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Rey also uses a Darth Sidious move, a stabbing motion style thus far not used by any Jedi. Like the Sith Lord, she instinctively uses the move several times. This proves that she is his father's, brother's, nephew's former room-mate.

If he's really huge, then we could get another lightsaber variant: one the size and heft of a caber. If Rey practices real hard, she could caber-toss it with the Force.

The big twist is that Luke is actually a mute now, much to the chagrin of Mark Hamill.

I guess it was far easier and cheaper for him to install a movie spoiler on his SUV than an actual Fiberglas spoiler, which you'd have to sand, paint, and bolt on.

Surely dwarfs my "Uncle Owen's brother-in-law's son's T-16 Skyhopper was used to bull's-eye Womp Rats back home" shifter knob.

It cannot get any darker than this...

If George took over again, then we'd finally get this: STAR WARS Episode IX YA SCROONIE DOUGH POT SLAMO Now this is pod racing...

I just hope that in Episode VIII we don't find Rey running around in Jedi training with Luke riding piggyback.

It's just disappointing that in an entire galaxy far, far away the same shit keeps happening. In this respect, I guess, Star Wars resembles Ron Moore's Battlestar Galactica: "All this has happened before, and will happen again... and again... and again..."

Funny, I never have to check my inner critic when I watch The Empire Strikes Back. It's simply a terrific film, so I don't feel a need to sit there and tear it apart.

Bet you a dollar that under that cairn of rocks lies the Chris Pine version of Captain Kirk.

It's a clever forgery that does not hold up to close scrutiny, but I enjoyed it. Then again, I also enjoy counterfeit $100 bills. Concerning Rey's parentage... I'm voting for Rey being another immaculate conception like Anakin (a natural Force wunderkind with strong innate abilities). Rey of...