The ultimate downer............divorce :>( (1 Viewer)

[Joel Mack]

Hey Dean,
Just thought I'd update you and everyone else (not that you or they care) on my situation.
My wife and I (okay, more her than me) yesterday decided that divorce is the way to go for us, too. It's kind of depressing, but since I've pretty much been assuming for the last six weeks that this was our ultimate destination, I'm not really surprised.
Fortunately, there are no children involved, so we won't have to worry about that. At this point things are very amicable between us, and we're going to do as much as possible of this without getting lawyers involved. I'm hopeful we'll remain on good terms.
I'm seriously looking at relocating to the Kansas City area, as I have a friend in a consulting firm there that, without even knowing my situation, e-mailed me out of the blue with a "wanna job?" offer. It may be just the thing I need to get a fresh start, although leaving family and friends behind would be tough. It *is* only a 2.5 hr drive, though...
Question for anyone that might know: What is the etiquette for the wearing of wedding rings at this point? Do I/Can I go ahead and stop wearing mine?
Enquiring minds want to know...

 

[Sean Conklin]

Joel, RE: Wedding Rings,

I am considering pawning mine! And buying some DVD's. If she wants out, then I say take it off, you are destined to be single anyways unless something brings you 2 back together.

 

[JohnRice]

I don't know what is proper ettiquette, but I took mine off a week or so after my wife bailed out. I imagine once you are physically separated with the intention of divorcing, there is really no reason to keep wearing it. What it symbolizes no longer exists.

 

[Dean DeMass]

Joel,
It sounds like you are in good spirits, I know I am.
My wife and I are still on good terms and we really have no reason not to be, other than the fact she ripped my heart out and stomped on it.
But hey, life goes on and now I can be with several different women who can rip my heart out and stomp on it.
My wife filed for divorce on Friday, so we are now Legally Seperated. I stopped wearing my wedding ring a couple of weeks ago. So far I am really enjoying living with my best friend and we are having fun. Me and him have always gotten along real good because we are so similiar. He is actually a bit simpler than I am though.
Saturday, when I was at Best Buy picking up a couple of DVDs and a Grateful Dead CD, I didn't realize it until after I left, but I was flirting with the cute 20-21 year old cashier. That is two weeks in a row now.
I think I am going to enjoy being single again. This Sunday will be my 27th birthday. We are going out Saturday night and who knows what is going to happen, I know I am getting drunk and that sounds good to me.
You can tell two single guys are living together because there are cables all over the place.
My friend is a musician and with my PC equipment, HT, and his HT, it is a wire tie salesmans dream house.
I'll keep everyone updated.
Joel, I hope everything goes as smooth for you as it has for me.
On a personal note, maybe now I have a shot at a litle 2 on 1 action. I have always wanted to try that.
-Dean-

 

[Scott_R]

I'm just now jumping on this thread because it is now happening to me. Like Sean, my wife of 10 years just gave me some mind blowing news. How do you guys handle this. I mean I am going crazy. Since this past Thusday night I have not been able to sleep, I get up at 2 or 3 in the morning and my mind races with terrible thoughts. I can't concentrate on even little things. This thread actually gives me a little hope reading that life can go on, but how do get to that point without exploding.

I don't have any outside family support and I don't have a lot of friends other than co-workers. I'm 43 years old and it's hard at my age to start over. By this time in your life your supposed to be thinking about how you can be enjoying the life that you have built together. It's just hard. If anybody has any prayers out there it would help. Thanks for listening.

 

[Dean DeMass]

Scott,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Divorce is a rough thing, I know. Mine will be fianl in just about a month. However, I am actually over my wife and we are good friends now. Now I am not saying that you and your wife will be good friends, but in my situation it worked out that way.
I know it is hard at 1st, I know I was an absolute mess for a little while, but as someone said earlier in this thread, "Time heals everything". "I know how you feel" is about the only thing I can say, but remember this, you are never to old to meet new people. I thought I would have a hard time meeting new people, but I haven't. As a matter of fact, I just decided a week ago that I was ready to meet new girls and start dating again. Two nights ago I met a gorgeous 25 year old teacher and we hit it off right away. We are going out on a date this Saturday night.
The only advice I can give you for when you are ready to meet new people is don't be shy or timid. Be confident, women love a man who shows confidence (at least from my discussions with them). All men would love it if all women would approach them, however, it doesn't work that way all of the time. Just a couple of days ago, I had women buying me drinks. I am not sure if it was because of my appearance, my personality, or my confidence? Maybe it was a combo of all three? All I know is, is that I am very happy again, and I am discovering a lot about myself. Divorce sucks, but it isn't the end of the world. If you play golf, just think of it as a Mulligan, you are getting a "do-over". That is what I did, and it helped a lot. Plus, all of the great people here gave me some excellent advice and helped me through that rough part of my life. There are some very caring, wise, and helpful people here.
When you are done reading this, please read my other thread that talks about my life after divorce. I will be starting another one soon. It is threads like these that really help other people who have to deal with a rough time in their life.
Oh, if you ever want to talk in private, send me an e-mail or a Private Message. I'll do what I can to help.
Take care and God Bless. My prayers will be with you.
-Dean-

 

[Brian Perry]

On a personal note, maybe now I have a shot at a litle 2 on 1 action. I have always wanted to try that.

With your rommmate or two other girls?

 

[Dean DeMass]

I am glad you put up a smiley, or I would have to hurt you.
Of course with two female comapnions.
-Dean-

 

[Tom Johnson]

I've been reading this thread with great interest for a while. I'll be 43 in two days so I know how Scott is feeling. My situation is much more complicated. 20 years and 3 children (12, 10, 7). My wife is mentally unstable and it has completely driven us apart. She is somewhat better through therapy and medication, but she is a changed person. My job has me traveling every week which certainly doesn't help and our local office has closed. After this project that I'm on is over, a relocation will become necessary. My plan is to just move with the kids myself when school is out in June.

 

[Scott_R]

Dean, I appreciate your words of encouragement. I am just now in the middle of all this so it's all very hard. The hardest part I think is not knowing whats going to happen and waiting for it to transpire. I won't get to talk about all this with my wife until tommorrw night. Every minute that goes by seems like an hour and it gets even worse as nighttime comes. I can't help but get a hopeless feeling.

Tom, I can relate to your situation. When your not home its even worse.

But there have been some encouraging words all along so for better or worse, the sun will rise tommorrow. Its been good to hear some kind words from people I don't even know and it does help.

 

[Joel Mack]

Scott,
Hang in there, buddy. I know where you're coming from...