Today has turned out to be a total nightmare.

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by StephenA, Oct 24, 2004.

  1. StephenA

    StephenA Screenwriter

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    First my dog became very sickly and lost a lot of weight since Thursday so she had to go to the hospital today. Found out that she had severe cancer and she had to be put to sleep.

    Then about an hour ago my grandmother and aunt came by and told me my dad had died earlier. I guess he had had a heart attack while driving. I was trying to call him most of the day to tell him about my dog and had assumed he shut his cellphone off and forgot to turn it back on, which he has done before. He told me earlier today that he was gonna lay down for a while, so that's why I thought he had shut the phone off.

    I really don't know what to think or feel at this point. The whole situation is crazy.
     
  2. Jason_Els

    Jason_Els Screenwriter

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    My God Stephen! [​IMG]

    My sincerest sympathies on the loss of your father and your dog. Losing two family members at once is just horrible! Try to around friends and family for as long as you need to and let others help you out.

    You're right. This is a nightmare day.
     
  3. Keith_R

    Keith_R Screenwriter

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    Wow![​IMG] my sympathies to you Steven, hope life improves for you.
     
  4. Jerry Klawiter

    Jerry Klawiter Screenwriter

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    My sincerest sympathies.
    Your dad is tossing a ball right now with your dog.
     
  5. KrisM

    KrisM Second Unit

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    That's terrible. I kinda(but not completely) know how you feel. A few weeks ago my wife had a miscarriage at 3:00 in the morning. Then two days later my dad had a heart attack. He survived, but there were serveral hours when I couldn't find out what was going on and whether or not he was going to pull through. And to top it off I had a boss who after putting in 47 hours the week this was going on, thought I wasn't putting in enough time(he usually put in 25-30 hours a week).
    Not knowing what to think is exactly how I felt. I felt empty and shocked. Hang in there.

    Regards
    KrisM
     
  6. Thi Them

    Thi Them Producer

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    Sorry Stephen. [​IMG]

    If I'm correct in remembering you, it seems like the past few years has been awful for you. I hope life will get a lot better for you.

    ~T
     
  7. StephenA

    StephenA Screenwriter

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    Thanks for responses. It really hasn't helped that my grandmother has been sick with with a gallbladder attack and blood infection the last couple weeks. She was just released from the hospital a couple days ago. This whole day has been surrealistic.

    Thi Them: You're right, the past couple years haven't been the greatest for me and my family.
     
  8. Steve Tannehill

    Steve Tannehill Ambassador

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    Deepest sympathies, Stephen. Hang in there.

    - Steve
     
  9. Ricardo C

    Ricardo C Producer

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    Deepest condolences, Stephen [​IMG]
     
  10. Frank Anderson

    Frank Anderson Cinematographer

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    I'm sorry for your loss.

    [​IMG]
     
  11. brentl

    brentl Cinematographer

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    Sorry Stephen I don't know what to say, be strong, cry if you need to, and always thing of the times your dad made you laugh and smile.

    B
     
  12. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    Sorry Stephen, a bad day indeed.

    --
    H
     
  13. StephenA

    StephenA Screenwriter

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    Thanks again everyone. I wish it were only a bad dream, but it's not. It's very hard to try and do anything without thinking of either of them, especially my dad.
     
  14. Seth Paxton

    Seth Paxton Lead Actor

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    Stephen

    I posted here last JAN when my dad died, which was semi-sudden (suddenly in the hospital and seemed on track to get out in a few days, then suddenly not a few days before he finally passed away - I even came home thinking he would be out in another week or so and I would return then).


    Anyway, it's still really affecting me since he was the person I most turned to for any discussions or advice, just like you were with the dog news.

    I can't give you any "everything will be fine" advice at this point because everything still feels very different than it used to, but I can say that I still have a wife, a home and have continued to keep on living for at least 10 months now. My guess is that you will be facing many days when even the idea of carrying on seems pretty tough so just knowing that other people have managed to do at least might help you along.

    I love my mom quite a bit, but I was far closer to my dad. To me a father-son bond just seems tighter and more natural, and therefore tougher to lose, at least a good one.

    I'm sorry you didn't at least get to talk to him about the dog as I'm sure that conversation would have been helpful both in dealing with that and then later with his own passing since his opinions and advice would be ironically still applicable for his own passing.

    I got some time with my dad at the end but it generally wasn't productive because the drugs (apparently) had him too out of it to make sense half the time (even when fully awake). I sometimes am frustrated by that fact myself, so I generally rely on other moments we got to share within a few months of his passing.

    We probably always want to have that one last conversation, but even if you had a good one with him about anything meaningful in the last year I'd say that should carry a lot of weight in your heart now. Sometimes we brush off just how much emotion is really being shared in those moments since we don't say them outright. If you had good moments with him then he will have remembered those at his passing if he could, and he would take comfort in his love for you and the family even if you didn't get to see him in that moment.

    It's tough to make up for a lifetime in one final moment, but that also means that you can't take away a lifetime by not having one final moment.
     
  15. Travis Hedger

    Travis Hedger Supporting Actor

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    I am sorry for your loss. At least it was of a "natural" cause.

