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20 Scenes from Future Director's Cuts


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29 replies to this topic

#1 of 30 Steve Christou

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Posted September 07 2001 - 04:08 AM


1)Star Wars: 5mins of Han & Luke arguing about who gets to shag Princess Leia.

2)The Empire Strikes Back: After revealing himself as Luke’s father, Darth Vader lectures the boy about the length of his hair.

3)Return of the Jedi: After being caught short in the woods, Chewbacca wipes his ass on an Ewok.

4)Batman & Robin: A few extra scenes of Mr.Freeze saying ‘cool it’, ‘pretty cool’ and ‘why don’t you cool off a liddle bit’.

5)Gandhi: Custard pie fight, 7mins.

6)The Towering Inferno: 5 mins of Paul Newman pulling on a door handle before Steve McQueen points to a sign saying ‘push’, they both laugh.

7)Bullitt: 3 minute sequence during the legendary car chase where Steve McQueen and the baddies stop at a garage before continuing the chase.

8)Showgirls: 33mins of extra lapdancing.

9)Starship Troopers: the full 27min shower sequence.

10)Basic Instinct: A scene where Sharon Stone opens a beer bottle with her buttocks.

11)Casino: 12 more minutes of pointless steadicam shots whirling around fruit machines.

12)Face/Off: 8 more mins of Nic Cage pulling faces in a mirror, and 14 more mins of Travolta swaggering coyly with one hand on his hip and the other holding a cig.

13)Scarface: Tony Montana vibrates with bullets for an extra 6mins during the final death scene.

14)Seven: An extra 4mins of Brad Pitt looking like he’s sucked a lemon and saying nooo nooo before opening the box.

15)TheWorld is Not Enough: 5mins sequence showing Denise Richards washing Bonds BMW and getting very wet, mmmm

16)Armageddon: 15 more mins of Steve Buscemi’s space dementia.

17)Planet of the Apes: Reshot ending, Leo returns to Earth crashes into the ocean, sees New York submerged under water, rescued by Kevin Costner in a neat cameo as the Mariner.

18)Hannibal: 12 more minutes of Hannibal Lecter preparing dinner.

19)Jurassic Park III: 5 mins scene showing 3 raptors playing cards with Sam Neill.

20)Pearl Harbor: 40min sequence showing Ben Affleck wiping out the Japanese carriers at Midway, and a final 20mins sequence showing him piloting the Enola Gay heading for Hiroshima.


.


Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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#2 of 30 Mark Kalzer

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Posted September 07 2001 - 07:56 AM

Great list! here's a few additions!

Independence Day: The 500 hours it really took Jeff Goldblum to hack into the alien computer!

Armageddon: 30 seconds where a NASA scientist finally speaks out, "Wait a minute, isn't this plan, like, impossible?" His worries are quickly dismissed!

Star Wars Episode 1: 2 minutes of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon secretly planning to destroy Gungun city.

Cast Away: 1 minute where Tom Hanks notices a completely intact and seaworthy boat sitting on the other side of the island as he's already leaving on his makeshift raft.


- Mark Kalzer

#3 of 30 Ken_McAlinden

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Posted September 07 2001 - 09:05 AM

Psycho: 8 minutes of Janet Leigh lathering, rinsing, and repeating a shampoo, pumicing her feet, singing show tunes & popular commercial jingles, and shaving her armpits.

Casablanca: 3 minute musical sequence featuring Dooley Wilson and a tapdancing Humphrey Bogart.

Lost Highway: 81 minutes of expository dialog from Robert Blake concerning his character's motivations and symbolic function.

Jazz Singer: 4 minute savage beating of Jakie Rabinowitz backstage after an unappreciated 1 minute performance of "My Mammy" to a predominantly black crowd at the Lincoln Theater in New York.

Halloween: 5 minute elaborate origin sequence showing a young Michael Myers being pelted by gamma rays while being bitten by a radioactive spider from the red-sunned planet of Krypton.

Fantasia 2000: 18 minute re-telling of "The Bad Lieutenant" with CGI penguins to the tune of In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida.

