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Discussion in 'Movies' started by Roy Wall, Jun 9, 2012.
VI....what a way to go out.
I'll only rank TOS. I refuse to acknowledge anything past TUC since Paramount decided to kill my childhood hero in Generations.
1. TSFS- I think I'm the only one who ranked this first. This was the first film where the characters acted like family, putting their careers on the line for a friend. Also even though the score is similar to TWOK, I like it a little bit better. My favorite Trek line: "My God Bones, what have I done?" " What you had to do. What you always do, turn death into a fighting chance to live."
2. TWOK-Great music, great space battles, cool uniforms and Saavik. Very close to being #1
3. TMP- Agree with others about the epic feel of it. Great score by Goldsmith. Didn't care for the pj uniforms.
4. TUC- Great send off for the crew, music was ok, not enough themes. Seems like the same theme is played over and over.
5. TFF- Thin plot but had some great character moments, loved the campfire scene. Special (or not so special) effects really hurt this film. Liked the score but not nearely as majestic as TMP. Sounds like Goldsmith had a television orchestra.
6. TVH- Very dated, hate the soundtrack (doesn't sound anything like Star Trek), too much humor for me in a Star Trek film. No space battles and the new Enterprise only has about 30 sec. of screen time. Loved the new bridge but never get to see again after IV.
Question: does anyone know if there is any material out there that explores Will Decker's life before TMP like his relationship with Ilia on Delta IV? I really liked Decker and wish he hadn't "evolved" at the end of the movie. I think he would have made a good replacement for Kirk.
My favorite is still WOK, followed by Voyage Home. I enjoyed the comedy. It's still too soon for me to figure where ST (2009) fits in, though I know I will rank it high. I thought it was a great relaunch of the series.
BTW, did this thread use to have a real poll? Was it lost in the conversion to the new software?
Actually they are vaguely similar. NOMAD was NOT seeking his creator but simply thought it found him, which kept Kirk and his crew alive. NOMAD was simply roaming space. This was a story of man vs computer. Good classic sci-fi for its time as an underlying sentiment in the 60's was that computers were taking jobs from people.
TMP on the other hand had a more sci-fi profound theme the possibility of a sentient machine as a result of amassing great knowledge and that pure logic alone was insufficient to survive and evolve. I thought TMP was a good extension of the series without the confines of 60's TV. It was closer to what Roddenberry wanted. TMP was the more quality science fiction story and the most intelligient of them all. In addtion, being more epic makes it number one in my book.
Mine are II and VI. For musical score, TMP.
Damn, 8 years in mothballs and somebody found this thread AND actually resurrected it. I'm assuming that somewhere in the beginning there was an actual counter involved to tally the scores.
I'm not going to break too many boundaries:
2) Undiscovered Country
3) First Contact
4) Voyage Home
6) Search For Spock
10) Final Frontier
I would probably slot the Reboot STAR TREK at number 2 on that list
A Demented List of Star Trek Movies (from Bestest to Worstest)
#1 Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
This is the greatest Star Trek movie of all time to feature a 57 year-old singer/actress performing an inapproropriately leggy fan dance in front of a moon while being overdubbed by someone else who sings like shit. All this so a Starfleet landing party can get past lazy sleeping guards, despite being armed with phasers with the ability to stun in a radius. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.
#2 Star Trek Nemesis
Hands down, the single best Star Trek movie to wholly misunderstand the concept of androgenetic alopecia, or male-pattern baldness. A younger clone of a balding man (who once had a full mane of hair) will naturally be 100% bald. Furthermore, the cloning process will cause photos of the original character in his youth to go bald, even light years away and in a drawer. (The clone will also speak using the same British accent, despite the original character being French and not raised by vicious Remans, but let's not pile on the superlatives too much here.) This, quite frankly, is the vital essence of science fiction that Star Trek nails so effortlessly, time and time again.
#3 Star Trek — The Motion Picture
No other Trek movie comes close to being as dead wrong as ST:TMP for its use of a "Voyager 6" space probe launched by NASA more than 300 years prior to the film's events. This is awesome because it's like laughing at 2001: A Space Odyssey for thinking Pan-Am would still be around. And nobody laughs at 2001. Well, except during the monkey scene. That part was pretty funny.
Random thought: If only this exact film had been made in a different era, then it could have been called Star Trek — The MPEG and we'd be thinking, "Oh, how pretentious!"
#4 Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
The once-seen-cannot-be-unseen presence of giant, fake cactuses covered in bleached paper shreds makes Star Trek III one of the best entries in the series due mainly to its inspired — and frankly gifted — approach to extracting every last morsel of storytelling drama out of a few blatantly falsified members of the plant family Cactaceae (within the order Caryophyllales). That, and Klingon bastards.
#5 Star Trek Generations
Stanley Kubrick would have been right proud of seeing old Alex visiting a bit of the old ultra-violence on Captain Kirk and his droog Picard. Bonus points for Captain Picard's priceless reaction to Troi's having totaled the ship like an SUV rolled off a parking garage ledge. "Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you!" Oh, that didn't happen? Guess that's why it's only the #5 greatest Star Trek movie then.
#6 Star Trek (2009)
This film's unswerving capacity to make fun of other people's nationalities, accents, crazy skin colors and weird stalky eyeballs (while also perpetuating the good old-fashioned "all Asians know karate/sword fighting" stereotype we love so well) puts this one high on the list of all-time greats. I would actually watch a whole episode featuring Chekov struggling to read difficult, unfunny things over the ship's P.A. system — but perhaps not an entire movie... which is why Star Trek sits only at #6.
