A little venting about the g/f... (1 Viewer)

[Ryan Wright]

And if I say, well I'm sorry, I was doing the laundry, I'll get, wow, you put the clothes in and push the button.

Wow, she's condescending, too!

You need to decide if you want to live with this the rest of your life. She obviously does not appreciate you, and the chances of her (anyone, for that matter) changing are slim to none. I still recommend telling her goodbye. Taking care of HER children scores you 150% on the nice guy scale. The rest is just icing on the cake! She should be counting her blessings and thanking God for you every day. I would be. Whose apartment is it, anyway? Is she paying half the rent, or are you subsidizing that for her, too? She obviously has no idea how good she has it...

This obviously bothers you greatly. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here posting about it. Personally, I'd throw her back in the sea and go fishing for a new one. If you don't want to do that, at least give her an ultimatum. If I got that kind of attitude from my wife on a regular basis, I'd be long gone. Life is too short to put up with that sort of crap from another human.

 

[TimDoss]

Thank you all for your advice... got some thinking to do.

 

[JonZ]

My response would have been

"I overslept because I was tired from staying up with you all night because you were so upset. Next time I wont bother, then you wont have to worry about my alarm waking you up"

Why didnt she turn the damn thing off and shake up until you woke up?

 

[Holadem]

I would show her this thread. Seriously.

--

Holadem

 

[DaveF]

I agree with JulieK has been saying: If an isolated event, then it's not too unreasonable. We all act rashly sometimes, and hurt those we care about.
I also agree that your description of "being taken for granted" might be indicative of a serious personality clash. It reminds me of a brief relationship I had last year. I'm basically easy going, and "good enough" is, well, good enough. My then girlfriend, however, required things to be "just so" -- good enough, wasn't. So if I did something for her, doing my best but not getting things just right, I thought "Hoorah! Pretty good!" But she was "This is not right. And that doesn't work." It became clear, by this and other conflicts, that we had a fundamental personality conflict. And we broke up. (Don't get me wrong; I'm not dumping on her. Her perspective involves me driving her batty with my inattentiveness. And we are still casual friends.)
I see three general approaches:
- Relationships involve compromise. Maybe you learn to work harder for her, and she'll learn to appreciate your efforts.
- You decide this is a small weakness in an otherwise great relationship.
- This is a deal-breaker, and you two will have to part ways.
I suggest talking to her about it. And hopefully you can work things out for the best.

 

[Stacie]

Lots of good advice in this thread.

I don't have much to add, except to say that IMO the key to making a marriage (or any long-term relationship) work is for both people to do their best to remain constantly aware of how their words and actions might affect the other. Following from that, you admit when you're wrong, you apologize when you've been a jerk, and you do it ASAP. I occasionally lash out at my husband unreasonably. Sometimes he does the same to me. The key to getting past those harsh moments is to be self-aware enough to know when you're lashing out for no good reason (or for something that's not the other person's fault)and acknowledge that with an apology. Both people have to try their hardest to play fair, or the resentment will start to build. That, and, oh yeah, all of this should happen within the context of a relationship in which both parties are usually kind, caring, respectful, and considerate of one another.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like your GF generally treats you the way you deserve to be treated, though you try hard to treat her that way. If that's really the case, you need to have a nice long talk with her as soon as it's feasible. Maybe she really does care about you, but has other issues she needs to work through before she can be a mature and caring partner to you. Maybe she just doesn't care about you enough. Either way, you have to decide if you're willing to do the work (or help her do the work) to get to that better place.

Good luck, and my sympathy. Sounds like maybe you're at one of those "relationship crossroads." Getting through those (and making the right decision) is tough.

 

[Ted Robinson]

Tim, if things dont work out you can move in with me. I will treat you the way you need to be. wait that sounded a bit wrong. anyway, i will be happy with the things that you do.

 

[Scott Strang]

That's the way it works, pal.

Years ago I dated a girl that was very strange (especially noticeable now looking back). One day she had jury duty so I decided to go by and put money in her parking meter as a favor. Boy did I get an ass chewing for that. She said "I can take care of that myself, bla bla bla. How dare you do that, bla bla bla". So I said fine; the days of me doing anything for you have come to a fitting end.

For some reason, 80% of the women out there like to be treated like shit. It defies logic.

 

[MickeS]

Blah blah blah... nobody's perfect.

