Wasps! They're everywhere!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Wade H, Mar 17, 2002.

  1. Wade H

    Wade H Extra

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    I've got a leak in my house that I cannot find. Wasps continue to get in and threaten me, my wife, dog, and cat. I found a nest last year, but this year they are back. We see them flying around everywhere and then they somehow make it into our house. It is a daily chore to kill any of those guys flying around.[​IMG] I have no idea how they are getting in and no idea where the nest(s) are. Any ideas?
     
  2. Inspector Hammer!

    Inspector Hammer! Executive Producer

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    quote...
    "continue to get in and threaten me..."
    Wade, please forgive me, but I found the way you said that to be extremly funny![​IMG][​IMG] I just pictured wasps flying around your head screaming "give us the money or we'll sting the shit out of you!!
    Seriously, you may want to consider calling an extermnator. We had a big wasp problem at my job last summer, I just killed the ones that I saw, and shot ones flying around down with wasp killer. Spraying the entire outside of the building with strong wasp killer did the trick too, as the scent of the stuff kept them away.
     
  3. brian a

    brian a Second Unit

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    You might talk your city council into approving a high end mall near your house. That should attract them.
     
  4. Jeff Kleist

    Jeff Kleist Executive Producer

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Wade H

    Wade H Extra

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    Thanks, my exterminator was just here weeks ago and I didn't have the wasp problem at the time. Guess I need to go buy a bunch of cans of Raid until he can return.
     
  6. Inspector Hammer!

    Inspector Hammer! Executive Producer

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    Wade, get the stuff with the nozel that sprays like 20 feet, that's great stuff! It's pretty fun too, I killed an entire nest that was at least 15 feet up last summer, the very instant that stuff hit the nest, about 20 or 30 wasps just dropped dead to the ground![​IMG]
    I felt like I just shot down a whole squadron of tiny B-17 bombers![​IMG]
     
  7. Scott Strang

    Scott Strang Screenwriter

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    I thought yall might enjoy this. I posted it to the Usenet group "misc.rural" last summer. I hate those little flying bastards.

    A family of wasps that have taken up residence in a metal storage building could be considered by some to be harmless, while others look upon them as a potential threat deserving of a horrible death.

    A bland existence does a wasp live. The entire meaning of life comes down to these things; hunt, eat, make larve, sting, annoy, hunt, eat,sting, make larve, etc.

    As a child I was mentally scarred by a wasp as I stood steadfast at a bus stop. The wasp bitch decided to land on my young,tender,1-grader face and bore a hole into my flesh followed by a dose of hearty venom. My face swelled but I didn't cry. More than anything, I was pissed and from that day, all stinging insects (except for honey and bumble

    bees which leave me alone) receive a sentence of death when I encounter them.

    Never forgive, never forget.

    For the reasons above (and not wanting my wife and neices to get stung) the wasp family in the metal storage building will die in the night. Like a thief in the night, I will rain down upon them the most horrible, agonizing form of death available; death by fire. As they sleep, a wave of life consuming flames will burn their frail little bodies.

    Hey, at least I'm not hurting people, dogs, cats, etc.
     
  8. Wayne Bundrick

    Wayne Bundrick Cinematographer

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    You're going to burn down your storage building just to kill a wasp nest?
     
  9. Ian Wilson

    Ian Wilson Agent

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  10. Jim_F

    Jim_F Screenwriter

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  11. Jin E

    Jin E Second Unit

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    Something I posted on a cigar bbs, but thought it fitting to share with you guys:

    The War of the Smoking Shed (March 17th, 2002)

    Officially known as the Third War of La Fumate Cabane, the smoking shed war became infamous not only for the scale of casualties, but also for the girlish behavior of the victor.

    The Wasp attack began at 20:15 central time. At the time JinE was smoking on a connie #9m while sitting in the left most chair of La Fumant Cabane (The smoking shed). The air had been warm all weekend, perfect weather to awaken a hibernating group of deadly wasps. Though historians say the wasps could only have been there less then two days, the group of aggressors thought themselves the rightful owners of the La Fumant Cabane already claim by JinE.

