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Witty or amusing song lyrics, need recommendations (1 Viewer)

Glenn Overholt

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Mar 24, 1999
Messages
4,201
My favorite for over 35 years, but hearing it makes it even better.

Artist Bob Dylan
Album Bringing It All Back Home
Song Title Bob Dylan's 115th Dream
Lyrics by Bob Dylan

I was riding on the Mayflower
When I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab
I have yuh understand
Who came running to the deck
Said, "Boys, forget the whale
Look on over yonder
Cut the engines
Change the sail
Haul on the bowline"
We sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do
When they are far away at sea

"I think I'll call it America"
I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath
I fell down, I could not stand
Captain Arab he started
Writing up some deeds
He said, "Let's set up a fort
And start buying the place with beads"
Just then this cop comes down the street
Crazy as a loon
He throw us all in jail
For carryin' harpoons

Ah me I busted out
Don't even ask me how
I went to get some help
I walked by a Guernsey cow
Who directed me down
To the Bowery slums
Where people carried signs around
Saying, "Ban the bums"
I jumped right into line
Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late"
When I realized I hadn't eaten
For five days straight

I went into a restaurant
Lookin' for the cook
I told them I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said
"Could you please make that crepe"
Just then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin' fat
Food was flying everywhere
And I left without my hat

Now, I didn't mean to be nosy
But I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab
And all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral
And I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley
When up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house
I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out
And robbed my boots
And I was on the street again

Well, I rapped upon a house
With the U.S. flag upon display
I said, "Could you help me out
I got some friends down the way"
The man says, "Get out of here
I'll tear you limb from limb"
I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"
He said, "You're not Him
Get out of here before I break your bones
I ain't your pop"
I decided to have him arrested
And I went looking for a cop

I ran right outside
And I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door
This Englishman said, "Fab"
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand
And a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building
Advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door
Like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor
And the man asked me who I was

I repeated that my friends
Were all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card
He said, "Call me if they die"
I shook his hand and said goodbye
Ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road
And knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing
It just about blew my mind
When I picked it up and said hello
This foot came through the line

Well, by this time I was fed up
At tryin' to make a stab
At bringin' back any help
For my friends and Captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin
Like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go
Back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor suit
And I got a coin to flip
It came up tails
It rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship

Well, I got back and took
The parkin' ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds
When this coastguard boat went past
They asked me my name
And I said, "Captain Kidd"
They believed me but
They wanted to know
What exactly that I did
I said for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed
They let me go right away
They were very paranoid

Well, the last I heard of Arab
He was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy
Sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was
When I was leavin' the bay
I saw three ships a-sailin'
They were all heading my way
I asked the captain what his name was
And how come he didn't drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus
I just said, "Good luck"

Glenn
 

Jimmy Nugent

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Jul 6, 2000
Messages
219
XTC

Pink Thing

Anytime you rise, I'm here,
And I'm crazy for you pink thing.
You make me want to laugh,
You make me want to cry,
When I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high,
Pink thing.

I want to take you out and show you round the world,
Pink thing it'll be OK.
If I could only wake you from your slumber curled,
Pink thing what would straight folks say?

That man isn't fit to enter heaven.
That man is a sinner,
Ever burning in disgrace.
Pink thing, spit in my face,
I'd love you for it.

Anytime you call, I'll fall,
Into madness for you pink thing.
You make me want to live.
You make me want to die.
And when I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high,
Pink thing.

I want to take you out and show you to the girls,
Pink thing they're a whole new tribe.
If you could only see the way the way the gingham swirls,
Pink thing it's a whole new vibe.

That man isn't fit to be a father.
That man is a sinner,
'Fore they cast me down to die,
Pink thing, spit in my eye,
I'd love you for it.
Yes, I'd love you for it.

Anytime you rise, I'm here,
And I'm crazy for you pink thing.
You make me want to laugh,
You make me want to cry,
When I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high,
Pink thing.
Hundred heartbeats high,
Pink thing.
Hundred heartbeats high.

I want to introduce you,
Take you to the brink thing.
I want to introduce you,
Tell me what you think thing. I want to introduce you,
Make that missing link thing.
Don't you think it's time you met some female pink thing?

You make me want to laugh,
You make me want to cry,
So why is it I'm happy when there's tears down in your eye?

Little pink thing.
 

DaveAr

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Apr 8, 2003
Messages
63
I am not sure of the band, but there was an odd song entitled "Detachable Penis".
Also another "older" obscure band with weird lyrics were the Tuff Darts . Another band was/is The Tubes.
 

