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What do you do with a broken heart? (1 Viewer)

Jeff Gatie

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Eve,

You may want to ask your therapist if attending CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) meetings could help. THey are a 12 step style meeting for people who find it hard to cope with relationships and life. I am not a Physician, but I will tell you that you are displaying many symptoms of Co-Dependency and your brief background description is a classic list of the childhood/adulthood progression of this syndrome. You may want to read the great book "Co-Dependent No More". It has helped millions, it could help you.
 

Jeff Ulmer

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It's bad advice, it doesn't work, and it can cause a severely depressive person on the edge go the wrong way.
Says who? Advice was asked for, it is being given. You have no right to tell anyone else what they can and can't post. I have seen a lot of useful information in this thread which is contrary to your opinion, as well as some not so useful information. I hardly think that advising someone to try to gain some perspective and a more positive outlook on their situation is bad advice. It's not, it is exactly what will change their life for the better.
 

Karl_Luph

Supporting Actor
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Apr 5, 2002
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I think Andrew's advice makes the most sense. Eve is hurting and needing someone to sincerely listen to her. At least Andrew has stepped up to the plate and is willing to listen to her one on one and not preach or prejudge her.
 

MarkHastings

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Jan 27, 2003
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You have no right to tell anyone else what they can and can't post.
Yes, but this is a very touchy subject. Eve is in a very vulnerable state right now and can easily be influenced by some bad decisions. This is one case where we need to suggest she see a Dr. and that we listen to her. Advising her to do anything else (no matter how harmless it may sound) can be costly when you are dealing with someone in this state of mind.

Unless you are there and are ready to deal with the consequences of a depressed person doing something to themselves because of your advice to "Go smoke a doob" or "Go get laid", then I think you best keep those comments to yourself.

The best advice is from a Professional. Seeking a Pro. should be the ONLY advice we give her.
 

Richard Kim

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Jan 29, 2001
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I have to agree that the advice of visiting a children's hospital and thinking about those less fortunate than yourself is bad advice. It doesn't work, and I know from personal experience. In college, I too suffered a broken heart and went into severe depression. I had a roommate who lost his father AND his best friend in the course of a month. Since I never experienced a death in the family, I tried to shrug off my depression by rationalizing that what he was going through was alot worse, but it didn't make me feel any better.
 

Steven K

Supporting Actor
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Jan 10, 2000
Messages
830
I don't give a rat's ass if you're politically correct or not. I care a great deal though if you're medically or factually correct, and the following
And, I'm stating the fact that, in my case, what worked for me was being told to "suck it up" as it has so eloquently been put forth.

My opinion is just one of many. I wasn't aware that, because my opinion differs from some, that it is somehow incorrect or in some other way, less relevant.

But I guess, nowdays, there is a drug or a doctor needed to cure everything, and anyone who thinks on the contrary is "factually incorrect."

Give me a break, this whole "medically and factually correct" horseshit is just silly...
 

Chris PC

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is not only very bad advice for someone with severe depression, it is potentially harmful advice, and displays a clear lack of understanding of what a severe depressive episode is or can do to a person.
Addresses a certain point. You can't tell someone to get over it. When someone is depressed, you can advise them of some of the better behaviours and suggest things to do which will help, but sayin "get over it" and "be tough" aren't wrong because of some ethical reasons, its just wrong because that type of advice illicits a very bad response from those who get it. People who are depressed need to be helped. They don't need someone to baby them, but patronizing them will only anger and further depress a depressed person.

The point is that yes, it would be fantastic if a person could just "get over it" but the reason they are depressed is because they haven't responded to the situation in a way which would allow them to "toughen up and just get on with it". They need more than that to help their situation.

I'm no expert, but I agree with the lending an ear part. I'm game for that. I have talked my close friends ears right off their heads, and sometimes they have talked me pretty ragged too. Its all part of the process. You must acknowledge and express your emotions. Talking to people about your problems makes them real, and then you work towards better things and solutions to your problems.

What we must realize from this is that through professional help, or help from close friends and/or family members, a person will LEARN how to "tough it out" and "get over it". If they aren't doing that on their own, they must get there by learning how to get on with their lives, and patronizing them will not achieve that. When we are depressed, we need help, not 'tough love'. When I am depressed about something, I do realize that I should be strong and get to the solution to the problem, but if someone told me to 'get over it', you don't know how pissed off it makes you because its insulting.
 

Cary_H

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 7, 2003
Messages
279
Although my advice was a bit "tongue in cheek", I knew beforehand it was likely to be viewed as insensitive, but this works for me every time. Especially the initial "vent mode".
My experience is that we tend to lock ourselves away and begin an internal, mental, self-flagellation that offers very little to the healing process. I skip this step and move right to where I purge whatever crap that's vapor-locking my thought process to select friends that are in tune with my program.
It requires a special person. This person has to understand I want no feedback or advice, no pity, and most importantly, has respect for my state of mind. The last thing I need at this stage is someone who subscribes to the "don't be a wimp, suck it up, and let's go drink some beer" school of therapy. I don't want this person to have any less respect for who I am when I'm done. I don't need my friends to pick up the very stick I just finished beating myself up with and get their share of licks in.

And for those out there who say I don't comprehend the situation,....well, I place myself solidly in the company of the "clinically depressed"...if that's what we're going to call it.
I too once went looking for medication and came away empty handed after a discussion with my unsympathetic doctor.
I have seen far too many folks go on them only to get to a place where they couldn't function without them.
That's not to say they won't be the answer for someone else, but through some past recreational use of a number of these meds told me I'd be best to keep a fair distance away.
In hindsight I am grateful my doctor saw fit to ignore my plea for chemical assistance.
I have my own methods, but don't get me wrong. I have healthy respect for what everyone else here has to say.
 

Chris PC

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May 12, 2001
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You make good points. I don't pretend to be an expert, but that is why I think I am at least smart enough to know that all I can stress to people are the basics. Solid goals in life. Solid relationships. Understanding yourself etc. Some people don't realize that they are doing things to themselves due to learned behaviour that is by choice and avoidable.

Anyhow. Good luck Eve and feel free to vent this way.
 

JamieD

Supporting Actor
Joined
Apr 5, 2002
Messages
557
This thread has gotten rather ugly, and it seems as though it's because people are discussing several different types and levels of depression and remorse as though they were all the same. That's not constructive at all. I wish you all the best, Eve. You're in a rough spot. Andrew seems to have the healthiest approach to your situation.
 

Josh Simpson

Supporting Actor
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Jan 23, 2002
Messages
926
Eve, a little over a year ago I was in your shoes. I got dumped by my childhood crush, who I had loved for years, and when it all started, it was just perfect, or so I thought. Then it all fell apart from the girl I thought I was going to marry. It's ok to feel angry, sad, all those things. I think above all time heals the wounds. There are different ways people deal with things. I've felt like moving in the past, but problems come up no matter where you go. Running isn't the answer. Like I said, there are different ways people deal with it. For me, it was my faith in God, making new friends, yeah, occasionally watching a flick, getting serious again about guitar, and doing a heavy duty workout/weight program. Nothing like taking it out on the weights. ;) Seriously though, sometimes it was just talking to someone. All of your friends try and give advice, but sometimes you just need a friend that will listen while you cry, yell, and rant, and they don't say much of anything. They just put their hand on your shoulder or give you a hug. Having a broken heart is the lousiest feeling in the world, but try to think of the good things. Also, think of these friends you've got here on this board who want nothing but happiness for you. :) :emoji_thumbsup: Hang in there.
 

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