Vampires Suck: Extended Bite Me Edition (Blu-ray + Digital Copy)
Directed by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Studio: Twentieth Century Fox
Year: 2010
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1 1080p AVC codec
Running Time: 82/84 minutes
Rating: PG-13/NR
Audio: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 English; Dolby Digital 5.1 French
Subtitles: SDH, Spanish
Region: A
MSRP: $ 39.99
Release Date: November 30, 2010
Review Date: November 30, 2010
The Film
2/5
It’s puzzling exactly who the audience would be for Vampires Suck. For those fervid fans of the Twilight franchise, it can’t be very comforting to see their beloved characters mocked in such shameless fashion. And for those who have never seen any of the films in the Twilight franchise (especially the first two) or wouldn’t be caught dead watching them, the film’s jokes will make no sense whatsoever since they’re so closely tied to the plots and characters of those two movies. And then you’re dealing with the Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer factor. Yep, these are the fellows who have given us such classics of comedic cinema as Meet the Spartans, Date Movie, and Disaster Movie, so one knows going in there is going to be a lameness quotient built into their broad, unimaginative parodies of genre movies. There is no denying that the Twilight franchise is as prime for spoofing as any other movie series which takes itself so seriously and attracts such a fanatic base of worshippers. But while the two co-writers/directors stay closer to the plots and characters of Twilight than they did in the more omnibus catch-all spoofs of Date Movie and Disaster Movie, there really isn’t much improvement in the quality of the jokes or the predictability of their approach to their satirical swipes.
Troubled, morose teen Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) comes to live with her sheriff father Frank Crane (Diedrich Bader) in Sporks, Washington, a quiet town which seems to announce with pride that it’s home to clans of vampires. Becca is drawn almost immediately to the brooding Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), but he’s strangely hesitant about taking their budding romantic relationship to the next level. Meanwhile, family friend Jacob White (Chris Riggi) is there to comfort Becca through her unswerving depression, but he, too, has secrets to reveal about his own supernatural abilities, and a trio of vampires apart from Edward’s family take a more than passing interest in her for obvious reasons.
It is a step in the right direction that the two writers-directors have resisted the temptation to skewer all of the vampire and werewolf-related films and television series that have blanketed the entertainment world for the past half decade. Yes, there are nodding glances to True Blood and The Vampire Diaries, but the two helmsmen basically stay on track in their focus on the Twilight saga, and why shouldn’t they? There’s plenty of angsty characters and deathless situations for their satirical barbs. Of course, it wouldn’t be Friedberg and Seltzer if they didn’t throw in some cheap, lame shots at (then) current watercooler topics like Tiger Woods, Kim Kardashian, Jersey Shore, and Lady Gaga, and there are the requisite number of piss, fart, and gay jokes (couldn’t they for once resist “It’s Raining Men” to suggest the homoerotic nature of the werewolf pack sensibility?) on hand just to make sure frat boys get their jollies.
They’ve cast the film with reasonable facsimiles for Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner in the persons of Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, and Chris Riggi, and the actors do what they can with their one-dimensional, cardboard impersonations. More enjoyable are Diedrich Bader as the father and Anneliese Van Der Pol as the egotistical valley girl best friend (but not really) Jennifer. Master comics Ken Jeong, Dave Foley, and David DeLuise turn up in small roles, but all are entirely wasted with what they’re asked to contribute to the film.
Video Quality
4/5
The film’s theatrical aspect ratio of 1.85:1 is presented in 1080p using the AVC codec. While color and sharpness are pleasingly good throughout the transfer and there is above average dimensionality, there are some problems with moiré patterns in clothing and aliasing in tight line structures which momentarily distract. Black levels are fine without going to the deepest possible levels. The film has been divided into 24 chapters.
Audio Quality
3.5/5
The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 sound mix saves all of its surround activity for the Christopher Lennertz music score (which is an almost constant participant in the sound design) and interpolated songs. Next to nothing is done with the surround channels for ambient sound effects, something which might have made for a much livelier sound experience that what we’re offered here. Dialogue is well recorded and resides securely in the center channel.
Special Features
2/5
Both the theatrical and extended unrated version of the film are offered for selection. The unrated cut (which is what formed the basis of this review) is two minutes longer than the theatrical version, but with no additional chapter designations, it appears that only some scenes were extended for the added two minutes of material.
There are nine deleted/extended scenes which may be viewed separately or in one 12 ½-minute bunch. They’re presented in 1080p.
The film’s gag reel runs 3 ¾ minutes and is in 1080p.
The theatrical trailer for the movie runs 1 ¾ minutes in 1080p.
BD-Live offers one bonus feature not on the disc: a 2 ½-minute series of interviews with the movie’s cast in which they debate “Who Makes a Better Lover?” with most of the cast picking vampires but Chris Riggi (who plays the muscle-bound Jacob) choosing werewolves. On the net, it’s in 720p.
There are 1080p trailers for Machete, The A-Team, and Wild Target.
The second disc in the set is the digital copy of the film with enclosed instructions for installation on Mac and PC devices.
In Conclusion
2/5 (not an average)
Only the slightest bit better than their recent series of lame spoofs, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer’s Vampires Suck isn’t a grade-A parody, and the Blu-ray, while offering appealing video and audio, doesn’t offer much in the way of bonus features either.
Matt Hough
Charlotte, NC
