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a tragic loss

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6 replies to this topic

#1 of 7 OFFLINE   kingfish



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Posted March 13 2013 - 01:12 PM

i had no idea that this forum existed to talk about other stuff. i just lost my mom to cancer on February 25. she suffered near the end but i was there with her to say goodbye when she finally passed. how does one recover from a loss like this? :confused: to make things worse my dad will be gone 19 years this march. we were the best of pals.:confused:

#2 of 7 OFFLINE   bujaki



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Posted March 13 2013 - 01:28 PM

Paul, I found it comforting in the long run to recall that I, her only child, was the only one present at her side when my mother peacefully let go. My condolences over your loss. But she will always be in your thoughts. Jose

#3 of 7 OFFLINE   Hugh Jackes

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Posted March 14 2013 - 01:53 AM

Paul, Please accepte my deepest sympathies for your loss. There is an order to the universe, and for most of us, unfortunately, it means burying our parents. As to how you recover, the only answer is time, Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but it does scab them over so that the bleeding stops. One of the things that makes loss hurt so badly is unfunished business.We all have it with the people around us,even those we love the most. ("It really ticks me off when my wife ..." "I hate it when my daughter ..." " Why can't my son just ...") Let go of any miffs or grudges that you may have had with her (or him) and know that they loved you despite your flaws (when she thought, "I wish Paul would ..."). I have learned through loss that Alcoholic Anonymous has a great wisdom in their credo, "One day at a time," though sometimes one moment at a time is all we can bear. I know I can surive my sorrow today (or for the next 5 minutes) and I will let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. Some days, keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind was the only thing that got me through the day, Understand that grief is very self-centered. This is normal and not meant in a judgemental way. I honestly believe that we are rent by sorrow not because of our loss of a loved one, not her loss of her life. She no longer feels the suffering you described; for her this is a blessing. If youand she share a spiritual belief system you also believe her to be in a better place than here (though our little planet is pretty damn fine). No, the sorrow comes because you love her, you miss her, and it hurst so damn much to know that you'll not see her again on this Earth. To repeat myself, this is normal. Sometimes it is OK for it to be all about you. Lastly, be patient and understanding with the other people who are grieving fo your mother. None of them had exactly the same relationship with her that you did; their grief is going to be different than yours. It is not fair to them or to you compare your grief or how you display it. They miss her too. Hold her and your dad in your heart and know that you loved and love them and that they loved you. I wish you peace, Hugh
I have learned that some pain cannot be healed, but must be endured. I believe our Higher Power will help us to endure and find peace. I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable and he is taken from me-yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure, I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it."
-- William Wordsworth 1812


#4 of 7 OFFLINE   kingfish



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Posted March 14 2013 - 02:16 AM

one day at a time is true. they say time heals all wounds well imho it will be a very long time. i am numb with shock.

#5 of 7 OFFLINE   Aaron Silverman

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Posted March 14 2013 - 02:59 AM

It may seem crass of me to say ditto to Hugh's post, but I don't know that I could put things any better than he did. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
"How wonderful it will be to have a leader unburdened by the twin horrors of knowledge and experience." -- Mr. Wick

#6 of 7 OFFLINE   andrew markworthy

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Posted March 14 2013 - 06:43 AM

Paul My sincere condolences. My mother died last November, a year or so after my father, after a long illness that progressively robbed her of her physical health and her memory. With no disrespect intended towards anyone else here, I got fed up of people telling me 'time will heal' - it did, but at the time it can be hard to believe.

#7 of 7 OFFLINE   Colin Davidson

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Posted March 15 2013 - 01:27 AM

The people we have lost are never truly gone as long as we keep them in our hearts and thoughts. Take comfort and warmth from the love that you both shared in life and especially her final moments knowing that you were there by her side as she traveled to a better place.

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