Movie Studio Chat - A Satire (1 Viewer)

[rich_d]

I'd like to thank everyone for coming here tonight. It is our pleasure this evening to introduce Old Home Entertainment. It has been a while since they have been here and we are happy to have them back. Welcome!

What he means. They haven't returned 25 voice mail messages and 6 e-mails. But I cornered these huckleberries at one of the "industry meetings" and they're back. Who is in your group tonight and what are their positions with Old Home Entertainment?

1. Ed Thompson, VP, Content Development; Steve Fisher, Manager, Content Development, and Linda Flame, Director of Film Research .
   
   We are going to open the floor so our members can ask questions to all of you.
   1. First we just want to thank so many people for joining this chat and for showing interest in our DVD projects and products.
      
      What they really mean: Hey, we're from Hollywood, we know how to make the nice.
      
      Hi Old Home, thanks for coming tonight. My question for tonight is will we see a DVD release of Sandals In the Blood, Part 2? Fellow Chat member North West recently
      talked to the film's director, John Patrick Sishley , and Mr. Sishley said he would particpate if asked and would assemble a director's cut.
      1. Old home Home Entertainment has never had distribution rights to Sandals In the Blood, Part 2.
         
         What they really mean: yes, you are stupid and should at least know what studio has the rights for the film that only stupid people would want to see again.
         
         Good evening Old home. When you all announced the Deluxe Ultimate Platinum series a few years ago, one of the titles announced was Stephen Foster's Little House by the Little Valley. Where does that stand? I believe that with Big House by the Big Valley coming out in February that this would be a natural marketing tie-in
         1. Little House is not currently on our schedule, but we are exploring the possibility of adding it late next year.
            
            What they really mean: dang we should have thought about that. Hope this chat doesn't get back to anyone with some real power. Man do we hate people with long memories … I keep telling these guys, don't announce squat until it is in the warehouse.
            
            Do you have any plans to release Planet of the Ape Boy - Toxic Monkey to DVD? A great DVD could be made with the Director's commentary, Key Grip's commentary, anamorphic widescreen, DTS 6.1, soundtrack CD, (and the tin please) not the triple-back snaplet used for Die, Tin Gin Die and of course release both the theatrical and unrated versions. Please include the 32 minutes of extra footage only shown at Horror Convention 1972. Perhaps you could also swing a deal with Fishhook Harbor Productions and include the lost audio tape spool from the late Heather Lovely's estate. Not necessary, but it would be nice to include the original score (rejected) as well as lobby cards and the never released movie poster in the original French Quad format.
            1. This title is not currently on our schedule, but your interest is duly noted and will be discussed at our next meeting.
               
               What they really mean: you bet we'll discuss it. It might take 10 minutes to stop the whole room from laughing but dang it will be worth it. My eyes are already tearing up. What a wanker!
               
               Hi Old home. Thank You for coming tonight, I appreciate it. I would love to see Spin In Your Grave - ghastly tales released on DVD. Does Old home have any plans to release this soon ?
               1. This title is under consideration, but at this time there are no firm plans.
                  
                  What they really mean: Release it - ha!. Heck, we've been peddling this piece of garbage to anyone but no luck. Even the director's family wouldn't see this D movie.
                  
                  Hello, thanks for coming! You guys Rock! According to E-E-E - Online.net, Old home holds the rights for Shamar Nicgocho's 1957 WHY KILL THE MESSENGER, (Ed Snort, Donald Pleasance, Eva Marie Saint) the second highest grossing film in Illinois. Great story and still contemporary. Is there any chance the you would consider a DVD release soon? If you don't hold the rights anymore, do you know who does? Thanks.
                  1. We do not have the video rights to that film. We don't know where E-E-E - Online.net got this information.
                     
                     What they really mean: how do they know this stuff? Dang we have a big mouth around here and I wish we did know where E-E-E-Online gets its info. I'll do the Hollywood Shuffle and answer about video rights - not the DVD rights we just purchased. How does that suit you Illinois? Do you know that we consider the Mid-west the "fly-over zone."
                     
                     Thanks for coming! Can't wait for Titus X, by the way! I was wondering if you were considering a re-release of Summer Nights Fall? I think there would be a substantial audience for an upgrade.
                     1. It is an interesting idea, but we are very proud of our current version that features a great master and a DVD 5.1 mix.
                        
                        What they really mean: and we'll be even prouder to take your money for the planned DTS 5.1 release, the restored master release as well as any other schemes we can think of to sell you the same title time and time again. Ka-chinnggg, Ka-Chinnggg!
                        
