Your online dating experience... (1 Viewer)

[DeathStar1]

Here's another thing I notice.

I'll give the name of the site, just to make sure it's not me that's seeing all these profiles. I joined up with AmericanSingles.com this time. While there are alot of great looking women who know how to type an intelligent sentance....I've also been seeing alot of great looking women that can't type at all, or speek English for that matter..

For example

'I be Jennin, 25lovetowalk, IamEngland, from there long time'....

Just curious if this is the norm. They don't LOOK stupid in their photo .

 

[RickER]

I met my woman 2 years ago. Both of us are divorced, i have 2 older kids, she has none. We are very happy. The thing i learned and will pass on, dont do the long distance thing...EVER. If it takes longer than an hour to meet for dinner and a movie, it will never work.

 

[Ryan-G]

This is actually characteristic of a somewhat poorly written macro. What it is/does is this...

Generally, this macro is written for use on Myspace/Friendster type websites. It automatically parses the lists of users based on certain "Vulnerable" criteria. Specifically, Men who profess to want a relationship and fall outside of the "Average" parameters. Like Over/Under wieght, states a liking for video games, certain careers.

It then creates an E-mail using predetermined sentences loosely organized, in a poorly written english to represent "Non-english speaking women", expressing interest in the target(s). The E-mail will generally describe the pretend woman, ending with a website address or e-mail address because "It's easier to talk that way" or "I can send you pictures". On E-mailing, another somewhat intelligble response will be generated, this time with a link to a webcam site so you can "See her pictures", which turns out to be a softcore porn webcam with a subscription.

There are also variants, which will speak decent english and claim to be someone who's "Coming to your town" to visit (Insert close relation/friend) and looking for someone to hang out with.

That's where most of those come from. They're bait for porn sites.

__________________________________________________ _____________

On the subject of "No kids", I too make sure that's checked. I've come to the conclusion that pre-existing children don't make for good relationships. My last girlfriend had a child, but I decided I was too old to be picky(31 now, 32 in a few days).

The relationship started out well enough, and quickly she began placing me in a position of "Fatherly". She would strongly "suggest" I come and put the child to bed, and hug her goodnight. She would tell the child that she had to listen to me like she does her. Everything proceeded well enough for a few months.

After two or three months I became responsible for watching the child when she was off, and if I dared to suggest the child go to the babysitter she would be quietly angry with me. I was also responsible for paying for the child when we went out. If she decided she was going to do a double shift and work 11-7, I had to watch the child. On one memorable occasion I expressed that I had been very ill that day and asked if she couldn't pick another day to work over, and got raked over the coals. I also frequently got stuck with the babysitter bills, of $200 a pay period.

Then, around 4 months into the relationship, I dared to suggest a different path for discipline. The child had been misbehaving in a restaurant horribly, and she had told the child that she couldn't have ice cream and would go to bed when we got home. A few minutes after we left, the child had ice cream and would be staying up late to watch a movie. I dared to suggest that she should've stuck by her discipline.

I got yelled at for an hour. "It's not your kid!", "You don't know anything about being a parent!", "You have no right to say anything about the kid, you're not her father!" At that point I understood finally what was going on, I was to be a "Parental figure" so long as it was convient, such as when it cost money, but at all other times I was to be quiet and let the child behave in any manner. The relationship ended after a year.

Never again. There's just no way for it to work. At some point I'll be expected to assume a Parental Role for a child should a relationship progress, but any time I conflict with the Mother the response will simply be "You're not the father, shut up!".

I guess I expect too much when I think that if I'm paying bills and sacrificing my personal time I should have a vote.

Sorry all, had to get that off my chest, coming up on 32 in a few days with no companionship in sight and reflecting on my last relationship :frowning:

 

[Wendy_L]

Reading your posts about not wanting to date a girl with kids is once again starting to baffle me why more men didn't seem interested in me. Because in my experience, not too many women my age don't have kids. I don't have a single female friend who does not have a kid. I have one friend who is even chubbier than I am, has two bratty kids and is a complete slob but she still found a guy to date. *shakes head* I don't get it. I could understand if I was a complete bitch or money hungry but I'm not. And if you don't believe me there is a member on this site who knows me personally and can vouch for me. The only thing I can think of is that all men want a skinny chick. They would rather date a skinny chick w/tons of baggage than a chubby chick with no baggage and who is really easy to get along with. Which contradicts my statement about my friend who is heavier than me getting a guy. Like I said, I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

That's why I think it's a destiny thing. And that's why I gave up on internet dating, or any sort of dating for that matter. If it's meant to happen it will happen. I'm tired of fighting it.

