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What do you do with a broken heart? (1 Viewer)

Joined
Jul 20, 2003
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Same here. It's just incredible to me that people want to jump from one relationship to the next, often from bad to worse and back to bad again, simply because they have never learned self-reliance or are afraid to be alone.
OK .. Recovering alone in the long run makes you alot stronger, BUT it takes a long, long time.

Finding a new partner you can talk to makes it quicker and less painful, as long as that person understands your situation.

Choose your path.

I can sympathise with those that leap from relationship to relationship, trying to find The One that will make them happy.

They really do need to sort themselves out inside and be sure what they are looking for before they inflict themsleves on someone else.
I agree happiness comes from inside, not other people.
BUT being part of a relationship should make life better than being alone.

A good example is the quote:

"The product should be more than the sum of both parts"

Being a couple should be MORE than what each individual could enjoy apart.

Its difficult to explain I spose :frowning:

As for drugs - sure if you need them, go for it.
But theyre only a crutch and another obstacle to overcome when its time to come off them.
if you can cope without them, I say : DO SO!

God knows I've been through enough in my time for 3 people and still kept off the happy pills.....
 

Steve_Tk

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I went through it about 9 months ago. I just started doing all the things I enjoyed that I couldn't do while I was in a relationship. Then I got to the point where I didn't want to be in a relationship at all and I'm very happy. I think I get over these things very well because I'm a very self reliant person now. I don't need other people around me 24/7 to be happy, I can enjoy myself just watching a movie alone.

I also am very cautious about anyone now. I was broken up with over the phone on my lunch break after almost 2 years of dating, then 2 weeks later I ran into her and her new boyfriend. Now I'm very very cautious about who I trust. But simple fact is that I'm not going to go through that again, and I'm not really interested in dating at all right now. It would take someone very amazing to come along to make me open up again.

But, there's nothing you can do to speed it up. It just takes time.
 

Christopher P

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I guess it depends on what is causing the sadness/depression/anger, as I read through more responses. If it is because of someone else, either actively or because they are no longer around, maybe medication is not the answer (though I still agree in the short term it can't really hurt to explore the option). All my depression was based on internal factors, where I was in my life, and had nothing to do with anyone else, so in my case, the medication might be more appropriate. I've never been to a therapist so I can't recommend that one way or the other. And I've never been seriously heartbroken, so I can't relate to that either, but I do know what it's like to build walls of a Pink Floyd proportion, and that has really affected my life years after the fact.

Interesting paradox you've set up there. If you are going to use any sort of chemicals, please use something prescribed, not something illegal.

Chris
 

Rob Gillespie

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Eve, you might want to go over to www.ivillage.com. It's a support site for covering many different subjects, including yours. It's mainly women-centric but there's lots of blokes there too.
 

MarkHastings

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Jan 27, 2003
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God knows I've been through enough in my time for 3 people and still kept off the happy pills.
I don't know what you've been through (so I apologize if I assume incorrectly), but there are people out there who misunderstand the difference between being VERY upset (i.e. Stress, sadness, feeling crazed, etc.) and depression. There are plenty of things in life that are extremely difficult to deal with and don't require medication (i.e. A strong will is all you need), but depression is very different than just going through rough times. Depression is truly a "medical condition". It can be traced to a portion of your brain that doesn't produce enough serotonin.

Serotonin is what keeps brains stable. If your brain doesn't produce enough, then your brain functions incorrectly. All the meds do is help produce boost serotonin levels so you can function properly. Just as people with low blood pressure take "low Blood Pressure" pills...or people who don't produce enough white blood cells take pills to help produce more white blood cells.

Also, depression is not something that is triggered by horrible or stressful situations. Eve's depression may have always been there but she just didn't notice it and this recent break-up may have pushed her to the point where her depression has getting to the point where she is now noticing it. I can say from experience that this is quite common. Most people have depression, but they tune it out and think "I'm just sad" or "I'm just going through sad times", only to realize (later on) that an emotional occurrence can feed that depression to an unhealthy state. Once that state has been reached, it's VERY hard to come back to reality. This is where the meds help to bring back the person to a more "stable" state.