    My dad was murdered on August 9th at the age of 69. I was under the impression he would probably have another 10 or so years and die of lung cancer due to smoking, but he was robbed of his life. I would have liked it much better if it has been a natural death as with your father. Again, my condolences for you.
     
  16. Brad Newton

    Brad Newton Second Unit

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    Can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now, losing your father. My wife's best friend just lost her 18 year old daughter last Tuesday. It has really affected both of us. Even though I didn't know her as well as my wife, I have had problems controlling my emotions. Just doesn't seem right. The wife and I also have a dog, that we dearly love. Most people that have never had a pet, think that you are crazy for saying that you love a dog, but they just don't understand. Our dog, is the closest thing we will ever have to a son or daughter. That is what scares us as we advance in age, the fact that we have no one to take care of us. Hopefully, when our time comes, we will pass easily. Hopefully, you have more family to turn to is this horrible time you are facing.
     
  17. StephenA

    StephenA Screenwriter

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    Thanks for the responses everyone. It was very hard today making the funereal arrangements. I had to sign the papers for his cremation, because he always told me that that's what he wanted. Everyone who was there was trying not to cry, so it was kind of tense in the room. They want me to go see his body tomorrow, but I'm not sure that I want to. It's all very weird and complicated right now.
     
  18. ChristopherG

    ChristopherG Screenwriter

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    Steven,

    As you can tell I don't post here much. I felt I had to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your father and your dog. The only thing I can say is surround yourself as much as possible with friends and family. If your a person of faith than take solace in the fact that both of your loved ones are in a much better place.

    Best regards,
    Chris
     
  19. Gavin_L

    Gavin_L Second Unit

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    Stephen,
    Don't know what to say, but that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm very sorry for your losses. When it rains it pours sometimes, I know how that feels. Try to lean on your friends and family during this tuff stuff in the coming days, weeks and months. Talk when u need to talk, and cry when you need to cry. Think about all the good times you had with your Dad and Dog. I lost my mom over two years ago, when she lost her battle to cancer., and its still hard to think she's gone. Losing a parent is tuff, and it hurts ...

    In the coming weeks there be a lot to do, but just know, you can let your emotions out by talking or crying and know you can grieve its part of the whole process.. Stuff like this you will never get over with, there will always be a void, but it does get a little easier over time, but will never be the same as it once was.

    About seeing the body one last time, I can only talk from my experience. I know how that is about wanting to see one last time, my mom passed away at home, so before they removed her, I took one last look, gave her a small kiss and left the house, and went down the street. I wanted to have a good memory of her, and didn't want my last memory to see have her be taken away by the funeral home in a body bag. My mom was was no longer my mom, her spirit was gone. Letting go my the physicial mom is tuff.

    Decide what your comfatable with, thats what counts.....

    Anyways, take care of your self Stephen, even through this is not fun stuff to deal with, hope things go well in the next few weeks with all the things you have to do.

    take care,

    - Gavin
     
  20. Mary M S

    Mary M S Screenwriter

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    Stephan, I am so very sorry for you and your family. My Father also died suddenly of a heart attack. Since I search for any comforts which may be found during hard times, one thought which struck me during the first months was that the horrific (to us) suddenness of my Fathers death, cushioned us a bit. We were numb due our disbelief; an understanding or full sensation was slow to dawn over many weeks. We were very busy since nothing was decided and my Mom’s business was not in order. These chores can make you resentful at times but are also a blessing. The acts of sorting out your family’s loss helps to force you on during this time. A period I think in which most people tend to feel it is wrong (and indeed almost impossible) that the world does not pause and shudder on its own axis to acknowledge the great grief they have suffered.

    I felt as Emily Dickinson described and indeed was thankful for the shock, which can numb.
    “After great pain a formal feeling comes-…
    …The feet mechanical go round
    A wooden way,’Of ground or air; of Ought,
    Regardless grown;
    Quartz contentment like a stone.
    This is the hour of lead
    Remembered [when] outlived….

    I preferred not to see my Father at the Funeral Home. Unfortunately, my family turned my desire to remember Him as he was in life; - into a minor drama. They even had my out of town relatives coming to take me aside by the elbow to tell me how sincerely they felt I was making a mistake. During major moments in my life, I very much withdraw and wish to remain unnoticed, I could not bear the family pressure which was relentless and gave in. They did it out of love and the understandable and valid concern in their hearts that I would always regret this choice when I no longer had the opportunity to reverse it.
    I had seen my Dad in the emergency room, after his death, when he truly looked ‘just asleep’ and that was all I personally desired. I know positively that the only right choice for myself was not to see him at the funeral home. I will always regret doing it, but am possessed of the capability to block it, and at the time; - make it a non-issue and just get-on with things. I wish, probably quite selfishly, - that I had not given in, - but again…as I always look for what good there can be in tough moments, realize it was a gift I gave my family. They felt they saved me from a mistake. And we were all grateful to find any small way during this time with which we could comfort each other.

    It can only be your choice, with perhaps some consideration for your Mothers feelings about the matter if you feel it helps her and does not hurt you too badly. But really it is (and should be) only your right to chose and a deeply personal individual decision. I hope that your own heart will be clear to you. It is hard to even decide what is best as we all; just do what we can, when stumbling through these confusing times.

    You and your family have my sympathy and prayers.

    Mary S.
     

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