Fortunately, I am comfortable enough in my own skin that I have no problems being alone. I know so many women who NEED a man in their life so bad that they will do whatever they have to to get one, no matter what the cost. I actually feel a little sorry for those women. Which is funny cuz they feel sorry for me for being alone. LOL

And just for FYI, here is a pic of me (w/my grandma) taken in March. Just to show I'm not 300lbs and severly deformed.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c3...amandGirls.jpg

 

[MarkHastings]

Wendy, the same thing seems to happen with guys. Women would rather date the good looking 'jerk' as opposed to the average looking 'good guy'.

With women, it's weight and with guys, it's looks.


And as far as the 'chubby' thing goes, let me explain my experience. Now before I say this, I do realize that this has been my experience and I'm not saying that everyone acts this way. It's just that I seem to run across this all the time and is the reason I shy away from larger women.

I have known many larger women who have been interested in me. All of them have been super sweet and I really did like them a lot. But the one thing that they all had in common was a sort of 'overkill' fondness toward me.

I didn't like it. It's not that I want someone who doesn't want to pay attention to me, but the overkill nature was almost phoney in a way. They were all so excited that I liked them, that they went overkill on trying to make me like them. They laughed WAY too much at my jokes and would constantly say "You're so funny!" and stuff like that.

I know, boo-hoo for me having someone like me that much, but it wasn't so much that I didn't like the attention, it was more the fact that their self-esteem (for being large) was so low that they jumped over any sort of attention.

Again, I didn't like that much. Probably the main reason was, I always used to get the "I'm breaking up with you because you're too nice" from me ex's. At first I didn't understand, but then I realized that my self-esteem was so low that these women didn't like my constant attention. I gave them a lot of attention because I was afraid that if I did anything bad, they'd hate me.

I got over all of that and got a lot of self-confidence in myself and that's why I'm trying to find someone with that same kind of confidence.

Again, I'm not saying all large women are like this, but the majority of the ones (that I've run into) are this way. And I'm not ruling the possibility out in real life. I just limit myself on the internet. I'd prefer to meet someone in person so I can see what kind of person they are.


OK, flame away

 

[DeathStar1]

There are also variants, which will speak decent english and claim to be someone who's "Coming to your town" to visit (Insert close relation/friend) and looking for someone to hang out with.>>>

Hmm, that's interesting. I'd start reporting those members, but there is a very slim chance that they just don't speak that great English. However, when I see 5 or 10 of them that start off the same....Maybe I'll write them a note and see if they can't filter them out. Anyway to determine on the server side of things if it really was written by a macro?

Oh, and I have gotten three or four of those 'I'm coming to your town soon, please call me' type emails. Those I blocok and report automatically as they are easier to spot .

 

[DeathStar1]

Fortunately, I am comfortable enough in my own skin that I have no problems being alone. I know so many women who NEED a man in their life so bad that they will do whatever they have to to get one, no matter what the cost. I actually feel a little sorry for those women. Which is funny cuz they feel sorry for me for being alone. LOL>>>>

Thankfully, I'm not one of these people. I can go on for days without thinking of having a special someone. It's just that when I see all the married couples in the family sharing private moments, or my sister with her boyfriend, it just makes me feel super lonley at times, and even a little jealous that I haven't had that kind of luck in finding someone. Go figure .

It's no fun going to the movies by yourself . Although, I will say this. If your friend is dating, and they invite YOU to a movie, Do NOT go. It was so annoying seeing them kiss and cuddle in front of me while I was trying to enjoy the flick, that I now have an inherent dislike toward Martians Attack! .Or whatever that weird movie was that they killed the martians by making their heads explode with musack .

 

[Holadem]

Whoa!

--
H - sorry, I can't help it!

 

[DeathStar1]

Yeah, I know. It's something, ain't it? I think my record was 7 days, 5 hours, 3 minutes and 52.5 milliseconds ..

Surprise surprise. I emailed customer support about the obvious potential on spamming profiles, and I got the standard form letter...'Sounds like you need to talk to customer service, please call..' If I was that serious about it, wouldn't I have done that already?

 

[Wendy_L]

I actually have no problems being in a room with couples. Doesn't bother me at all. Remember how in my earlier post I said I thought I had met the person for me and I was so wrong? Well, that experience was soooo horrible that I now see that there definitely worse things than being alone, and being with him was one of them. In the span of 14 months this guy was able to show that being with the wrong someone is oh so much worse than being alone. I ended up with him because I was lonely. NEVER AGAIN.

