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How to tell people you won't lend out your DVDs to them


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36 replies to this topic

#1 of 37 OFFLINE   Eric Brunton

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Posted September 23 2003 - 07:50 AM

Okay guys, i have read other threads about this topic and realize that most of you will absolutely not let anyone under any circumstances borrow any of your dvds. Point taken. However, what is the best way to tell a family member that you won't lend your movies to them? Some of my family and my in-laws think im the freakin' Blockbuster down the street. I have invested a lot of money into my dvd collection (~250 movies,a small amount compared to other people) as most home theater enthusiasts have. At one point before i got smart and told people that i would not let them borrow any movies, i had almost 20 movies out and i lost track of exatly how many movies and who had them. I'll never let myself do that again, but at times i have a soft heart and consider letting people watch my movies. Oh, btw, I know i could invite my family members over to watch a movie, but there are times i want to have a night with just the wife.

#2 of 37 OFFLINE   Malcolm R

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Posted September 23 2003 - 07:51 AM

[DVD Nazi] NO DVD'S FOR YOU!! [/DVD Nazi] Posted Image

Seriously, just tell them you're not a Blockbuster.
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#3 of 37 OFFLINE   Ricky Hustle

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Posted September 23 2003 - 08:14 AM

I lend out my DVD's happily, with a warning that if I receive a scratched or fingerprinted DVD back, then the borrower will lose all priveleges. I have never gotten a bad DVD back, nor has anyone not returned a DVD.

Sharing is good, and in return I get to borrow my friends DVDs. Also Hollywood Video gives you 5 days with a DVD. My friends and I also share rentals. I love film, and sharing good movies with friends and family is more important than stressing over a $20 DVD.

If, however, your experience differs, then by all means don't lend anything out. Posted Image


#4 of 37 OFFLINE   AllanN

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Posted September 23 2003 - 08:22 AM

Im with Rick, although I also add a OOP clause. Absolutely no OOP disks leave my apartment. I do have one aunt who I would not lend to but she does not live close by anyhow. If you trust all your family then I don't see a problem. But saying one family member can and one cannot could lead to a problem.
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#5 of 37 OFFLINE   Jack Briggs

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Posted September 23 2003 - 08:36 AM

However, what is the best way to tell a family member that you won't lend your movies to them?


"I am sorry, [mother/father/aunt/uncle/son/daughter], but I really don't feel comfortable lending my DVDs to others. Would you like to come over sometime in the near future and watch this movie with me, though?"

If necessary, be a little more forceful:

"Look, I paid for these damn things with my own damn money and I'm not a Blockbuster outlet. Buy or rent the disc yourself, goddammit."

#6 of 37 OFFLINE   Rob Gardiner

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Posted September 23 2003 - 08:44 AM

A useful tactic, when announcing bad news, is switching from the active voice to the passive voice. Instead of saying...

Quote:
I will not allow you to borrow my DVDs.

...you can say...

Quote:
The DVDs are not allowed to leave the house.

The difference is subtle, but I think psychologically, people react more favorably to the 2nd statement.

#7 of 37 OFFLINE   Joe Szott

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Posted September 23 2003 - 09:08 AM

I don't know man, for me blood is thicker than water (or money.) If my family trashed my HDTV, speakers, DVDs by accident, it's just stuff and they are still family.

But I guess you gotta look after your own, so maybe a signout sheet would work? I did that with CDs in college, you could borrow what you liked but had to leave a post it with the date and CDs taken. Just explain to your family/friends what you said here: that you cannot track 20-30 DVDs that people have and you never know when you'll want to watch one (or loan it to someone else.) If they're not willing to leave a post it, then they don't really want to see the movie...

Or you can just borrow something from them and keep it until your DVDs come back. Put Uncle Bill's chainsaw in your garage until your Band of Brothers set reappears. Somehow that always makes folks more thoughtful Posted Image

#8 of 37 OFFLINE   JonZ

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Posted September 23 2003 - 09:28 AM

I loan them to one person and all DVDs ae inspected before I hand them to him and as soon as theyre handed back. We actually joke about it.

I wouldnt have a problem loaning to family. No one asks to borrow mine, but if they did I would say "Sorry I used to loan them and they would come back in bad condition. I dont loan them anymore."