Regards,

------------------
Ken McAlinden
Livonia, MI USA

Ken McAlinden
Livonia, MI USA

#4 of 30 Max Leung

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Posted September 07 2001 - 10:21 AM

Aliens: 4 minute sequence showing the aliens drinking beer, smoking, playing cards, and spitting out drinking songs before being called upon to besiege the colony complex. Long, slow-motion shot of an alien's best buddy being shredded by automatic weapons fire a la Gallipoli.

Contact: 3 minute sequence showing one of the dish operators surfing the porn websites and participating in a XXX chatroom during the wee hours of the night, just before Ellie tells them about the new signal.

Gladiator: 7 minute montage sequence highlighting the life story of Maximus' dog, from his delightful puppy years until his unfortunate and tragic death as roadkill caused by a passing chariot driven by a drunken roman soldier dress in woman's clothing and the Taco Bell dog as the sidekick.


------------------
Max Leung

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Gamesh....

#5 of 30 Steve Christou

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Posted September 07 2001 - 11:20 AM

Posted Image Great stuff, keep em comin'!

Spartacus: The complete "I'm Spartacus" sequence, lasting 39mins.

Jaws: 30 more minutes of Quint's WWII anecdotes, plus 15mins of our guys singing 'row row row your boat'.

2001 A Space Odyssey: 2 minutes of primitive man urinating on the Monolith in Dawn of Man sequence.

Citizen Kane: Charles Foster Kane telling reporters "I've never been as happy as I was riding about on my sled".

Total Recall: Original shock ending showing Arnie waking up at Rekall and thanking them for that great adventure and than going home to his loving wife Sharon Stone.

X-Men: 15 more minutes of Prof.Xavier and Magneto playing chess.



[Edited last by Steve Christou on September 08, 2001 at 07:33 AM]

Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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#6 of 30 KyleK

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Posted September 07 2001 - 01:10 PM

The Fifth Element: 5 more mins. of Milla Jovovich trying on clothes. Posted Image

Planet of the Apes (original): Following the book more closely, all the humans are naked all the time.

They Live: The original 5-minute fight sequnece...oh wait, nevermind.

[Edited last by KyleK on September 07, 2001 at 08:12 PM]

#7 of 30 Eric Scott

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Posted September 07 2001 - 02:07 PM

Blazing Saddles: 24 minutes of the cowboys eaten chow at the chuck wagon. After 19 minutes Slim Pickens can’t get enough oxygen and passes out. 4 minutes afterwards Mel Brooks, the cameraman, cast and crew panic and abandon the set. 32 seconds later the campfire ignites the gas, the explosion incinerates the chuck wagon and stampedes the herd!

#8 of 30 MichaelPe

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Posted September 07 2001 - 02:46 PM

Pearl Harbor: 15 minute sequence where John McClane is being treated by nurse Kate Beckinsale, after his train was hit during the air strike and derailed (but oddly he was the only survivor and he didn't have a single broken bone). He tries to explain to her that he is from the future and he is looking for the army of the 12 monkeys.

GoodFellas: 5 minute flashback scene of Tommy shining shoes when he was a kid.

Fight Club: 10 minute fight scene between Jack (the narrator) and the penguin (his "power animal") in the cave. The penguin wins the fight and fucks Marla. Posted Image

[Edited last by Michael Perez on September 07, 2001 at 09:53 PM]

#9 of 30 Evan Case

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Posted September 07 2001 - 03:41 PM

Raging Bull: Jake LaMotta takes in a ballgame at Ebbets Field, gets drunk, and knocks out the entire Dodgers' Sym-Phony band, a popcorn warmer, and Red Barber.

Doctor Zhivago: Zhivago treats a soldier who ate yellow snow.

Paths of Glory: The legendary "banana" scene.

E.T.: Elliot's mom goes bankrupt after recieving an astronomically high long-distance bill.

Duck Soup: The brothers have a rational conversation about the possible effects of the Treaty of Versailles and the worldwide Depression on 30's Germany.

Sons of the Desert: Stan & Ollie concoct a plan. It works flawlessly.