I know I'm not a Dr., but not every case of depression can be cured through meds. A good Dr. can rightfully determine if the use of meds is needed.
 
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
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You just contradicted yourself. If you are ready to come off the pills, then that means that you are at a place where you are stable enough to not need them. Anyone in this state of mind is going to be strong enough to know they don't need them. If you are under the impression that you can't survive without them, then it's probably best that you stay on them because you're not thinking straight.
I didnt contradict myself.

Being on Prozac or Valium is addictive
If you knew anything about addiction you would know its not a mental state but a physiological one.
Your body cant do without the stuff.
Its become dependant on its daily fix.
Depression is a psychological problem brought on by all sorts of things.

Easiest way to explain is :

Do you smoke ?
If so, have you tried to stop?

You know your killing yourself, but you just cant cope without a ciggie, right ?
Your body is SO used to that nicotine if you deny it you go into withdrawl.

Not nice.

Now imagine if you had to deal with that on top of treating your depression.

Be so much easier if you never started smoking in the first place huh ?

From your comments I doubt you have any first hand experience of all this, so please excuse my bluntness.
 

Eve T

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jan 16, 2002
Messages
616
Mark:

Exactly!

I have been depressed for YEARS but have done nothing about it because I kind of got used to it. I thought I maybe that's just how I was wired.

I see people laughing, having fun etc. and I just don't "get it". I wish I could be like that, but I cannot. I've had many terrible things happen to me that only made my depression more severe but I learned to somewhat subdue it because I thought "oh well, this is my life. There is nothing I can do."

I just went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and talked with a therapist who I am now going to see on a regular basis. He (as I stated) diagnosed me with severe depression based on the answers I gave to his questions and the length of the time I have been feeling this way.

This isn't really a break up I'm going through and is much more complicated than all of that but it did make me WAY more depressed because now I have one less person in my life to talk to (and I only had a couple, thats right only a COUPLE) of people I could talk to and try to relate with. Now I feel more alone than ever and betrayed that someone could hurt me so bad knowing my circumstances and just lie to me the way that I have just been lied to.

I feel..... alone. Is being alone a bad thing? Not at all, but when you feel terrible confused and sad, being alone isn't necessarily a good thing. Not for people like me it isn't because when I'm alone (really alone) I have not so good feelings.

I need meds I think and hope that they can bring me to a state of mind where I can start fixing my inner problems and working towards a happy life.

I just wanted some quick tips on what I can do in the meantime so I don't go crazy before I find a med that works for me.
 

Simon_Lepine

Supporting Actor
Joined
Feb 19, 2003
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601
Interesting paradox you've set up there. If you are going to use any sort of chemicals, please use something prescribed, not something illegal.
Marijuana is natural and is not an addictive substance, when you stop it's quite easy, you don't feel empty.

I guess I shouldn't have used chemical since everything is chemical, I mostly meant artificial.

I'd rather use that then some artificial product that has been around for 5 years and which long term effects are not
even known. Who knows what nerve problems or cancer you can get when you're 70 if you use these things?

Being legal or not has nothing to do with it's effectiveness. Here in Canada marijuana can be legally prescribed in some instances, I guess it only works once you cross the border?

Anyway, back to the main subject, I agree that closing up is the worst thing you can do since I did that for years too. IMO sadness is something you have to risk if you want to be happy, you shouldn't stop putting your hearth on the line. I'd rather live life to the fullest with all the highs and lows, at least you're living it.
 

MarkHastings

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Jan 27, 2003
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Steve, we're not talking about smoking here. We are talking about depression (which I have dealt with not only myself, but with several others).
From your comments I doubt you have any first hand experience of all this, so please excuse my bluntness.
And you don't have any experience with depression pills and therapy. A doctor doesn't just give you a bottle of pills and sends you on your way. They monitor your progression on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. A good Dr. will know if you are getting addicted to the meds. I've actually done a lot of research into this and I don't ever recall addiction being an issue. In most cases, Prozac is only meant to be prescribed for 6 to 12 months.