John_Bonner

Supporting Actor
Joined
Oct 25, 2000
Messages
664
Here's a clever one: "Anagram (for Mongo)" from Rush which happens to be full of anagrams.

There's a snake crawling out of the darkness
Parade from paradise
End the need for Eden
Chase the dreams of merchandise

There is tic and toc in atomic
Leaders make a deal
The cosmic is largely comic
A con they couldn't conceal

There is no safe seat at the feast
Take your best stab at the beast
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin

Raise the art to resistance
Danger dare to be grand
Pride reduced to humble pie
Diamonds down to sand

Take heart in the earth and the weather
The brightness of new birth
Take heart from the harvest
Shave the harvest from the earth

There is no safe seat at the feast
Take your best stab at the beast
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin

Reasoning is partly insane
Image just an eyeless game
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin

Miracles will have their claimers
More will bow to Rome
He and she are in the house
But it's only me at home

Rose is a rose of splendor
Posed to respond in the end
Lonely things like nights,
I find, end finer with a friend

I hear in the rate of her heart
A tear in the heat of the art
The night is turning thin
The saint is turning to sin

There is no safe seat at the feast
Take your best stab at the beast
The night turns thin
The saint turns to sin
 

Michael Hall

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Jul 30, 2002
Messages
228


That would be King Missle. There is a video to this song that is pretty damned funny as well. I'm sure with a little digging, it shouldn't be too hard to find. I still have the image of the guy standing over his sink washing his detachable penis stuck in my mind. Why, oh, why? :)
 

Grant B

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2000
Messages
3,209
2 of my favorite songs that might be what you are looking for.

Angst In My Pants Lyrics by Sparks

I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
It's just a passing phase
It'll go 'way

You can dress nautical
Learn to tie knots
Take lots of Dramamine
Out on your yacht
But when you're all alone
And nothing bites
You'll wish you stayed at home
With someone nice
But when you think you made it disappear
It comes again, "Hello, I'm here", and
I've got angst in my pants

You can be smart as hell
Know how to add
Know how to figure things
On yellow pads
Answer so no one knows
What you just said
But when you're all alone
You and your head
What's the computer say, it's mumbling now
It says "hey Joe"
It's spelled it out and
"You've got angst in your pants"
"You've got angst in your pants"

But when you think you've made it disappear
You're sure you made it disappear
And you've still got angst in your pants

I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
It's just a passing phase
It'll go 'way
I hope it doesn't show
It'll go 'way
Give it a hundred years
It won't go 'way
And I've got angst in my pants
I've got angst in my pants

They Might Be Giants · Particle Man Lyrics

Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
What’s he like? it’s not important
Particle man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he’s underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, particle man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

Universe man, universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

He’s got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet it’s a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man
 

Dick

Senior HTF Member
Joined
May 22, 1999
Messages
9,913
Real Name
Rick
This is the one song I truly wish I had written. It's by Ray Stevens (yes, the same Ray Stevens who gave us THE STREAK and GITARZAN and AHAB THE ARAB), and for my money has some of the the wittiest lines ever... the rhymes are not forced or arbitrary and the message is more timely now than when first written. I prefer B.J. Thomas' performance of it, but Stevens got the lyric perfect:

MR. BUSINESSMAN

Itemize the things you covet
As you squander through your life
Bigger cars, bigger houses
Term insurance for your wife
Tuesday evenings with your harlot
And on Wednesdays it's your charlatan
analyst, he's high up on your list

You've got air conditioned sinuses
And dark disturbing doubts about religion
And you keep those cards and letters going out
While your secretary's tempting you
Your morals are exempting you from guilt and shame
Heaven knows you're not to blame

(CHORUS)
You better, Take care of business Mr. Businessman
What's your plan?
Get down to business Mr. Businessman if you can
(Before it's too late and you throw your life away)

Did you see your children growing up today
And did you hear the music of their laughter
As they set about to play
Did you catch the fragrance of those roses in your garden
Did the morning sunlight warm your soul,
Brighten up your day
Do you qualify to be alive
or is the limit of your senses so as only to survive
Hey yeah.....

Spending counterfeit incentive
Wasting precious time and health
Placing value on the worthless
Disregarding priceless wealth
You can wheel and deal the best of them
And steal it from the rest of them
You know the score, their ethics are a bore

Eighty-six proof anesthetic crutches prop you to the top
Where the smiles are all synthetic
And the ulcers never stop
When they take that final inventory,
Yours will be the same sad story everywhere
No one will really care, no one more lonely than
This rich important man, let's have your autograph
Endorse your epitaph
 

Hunter P

Screenwriter
Joined
Sep 5, 2002
Messages
1,483

I guess some people can't read too good.

