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That's just a nod to The X-Files. Things aren't bad enough for the FBI that they have to hire me. :)

As a fellow luddite, I get what you're saying but just join Facebook (use a fake name) and do nothing with it other than Like companies that may have deals or information that you want to keep up with. That way, you get the good and you don't have to deal with any of the vast amounts of junk and...