What's the best way to approach the ladies? (1 Viewer)

[Citizen87645]

I was just about to ask if the women here felt offended by that kind of information. Anytime a thread like this gets started, links to or advice stemming from that perspective gets shared. As I've mentioned in the past the women I know and respect (and who represent the type I would hope to meet/be in a relationship with) just don't fit that image presented.

I think most of the men here have been offended by the notions presented in the infamous "Rules." I really don't see a difference between it and some of the "dating tips for men" sites out there. That's not to say those tips don't work, just as I'm sure the "Rules" work to an extent, but it's the underlying attitude that ultimately bothers me.

 

[Max Leung]

On acting like a jerk/don't care: I'd compare it to how muggers choose their victims. Acting like a jerk won't help you pick up women who are confident with themselves and have realistic expectations of how a relationship/date should work. So, the jerk will eventually gravitate around those he perceives as weak or have issues - completely ignoring the perfectly good women that are out there. Bad idea.

Acting like a jerk will only attract those who like to be with jerks. Do you really want that?

 

[Max Leung]

BTW, as mentioned before, conventions and similar events are a great way to meet people. Random encounters on the beach or the street or in a store aren't very effective I find. Although, my roommate did hit on a grocery store cashier very heavily...gave her the interested look and the flattery "you are beautiful" one-line spiel. Gross!

But she did like it...and I could almost feel a "I want to have his babies" vibe from her.

 

[Pamela]

Agreed, those "Rules" are no better than the Don Juan sites. A bunch of bunk all the way around. I can honestly say that I have never known one female friend who applied those rules to dating. I don't know that it is as prevalent as you may be lead to believe.

Ok, off my soapbox. Don't want y'all to think I'm a pyscho-bitch shrew, er somethin'!

 

[Citizen87645]

I don't think I ever considered the Rules as prevalent - mainly a controversial fad of the moment. My number of female friends has diminished since my college days, but I can say whether under the label of "The Rules" or otherwise I can't say I know or have known any woman to apply or think much of them. Although I did find some of what I heard of them very similar to some evangelical Christian teachings about male/female roles.

Thanks for your comments Pamela.

 

[Jean D]

So I guess people think because my name is Jean that Im a girl, which is false. So I fall into that category of heartless man/player type. You can believe what I've said or not. I never said anything was 100% and if it seemed like I grouped women, everything was based on percentages much like blackjack, you know your odds which is why the dealer hits on 16. I simply was pointing out that in order to be successful you have to up your odds, and to do that you have to pay attention to details (its 90% psychology i.e. if you meet her at the gym, shes probably health conscious, so now you have better odds at finding something to talk about (healthy foods perhaps)) anyway, I sincerely didn't mean to offend anyone especially the women here. I simply was informing the people of this thread of how I was extremely successful in the past. Just so you all know though, I've been in a serious relationship for 3 years now cause I met a great girl and slowly my girlfriend has been breaking down that mentality I had. And yes women do it too. It's very doubtful that a woman would start talking to me if I was reading a comic book in a park. Why? perhaps its not an interest they share based on first glance. So, please, forgive me if I came off crude and mater-of-factly, I was just acting as the devils advocate and showing the other extreme. I believe somewhere in the middle of shy and bold is where the answers really lye. And I sincerely apologise to those who were offended.

 

[Mike Broadman]

And just to add a bit more balance, I suggest people check out the book called The Rules, written by women as a guide on how to attract and capture a husband. It's just as "offensive" (even more so, IMO) than the Don Juan crap for men.

This doesn't make any of it "OK," I'm just pointing out that there are huckster out there wanting to make a buck off of anything offering their stupid advice.

 

[Max Leung]

Thanks for your inputs, Jean, Pamela, and everyone else.

It is possible for all of the advice here to work - depending on the situation, the location, and the culture you find yourself in. There is an element of truth to most everything said here, hence all the controversy! You just can't apply your observations to everyone in the world, only to your little microcosm in your corner of the universe.

 

[Citizen87645]

I'm not sure why you assumed this? But thanks for the follow up on your previous post.

 

[Evan.K]

okay but if you call too soon you might scare off a beautiful baby who wants to party.

 

[Jean D]

You dont need to wait three days. But you dont want to appear as if you have a lot of free time to chase girls and make new friends, and you dont want to get all the talk out of the way in the begining then there wont be anything of interest to talk about on a date, cause you dont want to tell that short story about how you saw her and you just had to talk to her, over, again.

 

[Pamela]

Wow. Could you please elucidate your remark? I'd love to understand why you think women's dating advice pabulum is more offensive than men's dating advice drivel. Is "wait for him to call you" so much more odious than, "wait three days to to call her?"

 

[Mark Zimmer]

I don't know; considering the number of women who have dumped me to be with stalkers the last few years, I'd have to say that being a highly offensive creep is a good way to go. :rolleyes

 

[Mike Broadman]

Pamela,

Here's some of the women's dating advice crap I've seen:

- If you meet a guy, don't actually talk to him for more than 10 minutes.

