My son has died, need some Zoolander references for the eulogy (1 Viewer)

[SteveSpoon]

I've never visited the "After Hours Lounge" and was curious to what it was all about.

I don't post on the forum too much, but I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you (my daughters are 5 and 9).

God give you and yours the strength to get thru this, now and in the years to come.

Steve

 

[Johnny Ayala]

Hugh,my condolences and prayers.

 

[Lew Crippen]

My sincerest condolences Hugh. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[Tony Whalen]

Oh my! My heartfelt condolences to you, you family and the families of those others who were in this horrible accident. I lost my father 2 years ago around this time of year... I can't imagine losing a child!

All the best to you and your family.

 

[Scott Weinberg]

Hugh,

My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I can't even imagine the hurt you're going through.

Just know that there are a lot of people out there who were moved and deeply saddened by your tragic news. May your healing process begin soon, and please stop back to let us know how you're doing.

Sincerely,

Scott

 

[Hugh Jackes]

We had Tim's memorial service yesterday. Tim had a fine turnout, larger than I ever would have imagined. It's amazing how much you don't know about your kids' lives, especially as they grow older, once they are outside your front door.

Whomever back in human history started the tradition of people getting together, mourning together, and then retiring to another location to eat, swap stories, and laugh was a brilliant man (or woman). The whole experience was cathartic and very helpful. With Tim laid to rest spiritually (though his ashes are still on my sideboard) I can look ahead a see a future for my family. A markedly different future, but one I can live with. I see a hole in family events for the rest of my life, but I think we can fill the hole with joyous memories instead of bitter pains. I credit that change in my outlook to the memorial, and the kind people who came to share it with us just because Tim touched their, or their children's lives. The priest was consoling and encouraging, without being to preachy, if you know what I mean.

I have made my living as a writer since 1984. I've written theories of operation for nuclear power systems, airborne electronic intelligence gathering equipment, underwater missile fire control equipment, and Cub Scout newsletters. The hardest assignment I've ever had is a eulogy for my own son.

Last tidbit for now: We have a 14-year old girl in our neighborhood, a real knockout. She was Tim's buddy, but I always thought the boy was too naive to realize that she was a knockout. She came to me yesterday and told me about a game or traditon that they had between them. Tim, ever the gentleman, always walked her home. She lives in an upstairs condo. Tim would let her walk up the stairs and then they would part with lines from the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene (Tim had had to analyze that play last spring in English class). She told me that Tim was her Romeo and she his Juliet. Like I said, the things you don't know. I don't think Tim ever worked up the nerve to kiss her, and I'll always be sad for her for that omission on Tim's part.

Peace to you all, friends. I'm finding my own peace, little by little.
--H

 

[Mary M S]

There is an added hurt when someone so young as your son dies. We tend to think upon the range of experiences that their shortened time span seems to so cruelly deny them. Yet this sharp blade of our love can cauterize what it wounds. Who, having the tinniest iota of feeling for another, has not felt at one time or another during very dark days, “at least ‘he’ was spared, this.” It is our deep love which produces that protectiveness desiring to bar all discomfort from the objects of our affections. Any soul, having once felt the grief which threatens to burst our heart from our breastplate, would feel pity seeing his worst enemy in such condition. Like Arwen saving Frodo, when those in our care or affections are distressed, would we not also beg, if allowed, to be able to bestow “What grace is given me, let it pass to him”.

Sometimes for long moments we are enraged thinking that our time together was only a path which led to our current unbearable torment of loss. Then the guilt of our great love reminds us if allowed choice we would bear this grief rather than pass it to our love, gone ahead and safely out of reach of this horror which is our suffering. It is a cold comfort but comfort nonetheless, this feeling that as the one left behind we are capable of making one last great effort in honor and remembrance. While we live on shouldering and bearing the pain in the rack and ruin of our broken heart they have escaped this toll we pay. It is the last gift of our heart to them while absence is so fresh around us, to know while we carry this unendurable heavy load they are absolved beyond its grasp and free!

During my greatest moments of joy or passion I have felt a sensation of pain which wounds me deeper than capability of my words to express. I thought this melancholy was a glass that separated me entirely from the rest of the world due to some defect in me. I read a passage once which comforts me always, I hope it might be of some value to you, forgive me if in my attempt to express the feelings which arose reading your post I have somehow stumbled and blundered while treading into such a tender situation. I (like your son) love dark humor, I hope that your family can laugh together at those odd moments that occur during the most respectful of times which make for ludicrous contrast to the solemn weight of an occasion. Drawing you closer and reminding you of your own Tim’s appreciation for dark humor, his passing on of that strength to you, when viewing the antics of those foolish enough to try to comfort what no-one can.

