What's the best way to approach the ladies? (1 Viewer)

[DeathStar1]

Oh Come on, don't knock my favorite
childhood show . It's not my
fault I'm a kid of the 80's...

 

[DaveGTP]

THUNDERCATS










THUNDERCATS!








THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOO!

 

[Citizen87645]

I'm a kid of the 80s too - more so by about five years looks like. I actually have a bright orange Thundercats t-shirt, but I originally didn't buy it for myself but for that "Geeky Goddess" friend I mentioned earlier.

 

[Mike Broadman]

First off, I admire you thinking about the way you interact with men. I think it's rare for women. This doesn't mean what you were/are doing is wrong, just admirable that you're giving it specific consideration.

I think a lot of men are impatient with women. They start talking to a woman and they immediately want a date or a phone #. If they get a phone # they want to call the next day. When they're on the date they want to kiss or get serious. If kissing or fooling around they're already wanting to jump into her pants. After a couple of dates they're introducing her to family and sharing deep personal things.

A lot of men don't practice patience and enjoy each step of romance for what it is.

Applying this to your question, I would suggest to just be aware of it. Whether or not you talk to a dude for a certain amount of time is only part of it, body language and such are more important, and this isn't something you do consciously.

Don't feel guilty about "wasting" a guy's time by talking to him. If he takes it personally, that's his problem.

 

[Holadem]

I find this statement a bit weird... are you sure we're talking about guys?

--
H

 

[Zen Butler]

I agree, and would add, How the hell did we get here!?

I'm always curious as to why simple breaking the ice advice conversations, most always, shift into finding somebody conversations. Almost as spooky as the "cuddle bunnies."

Being happy single(yes, alone), is an option and alleviates a lot of this pressure and anxiety. When you get in this flow, interaction can happen more naturally. More specifically, that attractive other giving you rhythm. Which can lead to dates, booty calls and possibly(down the road) a relationship. If I hear "I just want to find somebody" in the first few dates, I'm running top speed, like I was just dropped off on MLK Blvd. at 2:00 a.m.

 

[Jeff Gatie]

Yup, me too. When you think about it, what does this say about you? "Finding somebody" could range from a sugar-daddy to a homeless person and forgive me if I don't feel flattered being qualified as simply meeting the criteria of "somebody".

 

[Pamela]

Date some guys, and you'll find out otherwise. Yes, there are desperate, needy boys out there.

 

[Rob Lutter]

I've never asked a girl out on a date... they've always asked me. Maybe I'm just weird

I don't follow any of that "wait 3 days after the date to call" jackassery either.

I have a girlfriend right now who seems very happy, so I'm not talking out of my ass or anything har har har

 

[Jeff Gatie]

Those are the ones who can't cook or do their own laundry and got kicked out of their mother's place, or they are psycho. Stay away from either.

 

[Jason Charlton]

OK - that's it. "Jackassery" has officially entered my vocabulary!

 

[Zen Butler]

It's not "jackassery", it's merely taking a breath.

"Jackassery", would be obsessing and calling 30 minutes after you drop her off from your first date. I know some of these quack-addicts, so flippin' desperate to corral a relationship. I don't blame the women for running for their lives. I presume, "so, where's this going?" a little much to lay on a young lady, after 3 or 4 dates.

I realize it is both sexes.

You're all a bunch of stalkers.

 

[DaveGTP]

I think that that it is true with some folks in their older twentys, thirtys, etc. Definitely a tendency to jump ahead.

 

[Holadem]

Normally, after a successful date, you don't need to call again. Ever.

--
H

 

[Zen Butler]

Word up H-

I'll expand, after that, change your number(s), residence and job.
Never give that information out. I must admit I did this, I'm still in hiding. All, because I laid pipe ...well.

