What Is It Like Being In Love? (1 Viewer)

[Ricky Hustle]

I've been married for 15 years. To the same woman, yes. We lived together 2 years before that and dated for 1 year before living together. So the math says 18 years total, and I feel that gives me somewhat of an idea of how to answer the question.
You know you are in love when you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness, comfort, or well-being for the person you are with. This of course can apply to ones' children as well, as I refer to the emotion of love as well as the feeling of being "in love".
If I had to separate the two, I would say being "in love" can be compared to an ache, as in when you are apart from your partner. Not the love-sick-crush kind of ache, but more of a loneliness you feel when apart from your mate.
Another thought, when you can make love to your best friend, you're in love.
All you need is love. Peace.

 

[Kevin Potts]

I am concerned about people who don't feel "complete" unless they are half of a two-person "love" unit.

I think that it very much depends on the people involved and the situation. Up until I met my GF (soon to be fiance), I believed that I didn't need anyone else to truly be happy. There were so many things that I could immerse myself in, (music, home theater, friends, basketball) that I figured I would be just fine on my own. The thing is, we're always looking for that one thing that makes us feel whole. Some find it in "religion", some find it in "love", and I would venture to guess that a few even find it in home theater.
As to what love is:
Love to me is very simple. It's the feeling of pure bliss 24/7. For me, it manifests itself in a girl named Amber.

 

[Brian Bunn]

Very interesting reading all the posts...thanks for all the replies.

This is a very personal (if not sappy!) subject and maybe I shouldn't even go there but what the heck...it makes for interesting reading if nothing else.

I've never been in love...that is why I asked the question...just for fun and to read of others "definition" of being "in love". Yeah, I thought I loved a few woman a time or two, but the feeling wasn't mutual. And we all know that being "in love" takes two. It is just the thought of knowing that someone loves you back...wants to be with you. That out of all the people in the world they choose to be with you. That is a rather incredible thing if you get right down to it. Taken for granted by many I suppose. And I would think it must be a good feeling.

I am not saying that I am miserable because of never having been in love, but I do think about it fairly often. Sometimes I am completely happy being on my own. Other times I AM rather miserable!

It just seems so hard to meet people these days...everyone seems so wrapped up in their own little world and are less inclined to let others in than in days past. It is a fact that many more people live by themselves these days. We are becoming more of a "solo" society every day.

I guess all this explains why I like a good love story! I find myself welling up when watching, say, Notting Hill, or While You Were Sleeping, or Return To Me! Corny...yeah I know. Damn...I am such a wimp sometimes!!

I guess my greatest fear is lying on my death bed and never having been in love. That may prove just too much to bear in the end. That makes me want to go out and start talking to every woman I come across out there! Problem is I find it very difficult to strike up a conversation with strange, uh, woman I don't know. But hey...what's to lose, right?

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am fine on my own. But, man, I believe it would be nice to finally meet someone and the two of us just fall madly in love.

But if it never happens...well...I guess I will just have to live with it. Even on my death bed!

I don't believe in a "soulmate"...but finding someone to be in love with once would be nice!

 

[Kevin Potts]

I am fine on my own. But, man, I believe it would be nice to finally meet someone and the two of us just fall madly in love.

Brian,

Those same words have gone through my mind on many occasions over the years. I too, thought it would great to finally meet that one special person that made me whole. I count my blessings everday that I finally did.

I suppose it's kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. You've completed most of the puzzle, but you still have some pieces left that you just can't seem to fit into place. Then all of a sudden someone comes along and is able to help you complete it.

I wouldn't worry about trying to talk to every woman on the street. Maybe it's the romantic in me coming out, but I don't think that a person finds love. I'm more inclined to think that love will find the person.

 

[Brian Bunn]

Kevin--I have always been somewhat inclined to believe that it will find the person too...but now...I'm not so sure!

In the words of Jackson Browne (Love Needs A Heart):

"Love won't come near me
She don't even hear me
She walks by my vacancy sign"

Granted I am not exactly an upscale hotel...more like a Days Inn or Motel 6! And it seems as if many woman are more attracted when there is a NO VACANCY sign flashing. The old cliche "if ya got one it's easier to get one".

Congrats on your upcoming engagement! Amber sounds like a good one. I see much happiness in your future together! Enjoy these times. And always remember those things about her that made you fall in love with her.

 

[Zane Johnson]

Love happens when you least expect it.... you make a friend, and you don't mean anything more by it, then one day you realize that when your with this person your happy and wouldn't rather be doing anything else (i know this has already been said, but i thought it should be said again) when it comes to an end it hurts worse then anything you could imagine... i've been in love (i think) once... it was kind of a summer time romance, i met a girl that was so like me it was unreal, we were together all the time, we talked on the phone for hours on end not wanting the other to finally say they had to go... and we spent our days together, it was like this all summer, i allowed myself to trust her and to rely on her, and it soothed me when i was with her, and when i was away from her it hurt and i longed to be with her again... well summer ended and classes started again and well, it was strange, we just kind of moved away from eachother... when i realized it wasn't ever gonna be the same again it hurt, i took me a long time to get over her and to learn to rely on myself.. It hurt knowing that at the end of a hard day i couldn't call her up and talk about it and make it all better, i had to settle things with myself..i didn't have her to listen and help me straighten things out... I eventually did get over her, and i avoided other females for fear of having my heart broken again.... since then i haven't ever been so attached to another human, and i've never trusted anyone like i trusted her... Someday i suppose it will happen again, but until i know for sure i will be alot more careful...