“While a knowledge of God brings an ineffable joy, it also brings pain. When I look upon the beauty of the world which He made I am filled with sadness, for it is impossible for me as a mortal man to retain that first moment of exultation and awareness. I know that the beauty I see is only a reflection of greater and more immortal beauty. There are moments when the very thought of God fills me with sharp ecstasy, beyond which rapture purely of the senses and mind is feeble. It is an ecstasy self-contained and complete, needing nothing else to ornament it. It lies in the heart like a globe of fire, giving life and joy and radiance as it burns and consumes that which is gross and unworthy. What is this thing beyond the imagination of men, so that it cannot be put truly into words? Memory of life before birth, when the soul recognizes the hand of the Creator? Nostalgia for the celestial vision, long lost, and forever mourned? Or of an existence of man form which we have fallen? If so, how great was that fall from knowledge! ..I am weary for God! The world of men was always at variance with what I spirituality understood; therefore I withdrew from it. Now I am weary of the days and hours away from my home. …for the soul cannot truly be happy separated by its flesh from its God.”

Tullius to Marcus Tullius Cicero on assuming the toga of manhood. “A Pillar of Iron” Taylor Caldwell

 

[Josh Simpson]

My thoughts and prayers go with you as well, Hugh. Hang in there.

 

[Haggai]

My condolences to you and your family, Hugh. Whatever you ended up saying in your eulogy for your son, the fact that you wanted help with references to a movie that he enjoyed so much is, in its own way, a testament to how good a dad you must have been to him. You expressed amazement at how much you didn't know about his life, but you've left no doubt here that you knew at least one sort of thing about him that many parents never get to share with their kids. A personal touch like that is something we'd all want our friends and relatives to remember us by, and since we're all movie-lovers on this board, I'm sure I can speak for others as well in saying that I'm very moved by your effort to make that connection to a cinematic experience that was a happy moment for him.

 

[Joe Szott]

Your family is in my prayers Hugh, this too shall pass.

 

[DaveF]

Hugh,
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. From experience, here's some thoughts.

You're not crazy. Six months from now, when the world has forgotten about your pain and you start crying for no reason, you're normal. When you feel angry in the midst of a group of happy people, you're not crazy. The pain doesn't generally evaporate in a few weeks. And that's ok.

Tell stories. Laugh. Talk about the joy with your son. Laugh about the foolish, adventurous, exciting things he did. But also express the annoying, dumb, troublesome, and frustrating times with him. Outsiders may think you heartless for grumbling about your dead son, but it's helpful.

Next Christmas season, when you feel out of sorts and irritable for no reason, take a breath and remind yourself (and your family) that you're not crazy. You just miss your son.

Healing can seem to run its own course. I hope your grief and restoration is swift.

 

[Chad A Wright]

We will be praying for you and your family.

 

[Serge Breton]

Hugh,

my condolences also, that is about all i can say. Life makes no sense sometimes.... I still think of my mother often and it's been 13 years now. May God give your family strength in this difficult time.

 

[Orlando]

Nothing scares me more in life then just the thought of having to bury one of my kids. I am truly sadden to hear of your loss and my prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Casey Trowbridg]

Hugh, I want to offer my condolences and sentaments, I agree with what has been offered in other posts. Your son will always be apart of your life, and the lives of all that knew him.

The story you told about the girl and romeo and Juliet was very touching.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of your family.

 

[Micheal]

Hugh, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. There are no words.

Take care,

Mike

 

[McPaul]

my apologies for missing this thread while I was away over the holidays

My sincerest condolences for you, Hugh, your wife, and Dennis.

One thing that has really struck me, is your point of "the things you don't know". I've never considered this before, and I will attempt to "know more" with my family and friends as much as I can, and while I still can.

Thank you for that, and all the best to you and your family Hugh.

My attempt to give something back:

There has got to be more to life than just being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

They were like brothers to me, not like real brothers, but brothers in the way black people say it.

If I have a day off I'll spend four to nine hours in front of the mirror, trying just a tilt of the head or a furrow of my eyelash. I mean my body, my face are my tools.

Moisture is the essence of wetness. Wetness is the essence of beauty.

The files are IN the computer?

Hansel: Sting...Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music that he's made over the years, I don't really listen to, but I respect the fact that he's making it.

If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiselled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we, too, can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".


Thanks again,

Paul.

 

[Gary Seven]

I add my voice to the chorus here at the forum. My condolences to you and yours for your loss. I wish I could do more than offer words.

 

[Hugh Jackes]

Once again, thank you to all of the friends that I have never met. We truly have been surrounded by a flock of angels that has been lifting us.

Something astounding happened on Wednesday, January 14. First, I must remind you that Tim had auditioned for, and was selected for Madrigals (an elite chamber choir) at his high school. They had their first concert of the year on Dec. 8th and they sounded great. Please see the photo here:

http://community.webshots.com/photo/...11240419TlxUyK

Anyway, my wife, Annette, got a phone call from the father of a kid that rode the school bus with Tim. We have never met this man. He was so upset, thinking that it could have been his kid, that he is starting a foundation. The Tim Jackes "Voice of an Angel" Scholarship Foundation. He personally is anteing up with $1000. Seniors who are planning to continue to college and study music will be eligible to compete for the scholarship. He wants Annette, me, and Tim's choir teacher to judge the winner of the scholarship.

Much is still up in the air, such as eligibility (just Tim's school? The entire school district? All of Orange County?), amount (we don't know how much will be in the kitty yet), whether the scholarship will be a one-time event on an annual affair. But, isn't that an amazing development?

 

[dave_brogli]

Thats pretty damn cool. Although it was a horrible event, his name will live on.