You might want to try some Dr. Demento collections.

One tune I remember from my youth was "Junk Food Junkie" by Larry Groce.

You know I love that organic cooking
I always ask for more
And they call me Mr. Natural
On down to the health food store

I only eat good sea salt
White sugar don't touch my lips
And my friends is always
Begging me to take them
On macrobiotic trips

Yes, they are

Oh, but at night I stake out my strongbox
That I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet
Where nobody else can see

I open that door so slowly
Take a peek up north and south
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie
And I pop it in my mouth


Yeah, in the daytime I'm Mr. Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junk food junkie
Good lord have pity on me

Well, at lunchtime you can always find me
At the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar
Just sucking on my plain white yogurt
From my hand thrown pottery jar

And sippin' a little hand pressed cider
With a carrot stick for dessert
And wiping my face in a natural way
On the sleeve of my peasant shirt

Oh yeah

Ah, but when that clock strikes midnight
And I'm all by myself
I work that combination
On my secret hideaway shelf

And I pull out some Fritos corn chips
Dr. Pepper and an Ole Moon Pie
Then I sit back in glorious expectation
Of a genuine junk food high

Oh yeah



My friends down at the commune
They think I'm pretty neat
Oh, I don't know nothing about arts and crafts
But I give 'em all something to eat

I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons
And I only eat homegrown spice
I got a John Keats autographed Grecian urn
Filled up with my brown rice

Yes, I do

Oh, but folks lately I have been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumbling into a Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death

I'm afraid someday they'll find me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringles Potato Chips
And a Ding Dong by my head

>Repeat Chorus>
 

Rob Gardiner

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2002
Messages
2,950
Oo-Bla-Dee
music by Mary Lou Williams, Lyrics by Milt Orent
I met a beautiful princess in the land of
OoBlaDee
She smiled and said OobaDidela meaning you
appeal to me
I said Oobadideaabendue with pride
Oobadideaabendue let's take a ride
In the land of OoBlaDee OoBlaDee
She drove me straight to her castle in the land
of OoBlaDee
And there I met her two sisters Blooeyda and
Dooeyblee
Blooeyda without a doubt was twice my size
Dooeyblee the other sister had three eyes
And the two had eyes for me Oobladee
I loved the beautiful princess from the land of
OoBlaDee
I asked her Oobedaooblue darling will you marry
me
She said Oobadideleea ooblaseeblue there is
nothing in this land I'd rather do
In the land of OoBlaDee OoBlaDee
They led me straight to the altar in the land of
OoBlaDee
I had a very bad feeling things did not look right
to me
So before I said I do I looked aside
They had pulled swithceroo they changed the
bride
Oh they can't do that to me OoBlaDee
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
I hopped the western bound freighter from the
land of OoBlaDee
I jumped when I saw the princess who was
waiting there for me
Now we say Oobadideleeableoo meaning I will
always be in love with you
It happened in bladee OoBlaDee
 

Rob Gardiner

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2002
Messages
2,950
KING WEED
They Might Be Giants

Professor Jiblonski has interesting thoughts
Mr. Krelwich has lots to report
Another extinction's a worrisome thing, with all these species we'll lose

Professor Jiblonski says some creatures are weeds
They grab hold of life like a weed
When his examples were weeds, then I had to agree
But if you talk metaphorically
There's no bigger weed than me

King Weed
King Weed
That's what they would call us human beings
King Weed
King Weed
But no one'll be around to disagree with me
King Weed

Roaches survived five extinctions before
I guess they are good, but I don't know what for

Dandelions can adapt and renew
Seems like they grow best right under my shoe

What about the adaptable and rugged housefly?
Their life is so lousy they're too tired to die

Mice can survive another ice age intact
A mouse can't survive a single night with my cat

Now house cats, they're also right here on the list
Good luck to a cat with no Kibbles `n' Bits

Sparrows will survive, in the sky the ascend
If you like eating worms, then I guess you'll have friends

Worms, oh yes worms, he said they'll be around
And they're living like kings in their holes in the ground

There you have it, Mr. Koppel, that is our report
As subjective as it might seem
Professor Jiblonski's a very kind man
But don't underestimate the
King Weed
King Weed
 

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