- The first couple of times he calls you, have some noise in the background or pretend like you're too busy.

- All the "beauty" adive designed to make women lie about their looks while condemning men for caring too much about looks.

Details aside, it's often designed to make marriage, not love, the "goal," instead of a consequence of a loving relationship. In other words, it's designed to turn women into man-traps, which is a cynical, horrible way to go about relationships, caring little for what happens after the wedding.

If a man who's slime-ball lies to get sex, that can be pretty bad. But a woman who lies her way into marriage is worse, because the consequences of a bad marriage are usually worse than the consequences of a one-night stand.

 

[Max Leung]

You know, this discussion could be torn from the pages of a Jane Austen novel. Interesting how nothing seems to have changed in the last 150 years.

It's an arms race! MADD - Mutually Assured Dating Destruction. :p)


I would counter with: Stop dating women who want offensive creepy stalkers!

Relationships is a fine line to walk: Don't smother him/her with affection, but don't completely ignore him/her either. Don't tell him/her everything about your life too fast, but don't just sit there in silence. Try to get your date to talk about him/herself, but don't make it into an interrogation. And you need to give something back once in a while to not make it a one-way street. Don't be a doormat, but then don't be too controlling...blah blah blah.

Darwin was right about his theory of sexual selection...

 

[Joe Szott]

Wow, I just ran this thread through the W.O.P.R. and Joshua has a reponse for Neil:

"Interesting game, Professor. The only way to win is not to play..."

It then proceed to beat my a$$ off in Tic-Tac-Toe.

 

[DaveGTP]

[OFFTOPIC]

Based on this relationship advice, I recommend this Foamy the squirrel cartoon. Foamy gives similiar advice. Foamy speaks wisely. Foamy is your lord and master. (Warning: dark humor and profanity).

(Macromedia Flash required):

http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
Click on "Dating Advice"

I REPEAT: Warning: Foamy is very offensive. Foul language, etc. For the easily offended, you HAVE been forewarned.

[/OFFTOPIC]

 

[M_a_r_k^NE]

My 2 cents. My experience is that women are emotional and thats an advantage to a guy at first. Them being emotional in nature is a plus and a minus for us guys. THe minus is they get upset easily and stay angry. Guys are back to normal the next day. WHen you strike up a conversation its gotta be real friendly and enjoyable. Women like the excitement of first time meetings with a guy they are attracted to. Only go for the ones you click with. Dont ask for phone numbers because the the girl lose interest after a few days and then probably blow you off. You can tell if they're interested by their body language while talking to them. Its best to talk to one and never when with a group. After some talk, say something like "you're kinda cool, do you have 30 minutes for a cup of coffee or a beer?" Ask for a date right there and dont wait. Its makes it more exciting. Pick out whatever place is near by, Starbucks, whatever restaurant there. THen after that 30 minutes suggest to do something else near by. Lets go for see a movie or whatever. Keep doing stuff the whole day if permits. Its fun, mysterious, and adventurous to her. I just met a stranger and doing all this stuff. You will a great time and maybe get the grand payoff at the end. Maybe not. If she says she has to go, but you feel shes interested, ask for a date on the spot. Dont wait for telephone tag to happen in a few days with her. Say "Lets have lunch Wednesday at 12:30 at Ruby Tuesdays." Dont say nothing else. Be stern and confident. On a first real date its best not to go to traditional first date stuff like dinner, movie, etc. Pick something to do thats NOT that.

She will say no if not interested or give a COUNTER OFFER if interested.

Whenever you ask a woman for a date always watch closely to her response. Its the tip off if shes interested or not. If shes busy, but likes you, she WILL make a counter offer in some way. Like I'm free the next day or give me your number. If shes not she will just say no or give a short answer. Counter offer comes if shes interested. Its best to get a email address than a phone number at first. Put in the subject line of the email to her like "Hi Kate, or Hey Kate. Something with her name in it to get her attention. Dont talk a lot and ask for a date right away. Do all your talking on the date.

When you're at a dance club they are always two girls dancing togehter by them selves. I used this approach all the time and it worked 95% of the time. YOu have to be confident. GO up to them and say hey whats your name? "I'm Kathy." You say "Can I dance with you guys?" 9 times out 10 they always say yes. Once you get in there start talking and dont stop. Make them feel comfortable and have a good time. After a few dances pick the one you like and ask her if she wants to go get a drink at the bar. She says yes youre in. I did this many times. It helps if you like to dance. Girls dont want to be impressed, they WANT to have a good time. THeyre already dancing so you dont need that akward line "Do you wanna dance" and get rejected and walk back to your buddies who are laughing. The type of clothes help too in your style that you are projecting. I always wore a black biker jacket when I did this and worked like a charm.

I'm giving some of the tricks I used in my gunslinger days. I miss those days they were fun.