    The first wasp came right for JinE’s face. Yelling like a little schoolgirl, JinE dove head first out of the main double doors of the smoke shed. The wasp had claimed an easy victory, but little did he know of the technology that JinE possessed. JinE had a multi-million dollar nerve toxin industry at his beckon call. JinE grabbed his arsenal of nerve toxin that was dispensed in a handy aerosol can marked “raid”. The manufacturer of “raid” claimed an effective radius of over 20 feet. In reality the effective rage of the “wasp and hornet killer” was only 5-6 feet. This meant JinE had to put himself in harms way in order to destroy his enemies, no long range bombing would be effective enough to rid the shed of the wasp.

    There was a roadblock JinE had to hurdle before he could front his offensive. Sitting in the center of the smoking shed was JinE’s supply of fresh water and smoking pleasure. Any offensive maneuvers used to take out the wasp would surly ruin the smoke and fresh water. Using ancient Ninja stealth, JinE dashed into the shed, grabbed his supplies, and quickly turned tail and bolted straight for the door. Once safely 15 feet away from the shed, Jin knew his sortie had been successful. Once on the offensive JinE made quick work of the Wasp. Just a drop of nerve toxin was enough to immobilize the wasp enough for JinE to crush under his shoe.

    Hindsight is 20/20, and looking back JinE should have made sure the room was secure before he sat back down. Not two minutes after sitting down the Wasps pressed on the attack. Still jumpy from the first encounter, JinE was able to react quickly enough and make a clean dive out the door, screaming like a little girl the whole time. Learning nothing from the first encounter, JinE’s supplies were trapped in the middle of the battleground. Looking over the situation from a safe distance 10 feet away, JinE felt something land on the back of his neck. JinE let out three stooges like “nYuk-nYuk-nYuk” with his arms flailing like pink and white streamers on the end of a little schoolgirl’s tricycle. It turns out that what JinE felt on the back of his neck was just a loose thread on his clothes. This was a test JinE’s emergency response system, and all systems passed with flying colors.

    JinE stormed back into the shed with vengeance. JinE took a couple of fruitless pot shots at the wasp as it hovered in the air. The duel continued for what must have been at least a minute and a half. Finally the wasp made a fatal error and landed on the florescent light fixture. JinE unloaded on the wasp with everything he had. With a direct hit on the wasp, JinE had only to wait a few moments for the poison to take effect. Soon the wasp lay on the floor of the shed twisting and writhing in agony as the nerve toxin destroyed its ability to properly control its body. JinE stood over the fallen enemy doing the “I killed you dead” dance (consisting of holding an imaginary stirrup while galloping in the air while slapping his ass with his other hand). JinE did not have long to celebrate, for the Wasps planned one last desperate offensive to retake the shed. This battle would be, the bloodiest and most girlyman of them all. [to be continued]
     
  12. Jin E

    Jin E Second Unit

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    The War of the Shed: The onslaught at Fishtank ridge

    The previous 15 minutes of The Battle of the Shed had been ferocious. Each side would gain ground, only to loose their foothold and give their territory back up to the enemy. The wasps had suffered heavy casualties, while JinE suffered the indignation of screaming like a little school girl and running from the face of an enemy 1/1000th his size. Little did either side know that the worst was yet to come.

    JinE stood over the last fallen Wasp, blowing smoke rings in mockery. The superiority if JinE's nerve toxins had givin JinE victory in the hands of defeat. In an effort not to repeat previous strategical errors, JinE kept his smoke and bottled water close at hand. A false sense of security clouded JinE's judgement, and he set the can of "raid" at his feet while enjoying the yummyness of the connie. With JinE's defences down blowing smoke rings up at the ceiling, the Wasps carried out a most devious counter-assault.

    JinE looked down at his chest just in time to see the wasp land. The visual sensory input threw JinE's emergency response system into action. Electrical impulses shot from the brain to the muscle, the muscle contracted and reacted with the precision of a cheap $1 BigLots measuring tape, the muscular tension moved JinE's dense bone structure into a blur of action second only to an epileptic having a seizure. In less then 1/2 a second JinE had leaped 20 yards and hid behind the 4500lbs of Chevrolet Tahoe. Though unharmed, JinE's banshee like scream could be heard miles around. The Wasps were successful in retaking the shed, and rendering JinE without any weapons to counterstrike.

    JinE would need new tactics in order to retrieve the can of "Raid". The wasps (there were two of them) were flying around inside the shed in such an agitated state that JinE feared for his safety if he stepped foot in the Shed. JinE came up with a new plan: The best offence is a good defence.