Do you love her? If so, figure out if she's annoying enough that you don't want to be around her anymore. If she is, talk to her about it. If nothing gets better, leave. Does it have to be harder than that?

/Mike

 

[Janna S]

I swore I wouldn't jump into this one, but I have to say - there is ALWAYS another side to every story. The behavior of the other person may be described in a way that seems to be completely irrational, nasty, unbelievable, etc., but there is always, always, always another side to the story. And I have seen enough "I was just being a nice person" behavior that was actually passive-aggressive to know that things are often not what they seem. To fall back on my inevitable legal analogies, no prosecutor would ever lose a case if all the jury heard was the prosecutor's side of the story . . . .

 

[NathanP]

I belive that when you truly love somebody, you'll forget about it and do anything to be with that person.

Love bears all things.

Ahhhh... L'amour..

OH Secret person I'm in love with
I want you back!

 

[Jeffrey Noel]

Tim, since she is accustomed to you doing such nice things for her, stop doing them for awhile. Let me tell you from experience, this will get her attention more than anything. She will never take your nice doings for granted again.
For instance, I was becoming upset for my g/f of 2+ years because she never appreciated things I did for her. She just got used to them and then expected them. Then she would get mad and say that I never did things for her. So I said "the hell with that", and I stopped doing those nice things. This really brought things into perspective for her.
I highly recommend this tactic! You should try it!
Best of luck though!

 

[Howard Williams]

Wow !!! There's some good opinions in here.

Tim:

The best advice in this whole thread is this. Talk to her. Tell her what you told us. She needs to know how you feel about things. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

Love can be a bitch at times, but it shouldn't have to be one for long.

 

[Adil M]

Nathan,

Are you quoting Erasure?

And quick question. I always try to treat females nicely and courteously, but have noticed that if you ignore or are slightly rude their responses are extreme. They really dislike you or they suddenly really like you. This is very common. Why?

 

[John Besse]

Make her do somethings for herself. Work around the house... Ah, come on. I'll do the dishes here and there and take out the trash. But, the rest should be up to the woman. I swear, you start giving her a lot of respect now... Then it'll only blow up in your face later. Lay down the law. Make her do more work. Toughen her up. And when she's good, give her a smack on the a** for a bit of encouragement.
There are a lot of things you need to teach a woman right up front. Like who's wearing the pants in the relationship. Make sure she brings you beer when your in front of the TV watching Sunday afternoon football. And for the love of all, make sure she takes the cap off the beer first.
The last thing you need is a woman getting more power than she needs. You give it to her and you're pretty much screwed. Then, as you stated:

But then that behavior becomes expected and you slip up once and you're treated worse than the guy that treats her like shit all the time. Why bother????

You wonder why? It's because you have done the wrong thing. The way I see it is... It's better to get a compliment for the things you do, than an a** chewing for the things you dont do. No one likes getting yelled at for something like: "why didn't you mop the floors in the apartment and clean off the dining room table?. You knew my mother was coming over tonight." Well, you're damn right she is. Key word "your mother"... Not mine, your's. Why should I have to take time out of my day to do work for your mother. It's not like I can stand her anyways.
Damn, I wish it were just that simple. But please, take into consideration that THIS IS NOT ADVICE. This was for a joke only. Since this was a venting topic... I had to distort it with my twisted view points. Too bad they are semi-accurate. And, unfortunatly... These are the keys to never keeping a nice girl. Hope you enjoy my humor.
Oh yeah! And yes, I'm single :frowning:

 

[Ellen]

Tim said:

Most "snoozes" last 10 minutes, so....your alarm clock went off every 10 minutes for over an hour? That would piss me off, too. After the second time I would have thrown it across the room. I think you owe her an apology.

I'm with Roger on this one, except I would have bashed you in the head with the clock instead of throwing it across the room

 

[Julie K]

Nevermind :rolleyes

 

[JonZ]

Instead of bashing him with it, why not turn it off and kick him in his ass/throw water on him/kick him off the bed/yell in his ear.... or whatever it is u have to do to wake him up so you can go back to sleep.

 

[NathanP]

Why do chicks like cheese so much???

Cheesy potatoes

Cheesy pizza

Cheesy vegetables

Chessy everything

Nathan

 

[Rob Gillespie]

Why do chicks like cheese so much???

They prefer grain. It's actually cheaper than commercial chicken-feed if you buy it in bulk. Grain helps egg-yield when they're adult too. I wouldn't have thought cheese would do them much good to be honest.