Memento: The hero remembers that his lack of memory prevents him from remembering his inability to remember new memories. Posted Image

The Goonies: "Sloth love Chunk... with mustard!"

Evan

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"* * * * * * * * * * * * *" - Buster Keaton
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#10 of 30 Mark Kalzer

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Posted September 07 2001 - 04:04 PM

The Matrix: A flashback to the first time they ever ran the "jump" program. (Where you must leap from tall building to tall building.) After disasterous results, the programmers decide to include the rubber ground!

Again, The Matrix: 5 minutes where it is revealed that everyone being "un-plugged" by Cipher is actually just Tank tripping over the cords. In desperation, he concocts a story about Cipher going crazy, and even imitates his voice!


- Mark Kalzer

#11 of 30 SteveGon

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Posted September 07 2001 - 04:51 PM

La Belle Noiseuse: 30 more minutes of Emmanuelle Beart posing naked. Posted Image

Return of the Jedi: a 10-minute sequence showing Imperial Stormtroopers having a cookout, replete with Ewok-burgers.

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He thought on homeland, the big timber, the air thin and chill all the year long. Tulip poplars so big through the trunk they put you in mind of locomotives set on end. He thought of getting home and building him a cabin on Cold Mountain so high that not a soul but the nighthawks passing across the clouds in autumn could hear his sad cry. Of living a life so quiet he would not need ears. And if Ada would go with him, there might be the hope, so far off in the distance he did not even really see it, that in time his despair might be honed off to a point so fine and thin that it would be nearly the same as vanishing.
-- Charles Frazier, Cold Mountain



#12 of 30 Jeff Kleist

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Posted September 07 2001 - 07:35 PM

Enemy at the Gates There just wasn't enough unnecessary love in the trenches, more more love in the trenches!

2001: A Space Odyssey: The Plot (ooh, I'm in trouble now :BG Posted Image

#13 of 30 Steve Christou

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Posted September 08 2001 - 01:01 AM

Lethal Weapon 4: Alternate ending for Chinese audiences, Jet Li beats the crap out of Gibson and Glover and walks away in slow motion as the credits roll.

Casablanca: Alternate happy ending 1, Rick flies off with Ilsa at the end.

Casablanca: Alternate happy ending 2, Rick pushes away Ilsa and Victor and flies of with Captain Renault, the audience cheers. Posted Image

Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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#14 of 30 JasenP

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Posted September 08 2001 - 04:06 AM

PI- Film is re-released in special "Cinematographer's Edition" with the original extra shaky camera work by caffeine-addicted camera operator that was fired after 2 weeks of shooting. Film is also guaranteed to be 65% less pretentious.

Thelma and Louise- Original ending with the Thunderbird safely landing on cardboard boxes over the Mexican border. (3m) More shirtless Brad Pitt scenes. (10m)

U2: Rattle and Hum- Scene in Memphis hospital where Bono undergoes experimental head deflation procedure is reinstated. This scene was intended to follow the "Elvis Grave" scene. Intended to build suspense, it was originally excised because it was 33 minutes long and it was already obvious to the viewer that the operation was unsuccessful.

Superman- There is a short montage that was filmed but never used, even on the recent DVD release. Marlon Brando (as himself) is shown cashing his paycheck in several slow motion shots with maniacal laughter echoing in the background. This was intended to run along side the end credits.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves- All of Kevin Costner's original dialogue using a British accent could not be used because of the constant giggling and laughter from cast and crew. Thanks to modern digital sound manipulation, this track has been cleaned up and restored on this new special edition.

Forrest Gump- "Hippie Orgy" This 4 minute sequence from the Washington, DC portion of Forrest Gump was thought too unnerving for American viewers and was originally only in the European version of the film. This segment is of historical interest because it features footage of J. Edgar Hoover digitally superimposed into the scene.

Posted Image

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"Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government!"


350+ Reasons why I drive A 1991 Cavalier.



[Edited last by JasenP on September 08, 2001 at 11:07 AM]
You know, Fred, if you keep your sense of humor like you do, you just might make it.

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#15 of 30 Steve Christou

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Posted September 08 2001 - 06:26 AM

Dune: Restored shock ending, Paul Atreides and the Fremen bump into The Statue of Liberty half buried in the sand on Arrakis.

