!

    For example:

    "The next time you enter the grocery store, you will happen upon a pair of juicy loins in the meat aisle. Tonight the oven of passion will burn in the kitchen of lusty appetites."
     
  14. Jonathan Burk

    Jonathan Burk Second Unit

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    These from the Onion:

     

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