VH-1's 40 Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs Ever (1 Viewer)

[Keith I]

Just saw this today and it was a hoot! Of course, with lists comes criticism, but I say make your own list! VH-1 just so happens to have the tube to voice their own opinions. But it's fun to rip lists apart, too.

My main criticism of the criticism is that some of these songs were chosen because they were done by metal bands that sang a non-metal song or a band that doesn't play metal. For example, would you consider Europe a metal band? Many of these were simply hard rock bands. Maybe the title should have been "Rock" instead of "Metal."

I also laughed because I have or had many of these songs on CD or cassette!

The List in reverse order (have fun ripping this list apart and explaining why they were chosen - the people on the "panel" were sometimes hilariously "duh" in their own explanations):

"Turbo Lover" - Judas Priest
"?" - Jackyl (I missed this one)
"?" - Grim Reaper (I missed this one)
"Bring Your Daughter ... to the Slaughter" - Iron Maiden
"Higher" - Creed
"Three Little Pigs" - Green Jelly
"Rock Soldiers" - Ace Frehley
"Last in Line" - Dio
"Estranged" - Guns 'N Roses
"Crazy Nights" - Loudness
"Smooth Up In Ya" - Bulletboys
"Balls to the Wall" - Accept
"Up All Night" - Slaughter
"Give It to Me Good" - Trixter
"Rock You" - Helix
"I Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me)" - Marilyn Manson
"Without You" - Motley Crue
"Breaking the Chains" - Dokken
"Without You" - Van Halen
"Party All Night" - Quiet Riot
"Mother" - Danzig
"Edge of a Broken Heart" - Vixen
"Blow Your Speakers" - Manowar
"Wind of Change" - Scorpions
"Silent Lucidity" - Queensryche
"Here I Go Again" - Whitesnake
"Girlschool" - Britny Fox
"Tilt-A-Whirl" - Insane Clown Posse
"Stars" - Hear 'N Aid
"Turn Up The Radio" - Autograph
"My Way" - Limp Bizkit
"Nobody's Fool" - Cinderella
"Wait" - White Lion
"Everything About You" - Ugly Kid Joe
"Honestly" - Stryper
"Seventeen" - Winger
"Unskinny Bop" - Poison
"Forever" - KISS
"Cherry Pie" - Warrant
"The Final Countdown" - Europe

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

It would help if VH-1 knew what metal was to begin with. I can't disagree with many of the choices, there are some pretty lame songs there, but there are some pretty lame bands too. Big hair does not equal metal.

At the same time, many of those songs were the ones that made superstars out of the bands, so someone was gullible enough to like them.

 

[Colin Jacobson]

No, it doesn't, but I think the Eighties made "metal" so pop-friendly that the lines really blurred. A lot of "metal" acts probably don't deserve the moniker, but at this point, it's almost more fashion than style of music. Is a band like Europe REALLY "metal"? Nope, but within the parameters of the era, they probably qualify...

 

[Keith I]

Like me.

But here are paraphrases of why certain songs made this list according to VH1 producers and/or their guests (comedians, actors, musicians, etc.):

Europe: "Hate that keyboard," "What the heck does 'The Final Countdown' mean?"
KISS: "A metal band playing a song co-written by Michael Bolton???"
Poison: "What is an 'unskinny bop'?"
Winger: "A grown man lusting after a 17 year old? Where's the statutory rape police?"
Cinderella: "No metalhead is a wimp, crying about lost love!"
Autograph: "Turn up the radio? It'll sound junk!"
Insane Clown Posse: "A song about a freakin' carnival ride???"
Queensryche & Scorpions: "Metal is about war, death, mayhem, destruction. Not about peace and serenity."
Vixen: "A song written by Richard Marx? What's he doing in here?"
Dio: "A song that keeps using D&D terms?"
Ace Frehley: "The Ace card was a good gimmick back in your KISS days. If you're still using it now..."
Iron Maiden: "Who would bring their daughter to a slaughter?" (uh, duh, metal is about death and destruction so wouldn't this be okay?)
Judas Priest: "Sell out with keyboards/synths!"

You get the idea...

 

[Nick Hallett]

I was happy to see Rachtman and Scott Ian offering the dissenting view that Danzig's "Mother" did not belong on the list. Sure, it's not up to the standards of his Misfits days, but it's still a hell of a lot better than anything else on the list...

