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I can't believe I did this, but I broke up with my girlfriend today... (1 Viewer)

Erik_C

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Jun 15, 2000
Messages
186
My heart aches, and my eyes are sore from the crying. When does the hurt go away? I thought she was the one, and she I. But it wasn't to be: there was no compromise in the relationship, and it took six months for me to realize that it wasn't going to work because she wouldn't give. I ask myself if I did the right thing, because I still love her. And then I think that I'd be miserable living my life as her life, and that we'd end up divorced. But then the skeptic in me thinks that maybe if I gave her more time, and we talked about it again and again, maybe she'd change. Damn, I don't know. Thanks for letting me ramble. Anyone got helpful advice on how to get on with my life?
-Erik
 

Chuck Mayer

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Time.

Just time. It leads to perspective. Perspective leads to wisdom.

Yeah, losing someone you love really hurts, but sometimes it's the best thing for you.

Best of luck. Keep your chin up, Erik.

You'll smile about it in a year.

Take care,
Chuck
 

Cameron Yee

Reviewer
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My heart goes out to you. Obviously it's not an easy thing, but it sounds like you have done one of the most important things - treated yourself (and her) with honesty. Of course it is natural to question the decision...my only advice is to continue to be honest and try to properly identify your motivations when you reconsider your choice. If it's clear the relationship won't work, the best combination of things to move on is lots of time, good friends and a commitment to being emotionally healthy.
 

Cam McFarland

Supporting Actor
Joined
Feb 6, 2004
Messages
699
She wouldn't have changed & you would be miserable.
You did the right thing.

Being upset is normal, but it the hurt goes away
and life goes on.

It just takes time as Chuck said.

good luck.....



- Cam
 

Cameron Yee

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Also allow yourself more than a year if necessary. People heal at different rates. Just be sure there is progress. Even if slight, be comforted by it.
 

Leila Dougan

Screenwriter
Joined
Mar 27, 2002
Messages
1,352
Just give yourself time.

Recognizing the relationship isn't working is only being honest with yourself and with her. It has nothing to do with the amount of love you share. The pain of breaking up is just as great as the pain of being broken up with, both of which time is the only cure.

Don't be hard on yourself and please allow yourself to express whatever emotion you feel. Don't get caught up in how you think you should act. If you feel like crying, then cry. As each day goes on, the pain will lessen. It may never completely go away but instead will become a part of you. I'm sure you'll always hold a special place in your heart for her, and that's wonderful.
 

Matt Butler

Screenwriter
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Jun 23, 2001
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Brother, Ive been in your shoes many times before. It sucks now but youll get over it.

Go watch High Fidelity, Swingers and have a Sex and the City marathon (seriously, it helps). Hang out with your friends; but DO NOT CONTACT HER!!. It makes it worse.

I speak all this from personal experience.

Oh and PM me if you need a ear.
 

JamieD

Supporting Actor
Joined
Apr 5, 2002
Messages
557
Life's too short. Breaking up was the best thing to do. Find someone who you think will work for you, and if you can't, learn to make yourself incredibly happy on your own. After that, relationships are gravy.
 

Seth_L

Screenwriter
Joined
Apr 5, 2002
Messages
1,553
People don't change unless they really want to (and that's rare). You made the right call if you couldn't live with her the way she is now.
 

Tony Whalen

Senior HTF Member
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I agree with all above... sounds like you made the right call.

You can't expect people to change on your behalf. She wouldn't have changed. Hurts like hell, I know. But hang in there. It WILL get better.
 

Drew Bethel

Screenwriter
Joined
Nov 22, 1999
Messages
1,209
Pull yourself together man and quit being a pussy! You won't even remember her name three years from now.

That's my opinion...you asked for it.
 

MarkHastings

Senior HTF Member
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Jan 27, 2003
Messages
12,013
Don't let love cloud your thoughts. You can still love her, you just have to realize that you can't be in a relationship with her.
 

Lyle H.

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Apr 22, 2003
Messages
96
"Better to have loved and lost, than to never loved at all"...

It's true. I've been "in love" with the same girl for the past 3 years, she's 20 now, and I know I have no chance with her. I have to settle with beings friends with her.


Anyways, Erik, just give yourself time. I'm sure everything will be OK.
 

Christ Reynolds

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CJ
i understand what you are going through. after a 7 year relationship with the girl i thought was 'the one' ended, i was pretty down for a while. i never thought i would heal. now, it seems like such a long time ago, i can barely remember what happened. after a couple years went by, i met a very special girl, and we have been together for about a year and a half. honestly, i am much happier now than i ever was with the other girl. i am a little more cautious, but i think this is a good thing. as corny as it sounds, all you need is time to help you feel better.

CJ
 

Cam McFarland

Supporting Actor
Joined
Feb 6, 2004
Messages
699
Lyle....



Did you have a schoolboy crush on this girl or what?
Your profile shows you to be "17" now. That means
three years ago when she was "17", you were "14".
I would find it hard to believe a 17yr. old girl
would be dating a 14yr. old boy.

Whats up.................
 

Nathan*W

Screenwriter
Joined
Sep 9, 2001
Messages
1,085
Real Name
Nathan
Well, when Jake Sisko was 16, he dated a 20 year old Dabo Girl...

oh, wait. You were talking about real life.

Nevermind.
 

Jassen M. West

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jun 22, 2000
Messages
526
You did the right thing, I just went through a rough break up myself (maybe we should start a support group). I was with my GF for 3.5 years, she told me she had been unhappy for 2 years and the day after we broke up she started seeing another guy. Hows that for F'ed Up.
I try not to let it get to me, i know i've been much happier since we broke up, i know what hurt you're going through it does hit me once in a while. There is someone for everyone and we should just have to settle for someone that is close enough.
 

Gary->dee

Screenwriter
Joined
Feb 14, 2003
Messages
1,923
Being a man means doing what you have to do even if it hurts. Whether that means quitting your job, leaving someone you love or selling that car. If you weighed the pros and cons of your relationship and came to the conclusion that it must end and actually acted upon it then props to you. The heartache isn't easy but time heals a broken heart.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few years ago and I didn't want to. I loved her and she loved me, she was good for me, we had a great relationship but the physical distance between us was too much. I had a choice: either join her at her side of the country or remain on mine. I chose the latter. Maybe that wasn't the smartest decision but I stand by it and I don't have any regrets. Ok maybe one or two..

Anyway, everything is meant to end just as surely as it begins. I look at my relationship with my ex as just that: a wonderful moment in time that I will look back upon with fond memories. Eventually it had to end one way or another.

Try and move on with your life, Eric. Stay mentally pre-occupied and don't dwell on it. "There are plenty of fish..." Be strong for you are a man and contrary to popular belief it's ok to cry. Just don't make it a habit.
 

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