Well, it's a semi-long, semi-essay, warning to younger folks, all out rant type of deal. Read it if you like. I'm feeling mighty depressed right now. Graduating college has been the most unexciting, unfulfilling experience I have ever done. Where's the sense of satisfaction you get with a degree? I feel like I wasted four years of my life. This was so way different from graduating from high school. Graduating high school, I was surrounded by friends. Graduation was filled with elated joy, tears of sorrow, and a sense of contentment and accomplishment. That night, we went "camping" on this undeveloped land that was on top of a small hill of sorts. It was Wes Ray, me, and about six other people. I don't ever remember any other time where I had so much fun. And this was the first time I have ever received the smell of piss on a campfire. Summer was great that year. I don't remember much of it, except for some strange feelings of happiness and nostalgia. My closest group of friends consisted of four people. But something happened that summer that should've foretold what was going to happen in the future. Two of my friends changed colleges (one got a kick-ass scholarship to Louisville, the other one ran home). I was left with only one of my closest friends going to college, and as the years through college would progress, we just drifted apart. For the first year, I lived with my brother. Needless to say due to my immaturity and quick temper, it didn't work out that first year. First day of college starts and boy am I ever excited! I still remember that I had Oreo's cereal that day. I think the first thing I attended was CHE 105 (Intro Chemistry that was above 101 I think). In walks one of the kindest professors I have ever seen (to be honest kids, you can tell it goes downhill from there). We gotten a syllabus, and I was ready to crack the class. Other classes I had that semester were Spanish (still useless even in retrospect), English, and a seminar class on the atomic bomb. This would mark the first time I've ever gotten a B in a class, let alone two in the same semester. It was a shock to myself, because I had gotten nothing but A's all my life in high school (and not joke classes either). I had a great time that Freshman Fall semester. Went to some exciting football games (anybody remember Kentucky 97-98 when they had Tim Couch? That was eons ago.....). Got to go to Clearwater, Florida for New Year's. I think I'd like to live there someday. Got to go to my first ti.....stri....."gentleman's" club ever. ( ). Woke up the next day and was ready for the Outback Bowl game. Freshman spring semester was a piece of shit. I took 18 freakin' hours for some strange reason. I think that's where my college experience started going down the toilet. Two of my classes were on opposite sides of campus. Coming back from class, I felt dead-tired everyday and fell asleep at 3:00 and woke up at 9:00 pm. I studied hard for the first time ever. Guess what? Still ended up with one A and the rest B's. Summer break provided much needed rest for me. Besides getting reunited with my friends, Episode I came out which was but a brief respite from all the work. I tried to recall all the details from this summer, but I can't (more on that later). For my sophomore year, I lived in the dorms. That's right. If you hadn't extrapolated the conclusion by now, I lived with my older brother in an apartment for a year, and I now decided to try the dorm experience. I made some great friends. Living with football players proved to be rather amusing. They are the farthest thing form a stereotypical jock. I had one of the most challenging classes in my life that sophomore fall semester. It was CHE 231 (Organic Chemistry). I could not believe the sheer volume of things I had to remember for tests. You know you've got problems when an 80 and above counts for an A. You're thinking "80 and above? That's preposterous and shows nothing but a lowering of academic standards". Well buddy here's the thing: The averages on these tests were somewhere in the 30's and 40's. Each problem consisted of a none-or-all kind of point scoring. I escaped with a B, by making an A on the first test and final. Needless to say, I made two C's on the middle two tests. Sophomore spring semester wasn't a cakewalk either. I had organic two and animal physiology as well. I kept studying harder and harder, my grades kept failing to go higher. I was beginning to get extremely discouraged at this point. It seems no matter how much of an effort I put into class, it was showing less and less on exams. What's my effort? How about studying two hours after class on each subject and studying two weeks in advance for each class. I didn't know what to do. Summer comes and goes, and Junior year fall semester starts. I went to living with my older brother again, and needless to say, we get along a whole hell of a lot better now. I take Physics I (Algebra based) and Cell Biology. Cell biology at this point now takes the crown for the hardest and most challenging course I have ever taken to date. Besides a gargantuan amount of material to learn for a test, he'd put these "thinkers" on the test that would just thump me for days. It's bad enough you have to learn about concepts A, B, and C, but when a professor decides for a question on a test, "Hmmmm, how do those concepts apply to concept 3?" Get my drift? Again, needless to say, the answer you come up with will never match up with his logic. To cite specifics, I had learned a shitload of information about cellular signalling and that headache inducing MAP kinase cascade stuff. For the final, he came up with some funky shit about cell growth and whatnot. I went in the final with an A for the class, came out with a B. My Physics I teacher was the first asshole professor I've ever had. Not only were his tests rather unfair, but he was arrogant and lacked the compassion of a decent human being. He made sure the students knew they were undergrads without a degree, and he was the almighty physics professor with a Ph D. My final for physics was one of the worst days of my life. Besides being hit with two waves of diarrhea during the test, I only had a freakin' business calculator to work with!!! You see, I lended