 

[Jean D]

The key is you cant give a shit. Its not about your looks, or your car, its confidence. Sure money and looks help your odds, but just cause you don't have them, doesn't mean you cant play the game. You have to believe that no girl out there is up to your standards (it should be true anyway). Don't be cocky, be friendly. remember every ugly girl has a hot girlfriend, and vice versa, so don't discriminate when it comes to conversation. But don't pretend to like a girl you don't like either, keep it on that friendly level so they introduce their cute friends. Build your confidence up as stated earlier but once its up, run with it. Don't get nervous and act like shes doing you a favor by talking to you in return. Don't talk about yourself, always turn the conversation to be about them. They like to talk anyway. and you always want to leave a little mystery to you. give vague answers until its a subject you seem smart about. but don't be nerdy if you see that she really doesn't care, drop it, and talk about her again. If you get rejected (multiple times), don't let it bother you. just don't care and go to the next girl. Girls run like busses, you catch one every hour promptly. And if you really have any skills you don't lie about anything. Don't pretend to be something your not. Girls do like assholes, most wont admit it, but they have a habit of dating the same kind of guys. Its a challenge to them to try to tame you. Once you find a good girl, you can keep her. But you wont find a good girl on the first few tries. and you cant expect to find a relationship, they just happen. As far as the whole "I have a boyfriend" thing. its usually only said to tell you they aren't interested in you. I always responded with "So your boyfriend doesn't let you have Friends?" with a smile on my face. They will either walk away or keep talking. If they keep talking it means one of two things, they like your confidence, and/or they don't care about their boyfriend and are willing to cheat. Don't ever make a long conversation upon first approach, tell them you have business to attend to and you loved the chat, then proceed to ask them their plans later on in the evening. if they say they don't know, ask for her # and tell her (one of a few things depending on what your looking for) A.) your having a party and she should invite some of her friends cause you have some single friends, and it will be fun. (this is if you want to get laid, then do your best to find some close friends who are looking for action too). B.) give her your # and get her to call you, (cause you don't chase girls around, your too important). C.) call her in a couple days to see what shes doing. and if you succeed in getting a few dates set up. don't bring them to parties, or clubs because "you don't bring sand to the beach" understand? its all psychology, eventually you can look at a girl and know how shes gonna respond, you make it seem effortlessly. This is key. its gonna flow like its all spontaneous, right time at the right moment kind of thing. don't ever get jealous of other guys, its a turnoff to them, and you'll look like a chump. Theres tons of rules to the dating game if you wanna perfect the art. but just the basics is all you need to get anywhere. You gotta ask girls out before they can say yes or no. the more you ask the more your chances are. Theres no way in hell if you keep asking different girls out, that non of them will say yes. Keep trying, don't get discouraged and don't be timid. not everything works, just take the rules and alter them to fit your style of conversation and approach, even the best players get rejected sometimes. Hope this helps a little.

 

[Zen Butler]

A Madness song comes to mind

 

[Citizen87645]

So of course this thread has been predominantly from the male perspective, but now I'm curious what threads populated by primarily females would say? So if the original poster had been a woman seeking advice on how to meet men, what would the advice be (coming presumably from mostly females)? It's going to be mostly speculation on the part of us males, so Pamela and Leila (or any other woman out there) will have to step up. Maybe it is all essentially the same for both genders?

 

[Leila Dougan]

I want to thank you all for your reponses. I'm not out picking up guys anymore so my question was more for informative purposes, really. I think in my early dating days didn't understand the body language problem so I probably really did give the impression that I was interested. These days, probably even moreso because I'm married, I'm very careful about what vibe I'm giving off. These days its pretty much moot because I'm usually home with my husband and most of the people I run into know that I'm married. And most of those are respectful of that.

I do have one additional comment to make, however. I thought this thread was going fairly well, considering the type of thread it is. I will say, though, that I absolutely do not agree with some of the most recent comments. I think there are entirely too many generalizations about women in it, most of which do not apply to me. For what it's worth, that type of attitude is exactly what I find most unappealing.

 

[Ted Lee]

my wife always says i babbled on and on during our first dinner. it wasn't really a date as, at that time, we were just kinda hangin' out.

but she said she basically got a good snapshot of my entire history that night.

dang, does that define me as needy? yikes!

zen, you're killin' me here.... :>)