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Welcome to East Tennessee - notify The Onion (1 Viewer)

Darren H

Second Unit
May 10, 2000
Yes, this is an actual article from the Knox News Sentinel. I'm surrounded by idiots.
Greasy substance on magazine causes scare in Maryville
By Bryan Mitchell, News-Sentinel staff writer
MARYVILLE - Three women spent the better half of Wednesday night locked in the back of an ambulance after they feared contamination from a greasy substance on magazines they leafed through in a beauty parlor.
The fear led the city's emergency response team to shift into a heightened state of alert and caused a hospital to create a quarantine zone.
However, the incident turned out to be nothing more than overanxious citizens reacting to perceived threats of biological terrorism.
"None of us suspect that there is a hazardous material here," said Maryville Police Department Capt. Mike Johnston. "This is a clear example of what can happen when everyone is on edge."
The episode began about 6:30 p.m. when Maryville police responded to a call from a beauty shop at 1102 W. Broadway. Three women inside the shop reported they came into contact with an unknown oily substance on magazines, according to Johnston.
The magazines had a return address of Florida, and the women believed they had come in contact with anthrax, which has infected three people in Florida.
The Maryville Fire Department arrived, along with Rural/Metro, and the women were taken to Blount Memorial Hospital for precautionary measures. The women, who did not complain of being ill, were not allowed inside the hospital for fear they could contaminate other patients.
The ambulance parked behind the hospital and was positioned between other rescue vehicles. The women, two Rural/Metro employees and one Maryville police officer were decontaminated, according to Rob Webb, a spokesman for Rural/Metro. The women then were admitted to the hospital as a precaution.
The county health department will examine the magazines today, but authorities have no reason to believe the magazines were contaminated.
"I think the most dangerous thing to come out of a beauty shop is the gossip they spread," Johnston said.


Senior HTF Member
Dec 11, 2000
Real Name
Steve Gonzales
Darren, maybe you should get outta there before you're contaminated with stupid germs...

He thought on homeland, the big timber, the air thin and chill all the year long. Tulip poplars so big through the trunk they put you in mind of locomotives set on end. He thought of getting home and building him a cabin on Cold Mountain so high that not a soul but the nighthawks passing across the clouds in autumn could hear his sad cry. Of living a life so quiet he would not need ears. And if Ada would go with him, there might be the hope, so far off in the distance he did not even really see it, that in time his despair might be honed off to a point so fine and thin that it would be nearly the same as vanishing.
-- Charles Frazier, Cold Mountain


Senior HTF Member
Jan 30, 1999
Real Name
Oh, sure, laugh while you can. You guys might think it’s funny now. But even as we speak, bio-terrorists are working to perfect the Dippety-Doo Bomb!
[Edited last by BrianW on October 11, 2001 at 03:14 PM]

Dome Vongvises

Senior HTF Member
May 13, 2001
C'mon, that's not stupidity!!! People can't help it when there's a hypersensitivity to a terrorist threat. You want stupidity, how about here in Kentucky in Danville where a Burger King clerk gave change to a guy who gave the clerk a 200 dollar bill. Now that's stupidity

God bless West Virginia for being dumber than Kentucky at least

"I don't know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure." - Homer J. Simpson
"Stranger things have happened..." - Wes Deskins
"It's not Pikeville, Kentucky. It's Pikevool!!! And it's not Louisville, it's Loolvool!!! Get it right, damnit!!!"
My DVD Collection


Supporting Actor
Apr 1, 2001
The women, who did not complain of being ill, were not allowed inside the hospital for fear they could contaminate other patients.
You would think people at a hospital would know that anthrax is not contageous.

Adrian Jones

Dana Fillhart

Supporting Actor
Feb 8, 1999
Well, one has to wonder what magazines they were...
Being in a beauty salon full of women...if the mags were GQ, Playgirl, or the like, maybe that "greasy substance" needed to be checked out!


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