 

[Mike Broadman]

Brian, love is everywhere- just LOOK AROUND. :p)

(kidding, just kidding, don't yell at me)

 

[Brian Bunn]

He he he!! Good one Mike! I'm not gonna yell at ya. It wouldn't do any good anyway...ya hard headed rascal!!

 

[Philip Hamm]

St Thomas Acquinas wrote:

"To love is to will the good of another"

 

[Dave Falasco]

This may be the most terrifying thread I have ever read. What happens when you have spent more than half of your life with someone (over 15 years) and you don't feel they complete you, and you don't wish their happiness over yours, and you don't feel like singing songs or holding hands for the rest of your life? What if you just get along with that person and they know you and you know them and it's comfortable and you are good friends and like to be with one another but you still scratch your head when you hear Robin Williams' speech in Good Will Hunting or a Lionel Richie song or most of the posts in this thread?
Never mind, something tells me I won't like the answer. :frowning:
Let me amend Sinatra: "Love and marriage, love and marriage/Go together like a horse and ice cream." (sigh)

 

[Leila Dougan]

Dave, IMHO, that would be the difference between being IN LOVE and loving someone. Unless it really worries you, I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about it. I know plenty of people who have the same marriage you do. No one can tell you its right or its wrong. As long as it works for the both of you, you're alright.

 

[Dave Falasco]

Thanks for the support, Leila. I don't know where that post came from...I started to type and then all that stuff kind of came rolling out. I almost didn't submit it.

I didn't mean to come off as so sardonic, either--you folks that have found someone who moves you to such eloquence (and many of the posts here have been truly moving) are blessed, and I applaud you.

Take care,
Dave

 

[Kevin M]

Love is like euphoria & diarrhea at the same time.

 

[Mary M S]

Go together like a horse and ice cream."

Dave, I know a horse who LOVES ice cream....
and another who will knock a person right over to get to a can of Coca Cola.

 

[Mark Murtha]

I agree with Mary - she's had excellent points all along. Very true and honest. Love includes hard times and easy times, good and bad, emotions and choices.
I've been married for almost 10 years, with major ups and downs. All marriages have them, whether it becomes public knowledge or not. Through it all, after the lust has worn off, Love is choosing to Love. Love should be a verb, and not a noun, Imo. Love is hard work. Lust and puppy-love are easy - and fade quickly. Try thinking of love as a verb, like eating, and then see how that affects you. Mary did that, if you look at her posts. At least, I see it that way.
Dave - keep at it. Work at your love. Choose to love her and let her know it. Hopefully she'll make the same choice for you, then things will improve. Of course, this assumes you need/want things to improve. But I've found changing your own attitude has a large impact. Sometimes looking in the mirror is the best way to improve, well, whatever. I try to do this and it is hard, but well worth it.
Mark

 

[Holadem]

I am struggling with a question, I though I would post it here instead of creating another thread.
What do you call it when you want to be with someone, but do not feel the need to be with that person?
Would you get into such a relationship?
One of my friends just got dumped, and she says that not being with him is the hardest, and that is what she needs to accept. Fair enough. But it makes me wonder if that feeling of needing to be with the other person is essential to a relationship.
Don't get me wrong: I am not talking needy as in depending on the other person to do everything and being nothing when they are not there. That is sick.
What I mean is if she wasn't there, I would be less happy, but I would be fine.
Whaddayaythink?
--
Holadem

 

[Mike Broadman]

What do you call it when you want to be with someone, but do not feel the need to be with that person?

Healthy.

 

[Holadem]

Hmmm, I am sure most people here would have a hard time imagining life wihtout their husbands or wives. That doesn't necessarily mean their relationships are unhealthy, does it?

--
Holadem

 

[Pamela]

What I mean is if she wasn't there, I would be less happy, but I would be fine.

Nothing wrong with feeling that way. Everyone is different. Even with the man who was "the one," who rocked my world and curled my toes, who made the birds chirp in the morning and the stars come out at night, I didn't feel the need to be around him all of the time. He did his thing and I did mine and when we got together, it was terrific—at least in the beginning. After a while there were problems, but that's a whole other post.

I now subscribe to Pamela's 25 Mile Rule of Dating: I don't get involved with men who live closer than 25 miles. That way, I don't have to worry about them just dropping by or making a habit of hanging around.

Bottom line: You can love someone and not feel the need to be around that person. Just hope they understand!

 

[Leila Dougan]

As long as both of you have the same feelings on the matter there shouldn't be problems. The problems start when one of you feel one way and the other feels differently.