Anyway, I think I have given enough of my own personal story.

Oh, one last thing. Mark, I am NOT one of those type of women. I am who I am and I like me. I think I'm definitely worthy of being with a guy. I am easy going, down-to-earth, smart, funny, animal lover, kind to people and an awesome kisser. My only flaw, if you want to call it that, is not being as thin as society dictates I should be. So, I'm not surprised at all when a guy likes me. I personally think more men SHOULD like me, LOL. One of these days I'll find the guy who sees me for the great girl I am. Until then, I'm happy with my life the way it is.

Neil... keep trying internet dating. It might just work out for you.

 

[Ron C]

I tried match about a year ago and didn't have any success with it. Since then I've tried a few free dating sites, but the profiles were very low quality there I didn't get very many responses. I'm guessing women's profiles there get bombarded with emails as everything is free.

I've searched on match again and just recently signed up again. The profiles now seem to be of much better quality and more of them. match also has a sister site - chemistry.com - with a very innovative design. You mark with profiles you would like to meet and the site will "match" you with people that marked you as "would like to meet". The site is very professionally done. The downside is it's $50/month! Match's main site is already pushing is at $30/month. The only type of people I could see paying $50/month are the rich or desperate (with probably more of the later)

I haven't had much success with dating in general as women around my age usually fall for the "player" type, which I'm far from. Hopefully I'll have more success this time with match. Most of my "compatible" searches are generally women a few years older than me, which I don't have too much of a problem with. I'm guessing women the "older" women wise up a little and figure out the "player" types are still living with their parents and really aren't that great except for picking up women =p

Mark, I agree with women's profiles with the "Love of Hiking, Skiing, and going to the beach"! Either that or its "has a head on their shoulders, doesn't play games", etc! You would think they would come up with something more creative =p I look for profiles with women that have an education, a job and hobbies. Any negativity in the profile (i.e. complaining) or indication of the "party/bar" type girl is immediately passed. I also have the no smoking, no kids, and not married criteria as well. Hey I can be picky to right?!? But seriously I'm open to a lot, but I do have standards. Of course as I get older(I'm 24 now) the married/kids criteria will need to be relaxed. My username on match is "wetcrayon" if anyone wants to hook me up *hint hint*

 

[DeathStar1]

Heh, hey now, there's nothing wrong with living with the parents .

You help out with the bills(In this case, I pay Internet bills wich when we add TV to it, will get to about 90$'s a month), pay your own bills(dermatology, Internet hosting) do chores around the house to keep it clean, and work during the day, what's the harm with staying home?


Also, I agree on the price factor. Anything more than $20's per month is a bit too much to pay for a dating site, no matter how great the profiles. Although, it may mean you might meet a few more educated folks, it's highly doubtfull...

The other thing I find kind of odd, is people signing up for a site, not wanting to pay the premium price, and then refering you to another site to find them like Match.com. While I can understand this philosophy, it does seem kind of weird..

 

[Holadem]

Do you figure any of the above is attractive to anyone? That's what you have to wonder, Neil.

There are perfectly good reasons to stay at home, not least of which are financial. Just be aware that independence and the appearence of full control of one's life is far more attractive to women.

--
H

 

[DeathStar1]

true. But If I moved out of the house to our Jersey Shore Domicile where it would be just me, it's alot tougher to find a job down there than it is up here. The season is only 4-5 months long. If I'm moving, it'll be going down there full time .

Oh, and don't worry. If something gets serious with a girl, I won't ask her to move in with me and the parents .. I'd find a way to make it work somewhere else..

 

[Lew Crippen]

I’m, not trying to be insulting Neil; but you really should be paying attention to what Holadem wrote, rather than defending your decision to live with your parents—not that there is anything g wrong with that.

As I read your post for the second time, it occurred to me that your plan is to move from living with your parents to living in your parent’s second home. In my limited experience, girls like men who are self-sufficient—after all a part of what attracts women to us, is their belief that we can provide for them (I’m not trying to state that most women are not independent and more than capable of looking out for themselves—just pointing out a bit of a basis for those good old biological urges).

You can of course attract women while living at home—but it will be far easier and you will have a bigger selection if you are not. And by the way, the older you get, the worse it will be as far as women are concerned.

