Things you'll never hear said at ... (1 Viewer)

[andrew markworthy]

I copied this across from my contribution to a golfing forum to which I belong, where we were asked for a contribution to 'things you'll never hear golfers say'. I thought we might have some fun by thinking up remarks that you'd never hear said in a particular group. To start the ball rolling, here are things you'd never hear a stereotypical male golfer say in a golf club:

Yes of course you can play the course in those ripped jeans and Megadeath T-shirt.

I see the club's organising a trip to the Gay Pride march on Saturday.

You know, I think women and juniors ought to be allowed a much greater say in the running of the club.

I wish the bar offered a better range of vegan cuisine.

I'd love to play next Thursday, but it clashes with my flower arranging class.

Well, that was a most enjoyable round of golf. Let's get some drinks. I presume it's the usual - three skinny lattes and one camomile tea?

Anyone like to continue the idea?

 

[Holadem]

Excuse my ignorance, but I gather from the above that golf clubs are supposed to be some kind of bastion of manliness?

That's pretty strange, I have nothing against the sport but I have to say it doesn't figure at on all on the list of things I associate with testosterone.

--
H

 

[Mort Corey]

I'm kinda with Holadem in that it sounds like your list could just as easily be a yeh as ney.....but then I'm not a participant as I have other avenues of self torture.

Mort

 

[LewB]

My contribution:
'Yes, that was my golf ball that went thru your window and it would be only right for me pay for the repairs'
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/24/sp...c2dc0f&ei=5070

 

[Paul McElligott]

No, but golf clubs are supposed to be bastions of WASPy male exclusivity(or at least they used to be).

To continue the thread:

"Sorry, guys, have to quit early and get home to the missus."

"Do these plaid slacks make me look fat?"

 

[ThomasC]

"Yeehaw, that was one great Bar Mitzvah!" - The late, great Richard Jeni

 

[betooz]

Things you will never hear the average HT enthusiast say:

SWEET!!! Full screen pan and scan!

I am so happy Lucas decided to dial back the bass in the light saber fight scenes in Star Wars Ep. 3

I am so glad I went with all Bose. Sorry couldn't resist.

 

[Brian Perry]

"Gambling's illegal at Bushwood..."

 

[Marianne]

Andrew, I think your list might not have the same meaning in the US as it does in the UK. Golf is a more cosmopolitan sport in the USA, partly because there are so many golf courses.

Golf in the UK is much more sexist and elitist than in the States, although maybe things have changed a bit in Britain since I lived there. Of course, there are some elitist clubs here but there are plenty of other courses to play.

As for the "macho" element, I think anywhere you have a group of guys competing against each other this will be apparent. Whether it be golf or flower arranging.

 

[andrew markworthy]

I fear folks have mostly misunderstood my thread - I was wondering about things *other* than golf ... See beetoz, who was on-message. Ah well.

Oh and Marianne - you do find havens of sanity here in the UK. Unfortunately, there are still way too many clubs dominated by the over-testosteroned and what I term the Fossils - ghastly older men entrenched in their illiberal views and wishing the UK was back in the 1950s (certainly their fashion sense hasn't changed since then - and we're talking about *establishment* 1950s, not the burgeoning rock n roll movement).

 

[Mort Corey]

Well OK then Andrew, I've never heard any of your list (or the like) heard out at the trap and skeet range nor at a CAS or IPSC match

 

[Buzz Foster]

"I see the club's organising a trip to the Gay Pride march on Saturday."

...followed immediately by a beat-down from lesbian golfers.

 

[Jeff_CusBlues]

I wonder if Ben Wright will be there. LOL

 

[Paul McElligott]

Things you'll never hear in traffic school. (For non-U.S.ians, traffic school is sort of after school detention for people who get cited for traffic violations).

"I was actually going faster than the ticket said."

"Radar guns don't lie."

"I guess I did run that stop sign."

"The cop was doing his job. It wasn't like he had it in for me."

"It was kind of my fault."

"I'm just here because it sounded like fun. I don't really care if my insurance rates go up!"

 

[Holadem]

It's "U.S. Americans".

--
H

 

[Paul McElligott]

For non-"grammar-nazi" U.S. Americans...

 

[Holadem]

You should google "Miss Teen South Carolina".

--
H

 

[Paul McElligott]

D'oh!

Still, I'm trying to avoid jumping on that dogpile.

 

[Adam Lenhardt]

Or simply Americans. Let's face it, no one in this thread will read "Americans" and think, hmmm, do you think he means the United States? I mean, Argentina and Columbia are in the American continents, too...



Shit, after all my smug condescension I can think up a list of my own...