    JinE went inside to retrieve his Motoport riding suit. The suits is 1200 denier cordura nylon backed with Kevlar with CE rated hard armor throughout. To cover his hands JinE used his Teknik gloves with Carbon Fibre plates in the knuckles and, rear of the hand. JinE's only exposed are would be his head and neck, that would be his Achilles heel (if that makes sense, my head and neck are my heel).

    JinE walked into the shed with confidence, but the Wasps knew where to attack. The lead wasp came right for JinE's nose. JinE shouted a defiance (The word begins with an S, ends with a T, and has "hi" in the middle) at the wasp, while turning tail and running out the shed as fast as he possible could.

    The only other weapon at Jin's disposal (that would not leave holes in the shed) were a samurai sword and a fly swatter. The Sword was to inaccurate to kill the wasp, while JinE had a tendency to girl up when within the 2 foot range necessary to make the swatter effective. The nerve toxin was JinE's only hope to kill the remaining wasps, it HAD to be retrieved. JinE remembered his successful recon Sortie to retrieve the smoke/water. A similar tactic would have to be used to get the can of nerve toxin.

    It took quite a few moments before both the wasps came to a rest, and at that moment JinE shot towards the can of Raid like a scud missile flying towards Kuwait. JinE did not take the time to see if the wasps had flinched at his invasion of the shed, he went in and out with both eyes closed and did not stop until he was a safe distance from the shed. JinE made quick work of one of the waspers with the Raid, but the other was perched in the middle of a row of cigar bands hanging on the wall (actually on top of an OpusX band). JinE had a clean shot, but he hesitated, not wanting to hard the cigar bands. The wasp left it's perch, and even though the wasp was not moving towards JinE that was enough movement out of the wasp to send JinE running out of the shed. The wasp came to rest on a 12-2 romex wire used to power the florescent light. The wasp did not notice as JinE used his ancient ninja stealth to sneak up to get a good clean kill shot. JinE steadied his hand, aims, and pressed the nozzle. Pfffffth!!!! as a cloud of smoke and air spat out of the end of the raid-can!!! In the heat of battle JinE did not notice the supply of Rain had dwindled to next to nothing!!! JinE again said "Hi" with an S on the front, and a T at the end as he was running out of the shed "nyaaaayaayaayaa"ing like a frightened school girl version of a Stooge.

    Out of munitions, and no other non-destructive weapons handy, JinE was in a pickle. It was then the Wasp made a gross miscalculation and tactical error. The last of the Mohic... err... wasps landed on the side of Fishtank ridge, not 2 feet within the mouth of the door. Weary of battle, JinE made a last desperate attempt to kill the wasp. Using the carbon fibre backing of his motorcycle glove, JinE left out a ferocious B1tch slap that crushed the wasp against the fish tank stand. JinE raised his arms in victory, crying out to his false gods and idols, claiming the day as his! JinE caught movement in the corner of his eye... resulting in yet another sissy-like yelp and JinE bolted for the door. It turns out.. it was only a large Moth that had come to rest against the florescent light (by this time the light was so saturated in nerve toxin, landing upon the fixture resulted in death for the month in a matter of seconds).

    This is the historically accurate recant of that days events. One day this will be made into a movie, where Mel Gibson will play the role of JinE and Tom Hanks will play the role of Moth. Written and directed by Opie.
     
  13. Scott Strang

    Scott Strang Screenwriter

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    What the hell was that?
     
  14. Scott Strang

    Scott Strang Screenwriter

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    Wayne Bundrick asked
     
  15. Wayne Bundrick

    Wayne Bundrick Cinematographer

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    Oh, so it will be a small fire then. I thought you were going to show no mercy. Never forgive, never forget, you said.
     
  16. Scott Strang

    Scott Strang Screenwriter

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    Wayne, a small fire to you and I would be a monster to them.
     
  17. Wayne Bundrick

    Wayne Bundrick Cinematographer

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    I guess I continue to overestimate the scope of your vendetta.
     
  18. Matt Stryker

    Matt Stryker Screenwriter

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    Just pour cola into your bug zapper, they'll love that. On second thought...

    If you're serious about wasp killing, there are some sprays made that are dielectric and have a range of 20 feet (for use by power crews on utility poles). Shoot away with no fear. I forget the brand, I've got some at home from a convention.
     

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