OTOH, the older you get, the more chance you will have in meeting appealing single women. I know several from about 35-55 who are attractive, smart (including a few PhDs), with good professional jobs, fun and very sexy.

Back to your living conditions, it would probably be more advantageous (from a dating perspective) to live with a roommate than at home.

Of course you may well need to live at home for reasons of your own. No problem with that, but it will (IMO) limit your choices.

 

[Ron C]

Don't be too hard on Neil. There are certainly merits to living with parents. I certainly would if I could stand living with them, that’s $15,000 per year I could save on rent. We certainly don't know his life situation; he could be a responsible professional that is smart in saving up for a house for when he really needs one. Then again, he could be a lazy bum =p Not really fair to judge him. Considering this is a forum for equipment that can often add up to a second mortgage, I'm sure he knows the advantages and disadvantages of owning his own home.

To put it in perspective, I'm 24, have my own apartment, two cars, a BS in technical management and I work for the largest pharmaceutical company in the world. Yet women won't give me the time of day and I see a stream of them go into my next door neighbors with 4 guys who are drug and alcohol addicts, have extreme emotional issues and can barely pay rent with four of them. So there are certainly more factors than having your own place that attract women =p

 

[Citizen87645]

The return of the online dating thread! LOL

I've tried my hand at it and had middling results and ultimately found it emotionally draining for the time it takes coupled with the non-results. So I've been on a long hiatus from it - I think it's been a couple years now.

A friend at work mentioned a speed dating event coming up. I actually was the pioneer attendee of these, introducing it to my "next generation friends" (those in their mid-40s and up) but have also been away from it for awhile. My friend is going to the one for his age bracket and encouraged me to go to the one for mine. It has come down to choosing between it and going to a concert and practicing photography. So I checked on the "pre-dating" event, saw it was full, but signed up for the waiting list. If "fate" gives me an opening, I'll go; if not, I'll have my concert to attend. Honestly - I hope I go to the concert .

I have often wondered how much one's ability to be alone and one's level of comfort with oneself ultimately plays into it all. When a person sees being alone as a viable alternative, what does that do to the person's decisions?

 

[Chris Gerhard]

I haven't read all of the posts in this thread but I am 54 and placed an ad on Yahoo! Personals a little over a year ago and met several women, one I dated from May to August of last year and the woman I am currently seeing since January of this year being the two serious relationships. The first woman I dated is still a good friend. I also made several other friendships that I continue to enjoy with online communication. I found no rules regarding timing before the first phone conversation or before meeting in person but I am much older than the average person that might use a service like that. How quickly anything happens depends on the individuals and the time spent communicating, the trust gained in the process and other factors. To say wait 6 months before meeting might be silly or it might be just right, there can't be any guidelines in that regard that work for all people.

I was divorced in 98 and although I had tried meeting women the traditional ways and had some relationships, I really never had anything that evolved into a committed relationship like I have found online where it is so much easier to get to know somebody without the problems associated with first dates or blind dates. The woman I dated last summer had a grand niece that went to school with two teenage daughters and told them her aunt was dating their dad. I got an immediate call, "Dad you've never had a girlfriend before". I have had only great experiences and this method works best for me.

Chris

 

[DeathStar1]

Heh, Yep, I understand what he's saying. In the case of the shore house, while it is an extended home, I'd say i'd have 85% of the time to myself and a potential girl friend if I moved down there. We only go as a family during summer time during the weekends, and occasionally during the winter. So it'll almost be like owning my own home. And if the income improves, I could always buy it from them and take care of all the bills..

As far as income goes, when I was younger, I had three jobs. Two lasted 2 weeks total, and the third lasted for 3 months before I decided to take a course at a local school. On hindsight, it would have been better to stay at the job. After that, I didn't work for a few years, and now just got back into the work enviroment with my father.

That was last August, so ever since(and after I'd bought every minor thing I've been wanting )I've been saving up.

Once I get enough, I'm going to spend a month or two in April/May of next year just to get a feel of living the bachlor life by myself .

 

[DeathStar1]

To Chris G.

Maybe it's the notes I'm writing, but the only response I got from yahoo was, 'Thanks, but I'm already seeing someone'. About 20 emails to different people sent over the course of two months, and nothing.

Since unlike most men probably do, I take the time to read the profile, I try to taylor every note to one so it dosen't sound like a form letter. Maybe they don't respond to the sweet letters...maybe they like the 'Get over here and date me now, Woman!' type notes and the bad boys better, heh.