Astrological Predictions for 2003! (1 Viewer)

[Julie K]

After much careful study of the skies, and inspiration by that great astrologer Isaac Bickerstaffe, Jr., I humbly submit my astrological predictions for the upcoming year.
January
The conjunction of Mercury and Mars on the 1st indicates a prosperous and disastrous year.
March
The Sun will pass through the first point of Aries on the 20th. People in the Northern Hemisphere are likely to begin seeing longer days and warmer weather. These trends will probably continue until September.
April
Saturn and Jupiter are in opposition bringing dark tidings. Southern California will be rocked by numerous earthquakes on the 15th. Some may be as large as magnitude 3.0 on the Richter scale. Plan your day accordingly.
May
This month marks a special planetary alignment that will not occur for another 26 months! The 30th is a very good day to launch a spacecraft to Mars.
June
The 21st of this month will be a dark day for Antarctic researchers. Care should be taken to avoid tripping over penguins.
July
The alignment of Venus and Saturn indicate that this month will be much warmer for the city of Fairbanks, Alaska than January was.
November
Neptune enters the sign of Pisces showing that an ice and/or snow storm will likely hit a northeastern US city between now and the following February.
December
Winter will probably begin this month.

 

[BrianW]

Good Predictions! But before I'm thoroughly impressed, amazed, and in total awe of your "astrological" abilities, I need to know the answer to the following question:
Approximately how many days each year is California rocked by numerous earthquakes?
---------------------------
Thanks, Julie, for making my year start off with a good smile.

 

[Jack Briggs]

And Brian knows the answer to his question: Every freakin' day the Golden State experiences 3.0-level shakers somewhere.
Thanks, Julie, for starting the new year on such a fun note! (There's a thread in Television that could use your support, btw. It won't take you long to find it.)
Happy 2003, everybody. And the United States will be launching two spacecraft to Mars this year if all goes according to plan.
And, presently, the Chinese Shenzhou 4 mission is in progress, and will be the final unmanned test flight before the manned Shenzhou 5 is launched later this year. The stars are working in our favor!

 

[Julie K]

Happy 2003, everybody. And the United States will be launching two spacecraft to Mars this year if all goes according to plan.

Yep, two large rovers will be taking off this summer with landings in January 2004. These will be exciting missions!

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

We now know Julie's last name: Kreskin!

 

[Jack Briggs]

"The Amazing Kreskin"!

My cat Attila coughed up a hairball the day before a level 3.4 shaker epicentered just a mile west of us in West Hollywood. My god, Julie, you may be on to something! Please do a reading for Attila and me someday. Thanks!

 

[Grant B]

Fairly good predictions Julie, but I think Sparks said it much better in the song "I Predict"

You're gonna take a walk in the rain
And you're gonna get wet
(I predict)
You're gonna eat a bowl of chow mein
And be hungry real soon
(I predict)
Are my sources correct
(I predict)
They're gonna find the Queen is a man
But that Philip don't care
(I predict)
Lassie will prove that Elvis and her
Had a fleeting affair
(I predict)
Are my sources correct
Are my sources correct
Yes I know they're correct
(I predict)
Men, if you say your prayers
You'll never lose your hair
L.A. is safe
Ain't gonna quake
Ain't gonna quake
(I predict)
And somebody's gonna die
But I can't reveal who
Cold beer will cure a cold
Cold beer and pretzels, takes care of cancer
Moscow will march to France
They'll do the Can-Can Dance
Don't worry, it'll work out
Maxim's will throw them out
They're gonna stop Saturday night
So you better have fun now
(I predict)
They're gonna stop having the sun
So you better get tan now
And this song will fade out
And this song will fade out
And this song will fade out
(I predict)
Music and lyrics by Ron and Russell Mael

 

[Vickie_M]

December
Winter will probably begin this month.

Not for people in the Southern Hemisphere. HA! You faker!!



I'm August. Where's August? Do we Augustians not exist? Will we not have a year this year?? Should I be giving away precious items? Eeeks!

 

[Julie K]

Oh! How insulting! All those people living in the Southern Hemisphere are generating far too much negative energy (probably because they're all living upside down) which negates the season for them. This is so obvious that I felt little need to explain it in my original post.

 

[Dennis Nicholls]

Yes but Cthulhu also lives in the Southern Hemisphere. And you always show him as being right-side-up!

 

[Julie K]

Yes, but that's because the nightmare corpse city of R'lyeh, in which Cthulhu slumbers until the stars are right, is constructed in non-Euclidean geometries that drive the human mind insane.

So it all works out.

 

[Jack Briggs]

Actually, Julie's predictions do work for people in the Southern Hemisphere. You just have to turn them upside down and take each one in reverse order (that is, if you're living in that hemisphere). I think.

 

[Max Leung]

Julie, your astrology career will go nowhere unless you throw in some sex (oops I mean romance) related predictions in there!

For example:

"The next time you enter the grocery store, you will happen upon a pair of juicy loins in the meat aisle. Tonight the oven of passion will burn in the kitchen of lusty appetites."

 

[Jonathan Burk]

These from the Onion:

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Certain shortcomings in your education and upbringing cause you to read meaning into the relationships among various celestial bodies.