Again, we're not talking about addiction here. I'm sorry if you have problems with addiction, but this is not the focus. We are trying to help out someone who NEEDS help with depression. I'm sorry, but I've seen the effects of someone who was told "You don't need pills. You are just pretending to be depressed for the attention". It's not fun to see someone in the hospital (from attempted suicide) because they were treated like they were making it all up.

Hopefully Eve's Dr. will figure out the best way to deal with this and won't allow her to become addicted to the meds. This way she won't be left alone with this huge problem.
 

SteveGon

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Real Name
Steve Gonzales
And then the walls go up.
I know that feeling.


Eve: I can only echo what others have said. Just keep telling yourself that in time the pain WILL go away. Eventually you'll probably be able to ask yourself what you ever saw in that person...
 
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
20
Prozac Addiction

More Prozac Addiction

I'm not going to get into the in's and outs of everything here so just have a read before you make any further comments.
I know Eve is just after some advice.

Meds are great as long as you NEED them and the doc knows what hes doing.

I myself would never succumb to them - to me it was a sign of 'weakness' and a deepening of the depressive state I was in.
I fought it out on my own.

Each to their own - theres no 'magic plan' of dealing with it - we must all find our own path out of the shadows.

Some folks find religion - good for them, but do whatever it takes.
 

Christopher P

Supporting Actor
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Dec 28, 1998
Messages
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Simon, Point well made. I guess I am thinking about people I know or knew, who smoked all the time and never did anything with their lives, so I have a real negative opinion about pot smokers. I tend to forget not everyone is like that. I was just implying that either by "meds" or by "drugs" you are still artificially medicating the problem, and if I had my preference, I'd go with the Dr's recommendations. And the cheaper one :)

After being on my meds for about 2 years, I was off of them for a while. On a daily basis I didn't notice any difference, but every now and then, I would feel either sadness, or anger well up inside me more than normal. My Dr. and I decided to go back on them. I have been doing well since then (about 2 months ago) Addictive or not, if I have to take them the rest of my life, I will. Just as if I had high blood pressure, and had to take a pill every day for the rest of my life to keep that in check, I would. I feel no shame in this, and neither should anyone else.

Eve, I know how you feel, and many more people do than you probably realize. I thought I was different too, and in a way I guess I am, that I have depression, and social anxiety. But with my meds, I can be "normal" or at least a close approximation. I remember seeing commercials for Paxil with the tagline "Start living your life again" or something like that, and that's what I feel I've been able to do now.

Chris
 

Joe Szott

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Eve,

I assume this has to do with your marriage/cop friend problems from earlier. What happened? It's hard to get a handle on where you are at without an idea of what you decided to do.

Wishing you the best...
 

Carlo_M

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Oct 31, 1997
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Okay I know you may not be in a position (or even a mindset) to want to do this, but here's what worked for me.

Back in 1993 my ex-fiancee and I broke off the engagement. That was the single most devastating emotional experience in my life up to that point. For many months I shut myself inside my room (I was a college junior at this point) and just didn't do much outside stuff. I still had my friends, and that was something, but I basically disappeared for about 1/2 a year.

What saved me?

Well I was undergoing a major change (in college that is), because hard-sciences wasn't for me (started out in engineering but was threatening to fail out). One of the classes I was auditioning was psychology. The whole field interested me, especially abnormal psychology. I studied depression, bipolar depression, etc. I saw a lot of myself in those cases I studied.

I embarked on an effort to understand myself and why I had these feelings of no-self-worth and so on. I learned that a lot of these feelings are from past experiences (as you stated earlier you've had a lot of stuff happen to you in the past) and that we have to learn to overcome our past in order to be alive in our present.

The books, although designed to help a normal, well adjusted student become a clinical psychologist, actually acted AS A PSYCHOLOGIST to me! I couldn't stop reading about the different types of depression and saw how each applied to me in some way.