                        Thanks for being here tonight, Old home. Are there plans to perhaps revisit one of your earliest titles, Dallas Powers: Domestic Man of Mystery? There were some interesting features on the laserdisc that did not appear on the DVD, plus there were some scenes in the Asian cut of the film not in the supplement. I would certainly buy this title again with more features plus the blow-up doll of Honey Comlovely in the tin decorated like the capsule in space please also include the re-mastered deleted scenes.
                        1. We always consider refreshing our DVDs when the opportunity presents itself. At this point, we have no plans for Dallas Powers DMOM.
                           
                           What they really mean: we're scribbling like mad, holy molly why didn't we think of this stuff? This will be out as fast as you can skip rope Mary.
                           
                           Thank you all for participating this evening, I have yet to be let down by you guys. You guys Rock! Please give me an update on how things are coming Tutus Goes To Hell on DVD unrated. Also, what is the release date for Titus X?
                           1. The DVD release of Titus Goes to Hell will be tied in with the DVD release of Titus X. Titus X currently does not have a firm theatrical release date.
                              
                              What they really mean: we do appreciate a guy that can kiss ass just as well as we do.
                              
                              Hi ! Thank you, first of all, for taking the time to chat with us this evening. I know we all here very much appreciate this opportunity. Would you please explain the differences in in Titus - Legend Master. Region 1 has a 98 minute release - unrated. Region 2 has a 122 minute censured version and Region 3 has a 123 minute un-censured version. Plus Region 2 has a director's cut already out before Region 1 had even the DVD.
                              1. There are contractual rights that vary depending on the rights holders and the geographical/political and cultural differences to please a global audience. But thank you for pointing these out as we do discuss these issues internally.
                                 
                                 What they really mean: heck this stuff confuses the hell out of us too. Let's face it - most of us are Hollywood hangers-on without any real talent. Our advice - get an all region DVD so we can't mess with you any more.
                                 
                                 When will Titus Goes To Hell coming out. Thanks for coming tonight.
                                 1. The DVD release of Titus Goes to Hell will be tied in with the DVD release of Titus X. Titus X currently does not have a firm theatrical release date.
                                    
                                    What they really mean: please try to pay attention to questions already asked and answered! Are you related to User 1?
                                    
                                    I want to interject and remind everyone that Old home will be putting out the LORD OF THE TREES trilogy over the next few years. I think that's going to be a terrific project for you guys.
                                    
                                    What he really means: dang that last question was embarrassing. Plus it is time to through these guys a bone.
                                    Thanks for coming and listening! For Lord of the Trees, are you looking at a matching packaging scheme, so that when all 3 films are released they will match? Will there be some sort of box offer so that people can mail in and get the box w/o buying another set? Also, rumor has it that if Trees sells well, BJ will go back and film additional scenes for an expanded version. Is it true?
                                    1. The DVD will be Old home's most ambitious DVD project ever, but there are no firm details regarding the DVD release at this time.
                                       
                                       What they really mean: no we will not match packaging because we want you freaks to buy the whole set again - preferably more than once. We will put additional scenes in to make you buy it a third time. O.k. say it …"I'm Old Home's Bitch" SAY IT!
                                       
                                       Barker and I would like to thank Ed, Steve and Linda from Old home Entertainment for being here with us tonight. It was a pleasure having you here and you are invited back anytime.
                                       1. Thanks we want to give you an exclusive. So tonight we are announcing the first quarter release of Dummo, State & Plain, Dame Bramage, The Player Hater, Hedwidge the Mutant, and Before Heaven Collapses all as part of our Diamond Platinum Vintage Series on DVD.
                                          
                                          What they mean: no one else cares so we might as well throw these fans a bone.
                                          
                                          Session Close: Tue Nov 06 21:37:13 2002
                                          
                                          Copyright 2000-2002 Grown Men Spend Too Much Time Here Inc. Reader may not use any of these words or words like them or words that I'm thinking of using without the expressed prior written permission of the copyright holder. And as soon as all participants and users agree to this - that will be me.
                                          
                                          Seriously, this satire was written for the users of this forum - hopefully we can laugh at ourselves.
                                          
                                          Rich
                                          
                                          
                                          [Edited last by rich_d on November 08, 2001 at 08:46 AM]

 

[Mikah Cerucco]

It brought a smile at my face. The only thing I would have liked is for the "what they really think" parts to be in italics.

 

[Ricky f]

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