Alternative wedding ideas (1 Viewer)

[DonRoeber]

My fiance and I got engaged in May, and are starting to plan our wedding. However, we don't have a whole ton of money to play with, and are trying to think of something really neat.

If we want to have a traditional "big" wedding, we have to invite a minimum of 150 people. And so far, the best deal we've found for a banquet hall is about $60/person. So thats not very inexpensive. And I'm not too thrilled about the whole wedding in a church reception in a banquet hall idea, it seems overdone to me.

We're about 30% serious when we talk about throwing in the towel and just going somewhere fun and eloping there. Maybe having our parents join too.

Anyone have any ideas? Or better yet, did anyone do anything really interesting and neat for their wedding?

 

[Mark Paquette]

Go on a cruise. Family can join you for the ceremony, which takes place before you leave port, then you're off on a cruise.

 

[FredHD]

My fiancee and I decided to get married and have our honeymoon in Hawaii in September. Her mom was a total nazi re: the wedding plans, even though WE were paying for it. So we decided to just throw them out and do our own thing. It will end up being cheaper, and we'll have a hell of a time on Kauai.

 

[Matt Stryker]

We're about 30% serious when we talk about throwing in the towel and just going somewhere fun and eloping there. Maybe having our parents join too.

Exactly what my wife and I did. I like to term it the "semi-elope". All we had were close family (parents/ a few grandparents) and a best man, a maid of honor, a pianist, and a preacher. Total cost: $350 (with the dress)
I have been to over 50 weddings since then that have ranged in cost from $5000 to $40000, and have NEVER regretted it. Spending tremendous amounts of money on a day you will never fully enjoy (you're too caught up in whats next, getting it over, getting to the honeymoon) is a serious mistake IMHO.
The cruise idea sounds neat. If you wanted something even more quaint, charter a sailboat in the Virgin Islands/wherever for a few days, and have the captain marry you at sea. How cool would that be?
Spend it on the honeymoon. The ugly truth is that most of the people you are spending $60 a plate on don't even want to be there. Spend time with them later as a couple, that will be much more meaningful.

 

[Scooter]

Damn...my late wife and I threw a HUGE shindig...some 300+ guests..stage lighting...came down the aisle to the theme from Star Wars. The cash flow was worth the logistics and all..plus her parents foot the entire bill!!!

If you put this together yourself..hire an independent caterer or individual staff people...order the food/beverages yourself, etc. you can throw a nice sized affair at minimal cost. Ask your friends in the food industry (i.e. Waiters/waitresses, bartenders, etc.) for referals and advice.

Good luck

 

[Justin_M]

OK, I have a question for everyone that went the route of a dinner reception.

I am getting married on the 29th...just over a week away. We sent out the invitations w/ response cards over a month ago, with a deadline of June 8th for the dinner response. Max seating is 200 people, and we estimated around 185 including the wedding party of 16 people.

Last week, it looked like most of the cards were in, and the total was around 170. Yesterday, we got 15 more responses in the mail. We haven't picked them up yet, so they could be mostly declines, I'm hoping. Not counting those 15 cards, we are at 201!!!

We were very specific on who we invited, and children, unless they were very closely related, were not. Yet, people put their kids down, invite their boyfriends/girlfriends, and cannot look at a calender to figure out when the deadline is.

Why can't people just send these back on time??? Everything was going so smoothly until this happened. I'm just praying that they are declines, otherwise, I don't know what we are going to do.

Any suggestions to keep my sanity and what little hair I have left??? Help.
OXonce

 

[Greg Rowe]

Justin,
I am getting married in a month. All I can say (since I haven't done it yet) is not to let it bother you. I actually want mistakes and problems to occur at my wedding because it will make it more memorable. "Flawless" weddings are boring and not very memorable.
Just let it slide, everything will work itself out THat's my theory at least

 

[Leila Dougan]

I got married a few weeks ago with a pretty traditional wedding. It was smaller than you're planning for, we had about 45 people attend. We had the ceremony and reception in the same location and everything turned out fairly well.

Don, it sounds like you're planning on helping your fiance out with the planning! That's great because a lot of guys don't and it gets tremendously stressful for the bride. I remember how much of a nervous wreck I was a few months before the wedding. We were engaged a year and nothing was as bad as the month or 2 before.

I will say, though, that I did want to have what is called a destination wedding. That is, you go off to some other location (Hawaii, cruise, whatever) and invite some family and friends to join you. My wedding went fine and although I was told early on that I may regret my decision to not have a traditional wedding, I can't say that's the case. Its only been a few weeks but I still wish we could have gone the other route. If thats what the two of you feel like doing, then I say go for it! You can always through a reception when you get back (casual or not) for the people who were unable to attend the wedding.

 

[Jeremy Illingworth]

Back when I was going to get married we were going to Vegas. No token invites, only people who we wanted and only if we thought they'd actually show. Obviously people were going to have to pay their own way (its a vacation and a wedding for them) but we were going to get a group rate on the rooms. And who wouldn't want to go to Vegas?

jeremy

 

[Chris Bardon]

Actually, we just hade to make some similar decisions. I got engaged in Fedruary, and we're planning on getting married next summer. Looked at a whole bunch of options, but in the end had to do something that was able to get a minimum of 50 people there (my fiancee wanted em there, so eloping was out). Since we're both students, money is a definite object, but we're actually doing the reception at my parents' place. We figure we can get 100 people in comfortably with the backyard, and since they have a pool it's going to be a pretty casual thing. Planning on doing most of the food ourselves, which will make it a LOT cheaper than catering, and then getting friends etc. to help with logistics on the day of.