my first calculator to my brother to use for another test. Also, my backup that day ran out of battery power. My Physics professor refused to lend me one of his scientific calculators. The fucking bastard!!! Once again, I received all B's for the semester. Junior Spring Semester starts, and boy was it a contrast. My Physics II professor was one of the greatest people ever. Not only was he a good teacher, he took the time to have mini study sessions and explain in plain detail how certain things worked (circuitry and whatnot). I liked this professor a lot, and since he took the time to help out a bunch of dumbasses like myself, I put some ungodly effort. For the first time in a long time, I got an A in a hard class. Junior Spring Semester would also be the very first time I ever got a grade I thought I deserved for effort, and in two classes to boot. I got an A for working extremely hard in Physics II, and got a B for slap-assing around in Genetics. My Junior Semester year proved to be a huge turning point in my life. All the gifts as a student that I had in high school were slowly fading away from me. I was beginning to realize that I had a harder time learning things. In high school, I would tutor kids in Calculus, chemistry, and physics. Now, I was the one being tutored. I had a harder time remembering things, and I couldn't even get the most rudimentary concepts of science into my brain. I don't know what happened. At this point, confidence in myself was beginning to die. I couldn't figure out why my efforts in studying weren't paying off. Summer proved to be an experience. I got my first paying job ever. And I also became a member of this forum. DVD collection grew leaps and bounds. Senior fall semester was dull as bricks. I took Biochemistry (biology type), film class, and something else (I don't remember ). Film class was the highlight of the semester, as I got to discover and love classics like Cinema Paradiso and Madadayo. I also watched my first French film ever, Trois Colours: Blue which I've come to hate with a passion. Anyways, needless to say, I was studying harder, having a harder time learning things, and ended up with two B's and an A. Senior Spring Semester proved to be the most harsh on me. I made my first C ever, and to boot, two C's in one semester. Took the MCAT on April 20th, and I felt I did a shitty job. I don't know what it was. Why did I have a hard time learning things in college? I was an extremely passive listener in high school, slept through several classes, never studied for more than an hour, and got all A's. I was an intense listener in college, took great notes, studied for hours on end in the fucking library, and all I've got to show are three A's, two C's, and the rest B's. That's far from being competitive for medical school. No use retaking classes. The first thing I learned about Medical school admissions is that once you screw up the first time, there is no second chance. I'm feeling extremely dejected right now. Most of you folks are older than me, and I would love some encouraging words right now. Here are some of the lessons I learned in college: #1 - The minute you don't feel comfortable in a certain major, change it immediately!!! - I felt extremely uncomfortable in Biology. I was a hell of a lot better in chemistry and mathematics. But know, I got it stuck into my head that in order to be a physician, you had to have extensive biological background. Too late did I learn that chemistry is just as viable, and that you could take biological classes as sidework. #2 - Professors possess some of the most brilliant minds in the world, but they make lousy teachers. - Professors forget awfully quickly that they were undergrads at one time. They don't seem to rememeber that their brilliant minds come from long years of study and work in a field in which they specialized in. They unreasonably expect students to already have that level of logic developed. And when you come for help, they never give you a direct answer. You can explain to them in fifty million different ways how you've worked at a problem, and the same answer is, "you aren't thinking hard enough." Like I said, they've had years to develop their minds, undergrad students only have weeks. #3 - You aren't there to learn; you're there to be weeded out. - The reason professors give so much damn material on test isn't because there's this great sense of urgency to learn all this stuff: it's because they're looking for the next Ph. D. Ph. D's are a strange lot. They're looking for students to carry on their work, so by raising the standards enormously high on tests, they're hoping to find that one guy who can store all that information at one time. Every other student suffers for it. #4 - You're going to make great friends. - No explanation needed there. #5 - Believe in what goes around comes around. - I've often wondered how certain people could have a hard time learning in high school. I simply thought that applying yourself will always get you good grades. Needless to say (I say that a lot don't I? ) I learned very quickly that even when you put forth your best effort, you sometimes don't come out on top and get bad grades. #6 - Believe in yourself and have faith when people believe in you - All my life, I doubted myself. People would try to instill confidence in me, but I would always ignore it. The "bad" grades (B's) got to me, and I my confidence in myself was slowly slipping away. That, and it was becoming increasingly harder for me to learn anything. At times, I think I might have brain damage or something. What happened after my last final? I went to BW3's and had lunch and a Pilsner of Guiness all by myself. I never felt so alone before. I made several friends in college, but because they weren't there with me, I couldn't even celebrate the occasion. God I miss high school. I've left out some important details of my college story, like the death of a friend, and that my infatuation/crush with a certain girl (since kindergarten for crying out loud!!!) came to an end. But that's another story. If you've read this, I truly appreciate this. And I hope that there's some words for me that will make everything all right. Last thing I need to hear is that things get worse.