Once I could identify my ailments, I could go about and work on defeating them! Sounds "Stuart Smalley" I know but it basically took me months of saying "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough" etc. :D

Eventually you believe it because it's true. We all have something good within us that others can see, and sometimes we just can't. And once we learn to accept that bad things happen to good people, but that doesn't mean we have to give in to them, then the future is wide open.

I wish you the best of luck. I know I could have paid for a psychologist to tell me these things, but there was something empowering about discovering them for myself.
 

Simon_Lepine

Supporting Actor
Joined
Feb 19, 2003
Messages
601
Christopher, peace

I know where you are coming from, my sister is a psy and has been taking happy pills for years, and it's probably the best way if you can't get over a depression, it's just the hippie in me that doesn't entirely trust new medications with unknown side effects and long term effects. :)
 

MarkHastings

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Joined
Jan 27, 2003
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to me it was a sign of 'weakness' and a deepening of the depressive state
Again, this may have worked for you, but that doesn't mean we should assume that it will work for everyone. Not that my advice (on taking meds) is what will work for everyone, but at least with my advice, there's a Dr. involved who can take the appropriate actions.

Sorry if I'm coming off harsh, but from what I've read of Eve's issues, this sounds like a clear cut case for major help. If the Dr. has determined she has severe depression, then the first step would be to try meds. They may not be 100% effective with everyone, but they're close.

Also, with Prozac, a competent Dr. will start off slow and increase doses very gradually. Once you are ready to come off the meds, they will SLOWLY decrease the medication so you don't go into withdrawals. I think the problem a lot of people have with these meds is they stop the medication altogether and assume they're going to be fine, but then they realize they need the medication. I've gone through this. I once stopped the meds abruptly and I went through withdrawals. Once I realized what was going on, I went back on the meds and had to gradually come off them. This helped tremendously.

Another thing, most Dr.'s won't start patients off with Prozac, they'll try some of the milder drugs first just to see how you react and make sure that you can handle these types of drugs before trying the Prozac
 

Bob Graz

Supporting Actor
Joined
Sep 26, 2002
Messages
798
1.) Avoid alcohol as it is a depressant and will make matters worse.

2.) Join a gym or fitness center and exercise 3-5 times a week. It's good for physical health, mental health and it may benefit you socially.

3.) If you trust your doctor listen to him or her, if not find another. There is nothing wrong with treating depression with medication. It's an illness, sometimes it's temporary, other times it's chronic. Learn what yours is and get it treated.

Good luck
 

Glenn Overholt

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Mar 24, 1999
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And some meds just don't work on some people. I'd go for the meds but tell the Dr. that you'd rather stick to the more non-addictive ones. Some people can kick them easier than others too.

I have a feeling that wherever you go, your old memories come back. You might consider moving, but not too far away.
It will get your mind on something else, and give you sort of a new start.

Can you move closer to work? A lot of people would like to shorten their commute time. Maybe even just to the next neighborhood? The change might help you a little, and wouldn't be drastic.

Glenn
 

Carlo_M

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Yep Todd, what a great analogy (Wizard behind the curtain).

What was so empowering was seeing that you aren't alone, no matter how horrid the experience, it has happened to others and will happen to people in the future! But for some reason, some people handle it better than others. And some handle it worse (obviously, the "permanent" solution being the worst way).

Once you identify the demons that haunt you, and start taking the steps to managing them (this includes identifying the problem, seeing that you're not alone in your suffering, recognizing your positive traits, and seeing that you can lead a good life even in spite of what has happened) is the best way to deal with the situation.

It's basically an expansion of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - I am strong because of what has happened to me.

I'll check the names of the textbooks that helped in college (although the actual teaching of the class, as well as the interaction with other students helped a lot too).

Once you start reading and understanding depression, if you let the knowledge sink in and start to learn from it, it is a very empowering feeling. Think Tony Robbins on crack type of thing. :D
 

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