Return of the Jedi: Missing scene restored, the Emperor reveals that the Death Star was constructed from stolen Borg technology.(what we always suspected).

Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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#16 of 30 Mike Frezon

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Posted March 14 2011 - 06:45 AM

Toy Story 3:  Original ending restored in which Woody and Buzz lead the remaining toys on an escape from their new home.

Instead, they go on a cross-country media junket including all the network morning shows (Barbie & Ken try out for the Today Show's Wedding contest, Ham the Pig guest hosts with Kelly Ripa), and guest-starring roles on prime-time shows (Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head play victims on CSI: Miami, "Spanish Buzz" Lightyear plays a spurned suitor of Sofia Vergara's Gloria on Modern Family).  Woody signs a multi-film deal with Steven Spielberg.


There's Jessie the yodeling cowgirl. Bullseye, he's Woody's horse. Pete the old prospector. And, Woody, the man himself.Of course, it's time for Woody's RoundUp. He's the very best! He's the rootinest, tootinest cowboy in the wild, wild west!


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#17 of 30 Steve Christou

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Posted March 14 2011 - 10:04 AM

Avatar: restored coda -  A fleet of warships heading for Pandora.


Avatar: reinstated song - Jake Sully walking around Pandora and singing "I Talk to the Trees"


Inception: Di Caprio wakes up back on Shutter Island, slow fade to black as he starts to sob...


Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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#18 of 30 mattCR

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Posted March 14 2011 - 11:55 AM


1) Basic Instinct 2:   The car scenes are extended to give us a far more detailed "From the floorboards" view of Sharon Stone


2)  Howard the Duck:   3 Minute cut-scene where Howard orders more Pizza.


3) Yentl.   To make it more contemporary, the lead song now suddenly cuts to:





4) Husbands and Wives - 32 Minute extended scene where cast and crew pull Mia Farrow from Woody while she pummels him with a toaster.


5) Husbands and Wives - 4 Minute audition where Jane Fonda's (foster) daughter Mary Williams shows up; Wood re-evaluates casting..


6) Glengary Glen Ross - 3 minute scene where John (Kevin Spacey) calls Proposition Joe and offers him a deal on some hideaway space "on the cheap" for a cut


7) The Passion of the Christ - 2 minute cut scene where Monty Python walks through with popcorn


8) Patriot Games - 6 minute extended boat chase scene where Harrison Ford breathes heavily and wipes brow A LOT.   Includes him shaking his fist a few times and pounding it on the dash.


9) Batman Begins - 4 minute extended scene cut in slow motion of a building collapsing.   Where?  Who cares.  Fanbois wanted it.


10) Social Network - 5 minute scene where Mark Zuckerberg screams "SCREW YOU SCRABBLE!  Your wrecking my office productivity";  3 minute scene where students forward each other fake porn; 14 minute sequence where nothing happens but Farmville strategy.  3 minute sequence where a lawyer jumps up and down on the table "How could you NOT friend me!  You see me EVERY DAY"


11) Fargo - 3 minute scene of filling out a car loan application; 2 minute scene with a lot of angles on a family giving a real test to "Duracoat"


12) I, Robot - 5 minute scene of Will Smith dancing to a "Hot Jam" using his robotic arm for cool moves.   3 minute scene of Smith repeatedly yelling "You want some?  You want some?  Come get some!!"




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#19 of 30 Yee-Ming

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Posted March 15 2011 - 08:51 PM

Is this some record for longest time between posts?  Or put another way, oldest ever resurrected thread?



#20 of 30 Greg_S_H

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Posted March 15 2011 - 09:04 PM

Maybe, maybe not.   For a while, we were getting a lot of postbots resurrecting ancient threads.  This one was resurrected because someone in the "Is the Forum on Life Support???" thread was having a bit of a laugh at Steve's expense and posted a link to it and Adam moved it out of the locked archives and made it active again.  I think he rightly determined that this is the kind of thread the HTF crowd eats up, and somehow it was overlooked ten years ago.  I think it might do better over in Movies, though.