NOTE: This film would have been #7 or #8 had it not been for the unsustainable, franchise-breaking title that must always be qualified with "2009" or "Abrams-verse" or "crap," which just makes it a little more awesome. We can only pray there will be a "Star Trek 2" along with a "Star Trek II" in the same series, just so Dr. Who fans can laugh at us. If we're really, really lucky, the sequel will be called "Star Treks" because Aliens had an "S" in it and that was a good movie.
#7 Star Trek Insurrection
This is actually a pretty awesome movie. Maybe not the best Trek film compared to the stiff competition described above, but no I'm not kidding. It rules. What other Trek movie dares to push science fiction to such mind-shattering limits that it literally exceeds all possible comprehension, leaving you slack-jawed and humbled by its very existence? What other science fiction film can you name that dares to drain an entire lake and then have its characters row a boat out of a dock that should now be 50 feet up in the air? THAT'S STEPHEN HAWKING BRILLIANT SHIT RIGHT THERE! Fourth-dimensional hypercubes, you just got owned. (Some points are subtracted for showing rocket smoke coming out of the Enterprise's warp engines. Gene never wanted that.)
#8 Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
As we approach the list of Star Trek films that actually suck, let us first point out that this film does have something going for it: The title. The Undiscovered Country refers to a line from Shakepeare's Hamlet. This is probably one of the greatest plays ever written by anyone in the entire world, except maybe for Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, so it deserves a brief quotation:
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Hamlet was referring, of course, to the specter of death, as represented most urgently by the ghost of his dear departed father. Star Trek VI was referring, of course, to director Nicholas Meyer's single-minded quest to shoehorn a favorite Shakespeare passage into a film that's not about death at all but about refusal to change. So while the simple fact that they didn't just call it Star Trek VI: Better the Devil You Know... loses a few points for originality, the bat-shit stupid title they actually went with clinches a respectable #8 on this list.
Pulling a phaser on a pot of food and vaporizing it like a moron instead of just explaining yourself, as any intelligent Vulcan must, earns this film a serious kick in the keister. Everybody knows Vulcans are non-violent and use the nerve-pinch, duh. Take that, you stupid pot of food being cooked by people, even though we established in the earlier series that the ship has automatic food processors!
#9 Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Okay, now we're into the real stinkers. Seriously, save the whales? Kirk miraculously getting his ship and crew back together like nothing happened by the conclusion? The now-useless (but once essential) character of Saavik suddenly getting the heave-ho for no reason? Normally, these things would make a Star Trek film like this come close to topping the list of all-time greats but the proceedings are ruined by Gillian (Catherine Hicks) actually slapping a fellow actor for real, right in the chops... on-camera! And on Facebook! Even though it was 1986! It's relentless bullying like this that has to stop.
Also: Missed opportunity for Gillian (Catherine Hicks) to meet Captain Decker (Stephen Collins) inside the whale probe and say, "OH MY GOD, ERIC?!" with the retort: "Annie, I'm evolved to a higher plane of existence, not deaf."
#10 Star Trek First Contact
First, there was already an episode called "First Contact" and it wasn't about Vulcans, it was about Riker with a bumpy forehead and some bumpy-foreheaded chick thinking he was an alien (which he was), even though he looked like an alien (which he isn't). Then, there was already an episode about Zephram Cochrane — and his nose wasn't nearly as big as the one in this movie. Awkward! Finally, they dredged up Jerry Goldsmith and his son for the score instead of relying on, say, Celine Dion, or giving Joan Osbourne a shot ("What if Borg assimil'd us? Just a drone like one of us?").
Just about the only thing saving this movie was the Enterprise-E. Only in Star Trek can a crew go down with their previous ship (having the same name as six other vessels involving similar shenanigans), then stick together for re-assignment to a new ship (same name!). This, even though everyone should be a captain or an admiral or something by now. Because Starfleet consistently and believably places all their eggs into one basket every damn time, First Contact gets a pass from being the worst Star Trek movie ever.
#11 Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
After the studio coffer-draining debacle that was Star Trek — The Motion Picture, someone came up with the bright idea to make a "sequel." Apparently someone had a "must-see" idea for Star Trek: The new film would fly in the face of the fact that the first one cost $46 fucking million dollars to make and everyone hated it. Instead, they'd make another one for only $11.2 million and hope people hated it less, then profit! Amazingly, this worked. The ploy to make a sequel to this sure-fire suicide pact succeeded like nobody's business and nobody got fired.
So what did we get? The villain, Khan (from the season one episode "Space Seed"), was posited to be a genius who was genetically altered via "Eugenics" (a Jewish form of bionics, no doubt) to be physically and mentally superior. He was actually able to recognize Mr. Chekov on sight, this despite the fact that Checkov wasn't even on the show during its first season. He could also quote Klingon, even though he never kept any Klingon books. Nor would he be able to get anything useful from the Enterprise's library (witness: all the trouble in Star Trek VI faking some Klingon phrases to a remote outpost). No, all this towering genius... and the guy can't even remember his wife's name! "They've killed twenty of my people, including... my beloved wife." Who was that? "My beloved wife." You mean that red-headed totty Marla McGivers? "My wife, yes." The one who got off on you slapping her around and making her beg? "Er, my wife. That's the one." Oh, I see. So Lt. McGivers as played by Madlyn Rhue then? That wife? "Yes, my beloved..." Oh, shut-it.
Khan: "Ah, Kirk, my old friend. Do you know of the old Klingon proverb that we am thy freighter Ursva, six weeks out of Kronos..."
Worst movie ever.