Another friend of mine actually saved a lot of money by having the dinner at her reception as an Indian food buffet. Everyone got fed well, and it ended up being less than $10/head including tip.

Anyhow, good luck with it. I know that we've got the big decisions made, and now have just over a year to think about the other stuff (including how we're paying for this thing....)

 

[Brad_V]

If I got married, I'd have a hard time thinking of a list of 150 people I'd care to invite. My friend invited a ton of people when he got married, but I think he just wanted more gifts.

Seems like a lot of money and a lot of people who someone probably doesn't even care if they're there or not.

re: the original post -- I'd elope. Take a seven-day Disney cruise. Screw everyone else... it's your wedding, and it shouldn't require a five-year loan or pulled-out hair to make it impressive for 100+ of the guests who you probably could care less about anyway.

 

[Tim Johnson]

I got married a couple of months back. My wife started thinking about a traditional wedding in a church and all that jazz for about 5 minutes until I said, "Let's get married in Maui at sunset, just the two of us."
We had a big party a couple of weeks after we got back. More elaborate than I would have planned, but hey.
Just show your fiancee these pictures (Link Removed) and she'll go for it.

 

[Dennis Reno]

Justin,

Don't sweat it. Even if all 15 replies are coming you haven't allowed for "no shows". The "no shows" are the ones who replied "Yes, I wouldn't miss this for the world" and then don't show up. I would estimate 5-10% for "No Shows". Far more rude than no response at IMO (unless there was a major emergency.)

 

[Chuck Parker]

my wife and I both agreed that we'd rather be practical about it, and used what might have paid for a substantial "traditional" wedding as a down payment on our house. We had a small, simple ceremony in the morning, with attendance limited to parents/grandparents/siblings, around a dozen people. That afternoon, we had a big, casual reception/bbq at the house for family and friends. People still talk about it.


Next month, we're invited to a wedding at a renaissance faire. Guests are encouraged to attend in period dress. Should be fun!

-chuck

 

[Dave Poehlman]

Not to besmirch the whole wedding experience, but, once it's over you will be amazed what a pain in the a** it all was for just one day that flys by anyway.
DonRoeber: I like the park idea... or if you have a big enough yard... you could do a casual thing there. Or, you could elope to Vegas or something, get hitched and come back and just throw a reception... that way you still get all the gifts.
Justin_M: Where's my invitation?

 

[Brad_V]

Some of the people who don't return the invitation cards... man. My friend's *grandparents* didn't return the invitaion cards, but then they showed up at the reception at the last minute and there wasn't any room at the front tables for them. They got so mad they left. And then his mom got mad because they left. And now, three years later, his mom is still mad at his wife's mom for not having extra room at the front tables or something, even though the grandparents didn't bother to return the invitations. What a mess. If I ever get married, it will be small, and too bad for everyone else.

 

[KyleS]

Justin,
I know for a fact how you feel, my wife and I got married just about 3 years ago and our setup was almost the exact same as yours. We invited right at 200 and were expecting around 175 to reply back and come. Well we received over 200 reponses. hmmmm how the heck did that happen? There were 2nd cousins, friends of friends, etc that replied back they were coming and they were never even invited. I actually got REALLY pissed at my aunt because I specifically didnt invite her son & wife. Reason why was that they had gotten married 6 months earlier and we were left out from the invite. I also considered these people extremely rude because we were paying for dinner so how could they invite people besides 1 friend or a spouse that didnt get an invite?
In the end we decided it was best to pay for the extra dinners and go on with life. For the most part the extra guests did bring gifts and were hospitable so dont worry about who is coming or who is not and enjoy the day. 2nd make sure that the catering company makes a little extra for the people who WILL come that didnt return replies. And if you have grandparents, etc that dont reply (Assume that they are coming)
Best of luck to everyone that is getting married in the near future
KyleS
One neat idea for an extra to your wedding that we loved is for the guest book. Instead of having everyone that attends put their wishes in a guest book that you will surely file away after your marriage, get a large picture of your future spouse and you done. Mat the picture with about 6-10" on each side where your guests can sign it. (make sure you have someone with the picture so that they know its a keep sake so that people will not put smilies or crazy stuff on it. After its finished have it put in a frame with UV glass to protect the mat and picture and hang it up. Has been a great thing to have on the wall and its always there to remind you of your special day. We get more comments on that then any picture we have in our house, people loved the idea.

 

[Michael Mathius]

We got married on a yacht on the intercoastal in Fort Lauderdale. Like you we wanted to do something different and also want to control the cost. We had a max of 50 people for the yacht so it worked out great!
Good Luck!

 

[Justin_M]

Hey everyone. Thanks for the well wishes. Everything turned out ok regarding the response card debacle. Turns out the my future wifey isn't a math major...she counted the "declines" with the "attends". I counted them Friday after work and came up with 170. Whew!!!

Anyway, 5 days away...is there anything that I must do before the big day??? Last minute traditions?

Dave Poehlman...get to Manawa, just east of Appleton, there you will find a plethora of beer and beauties (5 out of the 6 bridesmaids are single). See ya at 8pm

OXonce