 

[Chris]

I never took Green Jelly's "3 Little Pigs" to be much about metal as it was a comic riff, ala Weird Al type thing, complete with cute video just as a lark. And for what it was, Dr. Demento type material, it was fine. It seems like judging in it this kind of context misses the point.

 

[Mike<R]

9 metal bands out of that whole list of 40 songs. WOW vh1 does not know a thing about true metal. How did 2 rap bands(icp and limp bisquick) make the list?

 

[Martin Rendall]

I've never seen the video, but "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jelly is completely awesome! It used to be a complete hoot to hear played out in the "Boom Boom Room" on a Saturday night.

Martin.

 

[Keith I]

In Green Jelly's case, I think the "judges" based their decision solely on the video, which they thought shouldn't have used puppets and Rambo! Judges: These are bad SONGS, not bad VIDEOS.

 

[Ted Lee]

i hate to admit it, but i was bummed that "wait" was on the list. i really like that song...heck, i still listen to it even now.

 

[Jeff_A]

What were they thinking? Bulletboys: Smooth Up In Ya is a classic! A great hook and powerful vocals by Mark Torian. This is a great example of what I loved about the 80's.

 

[Paul_Medenwaldt]

Most of the song I can agree with. KISS whored themselves out to Bolton to get themselves a top 10 hit with a ballad, just because everyone else was getting a hit with a love song. But thats nothing new for KISS.

I was suprised to see Silent Lucidity on there. Granted the song was released as a single, but isn't that song part of a concept on that album?? I may be wrong.

Turn up the Radio?? thats a classic in my eyes. That one gets turned up to 11 on my radio.

Also the whole underage girl songs I found funny. I don't think that anyone would get away with Girlschool and 17 these days, unless it was rapped about.

The only critic i have is about the show itself. I think its too easy to have comedians spout off their one liners and make fun of these songs. It would of been more fun to have more of the actual artists from the hair band days make references to these songs.

I think Vh-1 looks to have a few more bands for their Bands Reunited show, who wouldn't want to see a Grim Reaper reunion

Paul

 

[John Garcia]

The one on MTV, "Least metal moments" was like this, and it was a better show, IMO.

 

[Mike Broadman]

Yeah, I think you're mixing up the albums.

They released Operation Mindcrime in 1986 which was their one and only "concept" album (though the sequel is coming out next year). Their next album, Empire, contained Silent Lucidity. The whole album was a decidely more commercial effort chock full of singles.

Both are great records, including Silent Lucidity, IMO, which unlike most metal "ballads" was actually well-written and beautifully performed.

 

[Tony-B]

Since when is ICP, Limp Bizkit, and Creed metal?!

 

[Todd Stout]

Actually, Operation: Mindcrime was released in 1988. Rage for Order was their 1986 album. Mindcrime is to this day one of my favorite albums and I'm looking forward to the sequel. I've also heard there may be a film in the works down the road as well.

I found it hilarious that Loudness was on there. I was just making fun of that very song at the Dio and Anthrax concert I went to a few weeks ago. Of course I won't tell you guys that I have the LP...

 

[Mike Broadman]

Since the term "metal" was never actually defined.

 

[John McM]

I wasn't fond of this list myself. Some of the choices were questionable.

For example, Silent Lucidity and Wind Of Change.... okay, neither song was headbanging, but both WERE good for what they were. So why bash them?

Also, why Forever by KISS? Yes, it has the dreaded Michael Bolton (and VH1 are such hypocrites, they're the station that caused his rise to prominence in the first place, a little too late to apologize), but if you want a really bad KISS power ballad, how about the keyboard driven Corporate Rock piece of dreck "Reason To Live"? Forever was a MUCH better song than that.

 

[Adam Tyner]

It's pretty terrifying that so many of those people were professional comedians. I have no idea how a group so profoundly un-funny could eke out a living at it. I'm not some easily-tweaked metal fan either...their comments just weren't funny. Hearing everything phrased in the form of "The reason ______ is an awesomely bad metal song is..." and then having "awesomely bad metal song" repeated in most of the synopses meant I probably heard that phrase somewhere between 90 and 100 times throughout the course of those couple of hours.

I agree that the 'least metal moments' special was immeasurably better.

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

Who came up with the term "heavy metal" anyway? I mean, when you think about it, all that is metal about a "metal" band are guitar strings and hardware, drum hoops and hardware, and perhaps the studs on the outfits. What, a couple hundred lbs, max?

Take a full size concert grand with a brass soundboard. Now THAT's some heavy metal!