#9 of 37 OFFLINE   Matt Pelham

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Posted September 23 2003 - 09:42 AM

Download DVD Profiler.

Each disc has a "status", that's how I keep track of mine. You just change the status to "On Loan to _____".

#10 of 37 OFFLINE   JustinCleveland

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Posted September 23 2003 - 10:57 AM

I only loan to my father. I have had too many problems loaning to friends/coworkers.

#11 of 37 OFFLINE   Jim_F

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Posted September 23 2003 - 11:12 AM

I've had a couple of bad experiences with lending albums, books, etc. I try to avoid lending and never borrow anymore (a quick scan of my bookshelf revealed a paperback that's been in my possession for about 20 years)

I have a great compromise now, though. I loan them my backup copy.
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#12 of 37 OFFLINE   Grant B

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Posted September 23 2003 - 11:26 AM

I keep mine in a 300 changer and they are a real pain to take out. Plus I keep the covers in a box so noone knows what I have unless I show them the master list.
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#13 of 37 OFFLINE   Bryan X

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Posted September 23 2003 - 12:07 PM

I agree with JonZ.

Just make up a story like this:

"I'm sorry, I used to loan them out. But one time one came back scratched and the cover was ripped. Ever since then I've not been able to let them out of the house (keep it light and smile)."

If they are persistant, and you end up deciding to let them borrow, now atleast they know you are concerned about how others treat your DVDs.

I have one friend I lend them to and also my parents. However, if it is an OOP, I would not let it out of the house. Otherwise, no big deal as long as it is treated with reasonable care.

#14 of 37 OFFLINE   Ryan_C

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Posted September 23 2003 - 03:32 PM

I don't loan out either, except to a close friend or two who are DVD nuts like myself and have their own large collections, and who I know I can trust.

Once loaned my Pulp Fiction SE to a friend who wasn't really into the DVD/HT thing. He dropped it and smashed the living hell out of the corner (cardboard). He offered to replace it, but he had done things for me in the past, so I let it slip.

Now I just say the same as above, "I've had problems in the past, so they don't leave the apartment."
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#15 of 37 OFFLINE   Chris Lockwood

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Posted September 23 2003 - 04:45 PM

To answer the original question, here's a short answer you can memorize: "No."

#16 of 37 OFFLINE   Philip_G

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Posted September 23 2003 - 08:18 PM

I loan mine out. As mentioned it's a 20$ (tops) disc
if someone wanted to borrow a boxset like band of brothers I'd think twice.

#17 of 37 OFFLINE   Chris Tsutsui

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Posted September 23 2003 - 09:03 PM

I know how you feel. I just got a pioneer 106D drive so I can backup all my dvds. Now it is more convenient than ever to let others borrow them.

#18 of 37 OFFLINE   DaveF

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Posted September 24 2003 - 12:01 AM

Quote:
most of you will absolutely not let anyone under any circumstances borrow any of your dvds
I don't think that's really true. There is a vocal group that feel strongly about not lending their DVDs. But there are also many people who gladly lend their belongings.

But if someone comes to borrow a DVD, you can borrow from "Better Off Dead" and tell them
Quote:
See, the problem here is, is that my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and, and uh, my grandmother dropped acid, and she freaked out and hijacked a school bus full of penguins, so it's kind of a family crisis, so, come back later? Great.


#19 of 37 OFFLINE   dave_brogli

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Posted September 24 2003 - 04:49 AM

I lent my mother in law the Friend season 1.

i got it returned 3 weeks later missing the first disc.
And she cant find it anymore.
She no longer is able to borrow my DVD's and I dont see me saying "hey mom in law come over and watch a movie" oh no way.....lol


on th eother hand. Ive got a friend whos paralized from the neck down. Actually he can only move his eyes. His family takes care of him, and they have a list of my DVD's (i update them every month or so)

He's borrowed at least 20 and every one has come back perfect.

#20 of 37 OFFLINE   Christ Reynolds

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Posted September 24 2003 - 04:53 AM

i lend out my dvds only to friends that i trust. most of the time, i ask for a 'trade'. when i lent out my straw dogs criterion, i took two dvds from my friend, even though i had seen one of them, i just wanted to have some sort of collateral, just in case. i usually dont lend out box sets or oop discs either.

CJ
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